Forget Me Not
by FemaleRobbery
Summary: AU. After a freak accident Ste ends up at the hospital where he meets his nurse, Brendan Brady. He doesn't know the past this man brings or how crucial he will be in Brendans recovery.
1. Chapter 1

**AN: Here I am again writing a new fic when I haven't even finished my other ones. But I'm hoping to finish 2 of them in a week or so. This idea came into my mind when I re watched some of the episodes of Brendan in a wheelchair. Review/Follow/Fav do what you want lol. Enjoy =)  
**

* * *

**Monday 7AM **

_"Ames I got it. You act like I ain't ever done manual labor in me lifetime."_

_"Just be careful Ste. I'm gonna run inside real quick make sure Leah and Lucas are ok. Don't move or anything."_

Amy runs inside the house to go check up on the kids while Ste stays on top of the roof. It's a simple job. Just change a couple of the old ruined shingles. How hard could it be. Very hard actually. Ste gets inpatient of waiting for Amy to come back out. Apparently she thinks if she is out there and he falls she will magically be able to catch him. Ste knows she would just let him fall flat on his face. Screw it he thinks to himself as he gets up and starts working on an area of the roof. He's actually doing a good job and everything goes well at first. Suddenly out of nowhere a bird comes flying straight at him causing Ste to jump and lose his footing. He starts sliding down and he paws at anything he can get his hands on. He grabs onto a wire but it snaps under the pressure. With only the edge of the roof left Ste tries desperately to grab it but misses it. With the few seconds before he hits the concrete driveway below he thinks which position would hurt less to land on. He tries to turn to the side to avoid hitting his head but ends up landing right on his back. Ste knows this is bad as soon as he heard the breath stopping **CRACK** of bones. The pain doesn't kick in immediately, but then it all comes out in a wave. Ste starts shouting as if he is getting stabbed over and over again. He barely registers that Amy is even outside with him screaming at the phone. She's panicked and can't stand still.

_"Oh god oh my god. Please send help! He's not moving! Hurry please please!"_

He can hear the fear in her voice as she tells Leah to stay inside. She looks at him and gives him a smile to let him know he will be ok but he knows she's straining to make it look believable.

_"Ambulance is on the way Ste! Just stay still."_

She keeps talking to him but he starts losing consciousness and slowly her image fades away.

* * *

**Monday 1 PM**

Ste opens his eyes and for a second thinks he's in heaven. There are blinding white lights shining on him. He tries to move his hand to block it but a sharp pain shoots up his whole body as he does that. He closes his eyes and tries it again. And once more the lights blind him. This time he blinks repeatedly as he tries to focus his eyes. It's all a bit blurry but he can make out silhouettes. He finds that he can move his head around fine so he turns to the side and realizes he's not dead at all. Although he kind of wishes he was with the excruciating pain he is going through. But no here he is in the hospital after falling several feet off the roof and onto a concrete pavement.

_"Ste you're up! Oh my god! Thank you thank you thank you!" _Amy runs out of the room to probably grab a nurse. Ste closes his eyes till he hears the door open again.

_"Mr. Hay glad to see you woke up. Scared us for a minute there." _Ste stares at the woman dumbfounded and she picks up on it_. "Oops sorry I should introduce myself. I'm Dr. Brady. I work in the emergency department and was on duty when they brought you in. You were unconscious love. Amy told me about what happened. I would like to let you know your injuries if you're ok."_

Ste nods and looks over at Amy. She moves over and takes the seat next to him.

_"So it's pretty severe. You broke a couple of ribs. Luckily tho they didn't puncture your lungs. Very lucky actually. A bit of internal bleeding but we fixed that. Your leg is broken and you really damaged your back. But again you're lucky that you didn't break your back or your neck. Love, you are going to have to get used to a wheelchair for a bit and some physical therapy. We are going to keep you here for a couple days maybe a week or two. My brother who is actually one of the physical therapist and a nurse here will be in charge of you. I'll go get him and after that whenever you need anything please do not hesitate to ask him."_

_"Thank you so much Dr. Brady."_ Amy barely even says it as she is crying a river.

_"You are very welcome. And please call me Cheryl. If you need anything I'm here all night. I'll send Brendan in to come see how you are in a couple minutes. You two settle in ok. Take care love."_

Cheryl smiles at Amy and lightly pats Ste on the arm and walks out of the room. That's when Amy wipes her tears and looks at Ste like she wants to strangle him.

_"I told you not to go around moving up there without me!"_

_"What do you think you would have done Amy? Just catch me with ease!"_

_"I could have done something!"_

_"No! It would have happened anyway! There was nothing that you would have done that would have prevented this. So just stop! You're doing me head in!"_

_"You know Ste just...fine! I'm gonna go outside get some air. This time how about you actually listen and don't move!"_

Ste barely hears her mumble _"idiot"_ as she slams straight through the doors. He notices that she almost runs into someone in her haste trying to get out of there. He finally relaxes and closes his eyes. It must have been a couple of minutes before he hears he's name.

_"Steven. Steven. Wake up."_

Ste grumbles and just keeps his eyes closed.

_"Ste wake up!"_ Amy pats his arm slightly harder than Cheryl did and he opens his eyes and sees an angry Amy and a man next to her. A very good looking man next to her. His hair is jet black and perfectly spiked up with just a couple of stray hairs at the front. He has black scrubs on so he notices he has muscles. He trails his eyes down and sees a massive scar on his arm that begins right around the elbow all the way to his ring finger which he doesn't fail to notice has a ring on it. Ste realizes he has been staring for a little longer than he should so he flicks his eyes back at the man and sees an expression of boredom as he chews on gum.

_"Sorry about that he needs a little motivation to get him to do anything. I need to call the babysitter so I'll be outside Ste. Be nice yeah."_ Amy gives him a tense smile and walks out leaving him with this nurse.

Ste waits for him to say anything but he doesn't. Awkward much. He thinks one of them has to say something before this gets cringe worthy.

_"I'm Brendan. Steven is it?"_

_"Yeah but everyone calls me Ste."_

Brendan just walks over to the front of the bed and picks up Stes chart.

_"Hmm it says Steven on here so that's what I'm gonna call you ok."_

_"Fine. Whatever."_ Ste pouts and rests his head back on the pillow.

_"You met my sister right?" _Ste nods._ "She asked me to basically be your nurse till you get out of here. So here I am. You need anything? Water? Tv?"_ Ste nods to say no.

_"Good. Anyway I was on break before I got called here so hit that button there if you need me." _Brendan puts down the chart and makes his way out the door. _"Oh Steven don't hit that button for something stupid tho ok. Like your lonely and you need someone to talk to." _He doesn't give him a smile or anything just chews his gum and walks out. Ste turns his head to look out the window and sighs heavenly.

_"Note of advice Ste. Never work on the roof again."_


	2. Chapter 2

**AN: Thank you for the reviews, follows, and favs! Made me smile, thanks =) I got a tad bit carried away and made this chapter super long. Oops.**

* * *

**Monday 7 PM**

Hospitals can bring fear to many people. They associate them with death or pain. One of those people is Ste. He has found it in himself to fall asleep for a couple hours. He was brought in the early morning and hadn't managed to get more than a couple minutes of sleep since then. He suddenly wakes up and thinks about his kids and how he has to go pick them up from school. The pain that shoots up his body as he tries to get up alerts him to the fact that this is not a dream. He looks out his room window and notices it is slightly dark out so he must have slept for a couple hours. He wonders if Amy is still here but doesn't see any of her possessions to signify that she stayed. Ste finds his phone on his bedside table and tries reaching over for it but his arm is so sore that he ends up cursing loudly as he leans back down again.

_"Love didn't I tell you to take it easy."_

Ste looks up and there is his doctor, Dr. Brady, or Cheryl as she has told him to call her. As if they are friends more so than doctor and patient. She looks as if she is done with her shift because she is out of her lab coat and scrubs. Now she is fully decked out in a leopard print shirt and a white fitted pencil skirt. To finish off the look she has neon red heels on. Her blond hair is put up with a couple of curls cascading down. Ste can only describe her as beautiful, but she doesn't really fit his type.

_"Sorry was just trying to get me phone. You look great!"_

_"Aww thanks love. Got me a date tonight."_ Cheryl smiles so big at him it's infectious not to smile back. She walks over to him and hands Ste his phone. _"There ya go. Has Brendan not been in here? He's your nurse, it's his job to do these things for you. I can't stand him sometimes honesty. I try to be a good role model for him but does he listen? No! I'm 30 Ste, and I still have to look after my 26 year old brother."_

_"I'm sorry."_

_"You have nothing to be sorry about, he will be tho."_

Ste doesn't know why but he doesn't want Brendan to get in trouble_. "Umm Cheryl he did come in earlier to introduce himself and then he left and I been asleep since then so I wouldn't know if he came in or not after that."_

_"Did he mention where he was going?"_

_"He said he was on break."_ He knows he has said the wrong thing judging by the pure look of absolute fury on Cheryl's face.

_"On break?! The hell he's not! Excuse my language. I'll be right back love."_ Cheryl storms out of the room as her heels stomp all the way down the hall.

* * *

Ste text Amy to see if she is still here. He starts playing a game on his phone when he hears people quietly arguing outside his room.

_"Do your damn job Brendan! I told you to watch him. And if I'm not mistaken you're a nurse so you get paid to do just that."_

_"We're you watching me the whole day? Huh? No you weren't so how do you know I haven't been in there."_

_"He told me he saw you once and then you said you were on your break."_

Ste cringes as he knows this just blew up on his face. He wants to open the window and jump out.

_"I was on break hours ago! He was asleep when I checked back on him again. What would you have me do, wake him up."_

_"No but be there for him when he needed you. I walked in on him trying to get his phone and hurting himself again. That's your fault!"_

_"Yeah cause I can read his mind and know exactly when he wakes up. If he needed his phone he could have hit the button and called for me. He didn't though."_

Ste tries to see them through the tiny window in the door but only sees Cheryl put her hands on her face.

_"Whatever Brendan just...just... I gotta go I'm gonna be late. Finish your shift properly yeah. You now got 4 patients so manage your time better."_

_"I got it Chez. Just go already."_ Brendan moves and slightly opens the door to Stes room before Cheryl stops him again.

_"Bren your medicine. Remember you have to take it in-"_ Cheryl glances at her watch and starts counting out loud _"57 minutes."_

_"God sis you don't have to keep the exact time of it."_

_"I worry about you. Ok ok I'll go. Bye."_

_"I'm fine. I'll see ya later."_ Brendan removes his hand from the door as Cheryl gives him a huge hug. She messes up his hair a little and runs down the hall before Brendan can run after her.

* * *

Ste sees his door opening so he looks back at his phone and pretends that he wasn't just eavesdropping on their conversation.

Brendan walks in and stands by the door. _"You allergic to anything Steven?"_

_"Sun dried tomatoes."_ Ste shrugs when he sees Brendan raise his eyebrows. _"What?"_

_"Nothing."_ He walks back out without saying anything else. Ste just thinks this is the worst nurse ever. How was he even hired. Ste can't help but think that his looks has something to do with it. He's bloody gorgeous. 15 minutes later Brendan walks back in with a tray of food.

_"Sorry about that. Wouldn't have taken so long if people weren't such idiots and kept calling me to their rooms to and I quote __**"push the off button on the remote it hurts my finger to much to do it"**__ should have thrown it in their face. That would have turned the tv off."_

Ste thinks it would be inappropriate to laugh at that so he bites his lip to prevent it. Brendan walks over to him and places the tray on the table.

_"Umm what is it?"_

_"Food."_

_"Really? You don't say. I'm not an idiot."_

_"You sure about that? You haven't eaten nothing since you got here at 8 in the morning so gotta get something in you. Small cheeseburger and fries. I didn't know what you would like to drink but I like raspberry ice tea so just got you that."_

_"Never had it before."_

_"What tea?"_ Brendan says as he takes the seat next to him and starts looking around him for something.

_"Well I had tea but not raspberry flavor."_

_"Believe me you are gonna be asking for it every day now."_

Ste can't help but notice Brendan is distracted as he talks but he still manages to make sense.

_"What you looking for?"_

_"Think I dropped my phone."_

_"I didn't hear nothing fall, me."_

_"Fuck me. Must have dropped it in the hall. Here."_ Brendan places the tray on Ste and moves the drink within reach. _"Gissa sec."_ Brendan heads back out again.

_"Omg!"_ Ste can't take this. Brendan may be gorgeous but clearly he sucks at this. He comes back 5 minutes later with a piece of paper in his hand.

_"You find it?"_

_"Nope. I'm sure it'll get turned in soon. It's like my 3rd one I lost already."_ Brendan takes a seat again and looks over at Ste. _"Don't tell me you want me to feed you."_

_"What?"_ Ste forgot about the food and hasn't even touched it_. "No no I got it."_ Ste moves his hand but realizes his fingers don't have as much movement as before. He tries to act like he's fine but can barely even grab a fry. Brendan sighs next to him and walks over to the sink. He washes his hands and dries them first before he comes back to Ste and cuts the burger in half.

_"Open up then."_ Brendan gently starts feeding him in small bites and switches between the food and drink every so often. Ste finishes the burger but gets full before he can eat all the fries. _"Can I have the rest?" _Brendan doesn't even wait for an answer and just eats them. The door opens up and a woman walks in. Ste looks up and sees she's in light blue scrubs so must be another nurse. Shes quite petite. Her hair is black with blonde underneath. Dark eyeshadow and bright red lips. He can't look away from her nails that look like they could cut you right open.

_"Brendan found your phone."_ She doesn't even acknowledge Stes presence. Ste wants to laugh as she tries so hard to walk seductively towards Brendan. Ste then smiles as he looks over at Brendan who starts chewing his gum in annoyance.

_"Where was it?"_

_"Umm break room."_

_"I still had it after I got out of the break room."_

_"Erm...well that's where I found it."_ She keeps fiddling with her long sleeve shirt underneath her scrub top.

_"Hmm sure it was. Thanks I guess."_ Brendan takes his phone back and places it on the table. The woman still stands in front of him awkwardly holding onto the bed rail. _"Was there something else?"_

_"No umm was wondering what time you get off."_

_"10 PM. Why?"_

_"Oh you get out 30 minutes before me."_

_"So?"_

_"Well since we both get out at almost the same time why don't we-"_

At that moment Brendan's phone goes off and he reaches for it.

_"Cheryl. Gotta take this."_ Brendan completely avoids coming even close to the woman as he walks out. Yet again. It's awkward in the room as Ste just stares down to avoid eye contact with this woman who he still has no idea who she is. They both look over at the door when they hear Brendan again.

_"Seriously! You're calling me to remind me? I'm not a fucking idiot!"_ There's a pause as Cheryl probably speaks to him_. "No ok no I haven't taken them."_ Brendan starts pacing back and forth. _"I'm sorry. I'll go take them now. Stop worrying and enjoy your date. How's it going anyway?"_ That's when Ste sees him smile. The first time he has seen that from him. Clearly the Brady family have the most perfect smiles. Stes stomach feels like it has butterflies as he is mesmerized by Brendan's small smile_. "Alright well tell him I'm watching him. And not in a good way. Yeah yeah I'll text you as soon as I get out and I'll call you when I get home, mother! Bye."_ Brendan opens the door and looks straight at Ste. _"I gotta go do something. Won't take me more than 5 minutes. Hit the button if you need me though. And Jen you wanna get out of his room. Thanks."_ Brendan rushes off before Jen even makes it to the door.

* * *

**Monday 10:37 PM**

Ste awakens to see the tv turned onto Locked Up Abroad and shifts to see who the hell turned that on. He sees Brendan on the chair next to him with his feet propped onto the bed.

_"You're up?"_

_"When did I fall asleep?"_

_"Don't know. Can back 10 minutes later and you were knocked out. Must be the medicine they gave you kicking in."_

_"What time is it?"_

_"10:37 PM"_

_"Oh."_ Ste doesn't know what else to say but then remembers something. _"I thought you got out at 10."_

_"Supposed to but someone left early so I got stuck doing a couple hours. So you got me till 11:30."_

_"Who comes after you?"_

_"Some jackass called Noah."_

_"Is he nice?"_

_"I don't know I'm not friends with him."_

_"But you work with him."_

_"Yeah but doesn't mean I have to like him. Besides he's been here 5 years and wants to act like he's better than me. Gap toothed bitch."_

Ste can't hold it anymore and lets out a laugh that makes Brendan jump out of his seat. Stes cheeks turn red as he stops himself from laughing anymore. _"Sorry."_

_"That's an interesting laugh."_ Ste feels self-conscience but is relieved when he sees Brendan's eye light up. _"You want to watch something else or is this ok?"_

_"What is it exactly?"_

_"One of my favorite shows. So it's basically what the title says. People that get locked up abroad. Most of the people get caught smuggling drugs into other countries and it shows them in these awful prisons."_

_"Sounds good. Keep it on."_ Ste ends up watching the show with Brendan next to him. They don't speak much only when Ste misses a line and ask what did he say. When the show is over Brendan hands over the remote to Ste and gets up to stretch.

_"You wanna get up a little? Restroom? Before I go."_

Ste goes completely red as he thinks about that. He's mortified.

_"I'll be outside the door if you need help or something. I'll just help you make it to the room."_

Ste nods and Brendan helps him sit up and then grabs him around the waist to lift him to his feet. Ste tries moving his feet but can barely hold himself up for that long. Brendan just holds him up and literally walks him to the restroom. The restroom itself has all the equipment installed for this situation. Brendan moves Ste in position and makes sure he is stable before he leaves the room and shuts the door. Couple minutes later Ste shouts through the door that he is done and is surprised when Brendan comes in immediately. For the first time that day Brendan didn't leave.

_"Umm I gotta wash my hands."_

_"Grab my neck so I can lean you on the sink."_

_"Did you hear me tho?"_

_"Yeah it's fine. I dealt with worst."_

Brendan helps him again and once they are done he places him back in his bed.

_"Ok my shift is over so I'm gonna go. I'll go give Noah some instructions and if you need anything just call him."_ Before Ste can say bye or thanks, Brendan is already out the door. Ste just sighs as he thought maybe Brendan would say goodbye. Rude.

* * *

**Tuesday 12 AM**

Its midnight now so he flicks through the channels and settles on Say Yes To The Dress. His door opens and he expects this Noah to walk in but instead is surprised to see its Brendan. He still has his scrub pants on but instead of the scrub top he just has a white t shirt on.

_"You changed?"_

_"Just took the scrub top off. I went to check up on one of my other patients before I left and she ended up puking on me."_

_"Eww gross."_

_"Very mature. I'm the one that got spewed on. Anyway talked to Noah and gave him the basics. He's gonna check up on you after he gets settled. I'm off now I'll see you later on today."_

_"Oh you work today?"_ Ste tries to mask the excitement in his voice. He hopes he pulled it off when he doesn't see Brendan pick up on it.

_"Yeah scheduled at noon or 1. I'll be late tho like always. You'll have 2 nurses before then. Noah's just watching till around 6 AM then Lynsey, another nurse, will take over till I come in."_

_"God it's like I'm a prince or something."_

_"Not even close. Cheryl thinks patients should have their primary nurses number on hand just in case. So here's my home number if you need me."_ As Brendan hands him a piece of paper Ste notices again this incredibly giant scar on Brendan's arm. It's impossible to miss. How does someone get a scar from their elbow to their finger like that? Not to mention that the wound is raised and red at some points. And on top of that there in clear sight is a black banded ring on his finger. Ste doesn't want Brendan thinking he is staring so he awkwardly coughs and takes the paper.

_"Ta."_

_"No bother."_ Brendan opens the door and before he goes he turns around to look at Ste_. "Oh and don't tell Noah I called him a gap toothed bitch."_ Ste smiles and nods but Brendan just leaves not giving any hint of emotion.


	3. Chapter 3

**AN: Sorry you guys I try PMing everyone who reviews but I get so confused on who I have and haven't sent one too so I'm gonna say it here...Thank You! It means sooo much to me. Genuinely =]**

* * *

**Tuesday 4:47 AM**

Ste wakes up in a panic as he feels something on his bed. He looks and sees a hand holding on to the very end of the bed. He stirs slightly causing the unknown person to pick himself off the floor.

_"Oh my god did I wake you? Sorry. I was picking up some trash from under your bed. Oh where are my manners, I'm Noah. One of your nurses. Ste right?"_

Ste nods and looks at him and yep he has a major gap happening. He's decently tall and has no hair. Brown eyes or at least he thinks they are brown. There isn't much light in the room so he can't tell for sure. He's lean but slightly muscular. And he's wearing navy colored scrubs. The only word Ste can think of to describe him is 'Blah.'

_"What time is it?"_

_"4:47 AM. Since you're up do you need anything at all?"_

_"I'm fine. Ta."_

_"Ok I'm gonna let you get some more sleep then."_

Ste isn't that sleepy anymore after he woke up so suddenly but he feels a lot of pain in his body.

_"Actually is there any way I can get some pain medication. My back is really hurting right now."_

Noah checks the chart to see what medication he is on and what time he last had a dose_. "No problem. I'll give you some hydrocodone. It'll make you drowsy as well."_ Noah gives him the medicine and waits a bit to make sure he doesn't have any reactions to it.

_"So I'll come check up on you in a bit. Maybe one more time before Lynsey comes in to take over then I believe Brendan comes in at 12, but knowing him he will be late."_

Ste can't help but detect an attitude as he says Brendan's name. _"Is he always late?"_

_"Yep usually. And cuz he's the brother of one of the most respected doctors no one says anything. I'm surprised he even has any patients. From what previous patients have told me about him he's awful. If you want I can see if I can change your primary nurse to me."_

Ste doesn't know why but he feels a bit irritated at the way Noah is talking about Brendan. Loyalty to him most likely. _"No it's alright. He seems ok so far."_

_"Really? He's a bit scattered brained don't you think."_

Yes, yes he is.

_"No not really."_

_"Even tho this isn't the biggest hospital all the nurses have quite a lot of patients each and well, Brendan doesn't. Says a lot."_

_"What are you his supervisor?"_

_"Kind of. I'm one of the nurses in this wing that have more responsibilities than others. I do training and schedules and administrative duties as well. If you see any other people with navy scrubs that's their position."_

Oh no wonder he kept seeing all these different colored scrubs Ste thinks. They all mean something.

_"What department are light blue scrubs?"_ Ste wants to know exactly what that Jen girl does.

_"NICU. Neonatal intensive care unit. They are in the east wing tho so you'll probably never see them."_

_"Is it far?"_

_"A bit. You have to take a small shuttle to get over there."_

_"Do they use the break room here in this wing?"_

_"In the west wing? No they have their own over there. "_

Ste is intrigued by this. He wonders why that Jen was here then. And how did she find Brendan's phone in the breakroom if she doesn't even use it_. "So what do the other colors mean?"_

_"Gray scrubs are for surgeons and they work in this wing. Cheryl is one of them but works mainly in the emergency department. Pink is obstetricians, east wing. Green is for your psychologist and counselors, north wing. Finally black scrubs is both a nurse and a physical therapist, north wing as well."_

_"I saw Brendan was wearing black so he's both?"_ Ste can't help but smile and feel a little proud for Brendan.

_"Yeah he used to focus more on the therapy part but when he came back after-"_ Noah stops himself before he continues _"umm after his leave of absence Cheryl felt it was too stressful for him so she insisted he just be a nurse and wanted him around her wing. He did for a while but then he went back to his specialty. He has 2 patients here and 2 over there."_

Ste wants to ask so many questions. Why did he leave? Why did Cheryl feel the need to pull him into her wing to watch him? He feels it's not right to ask these questions to Noah so he just nods and rests his head back down on the pillow. _"I think the medicine is kicking in. Getting sleepy, me."_

_"Oh yeah yeah no problem. Get some sleep. By the time you wake up it'll probably be noon. I'll see ya tomorrow."_ Noah walks out and gives Ste a wave. Noah seems like a better nurse than Brendan because he was focused and attentive unlike Brendan. But if they gave him an option to choose either Brendan or Noah. He would choose Brendan. Simple as that.

* * *

**Tuesday 2 PM**

_"Wake up sunshine."_

_"Ouch! What the hell?"_ Ste blinks repeatedly as he wakes up all disoriented. When his vision clears up he spots Brendan next to his bed with the sun shining on him. He looks amazing. Pure perfection. He has to shake his thoughts or else he would feel like a creep staring at him like this. _"Did you just hit me with a pillow?"_

_"I did. I called your name and you didn't even move so it was my only option."_

_"Maybe you could have I don't know shaken me."_

Brendan stares at him innocently and then nods his head to say no. _"Anyways glad you're up. Need to get you lunch."_

_"I'm not hungry. Can I just eat dinner in a couple hours?"_

_"Ok. What do you want to do to me today?"_ Brendan coughs and stutters. _"I mean what do you want to do today?"_

Ste slightly laughs at him and feels himself heating up. _"Are you drunk Brendan?"_

_"Think you're funny huh. But no I'm not. I just got here so I'm all over the place right now."_

Ste has started noticing that Brendan is always all over the place and out of it most of the time. _"Erm what time is it?"_

_"2:05 PM."_

_"Late again huh? Is there anyway I can go outside of this room. I feel suffocated here."_

_"Yeah 2 hours late. You'll need to be in a wheelchair. I'll wheel you around this wing and see if they will allow me to take you to another wing. That ok?"_

_"Sounds good."_

_"I'll go talk to your doctor and get the ok and be back in a couple minutes."_ Brendan throws the remote into Stes bed and walks out.

* * *

Ste gets a call on his cell phone and it's Amy. She just explains that she won't be able to visit for a few days as she can't get time off from work and is too busy with the kids. She asks how he is doing and if he is feeling better. They end up talking for at least 30 minutes until she has to go. His door opens and Cheryl comes in.

_"Hiya love. How you feeling?"_

_"Good thanks Cheryl. Feel stiff so I want to move around a little."_

_"I don't blame you. I gave Brendan the ok to take you around the place but I want you in the wheelchair at all times tho. I made a progress plan for you as well. We are going to keep you in this wing for 2 weeks at the most and then move you over to the north wing for 2 weeks so you can start your physical therapy."_

_"So I'm here for a month?" _Ste can't help but feel extremely disappointed. He does not want to be here for so long.

_"Aww come on Ste you already trying to leave us? That's just an estimate tho love if your body recovers faster than you'll get out of here much sooner."_

_"Fine."_ Ste now feels agitated and doesn't want to take it out on Cheryl. She's smiling so hard at him that it calms him_. "Where's Brendan?"_

_"He got called over by one of his patients in the other wing but he should be coming back soon. You could hit the button to speed him up he sometimes gets distracted on the way back."_

_"It's alright I don't need him right now."_ He's pouting now and Cheryl must pick up on him because she smiles at him and winks.

_"You like him?"_

_"What?! No no! Of course not!"_

_"You don't like him as a nurse?"_

_"Oh that yeah. Yeah I do."_

_"What did you think I mean?"_

_"Nothing. Sorry."_ Ste looks away to try to cover up his rosy cheeks but he hears Cheryl give out a very quiet laugh.

_"Ste can I ask you something? When he is with you does he seem ok."_

_"Erm he seems fine."_

_"Right but does it seem like he's all there. You know up there."_ She points up towards her head.

_"What do you mean?"_

Cheryl opens her mouth but before she can elaborate her pager goes off. _"Shoot I gotta go. Emergency."_ Ste sees her take off in record speed and rush down the hall with precise steps.

Ste is able to turn over better so he moves to his side. His door opens and he smiles thinking its Brendan but it's not. It's that Jen girl from yesterday.

_"Umm ey is Brendan gonna be comin back ere?"_

Ste looks at her and wants to give her the middle finger. She doesn't give him a hello or how are you just straight out asks about Brendan. He doesn't like her...not at all.

_"Maybe."_

_"Tell him I said hi yeah."_

_"Umm-"_

She doesn't let him finish as she walks away mid-sentence. _"Bitch."_

* * *

**Tuesday 3 PM**

Ste can't take this room anymore so he hits the call button for Brendan. He doesn't know what's happened to him. It's been about 45 minutes since he left. Maybe getting another nurse would be a good idea.

About 5 minutes pass by and Brendan re appears looking a little more exhausted than he last saw him. He has a wheelchair with him so he didn't forget.

_"You ready?"_

_"I have been ready. Where have you been?"_

_"Sorry my other patient took up more time than I thought. But I'm all yours for a couple hours now. So let's get you up."_ Brendan leans over Ste to unhook one of the wires and Ste can't help but want to just kiss his neck. He smells so good. Delicious actually. He has to bite his lip to prevent him from making a fool of himself. Brendan lifts him into a sitting position and moves his legs to swing off the bed. He adjusts the wheelchair right below him and then picks up Ste and places him down.

_"Alright where do you wanna go first?"_

_"East wing."_

_"Why there? It's the longest walk out of these places."_

_"Exactly I wanna move around. Is that a problem?"_ Stes plan is actually to shove it in Jens face that Brendan is spending time with him even if it's just a nurse patient relationship. Brendan sighs but moves him out of the room.

_"I'll take you on the scenic route."_

_"You gonna take me outside. Don't think Cheryl will like that."_

_"So? I don't listen to her. There's a spot I like that I'll take you to."_ Without any answer from Ste they are moving in another direction. As they reach this spot Ste knows why he likes it. It's breath taking. There in the middle is a giant tree with the greenest leaves ever seen. It provides an umbrella like cover from the sun. Around it is an array of colorful flowers. All different types of flowers, bright and blooming. The grass is a perfect kelly green and looks plush enough to sleep on. Birds are chirping away as they fly back and forth. Besides that there's not much noise back here. Brendan pushes Ste and places the wheelchair right below the tree and he himself crouches down to sit on the grass.

_"Umm can I sit next to you?"_ Ste feels incredibly shy and as he looks down at Brendan he makes eye contact with the most amazing blue eyes.

_"You are sitting next to me."_

_"No my wheelchair is. I'm more above you."_

_"Fine but give me that pillow that's behind you."_ Brendan takes the pillow and places it against the tree then moves the wheelchair out of the way_. "Grab my neck."_ Ste doesn't hesitate and immediately regrets it because now he thinks he looks way to eager. Brendan doesn't seem to notice as he places his arms around his waist and lifts him. He gently lowers him onto the floor and makes sure his back is supported by the pillow. For that brief second that Brendan is adjusting him Ste can't help but turn his face so that his lips are inches from Brendan's jaw.

_"Stop breathing on me Steven."_

Ste feels rejected but then he sees something that literally changes his life in an instant. Brendan looks at him and smiles. He actually smiles at him. A genuine smile. It's not huge and doesn't last long but that's the first time that Brendan has even smiled at him. He's only seen Brendan give one to Cheryl and it was tiny. Like it was reserved and rare. Something that he probably doesn't do at all. And he just got one. Ste knows this isn't a crush anymore. It's a full on obsessed possessive love for him. Now he just needs to figure out how to get Brendan in on this.


	4. Chapter 4

**AN: Thanks again for all the reviews and follows and favs. Y'all are the reason why I update so quickly =]**

* * *

**Tuesday 3:15 PM**

_"You alright?"_ Brendan asks Ste as he places him against the tree making sure the pillow supports his back.

_"Never better."_ Ste looks him straight in the eyes and flutters his eyelashes at him. That has to work Ste thinks to himself.

_"You got something in your eye?"_

It didn't work.

_"No."_ Ste sighs and looks up at the tree. Brendan moves to Stes right side and takes a seat next to him on the grass. They are both quiet for a couple minutes. Ste keeps looking up while Brendan stares down as he plucks grass out of the ground.

_"So why do you like this spot?"_

_"It's calming."_

_"What do you do here then?"_

_"Nothing really. Just sit here and relax before I go in there to the real world I guess."_

Ste looks over at him and sees him staring straight ahead. Almost looks like he is in a trance. Like he's trapped in a dark place and can't get out. At one point Ste thinks that he hasn't blinked for quite a long time, an unnormal amount of time. As if reading his mind Brendan snaps out of it and moves slightly forward so he can lie down on the ground.

_"So Steven not much of a roof man are you?"_

Ste wasn't expecting that question but it lightened the mood_. "Stupid roof."_ Ste mumbles under his breath.

_"I'm sure it wasn't the roofs fault."_

_"It's dead embarrassing innt."_

_"A bit yeah. I mean a bird. Really?"_

_"It came out of nowhere! Like it purposely did a sneak attack on me!"_

_"Now we're blaming the bird."_

_"It was huge! I hope karma catches up to that attacker."_ Ste looks down and sees Brendan looking up at him. Brendan is giving him his full attention and his eyes are shining so bright. Ste can say he has never seen eyes so magnificently bright and blue before. For a second he thinks he sees Brendan smile again but he can't be sure. He is sure that Brendan rolls his eyes at him before he closed them. It goes quiet again but it's not awkward. In fact it's like Brendan said, its calm. Ste takes this opportunity to study Brendan hoping he doesn't suddenly open his eyes and catch him creeping on him. He sees the perfect spiked up hair. This time not one hair is out of place. He has frown lines on his forehead like even now he is deep in thought. Ste sees the small bags under his eyes and thinks of reasons why he must not sleep at night. Ste moves down and stops at his lips. One word-perfect. He wants to lean down and captured them with his teeth; he can't help but think how juicy they look. Their also wet and slick from where Brendan keeps licking them with his tongue. His cheeks are concave and his jaw line is symmetrically structured. If Gods still existed Brendan would be one of them. Stes eyes go down his neck and see a silver chain with a cross falling off to the side of him. Brendan has on his black scrubs and black Jordan shoes. Those must have cost him a pretty penny. Ste settles on his arms. Brendan must work out as he has muscles, their defined but not too much. His right arm has a few scratch marks here and there. It's his left arm that Ste can't get over. The top half looks fine but Ste spots what appears to be another scar further up but can't tell since it's covered. The bottom half is where he has that scar that is at least 12 inches long, maybe more. There are areas throughout it that are red and the whole thing is raised. Ste can finally get a better look at it and sees it starts above the elbow area and all the way down to his ring finger. Brendan isn't wearing the ring Ste has seen him have on usually so now he sees the scar actually extends onto the finger itself. Ste moves his head slightly down to try to examine it better when he hears a phone go off. He quickly looks away as Brendan opens his eyes and makes a grab for his phone.

_"Oh fuck."_ Brendan lifts himself up and picks up the phone. _"What do you want Chez?-Yeah I'm with him now, wheeling him around remember- He seems fine I'll ask him if he wants to go back in-" _Brendan looks over at Ste and he shakes his head no. _"Nope he doesn't want to go back yet-I got it Sis."_ There's a long pause as Brendan stands up and clenches his hands into fists. _"Are you trying to say I can't take care of 4 patients? I have less than anyone else in this place and that's still too much for you.-Don't you fucking dare transfer one of mine to that asshole Noah.-Oh oh he's more what? What?! Say it Chez!-There ya go you said it! How long you been holding that in huh?-I fucking hate you too." _Brendan throws the phone against the wall and Ste sees the tiny pieces just fly all over the place. He doesn't know if he should say anything or not so he keeps silent. Brendan's hands are shaking and his breath becomes more rapid.

_"Steven what time do you have?"_

Ste fumbles to get his phone out as his arms and hands aren't still back to 100% let alone 50%.

_"Umm 3:54."_

_"Great I forgot to take my medi-"_ Brendan stops mid-sentence. _"Umm can I borrow your phone and make a call real quick."_

_"Sure."_

Brendan walks over and takes the phone and signals that he is going to go behind a small building. It takes him about 5 minutes to come back and give the phone back to Ste. He sits back down next to him though.

_"Looks like you're gonna have to get that 4th phone now huh?"_

Brendan looks at him and Ste can tell he wants to laugh but he doesn't_. "I'll just use yours till I get a new one."_

_"And have you break mine. Forget it."_ Ste smiles at him.

_"Promise I won't."_

_"Fine only in emergencies though."_

_"Deal. You ready to go?"_

_"Yep. Help me up."_

_"You know the drill."_ Ste grabs hold of Brendan's neck as he lifts him up onto his wheelchair. Brendan goes back to grab the pillow and shakes it to remove any dirt on it. While he does this Ste looks through his phone and sees that no call was made. He looks over at Brendan and feels like asking why he lied about that. Why was it necessary to hide himself for those 5 minutes? But he ends up closing his phone and putting it for a later time. Brendan places the pillow behind Ste and starts moving them back inside.

_"So east wing right?"_

Ste gets another plan in his head and disregards his previous plan of making Jen jealous. _"Actually can you take me back to my room kinda wanna watch some tv."_

_"Ok."_ Brendan wheels him back in the direction of his room. Ste sees a young nurse look over at Brendan and wave him over.

_"What?"_ Brendan shouts from where he is, not even moving in the direction of the nurse.

_"Need you to sign that you looked over next week's schedule. You got 3 overnight shifts next week."_

_"Fantastic."_ Ste laughs at Brendan's sarcastic tone and has to give him an innocent smile when Brendan playfully pushes his head forward. He goes over and looks over it and Ste sees this nurse move his hand towards the hand Brendan has rested on the counter. Ste thinks quick and starts coughing loudly. The nurse jumps and Brendan looks over at Ste with a blank expression and shakes his head. _"Signed. Off now."_ He walks over to Ste and leans down so no one can hear him. _"You don't fake coughing very well."_

* * *

**Tuesday 4:30 PM**

They enter the room and Ste asks for help to the restroom again. They have it down this time. Brendan waits outside, Ste says done, Brendan comes back in and helps him to the sink, they finish in record time. He helps him back onto his bed and attaches all the wires again before he sits down in the seat next to him.

_"Hungry yet?"_

_"Nope later. Remote"_

_"Bossy. Umm where is it?"_

_"You had it last."_

_"No I didn't. You did. I threw it on your bed remember."_ Brendan gets back up and starts leaning over the bed looking in between the rails. Ste then lets out a huge laugh. _"You have it don't you?"_

_"Busted."_

_"Idiot."_

Ste flicks through the channels. _"Say Yes To The Dress."_

_"No."_

_"Four Weddings."_

_"Pass."_

_"Golden Girls."_

_"What is wrong with you? No."_

_"Fine. You pick something."_ Ste throws the remote at him and hits him directly on the left arm. _"Oh god I'm sorry! You ok?"_

Brendan runs his hand over his arm and grabs the remote. _"I'm good. Didn't hurt...much. Erm how about a movie?"_

_"Go on."_

_"Saw 5 is about to start. That good?"_

_"Yeah."_ Ste isn't into those types of movies but apparently Brendan enjoys gory films. The movie starts and Ste looks over and sees Brendan trying to get comfortable on the chair. He leans back and props his feet on the bed_. "That chair doesn't look comfy."_

_"It's a hospital Steven nothing is comfortable. It's like I'm sitting on concrete."_

_"Bed is comfy though. And bouncy."_

_"Well that's good for you doesn't really help me."_

_"Erm-"_

_"What?"_ Brendan is still moving around trying to find a good position.

_"I mean the bed is pretty big actually. I'm sure 2 people can fit on it. So like if you want to-well you know it would be ok-you could I don't know-"_

_"Spit it out."_

_"Get on the bed."_ Ste pouts yet again and crosses his arms. He doesn't know if Brendan will join him or not. Nothing has really indicated which way he actually swings. For all he knows Brendan could be married, he was wearing a ring on his ring finger. Not today though.

_"Move over then."_ Ste shuffles to the left so Brendan can fit on his right side. He gently gets on the bed and moves up a little so his head rest on the pillow_. "You good? Your back is fine right?"_

_"I'm great. Now shut up I'm missing the movie."_

_"You just tell me to shut up?"_

_"Are you still talking?"_ Ste looks over at Brendan and winks at him to show he's not serious. Brendan looks down and when he looks back up at the screen he has a smile on his face. It goes away after a few seconds but that's all Ste needed. They are about 15 minutes into the movie when the door opens. Cheryl walks in looking down at a chart.

_"Ste love I was-"_ She looks up and her face turns into confusion _"-ohh umm didn't know you were here Brendan."_

_"Surprise. Keeping him company."_

_"And your other patients?"_

_"Are fine. They haven't called for me."_

_"Shouldn't you check on them tho."_

Ste sees her eyes looking straight at their arms that are barely touching.

_"One of them is getting her surgery right now so she will be in the recovery ward for a couple days. I already did the first session of therapy with another patient. And in 2 hours I'll go do the session with my last patient. Got it covered."_

_"Alright. Did you umm take your you know what. It's past 4."_

_"Yeah I did."_

_"Well ok then I was just gonna check up on you Ste but you seem to be covered so I'll see you tomorrow morning. And Brendan remember 8 PM."_

_"I know I know."_

_"And..."_

_"And I'll text you when I get out."_

_"And..."_

_"And I'll call you when I get home."_

_"Good. Ok then have a goodnight."_ She walks out and then comes right back in. _"You did remember to ask for Thursday off right?"_

_"Yep."_

_"Great when's the last time we had a brother and sister day."_

_"Can't remember."_

_"Exactly. I can't wait! Ok I'll go now. Night Ste. Bye Bren!"_ She waves and gives her brother a smile.

Ste for the first time sees the love between them. Family love. Something he never had. _"She's a good sister isn't she. Even if she's a tad overprotective."_

_"She is. She's the only one that never let me down. Unconditional love. Standing in front of somebody and taking the bullet for them. Taking the hit. We both taken the hit for each other."_ Ste feels Brendan tense up next to him. _"Anyway back to the movie then?"_

Ste nods and relaxes next to Brendan. They get about half way into the movie and Ste can't help but talk. _"You know I just thought of something. How are you going to text Cheryl if you broke your phone?"_

_"Oh right I forgot. I'll just call her."_

_"Forgot to tell you Jen wanted me to tell you hi for her."_

_"When did you talk to her?"_

_"I didn't. She basically told me to tell you."_

_"Typical."_

_"You friends with her?"_

_"Coworkers more like. Umm your phone is flashing."_

_"What?"_

Brendan reaches over to the table and grabs his phone. _"Doug."_

_"Oh an employee of mine. Give it here."_

_"Nope."_ Brendan moves out of reach and picks up the phone. _"Yep-who you calling for?- yeah you got the right number- names Brendan I'm sort of looking after him- he's fine- no he's gonna be out for about a month-that's fine-yep you get my approval-I'll pass it to him-alright."_ Brendan closes the phone and places it back on the table.

_"What the hell Brendan?! What did he say?"_

_"Just wanted to know where you were and I gave him the basic details. Oh I also agreed to some delivery."_

_"Brendan! He's not gonna call back."_

_"Good."_ He says it so quietly that Ste struggled to even hear it.

_"What?"_

_"Nothing. Let's just finish this movie yeah. I gotta go check up on another patient in a bit."_

Ste shrugs and puts his attention back to the screen. Brendan leans back again and closes his eyes. He looks tired and drained. Within a couple minutes he sees Brendan's chest move up and down in rhythm. He has fallen asleep so Ste very gently touches his hand. Brendan stays still doesn't even move. Ste moves his hand up and glides it so delicately across the scar and feels how warm it is. Brendan moves at that and jumps a little in his sleep so Ste removes his hand. It doesn't look like Brendan will wake up anytime soon so Ste shuffles up and rests his head on Brendan's shoulder. He looks at Brendan one more time and then lets sleep take over.

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**Reviews make me write faster =)**


	5. Chapter 5

**AN: You guys are just...AMAZING! Every single review brought a huge smile to my face. I can't tell you this enough times but THANK YOUUU =] To the guest reviews that I cant PM Thank Youuu! I was gonna start writing an update for another fic but I promised reviews would speed me up on this one so here's another chapter wayyy earlier than I intended. It's pretty long and there's a lot of dialogue. Please Enjoy!**

* * *

_***It's dark out as you walk this paved walkway. Your heart is racing as you look around for any signs of her. A bit farther down the path on the ground is small blood droplets. They appear to make a trail so you follow it. A mantra of "Please be ok. Please be ok. Please be ok" repeats over and over in your mind. To this day you never believed in god but at this moment in time you find yourself praying and asking him for help. The walkway ends and turns into this gravel road. It's uneven and you trip every couple of steps as you walk over it. The farther you go the less you see of the blood trail. It starts becoming more and sparser till it completely stops. You finally peel your eyes from the ground and take a look at your surroundings. You're in the middle of nowhere. The trees are dull with no leaves on them. A bunch of dead flowers are scattered around the field. Small dead animals are lined along the side. It's as if any sign of life here has gone. You look in every direction to see where to go and you find yourself being drawn to keep going straight. Your feet move on their own as if you aren't even in control of your body anymore. After what feels like hours to you, knowing it's only a few minutes, you walk into another field with grass so high you can barely see over it. You see it though. All the way at the other side of this field is an old abandoned shack like house. You strain your eyes to make out a silhouette right by the door. Many people wouldn't be able to tell who it is but you know right away. You can tell by the way it walks, the way it presents itself. A figure that has haunted you your whole life. That's when it dawns on you; you didn't bring anything with you. No gun or knife. You look back and there's no way you would be able to find this place again so you start moving forward. You know she's there and terrified for her life, she's in your head telling you to run the other way. To escape. That its ok to leave her. That she's sorry. You ignore her. She always did say you were stubborn. Adrenaline kicks in and you're running now. You know you're running into your demise and you think to yourself that's ok. It's your time to go. You're ready to take that final hit for her.***_

* * *

_"Brendan? Brendan wake up."_ Ste shakes Brendan's shoulders trying to wake him up. Ste woke up just a couple seconds ago when he started feeling movement next to him. When he opened his eyes and looked over at Brendan he saw he was moving ever so slightly. He was mouthing something to himself. Ste was able to get that he was saying _"Please be ok"_ but it didn't make sense. He looked down and saw Brendan had his hands clenched into fists_. "Wake up! Brendan!"_ Ste shouts inches from his ear and Brendan's jumps and finally opens his eyes.

_"What the fuck Steven?! You trying to make me deaf!"_ Brendan moves off the bed and covers his face with his hands.

_"Sorry you were having a nightmare."_

_"I don't have nightmares."_

_"It sure looked like it. You were saying please be-"_

_"Shut up! Just shut up!"_ Brendan leans on the bed and just shuts his eyes as he starts counting quietly to himself. Ste knows from his days in anger management that he is trying to calm himself down_. "What time do you have?"_

_"6:37 PM."_

_"I gotta go."_

_"Oh why?"_

_"I have other patients beside you Steven. Do you always expect me to be with you every second of the day?"_

_"No I was just asking. Why are you being this way?"_

_"Being what way?"_

_"All agitated over nothing."_

_"I'm not. Stop acting like a little girl. You're too sensitive."_

_"Oh I'm the girl? Really? This coming from the man who just had a nightmare!"_

_"You just don't know anything Steven ok."_

_"Oh I don't know!"_

_"NO!" _Brendan rushes out the door and hits it so forcefully on his way out that Ste thinks the hinges almost came off. He looks around and he's dumbfounded as to what just happened. They were perfectly fine a couple hours ago, and now they just had a row. Ste can't do anything about it though so he just lays back and hopes that when he wakes up it was all a dream.

* * *

**Tuesday 6:40 PM**

Brendan walks down the hallway avoiding eye contact with everyone. He purchases a bottle of water from the vending machine and goes back to the break room. He walks in and the room is crowded. They all turn to look at him and a few smile at him. He ignores them and goes to his locker to get something out of his jacket. Everyone is talking over each other and Brendan can't take it. He feels like the walls are closing in on him. He struggles to maintain his breathing at a normal pace. His shaking hands fumble around as he finally finds what he's looking for. He quickly rushes out of the room and can't help but notice all the looks everyone gives him as he leaves. Brendan makes his way to the North wing at a quick pace but goes into a room right before the entrance. A couple months ago he discovered this room that was supposed to have medical supplies in it but no one ever came in here. It was in an awkward location and didn't really have all the proper supplies. In all those months only 2 other nurses ever actually went into the room and they both walked out a second later. So now Brendan uses it as a place to get away from people. He takes a seat behind a wall just in case anyone does walk in they won't be able to see him. He takes out the 3 pills he got from his jacket and swallows them, then takes a small sip of water. There's a phone on the other side of the room and Brendan gets up and dials a number he knows by heart.

_"Hello?"_

_"It's me sis."_

_"Are you ok?"_ Cheryl sounds panicked and Brendan can hear movement in the background. He hears keys fumbling around.

_"I'm fine Chez you don't have to come over here."_ He hears the keys being placed on a counter or table.

_"What's wrong?"_

_"Nothing. I just wanted-needed- I had to hear your voice-make sure you're still here."_

There's a pause and Brendan knows she's thinking about the past.

_"I'm safe Brendan. I'll always be here. Till the end remember?"_ The same 11 words get said every day. Nothing changes. No words get moved around. No word is ever left out. No word is ever put in.

_"Thanks."_

_"You gonna be ok?"_

_"Yeah I think I'm fine now. I had to take my dose early so is it ok if I do 4 doses today?"_

_"How many did you take right now?"_

_"3."_

_"Hold off on the 8 PM one and don't take it unless you really need it. And at the most only take 2 pills ok."_

_"Ok. Sorry about this."_

_"You never need to apologize to me Brendan. Never. You hear me."_

_"Yeah. I should go now I'm late with one of my patient's therapy."_

_"Oh which one?"_

_"The bitch."_

Cheryl burst out laughing and Brendan joins her. _"Don't let her hear you call her that. She would go ballistic on you."_

_"She has!"_

_"Oh god I remember that! The funniest thing I ever seen."_

_"Glad you got your laugh while I was being chased by that lunatic. I really gotta go she's gonna go off on me the second I get in there."_

_"Be good. Well as good as you can be. Wait why are you calling me from the hospitals number?"_

_"Oh see what had happened was-"_

_"You broke it didn't you?"_

_"Yep."_

_"Come over tomorrow morning I think I got a spare one."_

_"Thanks sis. Going now. Talk to you later."_

_"Call me when you get out. Bye."_

* * *

**Tuesday 8:30 PM**

Ste can't fall asleep he's been trying for 2 hours. His mind won't shut off so he just lays there staring at the ceiling. Amy text him a little while ago saying she was going to try to visit tomorrow or Thursday so that cheered him up. But as soon as they hung up he went back to feeling alone. He's deep in thought that he doesn't even notice someone walked in.

_"Got you some food. You haven't eaten all day."_

Ste knows its Brendan from the voice. He doesn't look at him though just keeps staring at the ceiling.

_"Umm fried chicken and macaroni and cheese. And a Pepsi."_ Brendan places the tray on the table and sits down on the chair. _"Did you want me to help you again or no?"_

Ste doesn't respond and still avoids eye contact.

_"Can you at least look at me? Please."_ Brendan gets up and stands next to the bed. He tilts his head to look at Ste but he turns his head to the side and looks out the window. _"Steven I'm not leaving till you say something."_

_"Fuck off Brendan."_

_"I'll take that."_ Brendan sits back down on the chair he has grown accustomed to.

_"Get out."_

_"Make me."_

_"I physically can't."_

_"Guess you're stuck with me then."_

They sit in the room in silence. Ste staring out the window and Brendan staring at the floor. The only thing that breaks the silence is the footsteps of people walking outside in the hall. Nurses are laughing and talking amongst each other; discussing what events are going to take place at the hospital. Apparently someone is retiring and they are throwing him a going away party. It's mind numbing torture.

_"Every night I get this recurring dream. Something that happened in the past that I can't forget. I see it over and over again. It haunts me."_

Ste finally looks at him and he looks so small and vulnerable. He's about to ask about this dream when he gets cut off.

_"Just forget about it. I'm sorry about earlier by the way."_

_"Forgiven."_

_"Just like that huh?"_

_"Just like that."_

_"You forgive to easily Steven."_

_"I don't. It's only because it's you."_ Ste wishes he could take that back but it's too late. Brendan doesn't react to it. _"Don't expect to always be forgiven that easily though."_

_"I'm sure I would find a way to make you forgive me."_

_"And what ways are those?" _Ste feels his cheeks turning red and thinks the heat must have been turned up.

_"You'll see."_ Brendan gives him a quick smile and then points at the tray on the table. _"You gonna eat this or not?"_

_"Hell yes! I'm bloody starving me! Gonna need your help tho."_

_"Is that your way of asking me to feed you?"_

_"Bren do your job and feed your favorite patient."_

_"Cheeky git."_

* * *

**Tuesday 10 PM**

_"No to the left. My left."_

_"Steven there's nothing."_

_"I'm telling you a rat went behind there!"_

_"Did you just make up this story so you had a reason to call me back here?"_

_"Don't flatter yourself. I'm blaming you if I wake up tomorrow with rat bites all over me."_

_"Does my patient need me to stay overnight?"_

_"Hmm. Maybe."_

_"No chance kid. But seriously though I don't see anything."_ Brendan looks back at him after looking one last time and shrugs his shoulders.

Ste made up the story. After Ste had ate Brendan left to go check up on his patient in the recovery ward and then said he had paperwork to do. After about 30 minutes Ste missed his sarcastic remarks but pushed it aside. Knowing Brendan's shift was about to end he decided to call for him. When he pressed the button he realized he had no actual reason too and had to think of something. The best Ste could come up with was a rat. And it seemed like Brendan caught on to it pretty quickly. As Ste explained his situation Brendan had a look of 'I know you're lying but I'm not gonna call you out on it' so they both went with it.

_"Sorry to have made you walk all the way back here."_

_"No bother. I was just outside at the counter finishing up your charts."_

_"Anything new?"_

_"Nope. But you're gonna get an MRI tomorrow or Thursday. See if there's any more damage they may have missed. Now do you actually need something or can I go?"_

_"Restroom and then you're free for the night."_

Ste finishes and Brendan helps him back to the bed. Ste trips right before he gets to the bed, not on purpose of course, so Brendan grabs him and flips him over so that he won't land on top of an injured person. Ste ends up falling on top on him and his whole body weight lands on Brendan. He keeps his arms around Brendan's neck as Brendan's arms wrap tightly around his hips. They stare at each other for what seems like a lifetime, in reality it's only a couple seconds. Brendan loosens his hold and slowly moves Ste off him onto the bed.

_"Idiot."_

_"What? I tripped."_

_"Sure you did. Well now that you messed up my back do you need anything else?"_

_"I'm good ta."_

_"Ok I'm gonna get going. Button calls for Noah or Lynsey I don't know which one is on call now. I'll see you tomorrow."_ Brendan doesn't wave just walks out.

_"Bye."_ Ste says to himself.

About 15 minutes later Ste looks up to see Brendan coming back in his room. Ste sees him and his jaw hits the floor. Brendan walks in and is wearing a black pea coat that has a hood on it, which Brendan has up. Under that he has on a red collared shirt with a couple buttons opened at the top. He has on slim black trousers and a leather belt on.

_"Can I borrow your phone?"_

_"Myyy...ummm...what? Oh oh phone. Yeah. Yeah. Umm...yeah."_

_"You ok?"_ Brendan looks at him like he's suddenly gone crazy.

_"Fine."_ Ste curses himself internally as his voice comes out all high pitched. He hands over his phone to Brendan.

_"Thanks gotta give Cheryl a call real quick."_ Brendan dials a number and paces around as he waits for her to pick up_. "It's me-calling on Stes phone-I was gonna check up on him before I left so save me the trip of going back to the break room and using the phone-your hilarious sis!-I'm sure he doesn't-how do you know- nope I hadn't noticed anything- that's true huh I'm pretty oblivious to things- ill start paying more attention, look I don't want to waste his minutes so was just calling to let you know I'm on the way- yep see you in a bit-alright." _Brendan hangs up and hands it back to Ste.

_"You live with your sister?"_

_"No got my own house. But I needed to go in the morning to her place to get a replacement phone so she just insisted I might as well stay the night. Anyway have a goodnight."_ Brendan walks over to the door before he is stopped by Ste.

_"Oh Brendan you look different without the scrubs."_

_"Different good or different bad?"_

_"Different bad." _Ste laughs.

_"I gotta teach you how to lie better."_

_"What makes you think I'm lying?"_

_"Well your expression gave it away."_ Brendan turns and walks out leaving Ste with the biggest smile on his face.

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**How was it? Spent all day on this and kept adding more and more to it. And just in case, the first part was a dream. Again reviews will make me type in record speed =)**


	6. Chapter 6

**AN: Ok you guys are just awesome! Thank you to everyone that has reviewed, followed, and faved. All the guest reviewers that I can't PM...thank you! This has become my highest reviewed fic and it makes me so incredibly happy to see that y'all are enjoying it. Anyway enough rabbling y'all came to read the fic not listen to me so enjoy =]**

**PS: Super super LONG chapter as a thank you!**

* * *

**Tuesday 11 PM**

Cheryl walks out of her 2 story house as Brendan pulls up to her driveway. She erupts into hysterical laughter at him as he ends up hitting her garage door with the front of his car. He shrugs his shoulders and mumbles _"oops"_ as he turns off the car. She shakes her head and waves him in.

_"God you're an awful driver. How did you manage to even pass the driving exam?"_

_"I'm a great driver." _He walks inside her home and gives her a hug and a kiss on the cheek as he puts his coat on the hanger. _"Besides I flirted with the testing instructor to pass. Got a perfect score."_

_"Figured you used your looks. You want something to eat or drink."_

_"I could eat. What you have?"_

_"Make you a sandwich real quick."_

_"That's fine. Thanks."_

_"No problem. While I do this go into my room and on the nightstand is the extra cell phone for you."_

Brendan goes upstairs to her room and finds his new phone. He smiles to himself as he knows that Cheryl will most likely go buy another phone for when he breaks this one. He doesn't like intruding in her room but he sees some pictures on the wall and has to look. He thinks she must have just recently placed them up as he's never seen them here before, then again he doesn't remember the last time he came up here. The picture in the center is of Cheryl and him a couple weeks ago at the hospital. He remembers it, he was seated at the counter doing paperwork and she snuck up behind him and said look up only to be confronted with a camera to his face. It's actually not a bad picture. She has on a huge smile that could blind anyone and he has a very tiny smile. Around this picture are a couple more of Cheryl with her friends; Lynsey, Stephanie, Anne, and Jen. There are also pics of places in Dublin, some black and white ones as well. But the ones she has most of are of her and Brendan. About 70 % are of them both. There's one where they are in a car and Brendan is leaning over trying to get in the frame. Another one is them on the sofa watching a movie he presumes as their faces are lit up with the tv screen. Another has them both sitting outside his house on the driveway. He's looking down as Cheryl has her arms wrapped around his neck and looking down as well. They both look lost. Almost childlike. He doesn't know who took that one though. The picture that gets to him is one that looks very old. The edges are fading and it looks almost crumbled. It's off to the side, almost as if she didn't want to put it with the rest of the pictures. It's of them as kids. He looks about 9 so she's 13. Their at the beach home. He thinks their Nana must have taken it as both of them are down by the beach. Brendan is sitting close to the ocean as the waves hit him and Cheryl is holding his hand. Watching over him like always.

_"Bren! What's taking you so long?"_ He snaps out of his memories and goes back downstairs. She has his sandwich on the coffee table and she's on the sofa with a blanket watching tv. He joins her and eats his sandwich as he watches some show that he doesn't get. After about 30 minutes Brendan gets in a comfortable position and ends up falling asleep. Cheryl lowers the volume and moves over to give Brendan more room as she continues watching her show.

* * *

_***"How come you don't have to help with cleaning the house today? It's so unfair!"_

_"Da told me to relax today so that's what I'm doing. Besides you're old."_

_"Oh shut up I'm only 20. So why did Dad let you off the hook today?"_

_"I don't know. Didn't tell me."_

_"Do you know how lucky you are Bren. To be the apple of his eye. You're his favorite child. I know you are. Nothing I do will ever make him love me as much as you."_

_"Chez you're still his little girl. His princess. And if anyone is his favorite it's you."_

_"No I wish I was you."_

_"No believe me you don't want that."_

_"Why not? He loves you so much."_

_You don't know what happens next. It's been you and your dad's secret for 8 years. You never messed up before, never slipped up. There have been times when you wanted to say something. Wanted to ask for help, but you kept it inside. At one point you thought it would end. That he would stop doing it to you, but it didn't. You were such a weak man, at least that's what he told you. You saw yourself in the mirror and you hated yourself. Thin, fragile, couldn't even defend yourself. A failure is what you are. And the bruises and cuts all over your body remind you of that every day. A couple years ago the sexual abuse basically stopped, it only happened rarely now. The physical and mental abuse still continued. You weren't strong enough to take him on so you dealt with the pain. Every day you wanted to just run away but you had nowhere to go and you weren't going to leave Cheryl by herself with this monster. But today you slip up. A decision that you would live to regret._

_"He loved me a little too much. In his own special way." You realize what you said and you hope maybe she didn't hear you. Once you meet her eyes you realize she heard you quite perfectly. Your sister has always been smart, the smartest girl in school. But she was so naive. She never saw the bad in anyone until someone would have to shove it right in front of her face. Now you stare at her as you can see her mind racing. She shakes her head and walks over to you._

_"What do you mean?"_

_You don't know if you should tell her but you already can tell she's made an assumption. You try getting out of it by admitting the physical abuse. The punches._

_"Bren that doesn't show love though. What do you mean?" She slowly says the last words and she's looking at you so deeply as if she's pleading with her eyes to tell her the truth._

_"I just told you. He beat me Chez ok. That's it. I wasn't thinking and used the wrong word." You try to laugh but it comes out sounding forced. That's when you see it. Her eyes change into realization. Every single thing in the past that she overlooked comes straight to the front. Every time you flinched when your dad touched your shoulder and she asked what that was for. Every time he touched your lower back and you jumped forward and she laughed at you for being jumpy. Every time he would smile at you and you would excuse yourself to your room and she would say your being mean to him. All those thoughts hit her and you see her eyes widen. This is the day you'll remember as the day when you witnessed your sisters heart shatter in front of you. A single tear escapes her eyes as she crouches down in front of you._

_"Brendan. Look at me. You know you can trust me. You know I'll always be here for you. I need to know-" she hesitates as she looks down and catches her breath "has...has he ever...touc... did he ra-" she can't say it. You know it's not because she doesn't believe you but it's because she's failed you._

_"Yes." That's all you say. The next thing you hear is your sister's sorrowed filled scream.***_

* * *

**Wednesday 9 AM**

Beep. Beep. Beep. An alarm goes off and both Brendan and Cheryl panic and roll straight off the sofa. They slam into the ground as the both yell out _"SHIT!"._ Somehow they ended up falling asleep on the sofa with the tv on. Luckily Cheryl set her phone to go off at 9 AM. She gets up and goes to the kitchen to turn the kettle on. She points upstairs.

_"Gonna go get ready. My shift starts at 10:30. You got some scrubs in your room so you can just stay here till you have to go in if you want."_

_"Yeah ill make breakfast for us before I get ready."_

_"Thanks. I'll be back down in a bit."_

They finish up their breakfast and Cheryl grabs her coffee on her way out.

_"30 minutes to get to work. When you go in?"_

_"Noon I think."_

_"So I should see you there at what 2?"_

_"Basically."_

_"Try to make it there on time though Brendan. You know they are doing that stupid employee of the month crap this week."_

_"Chez when have I ever even been placed in the nominees for that?"_

_"Never. But you get a week off if you win."_

_"The chances of me winning the lottery are higher than me winning the best employee award."_

Cheryl laughs and nods as they both know Brendan will never win that. She gives him a hug and kiss on the cheek. _"I'll see you later. Look for me when you get in. Oh and remember I need you to take Ste to get that MRI done as soon as possible."_

_"Gotcha."_

_"And Bren. Medicine at noon please don't forget."_

_"I know. Go. You're gonna be late."_

_"Fine. Bye."_ She walks out and Brendan looks at the time. 10 AM. He still has 2 hours to kill. He goes and takes a shower and puts on his scrubs. He does his hair perfectly and then turns the tv back on. It's still only 11 AM and he is bored out of his mind. He thinks about actually getting to work on time. Might as well. He goes back into his room and takes off his scrub top and grabs a tube of cream from his drawer. He scoops out a handful of it and starts applying it to his left arm making sure he coats the entire scar all the way to his finger. He then takes out more and applies it to his forearm where he has another scar and runs it all the way to his back where the scar ends. He waits a bit for it to dry and puts back his shirt. It's now 11:30 so he pours out 3 pills from his vial and takes them a little earlier than usual but he will forget otherwise. Brendan grabs his wallet, phone, and keys and is ready to leave but he wants to put on his ring and knows its somewhere at his house so he decides to head over their first. Needless to say he takes longer than usual and he's still at his house when it gets to be 1 PM. He puts on the ring and grabs everything and drives over to the hospital.

* * *

**Wednesday 1:35 PM**

Ste can't help but smile as Amy tells him about the kids. He misses them but doesn't want them to see him like this.

_"They miss you Ste. Maybe they can come visit next week?"_

_"I don't want them to see me like this though."_

_"I know but they need to see their dad. Please think about it?"_

_"Ok I will."_

_"Thanks. So anyway how's it been going here? Cheryl says you might be here a month or so."_

_"It's been ok. Just get tired of been stuck in one place all the time. But it's not that bad."_ Ste smiles subconsciously and Amy picks up on it.

_"What you smiling about?"_

_"What? Nothing."_

_"Ohhh Ste has a secret! Tell me!"_

_"No!"_

_"Ah ha! So there is something. Come on what?"_

_"Ok but promise not to go all crazy. And you can't and I mean you CAN'T tell anyone."_

_"Pinky promise."_ She holds out her pinky and Ste takes it.

_"Ok well my nurse right is well fit. He's bloody gorgeous. You remember him right? You met him the first time you were here."_

_"Oh the tall Irish guy right. Brendan was it?"_

_"Yeah him. What do think?"_

_"I don't know I barely saw him for 5 minutes. He's pretty hot. How's he like?"_

_"Sarcastic as fuck. It's funny though. He was a little cold at first but I think we're friends now. He's interesting but he's kind of all over the place."_

_"What you mean?"_

_"I don't know. Something's off with him."_

_"Maybe you're just reading too much into it. He's probably fine. Anyway do you think he likes you? Wait is he even gay?"_

_"I don't know! I can't tell!"_

_"Gaydar Ste. Which way?"_

_"No bloody clue. It's like at one point I think he is then right afterwards I think he's not."_

Amy is about to respond back when Stes door opens and Brendan walks in. Ste can see it in Amy's eyes that she is about to do something and he gives her a look to say please don't.

_"Oh sorry didn't know you had visitors. Think we met before."_

_"Yeah on Monday when he was brought in. Names Amy. Nice to see you again."_

_"Same here. I'll come back later don't want to use up your visitation time."_

_"No no it's ok. I actually was about to go and pick up our kids. Can I ask you how he is doing?"_

_"He's fine. Nothing new really. I'm about to take him to do an MRI and see if his body is healing. After that we could probably tell you a better estimate of how long he will be here."_

_"That sounds great. I should really be going."_ Amy stands up and starts grabbing her things she gives Ste a hug and then pretends to be looking for something. _"So Brendan has Ste been giving you any trouble?"_

_"Nope perfect patient."_

_"Really? He sometimes is a hassle. Stubborn."_

_"I can tell."_

_"So you two getting along well then?"_

_"Erm I guess you could say that yeah."_

_"Spend a lot of time with him?"_

_"Ames."_ She jabs him with her elbow.

_"Yeah probably more than my other patients. Why you ask?"_

_"No reason. Anywho I'm gonna go."_ She smiles at them both and walks over to the door. Brendan moves so he isn't blocking her way. Right as she gets ready to leave she turns around and looks at Brendan.

_"Quick question. Do you like Lady Gaga or Britney Spears?"_

Brendan looks at her as if she has two heads. He looks at Ste for a second than back at Amy almost trying to figure something out.

_"Neither actually."_

_"Alrighty then."_ She opens the door and waits till Brendan's back is toward her. She motions to Brendan and nods no and waves her hands in the air to emphasize NO. Ste just moves his hand to tell her to go.

_"What was that about?"_

_"I don't know Amy is weird sometimes."_

_"Right. So what is she again to you?"_

_"Mother of my children."_

_"So are you two still together?"_

_"Nope haven't been for a while. Works better that way."_

_"Right. Anyway how was your morning. Good?"_

_"Yeah it's been pretty good. Amy was here all morning so I had company. Yours?"_

_"Yeah it's been alright. Cheryl wants me to take care of that scan immediately so if you're ready we can go now?"_

_"Yeah I'm good."_

Brendan gets the wheelchair and easily lifts Ste onto it. He pushes him out of the room and starts moving over to the end of the wing. Ste looks over at one point and sees Jen coming straight towards them or more like straight towards Brendan.

_"Oh damn it. Steven get ready to move."_

Ste doesn't get time to even respond as all the sudden Brendan starts running down the wing. Ste holds on for dear life as he gets pushed. They swerve to avoid crashing into anyone. After Brendan makes the turn he stops and catches his breath.

_"What was that for?!"_

_"Nothing...just needed... exercise."_ He's panting hard and all Ste can do is imagine himself pressed underneath him as Brendan catches his breath on top of him.

_"Why you looking at me like that?"_

Ste comes back to reality and his face turns into a cherry red color. He can't look him in the eyes because all he can imagine is them in bed together. The headboard knocking against the wall as Brendan pushes into him. Stuff flying everywhere as they both slam each other into the walls in the midst of their passion.

_"Steven you wanna tell me what you're thinking of?"_

'You idiot' Ste thinks to himself as he mind went back to that. He wonders if Brendan can read his mind. What if he knows what he was thinking of? He needs to think of a good excuse.

_"Erm I was thinking of...of... you know... the umm... how big this place is."_ Oh yeah that's gonna do it.

_"Really? You sure you weren't thinking of how big something else might be?"_ Brendan is behind the wheelchair but is leaning over so that his face is next to Stes neck. Ste can't breathe and he knows he's failing at this horribly.

_"The rooms are pretty big to."_ Idiot.

Brendan moves back up and Ste swears he hears him say laugh. The most quietest laugh ever. Brendan continues to push Ste till they make it into this huge room with a giant machine right in the middle of the room.

_"Hiya love."_

_"Hey Cheryl."_

_"How you doing?"_

_"Good."_

_"Great to hear. Anyway Brendan is gonna go ahead and put you on that bed there and then it's going to slide inside and you just gotta stay still in there ok. Don't move."_

_"Got it."_

She exits the room and Brendan moves him over next to the machine.

_"Alright hold onto me again while I move you up here yeah."_

Ste hooks his arms around Brendan's neck and he gets lifted up onto the bed. Ste sees Cheryl through the window just looking at them both.

_"Ok so this thing is gonna move back and surround you. You really gotta stay still though or it'll mess up the results. As soon as it's done it'll pull you back out ok. Got any questions?"_

_"Nope think I'm set." _For some reason Stes hand reaches out and touches Brendan's hip. Brendan doesn't seem to notice as he adjusts Ste one more time. But Ste knows Cheryl sees it. Her eyes are glued onto his hands and he can't read what she might be thinking. As soon as Brendan turns she looks the other way. He walks out and joins Cheryl in the other room. The MRI goes by smoothly and Brendan is in there again lifting Ste back onto his wheelchair. Ste doesn't remove his arms off Brendan's neck this time. Brendan moves his neck left and right to signal for him to let go but Ste ignores him. Before Brendan can say anything Cheryl walks in.

_"Something wrong with your arms love."_

They both separate and Cheryl gives Brendan a look. Ste can't tell what kind of look it is but it appears that Brendan knows what she is telling him and he rolls his eyes at her and goes behind the wheelchair.

_"Well I'll get the results later on today and let Brendan know to inform you. And umm Bren don't you have to go check up on your other patients."_

_"Yeah just gonna get him settled again in his room. Oh and Nick got discharged yesterday so I'm down to 3 patients again. Ste and Laura here and then Megan over in the north."_

_"Oh that's good. Was he ready to go?"_

_"Yeah he was basically at 100 % I couldn't do anything else for him. His body just had to adjust back to real life."_

_"Good job Bren! Go ahead and get Ste back into his room then check on Laura. I gotta talk to you afterwards tho."_

_"Fine."_

* * *

**Wednesday 4:45 PM**

_"Food or not yet?"_

_"Hello to you too."_

_"Sorry. Hi. So yes or no? Kind of busy."_

_"No I'm good."_

_"Alright let me know if you need anything. Ill check up on you in a bit."_

After about another 2 hours Brendan comes back in and sits down on the chair. He looks and sees Ste is sound asleep. He gets up and starts cleaning up the room a little. As he's cleaning the nightstand he knocks over Stes phone.

_"Ah fuck."_ Brendan looks and sees Ste shuffle a little but doesn't wake up. He picks up the phone and his curiosity gets to him he opens it up and sees 2 children as his wallpaper. They look like their dad. He looks through his photos and most of them are of his kids and a few of Amy and maybe one or two are some other people. He finds his contact list and goes through it. There is an array of names and numbers. He finds his name and clicks it. He deletes the number that was saved as it was his home number and he never picks that up. He replaces it with his cell phone number and saves it. Brendan closes the phone and places it back on the table. He looks around and can't find anything to do.

_"Screw it. Steven wake up."_ He taps him on the arm but he doesn't wake up. _"Steven come on."_ He taps him harder on the arm but still nothing. He gets up from the chair and leans a little towards the bed. As he does this his phone in his shirt pocket falls out. It falls into the rail on the other side. Brendan moves to the other side and tries reaching in but he can't. Ste is more on that side so he can't move the mattress up. He climbs onto the bed gently and tries to slowly roll Ste to the side. He places his knee in between Stes legs to balance himself. He gets Stes upper body to move over but then Ste flinches and jumps up causing him to collide into Brendan. When Ste opens his eyes he sees Brendan on top on him with his arms on either side of his face and one of his legs are in between his. He blinks again as he remembers his dream. Brendan doesn't move but he's eyes are half opened. They both hear footsteps walk into the room.

_"Well isn't this...cozy."_

* * *

**Forgive me for how freaking long this chapter is. I hope y'all are ok with the Cheryl and Brendan bit at the beginning. Now can y'all do me a small favor? I wanna crack the 50 point mark in reviews so please tell me if you liked it. Thanks =]**


	7. Chapter 7

**AN: *Waves* Thank you to everyone who reviewed! For the guest reviewers I can't thank personally, thank you! ALOT of Brendan and Cheryl in this one. I don't know if I liked how this chapter turned out so let me know =]**

**PS: The 3 or 4 lines that start with *** and end with *** are a dream. Didn't want to confuse anyone =)**

* * *

**Wednesday 7 PM**

_"Well isn't this...cozy?"_

Brendan's head drops slightly forward. Just his luck really. He whispers to Ste _"think of something quick."_ Ste nods and looks over at Noah.

_"Oh my god! What just happened?"_

Brendan looks at Ste dumbfounded as he has no idea where he is going with this.

_"Jesus I must have fainted again huh. Thanks for waking me up there Brendan. I'm good now."_ Ste motions for him to get off him but can see Brendan looking down and not moving. Brendan stares at him and quietly says _"I can't move. You have me trapped."_ Ste doesn't understand what he means until he looks down and sees that he's right. His own legs are wrapped over Brendan's and he has them interlocked. As if his own body decided to think for itself and not discuss this first with his brain. He quickly moves them and Brendan climbs off the bed. Awkward silence ensues as all three of them don't know who should speak first. Noah ends up breaking the silence.

_"So you fainted? Really?"_

_"Yeah. I haven't eaten all day that must have caused it. Silly me."_ Ste chuckles and is quite proud of himself as it comes out sounding believable.

_"Right. And Brendan as a nurse this was your first thought to do?"_

_"Yeah."_ That's all he says. One simple word. If Ste didn't already know it was clearly a lie he would believe Brendan. His voice comes out as confident and sure.

_"So you're ok now right? Don't need to check up on that? Might be something worst."_

_"Nope Im perfectly fine. Thanks tho."_

Noah gives them both one last look and gives Brendan a small smug smirk. He walks out of the room whistling. Brendan collapses into the chair beside the bed and leans his head back.

_"Thanks."_

_"S-okay."_ Ste awkwardly fumbles with his fingers. _"So umm why exactly were you on the bed?"_

_"Phone fell in between the bed. You were on top of it so I couldn't reach it. I climbed up to move you over. You woke up and slammed into me. I fell on you. And well you know the rest."_

Ste reaches into the side of the bed and sure enough there is Brendan's phone. He pulls out the phone and drops it next to him. _"Here."_

Brendan smiles at him and picks it up. _"Just for the record I didn't mean to actually fall for you...I mean on you. On you."_ Brendan shuffles in the seat and looks away. _"Anyway I'll go get your food. Don't want you fainting on me again do I?"_

_"Oh shut up at least I thought of something decent."_

_"Sure. Made me look like a terrible nurse...thanks for that by the way."_

_"If the shoe fits."_

_"Funny man. I hope I don't end up poisoning your food being as I'm awful."_

_"You wouldn't get rid of me."_

_"What makes you think that?"_ Brendan moves so that he is touching the side of the bed.

_"Well then who would you spend all your time with if I was gone? Huh?"_

_"I'm sure I could find somebody else."_

_"Doubt it."_ Ste looks at him and sees Brendan is deep in thought. He can see that his mind is trying to connect the pieces together. Brendan steps back and makes his way to the door.

_"Don't worry I won't poison your food...yet."_

* * *

**Wednesday 8:30 PM**

Click. Click. Click. Ste sneaks a couple more pictures before Brendan actually hears the phones camera go off.

_"What was that?"_

_"Don't know what you're talking about?"_ He tries to hide the phone in his hand and slowly move it behind his pillow. He gets caught.

_"Steven. Give me your phone."_

_"Nope."_

_"Fine just delete those pictures you just took."_

_"They weren't of you."_

_"Really? Ok let me see it then."_

_"Umm...no."_

_"Steven..."_ Brendan advances toward him and places his arms in either side of Stes body. _"If there not of me then let me see it."_

Ste shuffles up a little and hands over his phone. _"Don't go through me text though."_ Ste watches him as he looks at the screen with an unreadable expression. Brendan tilts his head and the corner of his mouth goes up.

_"And I quote 'They weren't of you' but all the 3 pictures you just took are of me standing looking at your chart."_

_"I was taking a picture of the umm...the tv. Yeah the tv. You were just in the way."_

Brendan takes out his own phone and snaps a picture of Ste. _"There were even now."_

_"Delete that Bren! I look a mess."_

_"Come on let me keep it. Please?"_

_"One condition. I want a picture of the two of us. Pretty please? With a cherry on top."_ He gives Brendan his winning smile and Brendan ends up moving next to him and leans down so that his face is close to Stes. Ste grins like a lunatic and Brendan gives what could be considered a slight smile. Brendan keeps looking at him as if he is observing him.

_"What?"_

_"You amuse me."_ Brendan moves Ste over a bit and sits down on the bed_. "Do you like me Steven-"_

Ste can't breathe and knows his face most look shocked. It feels like it has been ages since he said anything so he has to say something. Before he is able to speak Brendan continues.

_"As a nurse Steven?"_

_"What? Oh...right...nurse. Yeah. Umm...yeah." _Ste sees Brendan grin and then he gets off the bed. Cheryl comes inside his room and looks aggravated.

_"Hi love how are you?"_

_"Fine...good. Yeah."_

_"Heard you had an incident earlier. You fainted did you?"_

Brendan sighs and mumbles something under his breath. _"So what did the amazing Noah say?"_ Sarcasm riddled all over his sentence.

_"Well he walked in and found you on top of your patient in a rather intimate position."_

_"It's not what it sounds like."_

She gives Ste a death glare and then turns her attention back to her brother. _"So what was it then?"_

_"I dropped my phone through the bed rails and I was just trying to get it out."_

_"Out of what? His pants?"_

That's when Ste sees something he has only seen in Brendan one time. A vein on the side of his neck starts protruding out. His hands starts to clench and those amazing blue eyes lose their color and turn black. There's rage there and he wants to get out of this room.

_"Let me talk to you outside Cheryl."_

Ste notices that Cheryl isn't backing down; in fact she's just as mad as her brother. It's like 2 trains are about to crash into each other and no one is hitting the brakes.

_"No were going to my office. Now."_

They both exit the room slamming the doors on their way out. Ste finally lets out the breathe he didn't know he was holding.

_"Now you're really pissing me off Brendan! Do you not know the whole patient nurse rules?"_

_"Yes! I didn't break any of them."_

She paces back and forth as she tries calming down. _"Look anything you do reflects back onto me-"_

_"Don't you dare say that to me. I heard it enough times in my life."_

_"I didn't mean it that way. It's just do you realize how much I have put into getting you a job here. Put my neck on the line for you. The board didn't even want you back after your leave of absence but I pleaded and begged. And then this is how you repay me?"_

Brendan takes a seat but doesn't say anything. Cheryl sits down on the armchair and wraps her arm over his shoulder.

_"Sorry. I honestly didn't do anything though. If you want I'll go talk to Noah and beg him to keep quiet or something."_

_"No I'm sorry. I'm not gonna have you go begging to that asshole. I already spoke to him anyway. Just forget it. Go check up on Ste before he reports us both."_

_"He might report you but not me. He's gonna give me a perfect score as a nurse."_

_"Brendan pay better attention to his body language."_

_"What you mean?"_

_"Oh nothing."_

* * *

**Wednesday 9:14 PM**

When Brendan returns he sees that once again Ste is asleep. Ste has a smile on his face and Brendan wishes that one day he would be able to sleep at night and actually be at peace. Instead when he sleeps he knows he is frowning the whole time. He knows that he is never still. He knows his hands turn into fists. He tosses and turns. Over and over. Wakes up every hour screaming his lungs out. He's not in peace. Ever.

Brendan goes over to Ste and watches him for a second. He looks deep in sleep so he doesn't want to wake him up. He takes out a piece of paper and leaves him a note.

_"Why do you always fall asleep on me? I have no one to talk to now. I'll be here till 10:30 so if you wake up before then can you call me back. Ill swing by before I leave. I'm off tomorrow so see you Friday. You got my number if anything comes up. Have a goodnight. Brendan."_

He lightly moves Stes fringe off his face and then places the note under his phone and walks out the room.

* * *

**Thursday 4:23 PM**

_"Seriously Brendan how do you lose your fucking medicine!"_

_"Stop screaming at me like a damn child!"_

_"Stop acting like one then!"_

_"You know what I don't even need them. I'm fine."_

_"Are you? Is that why you keep looking over your shoulder every time you hear any noise huh. Oh how about how you keep having outbursts of anger. You're shaking, trembling, unsteady, you're going insane! But yeah you're FINE!"_

_"SHUT UP! GET OUT OF MY HEAD!"_ Tables go flying through the air. Glass vases shatter all over the place. Picture frames fall to the floor. Punches get thrown against the walls.

_"BRENDAN! BRENNNDANN SNAP OUT OF IT!"_ Cheryl comes running faster than she ever has. She runs right over the glass and the broken wood. She stands right in front of her brother and doesn't move as he gets ready to throw another frame. She grabs him and holds tight. _"STOP. STOP. STOP!"_ He drops the frame and collapses on the floor. He starts shaking uncontrollably. Cheryl holds him throughout it while repeating _"Breathe. Breathe. Breathe."_

* * *

**Thursday 5: 54 PM**

_***"You should have learned to keep your mouth shut. Now you're gonna pay the price."_

_"I can't...I...breathe. Let go. I...can't breathe." You can feel the life going out of you. Your struggling to free yourself as the force against your neck tightens. You push and kick but it's no use. "I'm sorry...please...I.. won't say...anything...I'll do what you want."_

_"BRENDANNNNN!" You hear her scream and then everything goes black.***_

Brendan wakes up from his sleep with sweat all over his forehead. He looks around and sees he is in his room at Cheryl's place. It's quiet so he goes and takes a shower. He dries himself off and then does his usual routine and applies his cream all over his left arm and part of his upper back. Once that's dry he puts ok a white T-shirt and jeans and makes his way downstairs. Cheryl is picking up the large pieces of glass and moving things back in their correct space.

_"Be careful there's glass everywhere. Made you some food. It's on the table."_

_"Thanks."_

She doesn't answer him back as she continues cleaning. After he finishes eating he comes over and helps her. They pick up the broken picture frames and remove the pictures and throw the frames in the trash. The coffee table is ruined so they toss it outside. Once all the large glass is picked up Cheryl vacuums up the entire floor, making sure they didn't miss anything. They both take a seat on the sofa.

_"I'm sorry sis."_

_"It's ok."_

_"It's not though is it?"_

_"No."_

_"I'll pay for all this."_

_"I don't want your money Brendan. I want my old brother back."_

_"I'm sorry."_

_"Stop apologizing! Just stop! You will never do anything wrong in my eyes. But you...you need help."_

_"I'm fi-"_

_"YOU'RE NOT FUCKING FINE! Get it through your head Brendan. This isn't normal. Do you know how hard it is to see my brother disappearing in front of my face? Do you?"_

_"So it's all about you then? You just don't want to see it is that it. I can leave."_

_"NO! Don't you dare turn this around on me. I will be by your side no matter what. I would help you through anything. For fuck sake Brendan I would help you bury a dead body if you asked. But I can't watch this anymore. I'm asking for you to go back to therapy."_

_"I'm not going to therapy again. NO! NO!"_

_"You think you can fix this by yourself then."_

_"I don't need them prying into my life again!"_

_"I understand. You know I do. Look I had to do years of therapy to get to where I am. And yes I will never forget that day, I still have the scar that reminds me but I'm ok with it. I'm able to be happy and smile and laugh. I enjoy life Brendan. Just give it another chance?"_

_"No."_

_"Fine."_

They both look away from each other and stare out the window. It's cloudy outside with just a small hint of sunshine coming through.

* * *

**Thursday 11:57 PM**

Brendan sits on his bed in the room and turns in the tv. His phone blinks and reaches over for it.

**From: Steven**

_Can't sleep. Bad day. BAD!_

For the first time that day Brendan smiles to himself.

**To: Steven**

_Same here. What happened there?_

**From: Steven**

_Got stuck with Noah. Lynsey called out. He was here all day just talking and talking. Irritated the hell out of me. I even said shut up at one point._

**To: Steven**

_That's my patient._

**From: Steven**

_Why was your day bad?_

**To: Steven**

_Long story. But punched the walk a couple times so wait till you see my hands._

**From: Steven**

_Do you need me to kiss them better?_

**To: Steven**

_That's not sanitary_

They make a couple more insults at each other until Ste says his medicine is kicking in and he's starting to get sleepy.

**From: Steven**

_See you today right?_

**To: Steven**

Y_eah. Got a different shift so I'll see you around 8 PM._

**From: Steven**

_Good. Have a goodnight Bren. And I'm sorry about falling asleep on you earlier._

**To: Brendan**

_No bother. Go to bed._

Brendan puts his phone back on the nightstand and gets up. He grabs another one of his medications and takes 1 pill. He lies in bed and waits for them to kick in. Soon afterwards he drifts to sleep.

* * *

**Friday 8: 15 PM**

Ste for the second time is breathless as he sees Brendan walk into his room. He's not in his scrubs like usual. He is wearing a tight fitting white shirt and dark blue jeans. And he has a leather jacket on.

_"Coming from somewhere?"_ Ste asks curiously.

_"Yep a date."_

Ste can't help but feel like someone just punched him right in the heart and then tore it out and threw it on the ground. _"Really?"_

_"No actually I just came from a friend's house and didn't have time to go back home and change."_

Ste now picks up his discarded heart from the floor and places it back in place. _"So you gonna work like that all day?"_

_"Would you like that?"_

_"Maybe."_

_"Only in your dreams Steven. Besides I rather not get blood or guts or puke on my actual clothes. I got scrubs in my locker so I'm gonna go change and I'll be right back."_ He smiles and then heads out. Ste slaps his head and thinks he should have taken a picture of him like that.

Brendan walks back in dressed in his black scrubs. Only this time he has on white Jordan shoes. He's wearing glasses when he comes in.

_"What! You wear glasses?"_

_"No I nicked them off another nurse. She's gonna be blind as a bat."_ As soon as he says that he bumps right into a chair. _"Bloody hell I can't see anything."_ He removes them and places them on the table. _"Ok so you ate already right?"_

_"Yep about an hour ago."_

_"Alright do you need anything before you go to bed?"_

_"I already slept for like 9 hours."_

_"When? Today?"_

_"Yeah woke up maybe 2 hours ago."_

_"Why would you do that? Now you're gonna be up all night."_ Brendan looks at him and raises his eyebrows. _"Did you do it cause you knew I would be here all night?"_

_"Don't flatter yourself Brendan. I was just sleepy."_ Ste just ends up smiling at the end and has to sustain his laughter.

_"Liar. So anyway who watched you earlier. Noah?"_

_"Yeah and what a pain. You try to deal with him for 9 hours straight. By the end of it I wanted to shoot myself. Don't you ever do that again."_

_"Fine Steven I won't have a day off the remaining time you're here."_ Brendan shakes his head at him clearly being sarcastic.

_"Do you have any days off soon?"_

_"Yeah 2 next week. I think Monday and Thursday. I might be wrong though. Oh and I got your results back. Turns out your healing quicker than usual. I think either Tuesday or Wednesday we might move you to the North Wing so we can start your physical therapy."_

_"Thank god. I'm sick of this room."_

_"I would be too. Look I gotta do some quick paperwork and check up on my other 2 patients. Entertain yourself."_

* * *

**Friday 9:23 PM**

The doors come flying open and Ste flinches and drops the remote right in the floor_. "Oh bloody hell."_

_"Bren ere?"_

Ste rolls his eyes and thinks to himself 'stupid bitch Jen has returned.'

_"He was but that was an hour ago."_

_"Do ya know if he had my glasses?"_

Ste looks over at the table and they are not there anymore so he lies. _"I didn't see him with them."_

_"I'm gonna kill him. He probably has them in his pockets. Although I wouldn't mind reaching in his pockets if you know what I mean."_

Ste just about loses it but stops as Brendan walks back through the door.

_"Jen nice to see ya."_

_"You took my glasses from the break room didn't you?"_

_"Did no such thing."_

_"I know it was you. I can't read my charts without them. Don't make me have to frisk you."_ She licks her lips as she says this.

Brendan quickly hands her back her glasses_. "You know I never understood why you use this wings break room when your area has one."_

_"It's quieter over here. Anyway what time you off?"_

_"Just got here so not anytime soon."_

Jens pager goes off so she says bye and runs out.

_"Well guess it's just me and you for a while huh."_ Brendan picks up the remote and switches it to Locker Up Abroad. He motions for Ste to move over and then sits next to him on the bed. _"So Steven tell me any little bit about yourself."_

_"What?"_

_"I don't really know much. So?"_

Ste gives him an odd stare but shrugs it off. _"Ok well I'm 23 from Manchester. I got 2 kids. Leah is 4 and Lucas is 2. Technically Lucas isn't mine but the guy Amy was seeing ran away as soon as he heard he was gonna be a dad so I just raise him as me own. Umm...I'm the owner of a deli. That's the basics."_

_"I knew all that. What do you like to do?"_

_"Cook. Spend time with me kids. I like wedding shows. Don't ask. This is weird but I like looking at the sky. You know the stars and moon and stuff."_

_"See that I didn't know. And it's not weird, so do I."_

_"Ok so tell me about you?"_

Brendan wouldn't even know to begin. _"I'm 26 from North Dublin. Cheryl's my older sister as you know. I have a daughter. I think she's 3. And I'm a nurse and physical therapist."_

_"I knew most of that. What do you like doing?"_

_"I don't really enjoy much Steven. I do like being alone though."_

_"Can I ask you something?"_

_"Yep."_

_"That ring. Is it a wedding ring?"_

Brendan stares down at his hand and gives a small laugh. _"Nope never being married."_ That's all he says. He doesn't explain it and Ste thinks he didn't tell him what it meant for a reason so he drops it.

Cheryl walks into the room at this time and her expression drops when she sees them both on the bed together.

_"Again really."_

Brendan gets off the bed and sits on the chair. _"Again it was nothing."_

_"Right whatever. Look the board of director is gonna be here tomorrow and you're one of the staff members he wants to have a private meeting with so you might have to stay over later than your shift. Or come back afterwards."_

_"Fine fine."_

_"I'm leaving for the day. Make sure to text me every couple of hours ok."_

_"I will. Chez I'm sorry by the way."_

_"No Bren I'm sorry. I didn't mean it."_ She goes over to him and gives him a long hug and whispers _"Im so sorry."_ She gives him a kiss on the cheek. _"Call me too ok."_ She looks back over at Ste but says nothing as she walks out. Once Brendan can't hear her heels anymore he turns to Ste.

_"So you said you liked looking at the stars right?"_ Ste nods_. "I'm taking you outside then. Everything good always happens at night doesn't it?"_

* * *

**I hated the ending of this chapter. And again I made it super long sorry. Let me know if y'all liked it or not. Also I asked y'all to help me get past 50 and you guys exceeded it and got me past 60! My new record I want is 75. Can you help? Review pretty please =]**


	8. Chapter 8

**AN: I'm so so thankful to everyone who reviewed, followed, and faved! All your reviews were absolutely amazing and made my day incredible. For that I can only say thank you! The reason I'm continuing this fic is because of you lovely people. A small little mention here but to the guest reviewer "Bagel" you my friend are hilarious and awesome! Thank you. Look at me rambling...everyone's saying get to the chapter already gosh I know I know lol. Enjoy =)**

**Note: Song used is "Runaway Train" by Soul Asylum**

* * *

**Friday 10:02 PM**

_"You see anyone?"_

_"Nope. I think we're in the clear."_ Brendan glances around the corner one more time before he hastily pushes Stes wheelchair down the hall. They both try to appear as normal as can be. Ste even starts whistling and then stops once he realizes that's causing more attention to be drawn to them. Brendan takes him over to the North Wing this time as he has another spot he goes to on that side. There are less people in that wing so they get through it quickly. He wheels him outside and Ste takes in the surroundings. It's a little smaller than the last spot Brendan took him but it's still a good size. Instead of one large tree there are a lot lined up against the walls, basically blocking the windows of the hospital. There are flowers everywhere; Ste can't find one spot that doesn't have any. A small little hill waits at the top so Brendan wheels him to the bottom so there is no risk of him accidentally rolling down the hill. Although Brendan says that would be hilarious. Once they get settled Brendan grabs Ste out of the wheelchair and lays him down on the grass while he sits next to him.

_"So how you feeling? Like your back and everything."_

_"Well if I try lifting myself into a seated position I get an excruciating pain all over my body."_

_"That's not good. How about your legs and arms? I know your right leg you can't move cause its broken and your left leg you told me just causes you discomfort right."_

_"Yeah basically. Umm my left arm hurts to move but I can bend it. The only part of my body that's fine is my right arm."_

_"Lucky that you're right handed huh."_

_"Yeah." _Ste looks up at him and the stars and moon are shining in his eyes. He has never in his life seen someone as beautiful as him. He turns his head when he sees Brendan looks at him.

_"What?"_

_"Nothing. Sorry."_ Ste starts blushing and hopes that the loss of daylight is concealing it.

Brendan doesn't say anything back but moves so he can lie down as well_. "So can you spot any of those constellation stuff?"_

It's a clear night and the stars are magnificently bright today. Ste turns his head every which way to try and locate one.

_"Erm...oh wait wait yeah. There."_ Ste lifts his right arm with ease and points to an area in the sky. _"It's called Cassiopeia."_ He sees Brendan squinting trying to figure out what he is supposed to be looking at. _"It looks like a W. They say in Greek mythology it represents the wife of King Cephaus who sits nearby. And that one is right above it, the one that looks like a house turned sideways."_ Ste looks over and still sees Brendan turning his head left and right trying to find either one of these.

_"You're such a dork Steven but I can't see any of these bloody things. Where am I looking at?"_

Ste mumbles _"idiot"_ under his breath but lifts his arm up again and traces the constellation with his finger. Brendan shuffles over as much as he can so he can see it.

_"I would be an awful star...what are they called? Star locator?"_

_"Astronomer Brendan."_ Ste grabs Brendan's hand and flicks his index finger so that Brendan is now pointing. He finds it again and traces the first constellation. _"See it looks like a W. That one is Cassiopeia. And right above it-" _Ste moves Brendan's hand up and traces the other one _"that one is Cephaus. Do you see them?"_

_"Yeah, I was looking at the completely wrong spot." _Brendan interlocks their hands before he drops them both down and releases his hands from Stes. _"So you really do like these things."_

_"Yeah I know this is gonna make me sound like a right loser but I actually have a book at home about stars. I don't know they just interest me and kind of makes you wonder about everything. Like what really exist in life. Or what's up there you know." _He realizes he is rambling and gets self-conscience. _"I'm talking too much ain't I? You want me to shut up?"_

_"No. I like it. Calms me I guess. And I don't think you're a loser for that. Maybe a bit of a geek but hey least your smart."_

_"I'm not even smart though."_

_"Steven I called an astronomer a star locater. I think you have me beat on this one."_

Ste feels that feeling again. The butterflies in his stomach. Everyone always calls him stupid, even the people he calls friends. But Brendan of all people, the person that he thought looked like he could kill someone with no remorse a couple days ago, is saying he's not.

They go quiet for a couple minutes and just listen to the surroundings. They hear crickets, owls, leaves falling, and trees swaying. Ste looks over to his right side and is actually shocked when he sees a single lavender rose in the middle of the other flowers. He plucks it out of the ground and throws it at Brendan who is still looking up at the stars.

_"Why'd you throw me this?"_ He picks it up and holds it up to see it better_. "It's lavender. That's weird."_

_"I know. I only seen them at flower shops. You know what that color means?"_

_"Royalty?"_

_"That's purple Bren and rose colors mean different things."_

_"Alright so what then?"_

_"It means love at first sight or enchantment."_

_"Interesting." _Brendan keeps looking at it. Ste notices he's not focusing on the flower at all but at what he just said. _"You want it back?"_

_"No it's cool looking. Keep it."_

_"Thanks...I think." _He whispers the last part but lifts himself up enough so he is able to place it on the wheelchair. _"Umm it's just about to be 11:30 you wanna head back inside?"_

_"Not really. Do you?"_

_"No."_ He stands up and starts walking up the hill. _"Wanted to do this when we got here."_ He lies back down at the top of the hill and rolls himself down it. For being a small hill he goes pretty fast and passes right by Ste, who is laughing his face off. He comes to a stop when he hits a small tree and then walks back to where Ste is in tears from laughter.

_"What are you 12?!"_

_"You know if you could you would have done it too. Fuck I got grass all over me."_ He stays standing up as he brushes himself off.

Ste keeps looking at him not being able to drag his eyes away from him. The light emitted from the moon is casting a weird light behind him and he looks perfect. He can't even comprehend how someone can look like him. Ste sees him move his hand up and down his body trying to remove all the grass but it's doing things to Ste and he hopes Brendan doesn't notice.

_"Is it in my hair?"_

_"What?" _Ste snaps out of his trance and doesn't even hear him.

_"Where were you a couple seconds ago. Steven land or something." _Ste rolls his eyes at that but Brendan just gives him a smile. _"I asked if any of the grass was in my hair."_

_"Oh sorry. Yeah actually, a couple."_

Brendan lowers himself to his knees and leans over Ste who is still lying down_. "I would just shake my hair but I don't wanna ruin it so can you just get it for me."_

_"Umm...yeah."_ Ste keeps telling him to keep calm. Relax. Don't do anything stupid. Brendan tilts his head over so that Ste can use his good arm and remove the pieces out of his perfectly styled hair. _"Bren I can't get the front. Move your head to face me."_ Brendan tilts his head back and looks straight at him and leans down a little more so that he has access to the front. Ste takes out any pieces he sees and moves his hand down Brendan's cheek and then moves it to the back of his neck.

_"What are you doing Steven?"_

_"Please."_ Ste pulls Brendan that extra bit closer without waiting for a response and meets his lips with Brendan's. He had described Brendan's lips as juicy, and he thinks to himself he was 100 % correct. Their wet from Brendan licking his lips constantly. At first Ste doesn't feel Brendan moving, in fact he can feel him tense up. He goes still. Ste just about stops until he feels Brendan's tongue swipe across his bottom lip and then he starts responding. Ste can't see anything after that, everything around him disappears. His heart feels as if it is going to explode. When he tries to push his tongue into Brendan's mouth he feels him stop again. This time Brendan completely stops and moves away. Ste opens his eyes and sees Brendan stand up quickly and run his hands through his hair.

_"I'm...sorry...Bren. Should I have not-"_

_"Forget it. Just...I got to get you back inside before anyone notices."_ Brendan moves slightly slower to him and motions for Ste to grab onto him. The whole time Ste can feel how incredibly tense he is. He gets placed back onto his wheelchair and this time Brendan doesn't even take the extra time he usually does to adjust him. They don't speak to each other all the way back to his room.

* * *

**Saturday 12:17 AM**

The awkward silence is dreadful. Brendan is writing in Stes chart to detail how is back is still poor. They have been back in the room for about 10 minutes and no one has said anything. Ste turns on the tv to drown out the silence. Of course just their luck when he turns it on _"Queer as Folk"_ is showing. Not to mention it's on a very X-Rated scene.

_"Oh god."_ Ste fumbles with the remote trying to change it but ends up turning up the volume. Now instead of silence filling the room it gets replaced with loud moaning noises.

_"Can you turn that off?"_ Brendan sounds annoyed already.

_"What do you think I'm doing?"_ He hits the previous button and it switches to _"Days of our Lives."_ Ste thinks to himself that this would have been a decent show to switch to if it hadn't been for the fact that right at that moment a guy and his boyfriend were discussing their first time together.

_"Are you fucking kidding me. You doing this on purpose?"_

_"Yeah Brendan I called the tv stations themselves and got them to play these two shows at exactly the time we got back. Of course I'm not!"_ He ends up switching it again and sticks to the news station.

_"Yeah whatever. Look I'm gonna take a break real quick. I'll be back in an hour or something."_ Brendan places the chart back in its spot in front of the bed and avoids eye contact as he heads to the door.

_"Really Brendan? We need to talk."_

_"Nothing happened ok. Just...can you just drop it."_ He doesn't wait for a reply and walks out the door leaving Ste to think about what just happened. He keeps replaying it over and over in his head and even though he is slightly mad at him he can't help but smile. He runs his finger across his bottom lip and still feels Brendan's lips on his. He relaxes and switches the tv back to _"Queer as Folk."_

* * *

**Saturday 12:30 AM**

Brendan is heading in the direction of the break room and turns the corner only to slam straight into someone.

_"Ah shit sorry sis wasn't paying attention. What are you doing back?"_

_"It's ok. There was some sort of pile up on the highway and a couple people were brought in to the ER so they called me in. I just got here a little bit ago just waiting for the ambulances to come. What's wrong with you?"_

_"What?"_

_"You seem...different."_

_"Different how?"_

_"I don't know you just look different I guess. Kinda tense and a little warm."_ Cheryl goes to touch his forehead but he moves away.

_"I'm fine. Just getting used to this shift is all."_ He knows she won't believe that as he has had many of these shifts before. She must not be too concerned as she doesn't ask any more questions on the matter.

_"Anyway so remember I told you the board of director is coming later on today right? He's gonna be here at 8 I believe so I just told him you would meet him in the afternoon since you get out at 6."_

_"I could have stayed over."_

_"No I rather you not speak to him after a 10 hour shift."_

_"Good point. What does he want to talk to me about anyway?"_

_"I don't know. What did he talk to you about 6 months ago?"_

_"Something about trying harder I think."_

The doors come swinging open as stretchers full of people come through. _"Looks like there here. Gotta go!"_ Cheryl waves and follows the rush of nurses. Brendan walks outside to the parking lot and gets inside his car. He turns on the radio and reclines his seat back.

_'Can you help me remember how to smile? Make it somehow all seem worthwhile. How on earth did i get so jaded? Life's mysteries seem so faded. I can go where no one else can go, I know what no one else knows. Here I am just drownin' in the rain with a ticket for a runaway train'_

Brendan looks out the window and sees a tall slim man in a long plaid trench coat. He stares at him as the man walks to his car and then drives away. Brendan's mind keeps remembering the trench coat. Brown with black plaid lines. It keeps replaying in his head over and over again. He closes his eyes for a second with the image engraved in his head.

* * *

_*** You walk into your house hoping his not here. His car isn't outside so you assume he's out at a pub or better yet somewhere in a ditch, dead. You place your book bag on the counter and take a seat on the couch. It looks like no one is here. It's quiet. You look over to the kitchen table and see a coat there. An ugly brown trench coat. You never saw it before though. That's when you hear the garage door open and close._

_"Ah Brenda. I was wondering where you were."_

_"Sorry Da I was just at the pier."_

_"Who with?"_

_"No one." He knows your lying to him._

_"Really. You weren't with your friend Pete?" He emphasizes Pete and makes sure you hear the disgust in his voice._

_"No."_

_"He's always around you. Seems strange he wouldn't be there today."_

_"We're just friends. I told you this a thousand times!" You don't know why you raised your voice at him but it's too late and you see him approaching you._

_"Boy don't you speak to me in that tone."_

_Before you can apologize you're thrown onto the floor and you cover your face in fear. You don't feel anything happening so you open your eyes to see your dad grabbing that coat. He walks over to you and within a second he has it over your face. You're screaming and shouting "PLEASE DON'T." It hasn't worked in the past and you don't know why you even still believe he will listen to you. The coat pushes against your face and you smell the smoke on it. Makes you nauseous. Then you feel the impact of a punch straight to your ribs. Then again. And again. It stops and you think it's over. You breathe again but the coat still stays in place. Then you hear that familiar noise of metal clanking.***_

* * *

Brendan wakes up slamming his head on to the top of the car. He tries getting his breathing under control but he can't. He's panicking. He fumbles through the car and finds what he's looking for. He takes a pill and swallows it without any water, but it won't take effect immediately. _"Breathe"_ he keeps telling himself. He looks up again and his vision is blurry. It's the tears clouding his vision. He closes his eyes again to try to pull himself together and then hears the driver's side door open. Brendan looks over and sees the blonde curls. As if sensing her brother was in trouble. She shuffles in and brings his head into her shoulder. She doesn't say anything and they both remain in there in silence. After a while Cheryl pulls away and looks at Brendan.

"_You ok now?_

"_Yeah I'm good. How did you know I was out here?_

"_Sisters intuition. Well that and I saw you walking out and I don't know you seemed lost when I was talking to you so just wanted to make sure you were ok. You want to tell me what happened?"_

"_Nothing happened."_

"_Really? You're gonna do this again Brendan. When are you gonna admit that you're not fine?" _Cheryl gets out of the car but just crouches outside so that she's still looking straight into his eyes.

"_I don't get why you think I'm not fine."_

Cheryl laughs as soon as he says that but there's no emotion behind it. It's one of those laughs without anything to it. _"You're right Brendan I don't have any reasons at all. Not even the one where I walk out and see you in tears."_

"_It wasn't tears." _Brendan can't look at her anymore so he just stares straight ahead.

"_Sure sure. Look Brendan what is it going to take for you to realize you need someone in your life that you can open yourself up to? You obviously aren't going to tell me what's going on in your head but you need to tell someone. I don't want to wake up and not have my brother there in my life. I love you so much Brendan. So so much. This breaks my heart. Every time. I just want to see that smile again. The one where I could see it in your eyes. The one where it would lift me from my sadness. The one that would light up a room. I want those bright blue eyes to come alive. But you know what I see in them? Pain, hurt, sadness, fear. Please you need to see someone." _Cheryl doesn't realize that she's crying until Brendan wipes them away for her.

"_Do you think I want to be like this Cheryl? Believe me I would love to be normal. I don't want to be like this. I don't. But I can't Cheryl. I can't."_

"_Bren you are normal. You just need some help._

"_I'm not. I'm a freak."_

* * *

**Saturday 2:28 AM**

Ste is sound asleep. He waited and waited but Brendan never came back. He doesn't know if it was the medicine that made him sleepy or if it was his need of having this day over. Brendan walks in and notices that he's asleep. He still has 4 hours left in his shift and doesn't know what else to do. He takes a seat in the chair and turns on the tv. Luckily it was low in volume so Ste doesn't wake up. Brendan looks back over at Ste and gently runs his finger over Stes hand. He pulls away as Ste moves slightly. Doesn't wake up though. Nothing interesting is on so he drifts in and out of the show he is watching. He leans back and something slips out if his pocket onto the floor. When he looks down to pick it up there's the lavender flower. Brendan picks it up and lays it in the palm of his hand. There in his hand lies a rose without the lavender petals.

* * *

**Please don't hate me for this chapter...I gave y'all the kiss finally. But come on it's no fun if it was all good in the hood immediately. Review pretty please. Let me know if y'all still like this?**


	9. Chapter 9

**AN: I can't believe you all got me past 100 reviews! Seriously it means so much to me. Thank you to every single one of y'all! This chapter isn't my favorite, but I hope you enjoy =]**

* * *

**Saturday 3:36 AM**

Finally it's calm in the West Wing as all the injured people from the highway crash are being taken care of. No serious injuries so Cheryl checks on all of them one more time before clocking out, again. She text Brendan 4 times but he doesn't respond. She knows he's most likely fine, but there's always that part in the back of her mind that's shouting _'He's in trouble. I need to find him. I need to help him. Be the sister he deserves for once and protect him.' _So Cheryl checks everyplace she knows he would be at. The break room, the nurses' station, the schedule board, the cafeteria, and finally Stes room. He's nowhere.

_"Sean...Sean have...have you seen...Brendan?"_ She struggles to get the sentence out as she has been running back and forth in a panic.

_"Breathe Cheryl. He said he was going to the North Wing to start writing up a treatment plan or something like that."_

_"Oh thank god. What time was this?"_

_"About 30 minutes ago."_

_"Ok thanks."_ Cheryl gives him an apologetic smile and leaves. She doesn't want to get perceived as a crazy surgeon so she decides not to run there. She picks up her pace as she walks down a very deserted hallway. When the doors for the North Wing appear in her sight she says _'screw it'_ and runs. Luckily for her it's empty. It's completely different over here as there isn't much movement going on. Some lights are turned off to allow the patients to be more at rest. This though makes it difficult for the staff as she soon discovers when she trips right over a child's chair.

_"Fucking hell."_ Cheryl picks herself up and limps over to the nurse's counter and hopes Brendan is there. She smiles to herself as she sees the lamps on the counter are turned on. Right in front of those lamps is her younger brother, eyes glued to this paperwork. She doesn't want to surprise him so she lightly taps the counter to get his attention and waves when he looks up.

_"What you doing here?"_ Brendan puts down his pen and spins his chair around so he can look at her.

_"Well you never responded back to my text so was just checking up on you."_ She moves behind the counter and takes a seat on a chair next to him.

_"Sorry I got it back there charging."_

_"Oh ok. So what you doing here anyway. Kinda lonely."_ She looks around and it really is. There is no one here besides them two. If a pin was to drop you would be able to hear it. The lights in all of the patient's rooms are turned off.

_"I had to redo my patients' physical therapy plan. She kept complaining that it was too difficult so since I had time I figured I should just get it over with."_

_"Oh. Have you made Stes plan yet? We're going to move him over here in a couple days remember."_ She sees him tense up a little and then his eyes flick in another direction. _"What?"_

_"Nothing. I haven't made them yet. I'll start on them later."_

_"Is everything alright? I don't mean to pry but you two seemed all buddy buddy and now well...I don't know. You get into an argument or something?"_

_"No. Just drop it."_

_"Ok ok forget I said anything."_ She throws up her hands in defeat. _"I'm heading off then. Bloody exhausted. So just text me when you get out and then call me once you get home ok."_

_"Yep. Go get some sleep you look awful."_ Brendan gives her a playful smile and pushes her chair with his legs.

_"Oi you!"_ She has to grab onto the counter to prevent herself from falling off the chair. _"I do not look bad!"_ She walks over to him and hits him with a folder she found. _"Asshole."_

He gets off the chair and gives her a hug. She holds on longer than him and then waves goodbye. Brendan goes to the back room and removes his phone from the charger. He finishes up his paperwork and places it on the slot on the door of his patients' room. Brendan checks on all the rooms and makes sure all the patients in the wing are asleep. He walks out the door just as another nurse walks in. As he slowly walks back to the West Wing his pager goes off. Not once but twice. He picks up his pace and then full on runs when his pager goes off alerting him that there is an emergency.

Once he makes it back to the wing he sees a few nurses over by Stes room so he heads over and makes his way around them to get inside. He sees some blood on the bed and on Stes arm. Brendan realizes what Ste did. In a haste he must have woken up and forgot he was here and completely forgot he had wires attached to him. Ste managed to dislodge himself from two.

_"Get off me I'm fine!"_ Ste yanks his arm away from Noah as he was trying to inspect the damage.

_"Ste I need to look at your arm. You could have damaged a vein."_ Noah tries to grab his arm again but Ste still refuses. _"Stop that. You're being difficult."_

_"Am not!"_ He becomes almost childlike. Lynsey is there too so she tries to intervene but gets the same response, only Ste is more polite to her. Brendan sighs and moves over to him. Ste hadn't seen him come in. Brendan makes a grab for his arm but Ste shuffles away from him.

_"Can you stop? I just want to see your arm for a second Steven."_ He extends his hand and Ste reluctantly gives in. Brendan moves closer to see if anything appears damaged or bruised. He lightly presses on his arm and doesn't see any reaction from Ste.

_"Any pain?"_

_"No. I'm fine honestly. Just some blood. No big deal."_

The rest of the nurses walk out of the room except for Noah who is still standing by the bed. Ste stares at him for a second not knowing why he is still here. _"Mate I don't need you."_ It comes out cold but Ste could care less at the moment. He figures he will apologize later. Noah stomps out of the room as if throwing a tantrum.

_"I'm just gonna clean the blood off then."_ Brendan grabs a couple of wipes and disinfectants and cleans off the wounds. After that he reattaches the wires. _"Done."_

_"Ta."_

_"No problem."_ Brendan automatically sits down on the chair next the Ste without even noticing it. _"So what were you trying to do exactly?"_

_"Nothing. I woke up all disoriented and forget about these fucking things." _He tugs on them to emphasize his point.

_"Alright alright stop messing with them. There not attached with super glue you know."_

_"Like you care."_ He says it under his breath so unless you were right next to his mouth you wouldn't hear it.

_"What was that?"_

_"Nothing."_

_"Right. Go back to bed then. I guess I'll just stay here, keep an eye on you."_

_"Yeah sure whatever."_ Ste moves his head so that he isn't staring at him. After a couple minutes he's back to sleep. Brendan leans back on the chair a little and stares up at the ceiling counting down the time till he gets out.

* * *

**Saturday 5:18 AM**

Brendan's phone vibrates in his pocket and it wakes him up. He wasn't even that tired but in a room with nothing to do you might as well just sleep. He looks over and Ste is still sound asleep. He figures he won't wake up anytime soon so he might as well just leave. He organizes the room a little and then walks back over to Stes sleeping form. There is no smile on him now and he thinks maybe he has something to do with that. He shakes his head and gets the thought out of his mind. Stes hair is once again in his eyes so Brendan gently moves it away. He stares at his lips and very softly runs his thumb over his bottom lip. Ste suddenly opens his mouth and sucks on his finger for one second before Brendan moves it back.

_"Fuck you Steven you been awake this whole time?"_

_"No you just woke me up."_

_"Sorry. I'm gonna go."_ Brendan doesn't have to look away as Ste hasn't even bothered to open his eyes.

_"Fine but let me guess were not gonna talk about this either."_

_"No. Im sorry I didn't...it was a...I don't know...forget I did that."_ Brendan finally notices Stes eyes aren't open_. "Why aren't you looking at me?"_

_"Don't feel like it. When you leave make sure not to slam the door to hard yeah."_ Ste goes back to facing away from him and Brendan stands there for a couple seconds confused.

_"Umm ok. I'll see you tomorrow then."_ Ste doesn't respond to him_. "Erm...bye I guess."_ Again no response so Brendan just walks out leaving more confused than ever.

Brendan spends the remaining time in the break room staring at the clock. Once it hits 6 he clocks out, text Cheryl, and heads home.

* * *

**Saturday 6:45 AM**

Brendan throws his keys and wallet on the kitchen counter and walks upstairs to his bedroom. He takes a quick shower and puts on track suit bottoms and a white T-shirt and climbs into bed. His phone rings so he picks it up without even checking who it is.

_"Yes Chez?"_

_"Thanks for my call."_

_"I was taking a shower I was about to call."_ He turns on the tv and flicks through some channels.

_"How are you? Good day at work?"_ There's a bit a movement on her side so he assumes she's just getting up.

_"Yeah I'm alright. Work was the same as always."_ He turns off the tv once he realizes only the news is on.

_"Well I'll let you get some sleep. I told the board of director that you would be there around 5 or 5:30 so please please be there on time. Oww fucking hell."_ He hears something slam on her end.

_"What was that?"_

_"Nothing hit my elbow on the damn door. Anyway you'll be there right?"_

_"Yeah I'll try getting there early."_

_"Thank you. Have a goodnight. I love you Bren remember that."_

_"I know. Love you too."_ He hangs up the phone and lays his head on the pillow. He hears cars passing by outside and people getting up to start their days. Their happy days. He closes his eyes and tries to get some sleep.

* * *

_***"Cheryl can you pick this up for me sweetheart since your brother refuses to do it."_

_"Sure dad. Anything." She jumps off the sofa and starts picking up the random books and toys off the floor. "He's so lazy sometimes my brother is. Right dad?"_

_"Yeah. Yeah he is." Seamus stares straight at Brendan who is sitting on the very edge of the sofa with his knees brought up as if it's his only protection._

_"Bren come help me please." Cheryl skips over to him with a huge smile on her face. The ridiculously large bow in her hair almost covers one of her eyes. She touches his knees and he jumps back._

_"Don't touch me. Don't." He shuffles back a little and brings his knees up as far as they can go._

_"Ok sorry what's wrong with you." She tried to look into his eyes but he avoids them. He looks over to the side and sees Seamus flick his eyes to the hallway._

_"Cheryl honey could you go clean your room actually." He smiles at her warmly._

_"Erm ok. Is Bren gonna clean his too. It's a mess."_

_"He will in a bit. Don't come out of your room till it's spotless."_

_"Yes Da." She looks at Brendan one more time and lightly touches his hand then gets up and goes to her room._

_Seamus waits to hear her move things around as he knows once she starts she gets so focused on the task and spends a good hour on it. "Brenda get up." He moves to stand in front of him. "Now."_

_Brendan shakes his head and hugs his knees tightly. "Da Cheryl's here. Please not now."_

_"You think she honestly cares about you. Do you? She's disgusted by having you as a brother."_

_"No. No she's..." Tears start forming in his eyes but he holds then back._

_"Maybe I'll go pay her a visit then." Seamus turns around and starts walking towards her room._

_"No leave her alone."_

_Seamus walks back over to Brendan who is lifting himself off the sofa and he grabs him forcefully by the arm. He gets dragged through the hall and gets pushed violently into the room. The door slams closed hard so Cheryl stops for a second and walks out of her room to investigate._

_"Bren?" She doesn't hear anything back so she moves down the hall. "Bren? Brendan?" She gets spooked when Seamus opens his bedroom door and tells her he's fine._

_"Go back to cleaning angel."_

_She tries peeking through the small open crack in the door and she barely catches Brendan against the wall. "Can Brendan come help me clean my room?"_

_"No. Just go. He will be out in a second." Seamus closes the door and Cheryl just walks away._

* * *

**Saturday 4:48 PM**

Ste wakes up from his 3rd nap that day to see Brendan pacing back and forth in his room. He's facing away from him so he observes him for a while. He's wearing a green military style shirt with the sleeves rolled up and black jeans. His hair his once again perfectly styled.

_"What you doing ere?"_

_"Oh didn't know you were up. Sorry I can leave if you want?"_

_"Do you want to?"_

_"No."_

_"Ok then pull up a chair."_ Ste smiles at him and gets one in return. _"I thought you said you didn't come in till tomorrow."_

_"I don't work till tomorrow but I got some meeting with this head of director."_

_"What about?"_

_"I don't know. He's never liked me and I'm just waiting for the day I get the boot."_

Ste notices Brendan is nervous. His leg keeps going up and down and his eyes are deep in thought, as if he is practicing what to say.

_"I'm sure you'll be fine."_

_"Hopefully."_ Now Brendan starts to chew his nails so Ste has to stop this.

_"Stop being so nervous. Got an idea. When's your meeting?"_

_"5:30."_

_"Good we got time. Let's play a game."_

The nerves go away as Brendan stares at him completely confused. _"What game?"_

_"Truth or dare."_

_"You can't even move."_

_"Well mine will be a lot of truth then. You up for it?"_

Brendan shrugs his shoulders. _"Go on then."_

_"Ok so we get 3 passes each. Truth or dare Bren?"_

_"Why am I first?"_

_"Cause I'm injured."_

_"That excuse is gonna run out soon. I'll take dare."_

Ste was expecting truth so he has to think for a second. _"You're gonna hate me for this. You got Jens number?"_

Brendan's head drops as he knows what he's going to say. _"Yes."_

_"Let me see your phone."_

_"What are you gonna text her?"_

_"You'll see. Or you can pass."_

Brendan takes his phone out and pulls up Jens number and hands it over to Ste who has a mischievous smile. Ste types a small message and then holds onto the phone.

_"You gonna give it back?"_

_"Nope."_

_"So how am I supposed to know what you sent?"_ Brendan looks at him and it clicks in his head. _"She's gonna come over here isn't she?"_

_"Maybe."_

_"I hate you. Your turn."_

_"I'll take truth."_

_"You tell Amy about me?"_

Ste wasn't expecting that but it's an easy question_. "Yeah said you were my nurse didn't I."_

_"That all you said?"_

_"Well maybe I said you looked umm...intriguing."_

_"Intriguing huh. Ok."_ Brendan smirks at him as Ste starts blushing. _"I'll take truth this time I guess."_

_"What has Cheryl said about me?"_

_"Well she's talked about your injuries and that you seem very attached to me. Are you?"_

_"Well you're the only one that's here so I mean...I guess...but it's only...umm..never mind."_ Ste could have slapped himself as he basically just answered his question just by stuttering like a love struck teenager. "_Let's move on. I take truth again obviously."_

_"Is Doug just your employee?"_ Ste looks at his eyes and for once he thinks he can read them. He detects a very small ounce of jealousy in them. But just as soon as it's there it disappears. The blank eyes come back to the front and he becomes unreadable again.

_"We dated for a month but he was too needy and clingy. Then I apparently forgot to tell him happy 2 week anniversary and he started crying. Literally hysterical crying. Bloody awkward."_ Ste looks over and sees Brendan actually smiling for longer than a few seconds.

_"He's just emotional Steven. What if I spend the nights crying myself to sleep?"_

_"You don't so it doesn't count."_

_"I know I don't but that's not the point."_

_"To bad I'm not answering it. Truth or dare?"_

Brendan crosses his arms and tries to look annoyed only to get Ste laughing at him. _"Truth."_

_"You said that ring wasn't a wedding ring so what is it?"_ Suddenly he feels tension in the room and sees Brendan sit up straight_. "You can pass Brendan."_

There is an internal struggle within him. One part of Brendan wants to just blurt it out and the other part is pulling him back in. _"No it's fine. Umm...my Ma gave...she gave it to me...a year before she...died. I try wearing it every day to remember her."_ He lifts his hand up but looks more depressed than happy. _"Anyway forget that. You're up."_

_"Dare."_

_"What the hell am I gonna have you do?"_ Ste shrugs his shoulders. Brendan stares around the room to try to find something. He spots something and goes to the food tray on the table.

_"Oh you bastard."_

_"We'll be even after this."_ Brendan peels it for him and then places it in Stes hand_. "Dare you to see how much of that banana you can get in your mouth."_

_"Ah Bren that's sick."_

_"Oh I'm sure you done worst. Go ahead."_ Brendan focuses right on him and motions for him to start. Ste gives him a fake evil eye and opens his mouth. He slowly starts putting in the banana and stops half way. When he looks at Brendan he sees his tongue run along his lips. Ste looks him straight in the eyes and moves the banana further in. He hears Brendan's breathing hitch. Ste decides to get into it more but before he can the door comes flying open and he almost chokes on it.

_"Brendan I just got your text."_ Jen looks like she just ran all the way. She's out of breath and her hair is all over the place.

Brendan keeps looking at Ste who is coughing up bits of banana. _"Need some water there Steven."_

Ste gives him the middle finger as he tries to compose himself. Once he gets himself together he looks over at Jen then gives Brendan a smile.

_"What exactly did I text Jen?"_ Brendan glances over at Ste for a second.

_"You know what you said Brendan."_ She pouts her lips and puts her hands on her hips_. "So when do you want to?"_

_"Umm do what exactly?"_

_"Don't get all shy on me now. Not after what you said."_ She starts walking over to him and Brendan pushes his chair back a little. A pager goes off and it turns out its Jens. _"Oh come on! I gotta go but I'll be thinking about it the whole day." _She winks at him and runs off.

_"So I think I'm gonna kill you after this."_

Ste explodes into laughter and it fills the whole room. Brendan takes a pillow and lightly hits him in the face. He catches the clock on the wall and realizes he's going to be late if he doesn't go.

_"I gotta go before Cheryl yells at me for being late to this meeting."_

_"You gonna come back?"_

_"If you're lucky." _He gives no emotion and heads off towards the director's office. When he gets there he takes a deep breath and knocks. When he hears a _'come in'_ he turns the handle and walks in.

* * *

**Saturday 5:27 PM**

Inside the office is Cheryl sitting on a chair against the wall and the board of director is sitting behind the desk.

_"Hello Brendan take a seat."_

Brendan ignores Cheryl and takes a seat in front of the desk.

_"How you doing today?"_

_"Fine Eoghan. Yourself?"_

_"I'm doing quite well thank you. So I called you in here to discuss your progress."_

_"I'm pretty sure all my patients have recovered well and there doesn't seem to be any problems."_

Eoghan looks over at Cheryl but she just stares at the ground. _"I'm not talking about your patients."_

_"Talking about me again huh. I'm not doing this a second time."_ Brendan gets off the seat but Cheryl manages to grab him before he leaves.

She whispers so softly so that Eoghan doesn't hear him. _"Please just sit there and listen. I don't care if you fake through all of it just sit back down."_

Brendan reluctantly sits back down. _"What do you want to know?"_

_"Well looks like when we gave you your leave of absence you were told to seek counseling."_

_"I did."_

_"Yeah you went to one counseling session and you never went back again. I wanna know if you intend to go back. I don't think a nurse should be crazier than his own patients."_

Before Brendan gets a chance to respond Cheryl bolts up from her chair. Fire showing through her eyes. _"Don't you dare speak to him like that. You got it?"_

_"Sis it's fine." _He tells her to sit back down and she doesn't take her eyes off Eoghan. _"I don't have any plans to go back as I think I'm perfectly fine."_

_"Really? The notes from the psychologist said you refused to open up and you were very uneasy. She also wrote that you been to counseling before when you were younger. What happened there?"_

Cheryl gives him a silent plea with her eyes and says no but it's too late as she sees her brothers' eyes go distant and she can't pull him out of it.

* * *

_***"Cheryl and Brendan Brady. The doctor will you see now."_

_Cheryl leads the way all the while holding onto your arm. You both walk in and see an elderly woman; she looks about 60, standing by a desk. She gives both of you a warm smile._

_"Hi my name is Ruth. It's a pleasure to meet you two. Please take a seat." She makes sure not to make any sudden movements or try to give them a handshake. Knowing what they both have gone through she knows the last thing they want is to have a stranger even touch their hands._

_Cheryl takes a seat and you take the chair next to her. This place seems safe but you keep thinking he's behind you so you stay on guard. You look behind you every couple of minutes until you just give up and concentrate on what the lady is saying._

_"So I believe Cheryl you set up this appointment. I went over a bit of your history and I just want to say I'm so deeply sorry for what you both went through. Whatever you want to say I'm here to listen. You don't have to tell me anything you don't want to ok. We will go at you're pace. Do you want to start Cheryl?"_

_Cheryl fidgets a little and looks past the doctor not making eye contact. "Umm we need help. I think we need help. My brother needs help. I...need help." Her eyes show nothing. Their blank and empty. "I saw things I wouldn't wish on anybody. I...I saw things being done to him that I wish I could take from him."_

_Brendan starts rocking back and forth but doesn't make eye contact with any one. Cheryl looks over at her brother and for the first time the doctor sees her eyes light up._

_"I saw...I saw our father...start taking Brendan's belt...off." She lifts her hands up and looks to be in a trance. "I had to do it."_

_"Do what Cheryl?"_

_Brendan finally lifts his head up and when Ruth meets his eyes she sees a broken soul._

_"His blood. His blood. My hands are covered in it."***_

* * *

_"Bren! Brendan."_ Cheryl snaps her fingers in front of him and Brendan comes back.

_"Sorry what?"_

_"Eoghan was saying that we should just look at different psychologist."_

_"I told you both no! I'm fine! What more do you want from me."_ This time Brendan walks out of the room and hears Cheryl apologizing in the distance.

* * *

**Saturday 6:07 PM**

_"You ok?"_ Ste sees Brendan hovering by the door.

_"I don't know."_

_"You can come in you know."_

Brendan stares at the floor the whole time while he makes his way next to Ste.

_"What would you do if everyone around you told you something was wrong with you?"_

_"Listen to them. Sometimes people see the things you can't. They may be wrong though but you'll never know until you give them a chance." _Ste lightly grabs a hold of his hand and runs his thumb over his skin. He moves his fingers up his arm and comes with centimeters of Brendan's scar. He looks up at him and meets Brendan's eyes. They show sadness and fear. When he tries to touch his scar Brendan pulls his arm away and settles back onto the chair and crosses his arms across his chest.

_"Do you think something's wrong with me?"_

Ste knows something is wrong with him but won't push it. _"I think your fine."_

_"You're lying but thank you."_

_"So you wanna tell me what's going on in that mind on yours."_

_"A lot of things but nothing for you to worry about."_

They sit there in silence for a couple of minutes only sharing a few glances at each other.

_"You ever think about how life would be different if you got a better beginning?" _Brendan breaks the silence.

_"All the time but I think if you keep thinking that it'll only destroy you over time. I think everything happens for a reason whether it's to make you smarter, stronger, wiser, anything really in life."_

_"What if it hasn't made you any of those things?"_

_"What has it made you Brendan?"_

Brendan looks at him and then runs his hand over his scar.

_"Broken."_

* * *

**Ahhh sorry that wasn't a very happy chapter huh. And sorry that there wasn't a lot of Ste. Was it bad? I hope not. And look how freaking long I made this chapter geez I apologize lol.**


	10. Chapter 10

**AN: I just sound like a broken record but I really can't say thank you enough to every single one of y'all who have taken time out to read this fic and review/follow/fav. It means so so much to me. Thank You! So here is yet again another long chapter oops =)**

* * *

**Saturday 6: 17 PM**

_"Broken."_

Brendan now is hunched over on the chair staring at the floor. It's deathly quiet in the room. Even the noise outside the room seems to be silenced.

_"So whatever happened in your life has left you broken right? Doesn't mean it hasn't made you strong though. What do you call someone that goes day by day as a broken man and still is able to help people? Who even though he himself may feel unhappy can make just about anyone laugh or smile?"_

_"I don't know. Guess I'm good at faking huh."_

_"So this right here-"_ Ste motions the space between them _"-is all an act? All fake?"_

_"No it's me. Well the portion of me that I don't mind revealing."_

Ste thinks to himself and gets an idea. _"Tell me something about your life that you don't like talking about."_

_"Why would I do that?"_

_"I owe you."_

Brendan finally looks him in the eyes and looks confused. _"What?"_

_"You're helping me get back on me feet. You're mending me. So I'm gonna help mend you. Mentally. So tell me anything. No judgments."_

_"No pity?"_

_"None. Lips are sealed." _Ste pretends to seal his lips and throws the fake key over his shoulder.

_"You're such an idiot Steven you know that right."_ Ste keeps on grinning. Brendan seems to be digging through piles and piles of memories to try to find one that isn't so bad to say out loud. _"I don't...you want a memory or...a feeling or what?"_

_"Up to you. I'm just here to listen."_

* * *

_"Brendan hurry up! You're so slow!" Cheryl runs back to you and grabs your hand. She pulls you towards the swings as you try not to show how much pain you're in. "You want me to push you?"_

_"No."_

_"Whatever." Cheryl gets on the swings as you just lean on the rail. She's laughing so loud and you wouldn't know she's 15 the way she's acting. "Are you ok?"_

_She catches you off guard and you just notice she's stopped swinging and is looking straight at you._

_"I'm fine."_

_"You don't look it. What's wrong?"_

_"Nothing."_

_Cheryl goes back to swinging but keeps her eyes on you. Seamus walks out the back door and stands there observing you two. Cheryl waves at him and gets one in return. You don't move and she sees you._

_"Say hi to dad Bren."_

_"No."_

_She comes to a sudden stop and gets off the swing. "I don't know what's been wrong with you lately but stop taking it out on him. I agree with him you don't let him in Bren. You're his son act like it." She starts walking away from you._

_"You're choosing him than?"_

_Cheryl turns back and shows no emotion. "Right now, yes." She sprints back to the house and gives Seamus a huge hug. Over her shoulder he gives you a smug smile. When she goes back in the house you decide to head in. Seamus is still standing by the doorframe when you reach the house._

_"See Brenda she doesn't care about you. She will never choose you over me." He gives you a sick smile and he whispers "Brenda. Brenda. Brenda" as you pass by._

* * *

Ste keeps looking at Brendan but doesn't say anything. He's waiting for him. He's not pushing for more. There's no judgment in his eyes or pity. All Ste is doing is listening. He wants to take all the weight off Brendan's shoulders and put it on his.

_"He always made me feel weak. I still think I am."_

_"Brendan come here."_

Brendan gets off the chair he's been nervously sitting on and stands next to Stes bed.

_"Help me up."_

Brendan detaches the wires and gently moves Ste into a seated position before he lifts him off the bed. He makes sure to keep a hold on him to keep him balanced.

_"See what you just did there."_

_"Well yeah I'm not blind."_

_"Shut up. I mean without any struggle you lifted me right up. You're not weak Brendan you just have it engraved into your mind that you are. I think your mind is so jumbled up in there-"_ Ste taps Brendan's head _"-that you can't see the reality. The reality is you are letting someone who shouldn't matter to you still dictate your life. Brendan you're not 11 anymore. You're not that kid that he tried to belittle. And...don't ever think you're weak. You're stronger than anyone I know. Start believing that."_

Brendan nods and smiles at him. _"Thank you."_

_"No problem. Now do me a favor and put me back on the bed my leg is killing me."_

_"You idiot."_ Brendan lifts him straight up and settles him in. Cheryl walks in a couple seconds later.

_"Hi Ste. Bren you about ready to go?"_

_"Yeah was just about to head out."_

_"Me too. You wanna just stay over tonight."_

_"That's fine."_

_"Good. I'm gonna go so I'll see you at home."_ She gives him a hug and then waves at Ste as she leaves.

_"I'll see you tomorrow at 2 though. I'm gonna start early on you with this physical therapy. I think you're ready for it."_

_"So I actually have to do something tomorrow?"_

_"Yep can't have you be lazy all the time." _Brendan lightly touches his arm as he makes his way towards the door. _"Oh so what do I owe you for our mini therapy session?"_

Brendan looks at the smile Ste has on his face and bluntly says _"No."_

_"You're no fun. Not even a small one."_

_"You got a small one last time and I wasn't even ready for it."_

_"Sneak attack."_

Brendan gives him another one of his signature unreadable expressions and walks out. Ste shuffles down onto his bed and closes his eyes. A second later he hears the doors open again. When he opens his eyes he sees Brendan walk back in looking down at the floor. When he reaches Stes bed he leans over and quickly joins his lips with Stes. It's just a peck and Brendan only lets it last for a few seconds before he pulls back. They both lock eyes and suddenly Brendan moves towards his neck. He seems to hesitate before he places his lips onto Stes neck right below his ear. He slowly starts sucking and then increases the suction. Ste moves his hand and accidentally touches Brendan's arm right on the scar. The loud pop Ste hears alerts him that Brendan immediately stopped.

_"I'm sorry. I didn't mean to touch you there."_

_"It's fine Steven. I have to go anyway."_ He makes his way back towards the door but stops and faces Ste again. _"Next session I promise it'll be better."_ He winks and walks out. Brendan leaves not knowing Cheryl came back and watched their whole interaction.

* * *

**Saturday 7:45 PM**

Cheryl pulls up to her driveway in her Lexus LX and sees Brendan sitting by the front door waiting for her.

_"I thought I gave you a key."_ She shouts from the car as she climbs out.

_"You did but there at my house."_ He gets himself off the concrete step and dusts his jeans off. _"Besides how did you manage to get here after me? You left a good 10 minutes before I did."_

_"Well you drive like a maniac Bren you probably passed me on the highway."_

_"Fair point. Anyway come open the door. Freezing out here."_

_"Yeah yeah hold on."_ She goes to the other side and gets her purse while Brendan jumps up and down trying to warm himself up. _"Why didn't you wait in your car? Put the heat on."_

_"Did not even think of that."_

Cheryl throws the keys at him and grabs her remaining items as Brendan opens the door. They both enter and put all their stuff on the kitchen counter. Cheryl prepares dinner as Brendan puts on a movie. She brings over 2 plates of spaghetti and takes a seat next to her brother. Brendan makes a mess like usual while Cheryl almost chokes on her food laughing at him.

_"Bren have you ever heard of the word chew."_

_"Yep. And it's a useless word."_ He continues to drip sauce all over his mustache and mouth. Cheryl hands him a napkin and ignores his mess as she focuses back on the movie. Once they finish with their dinner Cheryl takes the dishes and goes to wash them as Brendan picks out a show.

_"So umm Eoghan talked to me after you left."_ She says as she takes a seat back on the sofa.

_"Great. What did he say? Let me guess I still have problems."_

_"Basically."_ She turns herself sideways so she can look straight at him. _"Umm he said you seem worse than the last time you two had a meeting."_

_"How's that? If I remember correctly last time I called him a fucking arrogant prick and then almost broke the door on the way out. I think this meeting was an improvement."_

_"True. But he seems to think that you're suppressing your feeling and memories and it's gonna lead to another breakdown."_

Brendan feels his anger coming to the surface so he tries breathing slowly to calm himself. His hands start to clench into fists and then his body starts to tremble. Cheryl sees it happening. She's losing him again.

_"Oh shit you didn't take your medicine. Brendan seriously why didn't you tell me? Where are they?"_ She jumps off the sofa and runs to his jacket. _"Damn it!"_ She fumbles with useless papers he has in the pockets and then drops three bottles on the floor. She grabs one in a rush. _"Fuck Ambien. I don't-"_ she places that one back on the counter and grabs the other one and rushes back over to Brendan. _"No no no! You gotta come back to me ok. Snap out of it. It's not real. It's just another episode. Bren!"_

_"I'm sorry Da. I didn't mean to tell her. Please. I'm sorry."_

Cheryl looks into his eyes and their blank. He's speaking exactly like himself only there is fear behind it now. He's gone back 10 years and is seeing it all over again.

_"Bren! Look at me please. He's not here. He's gone. He will never hurt you again ok."_ Cheryl grabs both sides of his face and tries to make him hear her. _"Come back."_

_"It won't happen again please Da. She won't say anything I promise."_ He stops for a moment and shuffles out of her grasp and pulls his knees up like he did when he was a kid. _"Cheryl! Don't touch her!"_ He starts kicking so Cheryl moves out of the way_. "Get off me! No! No! Please no it hurts. I can't. I can't breathe."_

Cheryl now panics as she sees Brendan gasping for air. _"BRENDANN! LOOK AT ME!"_ She leans over him and shakes him repeatedly_. "HE'S DEAD!"_

Brendan's eyes close and Cheryl sees his breathing start to come back to normal. A couple tears roll down his cheeks. He keeps his eyes closed and curls himself into a ball on the sofa as Cheryl leans down and covers him_. "It's ok. It's ok. Shhh. I got you. I won't ever let anyone hurt you again. I promise."_

* * *

**Saturday 8:48 PM**

_***Your dad had told you when you first moved into this house that there was a massive field a couple yards from the house. He said there was a forest and large crops. Miles upon miles of greenery. Turns out he wasn't lying. You have been walking for what feels like ages and you still haven't reached the shack. The fact that you can barely breathe isn't helping either. You can still feel the hands crushing your throat and you're struggling to breathe properly. You can only imagine how red your neck must look. There's blood all over you. Your face, neck, arms, shirt, and jeans. You can't tell whose blood is whose. You can feel your own blood dripping out. You can see Cheryl's and Seamus blood splattered on you. You think to yourself that you'll never wear these clothes again, that is if you even get to see tomorrow. After what feels like forever you think you finally are within distance of the old abandoned shack. Why would someone build this thing in the middle of nowhere? You think to yourself. A couple of steps down the road you trip on some of the uneven gravel and land face first on the ground. When you open your eyes you see a pink hair bow in front of you. There's blood on the very tips of it. You lift yourself up and grab it. You stick it in your pocket and hope it gives you some sort of strength. And if it doesn't at least when you die you'll have something to remind you that your sister was there with you. Till the end.***_

Brendan opens his eyes to hear Cheryl talking on the phone.

_"So is their anyway I can force him to go? What if I believe he's a danger to himself?"_

Brendan keeps quiet and doesn't move. He keeps listening to try and figure out who she's speaking too.

_"Thank you I would appreciate that. Let me get a piece of paper."_ Cheryl grabs a notepad and a pen_. "Ok go ahead."_

Brendan doesn't hear her say anything but he does hear her writing quite a lot.

_"Ok so the first step I have to do is go to the courthouse and fill out an application for it right?"_ There's a pause as the other person on the line must be responding. _"I wouldn't say its urgent but yes as soon as possible-so they'll let me know the hearing date and everything-and if he denies anything is wrong will he be able to appeal it-he would have to get a second opinion from who-I am a doctor! And I know he's not ok but he can convince any stranger he's fine-yes it pains me but I still want to go through with committing him-"_ after another long pause Cheryl finishes up _"-thank you so much for this. I'll go to the courthouse tomorrow if I can. Thank you. Bye bye."_ Cheryl puts the phone back down and Brendan hears her start to cry. He gets off the sofa and sees his older sister with her head on the counter muffling her tears.

_"I can't believe you."_

Cheryl jumps up in surprise and wipes always the moisture from her face. _"What?"_

_"Don't fucking act like you don't know. You're really trying to commit me into a mental institution."_ Her eyes go wide. _"Yeah I heard you."_

_"Look I wasn't going to I was just getting some information on it."_

_"You fucking said you were gonna go to the courthouse tomorrow! Do you know how much trouble that would put me in huh? I'll lose my job and then how am I even gonna pay my bills."_

_"I'll give you money."_

_"I don't want your money! I want you to leave you alone!"_

_"No! I'm tired of waiting for you to seek help. You're never gonna do it. I just want you to get better and you won't unless you speak to someone."_

_"I'm fine! Get it in your head I'm fine. I don't need a psychologist to look me over like I'm some crazy person who is seconds away from killing himself."_

_"I didn't say you were!"_

Brendan starts grabbing his things and goes for his jacket.

_"Bren come on. Why can't you talk to me? I was there remember! I should be the first person you should be able to talk to. Instead you talk to Ste about our dad-"_ she suddenly stops as she realizes she blurted that out.

_"You were spying on me when I was talking to him? Really Chez. I can't even have a damn conversation with him without you looking over my shoulder."_

_"I'm sorry but I wanted to know what was going on."_

_"Did you watch the whole conversation?"_

_"No I left when you were about to walk out."_ She decides to keep quiet about the kiss.

_"Stay out of my business Cheryl."_ He puts his jacket on and makes his way to the door_. "Don't you dare go to that courthouse tomorrow. If you do I'll never forgive you."_

* * *

**Sunday 4:30 PM**

Brendan and Ste had been in the north wing for about 2 hours already. Brendan was trying to get his arm strength back to normal.

_"Come on Steven it's not that hard just pull."_

_"Speak for yourself! I only just fell off the roof a week ago remember."_

_"So you keep reminding me. Just give me 5 pulls ok."_

Ste uses as much power as he has in his arms to try and pull a rubber band 12 inches apart. _"Bloody hell who invented this stupid exercise. These bands are thick."_ He gets to 3 and the rubber band snaps and hits Brendan in the face.

_"Didn't see that coming did you?" _Ste starts laughing as Brendan massages his forehead.

_"See now you're gonna have to give me 5 extra."_

_"You bastard."_

_"Shouldn't laugh at your therapist. 7 more. Here."_

Ste spends quite a long time finally finishing up his exercises. Brendan gives him a pat on the back and puts the band back up. He comes back and sits next to him on the floor.

_"You know the floor is bad for your back."_

_"Eh I'm sure it can't make it worst."_

_"Fair point."_

They relax and watch whatever tv station the other patients in the North Wing have on.

_"So Steven what are you planning to do after you get out of here?"_

Ste hadn't even thought that far ahead. He would never admit it but in a sick way he's glad he fell off the roof. If he hadn't he would have never met Brendan. He never believed in love at first sight until the day he met him and now all he can think about his Brendan. He just wishes he had a better indication on where they stood.

_"Go back to what I was doing before really. I miss me kids so I'll start by taking them to the park. Then I should probably check and make sure the deli is still up and running."_ Ste doesn't know whether or not to include him says screw it and goes with it. _"And maybe have a couple drinks with a nurse I met."_

_"Why would you want to have drinks with Noah?"_

_"You're hilarious Brendan! How no one has grabbed you is beyond me."_

_"People have tried I just refused."_

_"Why's that?"_

_"I don't know. Relationships scare me."_ Brendan wants to take that back as he's revealing too much of himself.

_"Nothing to be scared about."_

_"There is. You have to be willing to put your whole self into it. And...I don't think I can. I'm not...capable of that."_

_"Yes you are. You're just scared of opening up. You think if you start sharing things about yourself that people will leave. They won't Brendan. The people that care about you won't. I won't."_

_"Why won't you?"_

_"Cause...I care about you. I won't give up on you ok. I won't."_

_"How is it that the patient is giving his nurse advice? I think it should be the other way around."_

_"Let's just say you're gonna owe me big time."_

_"I'm sure I'll be able to repay the favors."_

_"Sounds promising."_

_"Doesn't it."_

Ste starts to lean in but Brendan backs up a little. Ste pouts and throws his head back to lean on the wall. Brendan looks around them to make sure no one is paying attention. He moves in and starts licking his neck all the way up to his ear where he bites on his ear lobe.

_"Tell me you want me Steven."_

Ste tries too but his voice seems to have disappeared. He lets out a moan instead as Brendan moves his hand onto his thigh. He slowly moves it up and then stops abruptly.

_"Guess you don't then."_

_"What?"_ Stes eyes are full of lust but he can't comprehend what's been said.

_"I told you to tell me you wanted it."_

_"Fuck you I couldn't even think straight."_

_"Good choice of words there."_

Ste slaps his hands on his face as he tries to get himself together. They both look down when they hear Brendan pager go off.

_"Patient calling me in the west wing. Shouldn't be too long so you wanna stay here."_

_"Yeah that's fine. You're not gonna forget about me right?"_

_"If I find someone better along the way maybe."_

Ste elbows him in the ribs. _"Funny."_

_"Don't worry I won't forget about you."_

_"Forget me not."_

_"What?"_

_"It's a saying Bren. Read a book for god sake."_

_"On second thought maybe I will leave you here."_ Brendan avoids Stes elbow this time and quickly gets up and runs away.

Ste goes back to watching the tv show. It's a cartoon show so he gets into it. He doesn't even notice Cheryl walk into the North wing and take a seat next to him.

_"Hi love."_

_"Oh hey Cheryl. Didn't even see ya. What's up? You're never over on this side of the hospital."_

_"I know. I'm on break and was coming to find Brendan. He here?"_

_"No he was just called over to the West Wing by his other patient."_

_"Oh darn must have passed right by each other. Shame." _She gets herself into a more comfortable position and starts watching the show as well. _"So Ste you and Brendan seem to be getting along. Good friends and all that."_

_"Yeah he's great."_ Ste lightly blushes but for the most part keeps it together.

_"Most of the times."_

_"What's that?"_

_"Oh nothing I was just saying that you know sometimes he has a bit of a violent outburst. Almost like he blacks out and doesn't know what he's doing. But I'm sure he's mentioned that to you."_

_"Umm no. He didn't have a reason too."_ Ste suddenly feels uncomfortable.

_"But I mean you are friends. You should know how he really is. I mean of course here at work he's gonna be more controlled but I'm his sister Ste and believe me he comes with baggage. A lot of baggage."_

Ste hadn't thought of how Brendan is outside of work. He figured he was probably the same as he is here. Sure he's seen him getting mad here and there but it's only been towards Cheryl and then they were back to being brother and sister.

_"Doesn't everyone."_

_"Of course. I have baggage too as I'm sure you do. But his is about 10 times as much as ours put together. Why do you think he doesn't have many friends Ste?"_

_"I don't...I don't know. I haven't really asked him about his personal life. He did say he liked being alone once."_

_"He does. But I love him. He's the best brother I could ever ask for. I would take a bullet for him in a heartbeat. Even though he's a little you know. Different I guess. Anyway I should be going."_

_"Yeah. Ok." _Ste starts thinking back on all the times they had recently.

_"Oh I wanted to let you know you're recovering faster than we ever could have imagined so expect to get out of here in maybe 2 weeks total."_

_"Yeah. Great."_

_"Yep. Oh last thing can you do me a favor. Bren gets a little upset when I talk to his patients about him so if you could please don't mention I talked to you. Thanks."_

Cheryl pats his arm gently and walks out leaving Ste on the floor to replay the whole conversation.

* * *

**Woooo that took me hours to write I hope you guys liked it =] Please let me know if y'all still like this fic so that I can keep continuing it. Thanks again for reading it =] Review pretty please?**


	11. Chapter 11

**AN: Thank you so so so incredibly much for all the reviews/follows/ favs! You guys are freaking AMAZING! Honestly =)**

**Special Mention: I wanna thank my amazing fanfiction friend AmberScanlan1234 for giving me an awesome idea for this chapter. You're beyond talented and brilliant! I can't thank you enough for everything! xx**

* * *

**Sunday 6:30 PM**

_"Come on Betty you can do it!"_

Ste has resorted to watching this Betty woman start to walk to ease his boredom. One step then two. Her physical therapist is overly excited and is jumping up and down every time she takes a step. She stumbles a few times and gets caught by him every time. He keeps on reassuring her and clapping like a seal to get her motivated. Ste can't take this torture much longer. Luckily he doesn't have to as he sees Brendan walk into the North Wing. He curses slightly when he trips over some exercise equipment and has to grab onto the counter to balance himself again.

_"Do you people not know how to pick up after yourself?"_ Brendan ends up picking it himself and moving it back to its proper spot.

_"Cheer up Brendan!"_ The enthusiastic physical therapist responds with an obnoxiously huge smile on his face.

_"Fuck you."_

Ste gives Brendan a thumbs up for his very witty comeback. Brendan just gives him a shrug as he walks over to him and takes a seat on the floor again.

_"Great entrance Bren. Couldn't have done it better myself."_

_"You know me always trying to make people smile."_ It comes out cold_. "So what have you been doing in the-"_ he glances at his watch for a second _"-30 minutes I been gone?"_

_"I sat here and watched the amazing Betty walk. It was riveting I tell ya."_

Brendan affectionately rolls his eyes at him and then out of nowhere gives him the fastest, blink-and-you'll-miss-it kiss on the cheek. He quickly then stares at the ground and avoids any eye contact.

_"You're adorable."_ Ste knows Brendan hates the word and eagerly waits for his reply.

_"Fuck off Steven."_

_"There's the Brendan I like."_ Ste freezes on the spot and silently wishes he could be sucked into a black hole right now. 'Well least I didn't tell him I loved him' he thinks to himself. Ste waits for a rejection. He's caught off guard when he looks up.

Brendan gives him a smile that reaches his eyes. It's the warmest, affectionate, genuine smile he has ever seen from him. Like always though, he doesn't hold it long and he goes back to being emotionless.

_"You wanna try to walk a little or should I take you back to your room?"_

_"I'll rather try walking a bit."_

_"Go on then."_ Brendan doesn't attempt to get up and instead crosses his arms across his chest.

"_Well I can't without-"_

_"Me?"_

_"You just love this don't you?"_

_"What? Being needed? Having full control over someone? Maybe."_ He moves to kneel in front of Ste and wraps his arms around him. _"I'm gonna lift you on 3 ok."_

Ste nods and holds onto Brendan's neck as he picks him up. Once Ste is balanced against the wall they start his exercises. Brendan lets him know he doesn't expect him to actually take a step on his own he just wants him to be on his feet again. He places one of Stes arm over his shoulders and steps forwards and waits for Ste to try to move his leg but he can't. They try it over and over again but don't amount to anything. Ste gets frustrated and gives up.

_"Hey it's fine. You haven't used your legs in a week so just standing up for as long as you did was good. I'm proud of you."_

_"Thank you. I'm proud of you too."_

_"For what?"_

_"Well you know for never lashing out even when you were in a bad mood."_

Brendan stares at him like he's talking in another language. _"I don't understand. Why would I lash out?"_

Ste looks around and makes sure no one is eavesdropping on their conversation. _"You know...your violent outbursts."_

_"How wou...I don't...I'm not..."_ Brendan struggles to even get out a coherent sentence as his mind starts racing. _"Who told you that?"_

_"Oh Cheryl came by looking for you earlier when you went to check on your patient. We got to talking and she mentioned that you sometimes lose it and black out."_

_"What else did she say?"_ Brendan's jaw tightens and his cheeks start to twitch.

Ste tries remembering the conversation as he doesn't want to put words in her mouth. _"Right umm...oh that you come with A LOT of baggage which is why you don't have many friends."_ Ste looks over at Brendan and sees the hurt expression in his eyes. The hurt soon gets replaced with what looks like pure rage. That's when Ste thinks he should have kept his mouth shut.

_"So do you believe her?"_

_"Erm... I-" _he gets cuts off before he can even try to explain.

_"You don't need to finish that. You answered my question. I'm taking you back to your room."_

* * *

**Sunday 7:45 PM**

Once again silence fills Stes room. Ste is back on his bed staring at Brendan who is glaring right back at him. They haven't said a word to each other since they left the North Wing. Brendan has his arms crossed over his chest while he chews his gum violently.

_"Are you just gonna keep staring at me?"_

_"I'll do what I want."_

This is a side Ste hasn't seen before. Not only is Brendan coming off as aggravated but he also has his guard up now. His walls have come up and Ste doesn't think he can break through them again.

_"Look I didn't mean to upset you."_

_"I'm not upset."_

_"Well you're not fine."_

_"You know it's really tiring to always be told I'm not fine. You don't know how I feel."_

_"I'm sorry."_

Brendan makes his way to the door but gets stopped when Ste calls his name.

_"The answer to your earlier question is no. No I don't."_

Brendan doesn't turn to look at him as he walks out. He sneaks into one of the handicap restrooms as they give more privacy and takes out 2 prescription vials. He puts one back in his pocket and then swallows 2 tablets from the other vial. Brendan decides to give it a couple minutes to take effect so he takes a seat on the cold hard floor. He ends up bumping his arm on the wall rail and it hits him right on his scar.

_"Shit."_ Brendan rubs at his arm and ends up making it worse. It's now redder than it was before. He stares at it and keeps putting pressure on it making him feel a slight burning sensation radiating through his arm. He digs his fingers right onto the most sensitive part of it and a sharp excruciating pain shoots up his whole body. Brendan closes his eyes and breathes deeply as he tries making the pain go away.

* * *

_***The footsteps coming up the stairs wake you up. You already have on your tracking bottoms so you quickly grab a white T-shirt off the nightstand and put it on. You sink back into your bed and pull the covers over you. The footsteps seem to trail off so you breathe finally until you hear them coming back your way. There is a very soft knock on your door followed by the whisper of "Brenda." The door opens and lets out a creak. All the lights are out but you see him. You'll never forget him. Pretend you're asleep you keep telling yourself. It doesn't work but you might as well try. The covers get thrown right off the bed and his hands grip your ankles. You're yanked right out of your bed and land violently on the floor._

_"Get up Brenda." Seamus lightly kicks you on the legs. He's clearly drunk as he stumbles every so often. You groan and try to get your eyes to focus. You're tired. Tired of dealing with this man. Tired of putting on a fake smile. Tired of telling everyone you're fine. You're tired of this life._

_"Get up faggot!" Seamus slaps you right across the face and lifts you up by your shirt. "I saw you today."_

_"What?" You really can't even comprehend what he is saying._

_"I was walking to the pub and saw you getting out of school. You were leaning against the wall."_

_"This story going anywhere?" The lack of sleep has clouded your judgment, because you would never disrespect your father like that._

_"Some kid bumped into you and YOU apologized to him. Why Brenda? Were you scared of him? Such a frightened little girl aren't you."_

_You remember what he is talking about. If he wasn't so drunk earlier when he saw this maybe he would have actually seen what happened. Not only did you not say sorry but the kid didn't even bump into you. Pete was sitting on the floor next to you with his legs out and the kid tripped over him and placed his hand on the wall next to you to keep from falling. Pete apologized profusely and then the kid actually said sorry to you for almost crashing into you._

_"Yeah Da." There's no point in arguing with him when he is like this._

_"You need to learn to fight like a man. I'm giving you an opportunity to throw a punch at me. Go on."_

_He sticks he's arms straight out and keeps motioning you to swing. So you do. Your fist collides with his mouth. You throw another one and hit him right in the eye. You swing again and hit him straight in the nose. He reaches up and notices his nose is bleeding then he spits blood out of his mouth and a tooth falls out. You swallow your own saliva and get ready for what you know is going to be the worst beating you ever received. Before you can even try to defend yourself his fist hit you in the jaw. He doesn't stop as you feel punch after punch hitting your face, neck, throat, chest, ribs, legs. He's on top of you now punching at your already battered ribs. You can't take it anymore so you say the only thing that sometimes gets him to stop._

_"Da I love you!"_

_That stops him and he gets back to his feet. "I wish you were never born boy." You roll over and he gives you one final kick to your back and walks out._

_You can't feel anything as you try to crawl back to your bed. You can't make it so you grab the covers that were on the floor and wrap it around yourself. You whisper out "I hate you Seamus." He doesn't deserve the title of dad.***_

* * *

Brendan opens his eyes and looks down at his scar. It's still red but that's normal. There's no pain so he gets himself off the floor before anyone decides to come in here. He quickly washes his hands and throws some water on his arm to cool it down. Slowly he opens the door and makes sure no one is around and quickly exits the restroom.

Brendan heads to Cheryl's office hoping she's there but she's not. He checks the board to see if she's scheduled for any operations and it shows she's clear for the day so she has to be somewhere in the wing.

_"Sean you seen Cheryl?"_

_"I saw her a couple minutes ago I think she went towards the cafeteria."_

_"Thanks."_ Brendan picks up his pace as he heads to the cafeteria. His pulse is racing and he can already feel the anger building up inside him. He ends up punching a wall on his way down the hall and doesn't even feel any pain from it. When he gets to the cafeteria he looks around but only spots Will Savage, another nurse on this wing. Brendan hates him. He always has. Every time they had a shift together Will would look at him weirdly. It creeped him out and Brendan once called him a freak in one of the staff meetings. He was suspended for his unprofessional comment but he did get quite a huge laugh for it. As Brendan walks around the tables trying to get to the other side Will rolls right in front of his path. Brendan charges forward not having the patience to deal with him right now. Will smartly moves his wheelchair back but doesn't move his tray in time. Brendan doesn't even hesitate when he forcefully slaps the tray right out Wills hand and the tray with the food go flying into the air. The spaghetti soars in the air and then comes splattering down all over Will.

_"What the hell Brendan! You can't do that!"_ Will screams and it echoes through the empty cafeteria.

_"SHUT THE FUCK UP!"_ Brendan rushes out before he ends up chocking the guy to death. After a few more trips up and down the wing he gives up. He leans on the wall and watches as nurses and visitors walk pass him with not a care in the world. A couple of the nurses say hello to him and he gives them the same exact fake smile that he's gotten used to doing since he was a child. Seamus always told him to smile when company was around. Apparently it made him look like a perfect father to the outside world when his son appeared happy. Brendan snaps out of his daydream when he feels someone pulling on the hem of his shirt. He's about to push them off and say don't touch me but when he looks down it's a small girl.

_"Umm...hi."_ He was never really great with kids.

_"Hi!"_ She waves as she still holds onto his shirt_. "What ya doin?"_

_"Nothing."_

_"Should ya not be helpin em?"_

He chooses to ignore the question as he doesn't really understand what she just asked. _"Where are your parents?"_

_"Mum in voom."_

_"You know which one?" _She points in the direction of the East Wing. _"Can you get back by yourself?"_

She shrinks a little but then raises her head up as if she doesn't want to admit she's lost.

_"I'm actually heading that way so I'll walk with you. Is that ok?"_

She nods and when Brendan pushes himself off the wall she loses her grip on his shirt. She lunges at him and hugs him tightly. Brendan raises his arms in surprise and looks around to see if anyone can help. He doesn't do hugs unless it's Cheryl. And even that didn't come easily.

* * *

_***"Love your room is the one on the left. Mines across it if you ever need anything."_

_Brendan doesn't look up at her and walks into his new room. He drops his stuff on the floor not really caring to organize and walks back out to the living room. Cheryl is dragging boxes into their new flat so Brendan goes over to try and help._

_"Bren its fine I got it."_

_"You can't even lift it."_

_"Which is why I'm pulling it. Besides I really don't want you hurting your one good arm. Just watch tv or something. Let me worry about everything else."_

_"I don't want you doing everything."_

_"That's what older sisters do. You're all I have Brendan. I'm not losing you." She points to the worn out sofa and Brendan reluctantly sits down. Cheryl keeps walking out the flat and back in with different boxes. By the time she has all of them inside she looks exhausted. She jumps onto the sofa next to him but Brendan quickly moves to the side._

_"I'm sorry Bren I didn't..." She gets off the sofa and ends up sitting on the floor. Brendan feels like an asshole for making her think she did something wrong. All she's ever done is protect him. Since she found out what had been happening to him since he was 8 she's been blaming herself constantly. She tells him every day what a failure she is as a sister._

_"Why didn't I see it? I'm so stupid! I just stood there and basically let it happen. You needed me and I choose him. I hate myself. I'm sorry you got stuck with me. I don't deserve to even be your sister." Constantly says this to herself._

_But here she is at the age of 20 working 2 jobs to be able to even get them a flat. It's a dump but it's better than staying with their so called family members. Cheryl's still suffering from what happened that day but she puts on a brave face and stays strong. For the both of them. Brendan gets off the sofa and sits next to her avoiding any contact though._

_"Sorry sis. I'm still a bit jumpy."_

_"Never apologize to me Bren. I'm sorry. I'm sorry for not being a better sister. For being the sister that you needed."_

_"Chez, you are so much more."_

_Her eyes become misty and she nods even though she doesn't believe him. Cheryl moves her arms and wants to hug him but she knows he's not ready for it so she just smiles at him instead._

_"Right. So you want anything to eat? Don't really have much but I can make you a sandwich." She looks over at the counter and excitedly jumps up. "I made 15 bucks in tips today I can order us a pizza."_

_"I thought you were saving up all your tips to pay for medical school?"_

_"I'm sure 15 dollars won't make a difference."_

_"A sandwich is fine."_

_She gives him a knowing look and laughs. "So pepperoni ok?"_

_"Please."_

_She turns around and starts looking through the cabinets for the phone number to the local pizza shop._

_"Chez?"_

_"Yep." She's looking down at the take out menu with the phone in her hand._

_"I promise one day I'm gonna give you the biggest hug ever."_

_Cheryl looks up at him and Brendan notices how hard she is trying to hold in her tears._

_"I promise I'll be here."***_

* * *

Brendan awkwardly hugs the little girl back and then somehow maneuvers his way out of it. Her eyes are red now and he doesn't know if he said something to upset her.

_"You ok?"_ He crouches down in front of her. _"No no don't cry. It's fine."_

_"Don't go." _The little girl now has snout coming out of her nose and she tries wiping it with the sleeves of her shirt.

_"I'm not. I'm not going anywhere."_ He takes out a tissue and wipes her nose for her.

_"Pomise?"_

_"I promise."_ He gets back up and she grabs a hold of his fingers not his hand. Brendan walks a little in front of her as she skips behind him. The walk to the East Wing is quite far and Brendan sighs as he looks out the windows. He stops when he feels the little girl pulling him back.

_"What?"_

She points to the gift shop and Brendan just gives in and follows her. She releases his hand and goes running towards the plush toys while Brendan takes a seat on a bean bag. After a few minutes she returns with a polar bear wearing a tiara.

_"That for you?"_

_"Nu uh it's for me new baby sista. I was jealous mommy was gonna like her better. I was mean to mum. Tis is me pesent to say sowwy. If you do someting wong you should say sowwy."_

_"Yeah you should."_ Brendan tries getting off the bean bag but struggles. The little girl grabs his arm and tries to help. She laughs at him when he just rolls off it and then stands up_. "Laugh now but when you're as old as me you will do the same thing."_

_"Nu uh."_

_"Yeah uh."_

They reach the counter and she gets on her tip toes to place the bear on the counter. The cashier gives them the price and she reaches into her small toy purse and pulls out a dollar and shows it to Brendan.

_"Tis enough."_

_"Nope."_

She reaches in again and pulls out a hundred dollar bill...in Monopoly money_. "Now?"_

_"That's not real money."_ He grabs a word search book from the counter and hands it to the cashier. _"Can you add that in?"_ He hands the little girl her dollar back and pays for it himself. She grabs the bear and then grabs Brendan's hand again and rushes out the shop. As they are about to exit the shop Brendan sees Will coming inside. The little girl lets go of Brendan's hand and uses all her force and pushes the wheelchair out of the way. Will goes rolling into a display case full of key chains and knocks them all on the floor. The cashier yells at him from behind the counter and Will stares at her completely frozen from embarrassment. Brendan holds in his laughter and the girl grabs his hand again and runs out of the shop.

They finally make it to the East Wing and the girl pulls him into a room.

_"Mommy!"_

_"Where have you been?"_ She sounds frantic but she's clearly in no position to move. Looks like she's ready to give birth any second.

_"Bendan found me."_

The mom looks over at him and gives him an appreciative smile. _"Thank you so much I thought she was right outside the door and I couldn't get up to get her."_

_"It's no problem. Congratulations."_ He waves at them both and walks out the door.

_"Bendan wait!"_ The little girl runs out the door and again gives him a hug. She hold on tight. _"Thank you fo finding me mommy."_

_"You're welcome."_

_"Do you have a mum?"_

_"Not anymore."_

_"I'm sowwy. Do you have a daug...daughta?"_

He has struggled this whole time trying to figure out what she says. She still hasn't learned how to pronounce her R's correctly.

_"I do. She's 3."_

_"Can I see?"_

_"She's with her mom in Ireland."_

_"Do you miss she?"_

_"All the time."_

Brendan hasn't ever said it aloud. It's something he has tried putting to the back on his mind. Not because he doesn't want to be a dad but because it hurts him to not be a part of her life. His daughters' mother took full custody of her and flat out denied him any visitation rights. Cheryl and Brendan went to court to try to fight it but the mother provided evidence deeming Brendan unfit to take care of her. She won and he hasn't heard his daughters' voice in over 2 years.

_"Why don't you see her?"_

_"Sometimes people aren't ready to be parents. I need some help before her mother will let me see her. It's ok though ill see her someday."_

_"You will."_ She says it as if she believes it. _"Thank you. Bye!"_ She gives him one last hug and walks back into the room.

* * *

**Sunday 8:50 PM**

Ste is in a good mood as he has found 'The Nightmare Before Christmas' playing on tv. He's so into the movie he doesn't even notice Brendan walked in. A word search book hits him right in the face and his attention shifts from the movie to Brendan.

_"What was that for?"_

_"Open it to page 48."_

_"Why?"_

_"Just open it ok."_

_"Fine."_ Ste starts flipping through the pages_. "But you know you can't just walk in here and act like everything is all a ok with us after you stormed out of here."_

_"Shut up and get to the page."_

_"Now you're telling me to shut-"_ Ste stops talking when he gets to the page. On the top the words _'Im'_ and _'sorry'_ are circled horizontally. Then the word _'forgive'_ is circled diagonally. The final word _'me'_ is circled vertically at the very bottom. Ste almost cries like a hormonal pregnant woman but keeps it in. He looks over at Brendan who is standing by the wall looking very uncomfortable.

_"Don't say it."_

_"You're adorable."_

_"Next time you call me that I'm gonna push your wheelchair down a slope. So we ok?"_

_"Yeah you're forgiven."_ Ste can't stop looking at the book_. "How the hell did you even do this?"_

_"I literally went through each one of those pages till the damn letters formed those words. My eyes hurt from squinting."_ Brendan takes a seat on the edge of the bed and turns to look at the tv. It's a comfortable silence in the room as they both watch the movie.

Halfway into the movie Ste uses all the energy he has in his only functioning leg and catches Brendan off guard as he wraps his leg around Brendan's waist. He pulls him back and Brendan's back is right on top of Stes lower body. His head reaches Stes stomach.

_"Steven this position is uncomfortable." _He tries shuffling out of the hold but he can't. _"Steven let go."_

_"Make me."_ Ste moves his good arm and runs it through Brendan's hair. Brendan somehow manages to turn around and squeezes through the hold to move further up.

_"Think you're in control now huh?"_ He slowly leans down and kisses Ste on the lips. He lifts his body back up so he's not touching any part of him. Ste tries pulling him back down but Brendan braces his arms next to him and doesn't move_. "What do you want me to do Steven? I'll do whatever you want."_ He leans his head down and starts kissing his neck. Then he moves up and starts trailing his jaw line with wet kisses. Ste can't get out any words and just tries showing what he wants by constantly forcing him to move on top of him. Brendan ignores him and continues giving him small kisses on his neck and then he places his hand on Stes chest. As his hand starts moving down his pager goes off completely surprising both of them and causing Ste to jump and slam his forehead against Brendan's.

_"Oww fuck!"_ They both say it simultaneously as Brendan rolls off him and gets off the bed. Once they get their foreheads to stop pounding Ste gets his mind together.

_"One day I'm gonna break that damn pager of yours."_

_"I'll make it up to you."_ Brendan leans over and gives him another kiss and pulls at his bottom lip with his teeth. _"I'll be back in a bit."_

_"Hurry up!"_ Ste shouts as Brendan walks out again.

* * *

**Sunday 9:20 PM**

Cheryl walks out of the restroom to catch Brendan walking into one of his patients' room. She figures he was most likely in Stes room and got called over. She knows she doesn't have much time to do this so she dashes down the hall to Stes room.

_"Hi love."_ Cheryl comes bouncing into the room as happy as can be.

_"Huh? Oh hey. What's up?"_

_"Not much. Just doing my rounds making sure every patient in this wing is good. So sucks that Brendan is gonna be stuck in the North Wing till he's shift ends huh."_

_"Oh he told me he was coming back."_

_"No no the nurse on that wing left for an hour so he's the only one there. By the time she comes back I'm sure he will be too exhausted to come to even say bye."_

Ste can feel his mood go down. He doesn't know why just seeing Brendan makes his heart flutter. Brendan completes him. And now he won't even see his beautiful face before he goes to sleep. Cheryl notices the frown on Stes face so she moves on with her plan.

_"You know if you like I could take you over there so you can spend an hour together before he goes."_

_"Oh please? That would be mint."_

_"No problem. Come on let's get you in the wheelchair."_

Cheryl hastily helps Ste get on the wheelchair and rushes out the door before Brendan comes back.

_"Geez Cheryl we're not in a wheelchair race. Slow down."_

_"Sorry."_ She looks back and once she turns the corner she's knows she's in the clear.

_"Erm...I thought the North Wing was that way."_ Ste points in the completely opposite direction from where they are going.

_"Shortcut."_ Cheryl ends up pushing him to a part of the hospital that the nurses call the Supply Ward. One room here is about the size of 3 rooms in the West Wing. The rooms also don't have doors on them so it's easier for the nurses to get their supplies and go.

_"Cheryl I don't think this-"_

Her phone goes off but she grabs her pager instead and tells Ste it's an emergency.

_"I have to go and pushing you back will slow me down. Do you mind just staying here for like 10 minutes top? As soon as I get to back to the Wing I'll get a nurse to come get you."_ She gives him an apologetic smile.

_"Fine."_

_"Thanks love. I'm so so sorry about this. I'll make it up to you."_ She turns to leave and speaks to a nurse sitting on the counter on her way out.

_"Hey Anne can you watch him for me? His name is Ste. Just make sure he's ok. I'll send someone down here to get him in a bit."_

_"I can just take him back."_

_"No no no you can't!"_

_"Ok calm down Cheryl!"_

_"Sorry. Look if no one comes to get him by 10:15 then you can bring him back. No sooner though."_

_"Alright alright. You know you're crazy right?"_

_"I'm a Brady we all are."_ Cheryl runs out of the Ward and as soon as she is out of Stes sight she stops and casually strolls back.

* * *

**Sunday 9:57 PM**

Brendan steps out of the break room after having to go in there to change his shirt. Laura, his other patient in the West Wing called him over complaining of stomach pains. He read her charts and everything looked fine. He started pressing down on her stomach and abdomen so he could know where exactly she felt the pain. The next thing he knew he had yellow puke all over him. It was all over his shirt and his hands. He was finally able to get the bedside bucket and handed it to her so she could finish up.

_"Oh my god I'm so sorry. This is so embarrassing. I'm sorry I didn't even feel it coming up or I would have warned you."_ She covers her face with her hands to hide her red cheeks.

_"It's fine honestly. Least you didn't get my face. Let's clean you up ok."_

After he cleaned up all the mess in the room he went to the break room to clean himself off and change. When he finished up he headed over to Stes room. There is no one there and the tv is still turned on.

_"Steven?"_ He goes to the restroom and knocks before he opens it. He's not in there. Brendan looks around and notices the wheelchair is gone. He walks out the room again and spots Lynsey on the counter.

_"Hey Lyns you wouldn't happen to know where Steven is?"_

_"No didn't see him leave. Umm Sean you see anyone take Ste somewhere?"_

_"No. He's not in his room?"_

_"Would I be asking if he was? Look did anyone sign him out? He's not supposed to go anywhere unless it's cleared with me first."_

Sean takes out the nurses' book and flips it to today's date. _"No one signed him out. Last person I have here is you signing him back in at 7:40 PM."_

_"Thanks. Can you ring me if you see him?"_

_"Yeah no problem. I'll keep my eyes open for him."_

Brendan would call him to see where he is but of course Ste left his phone on the table so it's pointless. He starts looking through the West Wing first thinking that maybe Ste somehow got onto his wheelchair and managed to move a short distance. He makes sure he looks in every hall and quickly glances into different rooms but doesn't see him. Brendan is just about to head over to the North Wing when he sees Cheryl leaning over the top floor rails looking out the center window. She looks over at him when she hears him approaching.

_"What's up Bren?"_

_"The ceiling. Look you seen Steven?"_

_"Nope. Why?"_

_"I left him in his room for about an hour and now he's not there. No one signed him out so I don't know if a nurse took him somewhere or not."_

_"Don't panic. I'm sure he's fine. Maybe Noah went in there and Ste asked him to take him around the hospital."_

_"He would have waited for me to come back though to let me know."_

_"Why would he let you know though?"_

_"I'm his nurse why wouldn't he?"_

_"Noah is one of his nurses too."_

_"Yeah when I'm not here. And as you can see-"_ Brendan does some weird hand signal _"-I'm still here."_

_"Look I'll ask around." _She looks up at the clock on the wall._ "Shouldn't you be getting out of here your shift ended."_

_"I'm not leaving till I know he's fine."_

_"Why do you even care so much?"_

_"He's my patient."_

_"You didn't care about your other patients like you do with him."_

_"What are you implying?"_

_"Nothing. Look just go home and I'll look for him for you ok." _Cheryl drags him all the way to the break room and tells him she is going to go to the North Wing to look for him. Once she walks away Brendan steps out of the break room and starts walking towards Stes room again. Just as he is about to open the door he looks to his left and sees Anne pushing Ste.

_"Before you get mad at me Bren I didn't have anything to do with it." _Anne pushes Ste into his room as Brendan follows behind him. Once they get him settled into his bed Anne wraps her arms around Brendan and leans on his shoulder as if he was her own brother. He kisses the top of her head and looks over at Ste who appears to be pissed.

_"Where did you go?"_

_"Your sister is fucking crazy!"_

_"Yeah I know that but what does that have to do with anything."_

Anne taps Brendan on his chest to get his attention_. "Umm well Cheryl brought him over to the Supply Ward like half an hour ago and told me not to bring him back till 10:15 but I brought him back earlier as you know I don't really listen well. Anyway I left my station unoccupied so I have to get back. Sorry Ste I hope you aren't mad at me. You too Bren...I honestly thought you knew."_

_"It's fine Anne. I'll see you tomorrow."_

_"You still coming over before work right?"_

_"Yeah."_

_"Great. Text me when you get home big bro." _She says sorry one more time to Ste and leaves them alone.

_"You wanna fill me in on what happened ?"_

_"Your psychotic sister came to my room and said you got stuck in the North Wing for the rest of your shift and that you probably wouldn't be able to come say bye to me. So she told me she would take me over there so that I could spend the last hour of your shift with you. Then she freaking takes me to some place of the hospital I never been at and of course right on time her pager goes off and she says she has to go. Oh oh and that she would tell a nurse to come get me in 10 minutes. I spent 30 fucking minutes over there before Anne said this was ridiculous and brought me back."_

_"I wasn't even in the North Wing Steven."_

_"That's what she told me!"_

_"I haven't even talked to her since my shift started, except for a few minutes ago when I was asking about you."_

_"Don't lie to me you didn't even come looking for me."_

_"I fucking looked everywhere for you!"_

_"BULLSHIT!"_

_"Why the hell are you yelling at me for? I didn't do anything."_

_"Brendan your sister freaking kidnapped me! What the fuck is wrong with you two?!"_

_"I'll deal with it but don't get mad at me for something she did."_

_"She's always gonna be around Brendan! I don't know what she thinks is happening but she's determined to stop you from talking to me and I can't figure out why."_

_"I'm sorry."_

_"Yeah yeah me too. Look I'm tired. Can you just go please?"_ Ste brings the covers over himself and turns slightly to face away from Brendan.

_"Fine."_ Brendan slams the door on his way out.

* * *

**Sunday 10:33 PM**

Cheryl takes a sip of her tea that she just bought from the cafeteria. She has some paperwork to finish up before she heads home. The door opens so fast that it makes a hole in the wall.

_"Brendan! Seriously. I'm gonna have to pay to fix that."_

_"What the fuck is your problem?"_ He advances and stands in front of her desk as she stands up.

_"What are you talking about?"_

_"You lied straight to my face and told me you hadn't seen him."_

_"Seen who?"_ She plays dumb and tries to plan her exit as she already knows this is going to turn out really ugly.

_"Stop! Just stop! I already know. They both told me everything."_

_"Look I can explain."_

_"Can you? You gonna explain to me why you told him I was in the North Wing when I never told you that. You going to explain why you told Anne to under no circumstances bring him back over here till 10:15. Oh how about explaining to me why you would tell him I have violent outburst and black out sometimes. And to top it off that I come with a lot of baggage and have no one."_

Cheryl can't speak she just stands there glued to the spot.

_"Have nothing to say huh?"_

_"I did it for your own good. You're not ready."_

_"Ready for what? To have a friend that I can talk to."_

_"How come you can talk to him but not me?"_

_"Is that what this is? You're jealous that I'm telling him things."_

_"No! I'm not jealous. I'm hurt that you can't talk to me about what you're going through."_ She tries moving to the door but Brendan stands right in front of it blocking her way.

_"You told me you wanted me to speak to someone."_

_"I meant an actual psychologist! Not a bloody deli owner."_

_"I'm not going to a psychologist Cheryl! I don't know how many times I have to say it before you get it in your head."_

Cheryl reaches for the door handle but Brendan holds the door close_. "Move Brendan."_

_"No! Tell me why you keep interfering in my life."_

_"I have to! You're not in the right state of mind to make sound decisions."_

_"I can make my own decisions I don't need to have you as my conservatorship."_

_"Brendan get out of the fucking way!"_ She starts pushing him but he barely even moves.

_"STOP! I have one good thing going for me right now and you fucking go and ruin it for me! I just got bitched at because you stuck your nose into my business like I told you not to do! Can't you just let me live my damn life for myself?!"_

_"Oh so what now Ste is this freaking angel in your life. Fuck off Brendan I have been there for you since day one! Do I not get a bloody thank you or recognition?"_

_"THANK YOU! You happy?"_

_"SHUT UP! I'm tired of dealing with your damn bipolar mood swings. YOU'RE NOT FINE! I'm sick of it!"_ Cheryl digs her nails into Brendan's scar and he loosens his grip on the door enough for her to open it and run out.

_"CHERYL! We're not done!"_

There are a couple nurses still in the area and they all freeze as they are witnessing what can only be described as a sibling bloodbath right in front of their eyes.

_"I AM!"_ She starts walking down the hall with Brendan right behind her. Then she abruptly stops and faces him_. "You know what do whatever you want Brendan. But when Ste sees who you really are and gets a tiny glimpse of what you have put me through. The punches, the screams, the tears, and the utter devastation you bring with you he won't be able to handle it. He will fucking leave like the rest of them! And don't expect any sympathy from me when I warned you."_

_"I'm so fucking sorry I ruined you precious life! Must be so hard for you when you wake up every morning and think to yourself that you have to deal with me again. I have done everything for you. Everything! You talk about what you went through. What about what I have been through. It's always about you Cheryl! I'm fucking sick of dealing with your bullshit! I rather try my damn luck with someone who doesn't only care about themselves!"_

_"No one will ever take you how you are Brendan! YOU'RE BROKEN. SHATTERED!"_

_"SHUT UP SHUP UP SHUT UP!"_

_"UNFIXABLE! DEFEATED! FRIGHTENED!"_

_"STOP! JUST STOP!"_

_"Brendan your worst enemy is your own memory. You lost yourself so long ago and I don't see you coming back."_

There both pause for a second and are about to start again but a screaming voice that isn't either of theres catches their attention.

_"ENOUGHHHHH! CHERYL. BRENDAN. IN MY OFFICE NOW!"_

Both Cheryl and Brendan come back into reality and finally see their surroundings. They are in the middle of a hallway with nurses around them with their jaws basically hitting the floor. When they both turn around they see Eoghan staring straight at them. His head looks like it's going to explode.

_"OFFICE. NOW!"_

* * *

**So this is where I ask you guys for advice. Do y'all think this is T rating? I think it is but I don't want to have it in the wrong section lol. Please let me know if you liked this chapter...review please? I do really hope you enjoyed it tho =)**


	12. Chapter 12

**AN: I know I say this in every chapter but I just want all of you to know how much it means to me that you guys take the time out to read this and then leave such amazing reviews. Seriously I about cried after I read them, you all put so much into them and I don't know how I can even begin to thank you. I hope you guys know I honestly mean THANK YOU! Mucho Amor-G.**

**Ps: I HATE this chapter (I deleted so many parts to it and almost trashed the whole thing at one point). I hope that it somehow magically transforms into a decent chapter when you read it.**

* * *

**Sunday 10:45 PM**

They keep getting odd glances here and there as they walk pass other nurses on their way to Eoghans office. Most people end up avoiding eye contact and look away. They both don't know how far their shout fest traveled too but it appears most of the wing heard it. That or gossip travels in nanoseconds around here. Once they get into the main hall Eoghan walks them over to his office and lets them in. He takes his seat and notices that both Cheryl and Brendan, at the exact same time, move the chairs further apart from where they were and then reluctantly sit down. They both shuffle awkwardly in their seats and refuse to even glance over to one another.

_"Well that was some show you gave everyone? Here I was speaking to a patient going on and on about how professional and wonderful our nurses are and then all you hear is you two ripping each other's faces off. Care to explain?"_

Brendan makes no attempt to speak and just gives Eoghan a _'Go fuck yourself'_ look.

_"Cheryl you're the main surgeon in this hospital and that's how you behave. What kind of example are you giving to all the staff members? I expect this from him but not you."_

Brendan rolls his eyes at that statement. He tilts his head and sees Cheryl through his peripheral vision and notices her lip trembling. He knows she's about to cry, she has never being good at keeping her composure when someone was reprimanding her. He takes a deep breath and knows what he has to do. _"I'm sorry. It was my fault."_

Cheryl's head turns so fast it's a miracle she doesn't get whiplash from it.

_"What?"_ Eoghan looks surprised as well.

_"I said it was my fault. I kept pushing her and pushing her. She told me to stop and I didn't. She tried to leave and I blocked her. Then I chased after her. It's not an excuse but you know how I get when I'm a little agitated. Anyone would have gone off on me. So I'm sorry. I deeply apologize for any embarrassment I may have caused...you."_ He spits the last word out and his whole tone sounds anything but an apology.

_"No it-"_ Cheryl tries to speak but gets hushed by Brendan who once again apologizes.

Eoghan seems to be considering what to do with this situation. _"Cheryl you're off the hook but I want you to know this isn't acceptable and I don't want to see it again. You can leave for the night."_

She gives a quick glance towards Brendan who doesn't look back at her and then she gives an apologetic smile at Eoghan and leaves the room.

_"You on the other hand-"_ he turns his attention to Brendan who has now decided to lean further down on his chair _"-we have a lot to talk about."_

_"Can't you just suspend me and let me get on my way?"_ Brendan's sick of this annoyingly long weekend. It's been a weekend from hell. He just wants to delete it from his memory entirely.

_"Oh I will. But you see Brendan this will be your 3rd suspension right?"_

_"Yeah so?"_

_"You can only get so many suspensions before we have to implicate a higher punishment."_

_"So what you firing me?"_

_"No. Not yet anyway. I got another option for you. Three actually. I won't suspend you because that will go on your record but you do have to do something."_

_"Fine what?"_

_"Option one, go to a psychol-"_

_"No."_

_"Figured that one would get rejected. Moving on. Option two, is attend a family counseling session with Cheryl."_

Brendan doesn't answer so Eoghan decides to give him his last choice. _"Or you have to sit through a 4 hour meeting on how to be professional in a hospital setting. Which by the way I will be at so that no one leaves early."_

_"Can I take being fired instead?"_

_"No. Now pick."_

_"When's the meeting?"_

* * *

**Sunday 11:11 PM**

Brendan leaves the office with his name signed up for the next _"Professionalism in the Workplace- How you can achieve it!"_ meeting. He walks back to the West Wing as his car is in that parking lot today and spots Cheryl waiting by the door.

_"Bren look-"_ she bolts up from where she was sitting and dashes to him.

_"Chez my head hurts like hell and honestly I don't want to talk to you right now ok."_

She looks hurts but nods in understanding. _"Yeah. Ok. Umm...will you text me when you get home though?" _When she sees that he isn't even looking at her she gives up and walks out to the parking area. Brendan starts walking in the same direction when he remembers he's actually off the next day. He has no idea why he feels like he owes it to Ste to tell him he won't see him tomorrow, but he starts walking back to his room anyway. He makes sure he's still awake before he opens the door.

_"Hey."_

_"Hi. What you doing back?"_

_"Umm...I forgot to tell you I was off tomorrow so wanted to come back and let you know Lynsey will probably watch you."_

_"I would have found out tomorrow you didn't have to come back."_ Ste somehow manages to lean on his side and look at Brendan.

_"Sorry. Wait no I'm tired of apologizing to every one today over things that weren't even my fault. I said I was sorry to you. Twice. And I spoke to her. Well no I yelled at her. So can we just move on here?"_

Ste feels guilty now and can see Brendan is trying and he's just laying here being a dick. _"Yeah. And I'm sorry too. Its wasn't your fault. Oh by the way I caught the last bit of that conversation between you two."_

_"I'm pretty sure everyone did. How did I do?"_

_"Pretty good. Well you know till the end where she knocked you out."_

_"Thanks for having my back there Steven."_

Ste moves himself up the bed so that he's almost in a seated position and Brendan gets on the bed in front of him and turns to face him. They just sit there staring at each other not saying one word. Until...

_"God you're fucking hot."_ Nothing but class from Ste.

Brendan sees Stes eyes that are now filled with desire and lust. _"Come here Steven."_

_"I can't."_ He physically can't. It was hard enough for Ste to even get into this position in the first place.

_"You sure?"_ Brendan licks his lips and parts them as his hand moves down to his waistband. _"I want you Steven."_ He moves his hand further down till he touches his own groin. Stes breathing starts to speed up and he can feel his heart beat racing. He starts bitting his lips when he sees Brendan going up and down with his hand. Ste grabs hold of the sheets when Brendan looks him straight in the eyes and releases a slight moan. _"I need you..."_ Brendan says and starts crawling over to Ste and straddles him. With one motion he places his lips on him and starts grinding back and forth. _"Do you know how badly I want to be in you?"_ Brendan emphasizes every word. Stes head is spinning and he can't believe his awful luck that he can't even move...literally. He curses that bird and hopes it crashes head on into a car window.

_"Fuck fuck fuck. I'm not here."_ Ste snaps out of it to hear Brendan say that and barely sees him jump off the bed and land on the floor...hard. That's when Ste sees a man in a suit walk into his room.

_"Hello Ste. You mind if I call you Ste?"_

Ste nods and tries his hardest not to look down to where he can hear Brendan still moving on the other side that luckily is blocked from view.

_"My name is Eoghan. I'm the board of director for the hospital and wanted to say hi to every patient see how they are doing. Are you ok?"_

Ste feels flustered and he knows his neck and face must be red. His lips are completely wet and he's still panting trying to get his breathing under control. He's frozen until a small hit to his bed alerts him. _"YES!"_ He definitely hears Brendan saying idiot next to him.

Eoghan looks at him confused and starts walking towards the bed but gets on the other side, opposite of Brendan. Ste swallows rather loudly and looks down to see a very embarrassing problem arising down south. He prays the covers are hiding it and focuses back to Eoghan who is just staring at him.

_"I'm fine."_ His voice breaks and he stutters through it.

_"You don't look it."_ Eoghan looks at the wires attached to him and leans over to reach for them. _"Hmm maybe one of these is pumping too much medicine in. Let me move over to that side and see if I can reduce it a bit."_

Stes eyes widen and he hopes Brendan somehow became a magician and disappeared. If not he's going to have a new nurse soon and will have to undoubtedly hire Brendan as a deli employee.

_"Mr. Nolan have you seen those transfer forms?"_

A lady wearing a pant suit walks in and Ste can only assume it's his assistant.

_"I thought I left them in the office. Silly me always losing track of everything. Sorry about this Ste duty calls. Nice to meet you and you'll be seeing me around a bit as I'm trying to change a couple things here. I won't keep you up so have a goodnight."_ He lightly places a hand on Stes shoulder and walks out with his assistant.

A couple seconds go by and then finally Brendan gets up from the floor. Ste looks over at him and can't believe how perfect he looks. His hair is fine, he's not flushed, and his scrubs aren't wrinkled. It's like they are night and day as Ste looks a mess. But he does notice Brendan's pupils that are completely blown and dark.

_"Could you have looked anymore suspicious?"_ Brendan dust off his clothes.

_"You try speaking seconds after someone is grinding their dick on you."_

_"Point. I'm gonna go though before he makes another surprise appearance."_ Brendan leans into him and gets close to his ear. _"It's a shame you can't move huh."_ Brendan bites his earlobe and then gives him a rough kiss and pushes his tongue right into Stes mouth. Before Ste can react Brendan has already stopped_. "I'll see you Tuesday Steven. Have a goodnight."_ He gives him a quick kiss on the cheek and walks out the door briefly looking left and right before he makes his way out.

* * *

**Monday 1:57 PM**

Anne opens the door wearing a long baggy Tshirt and daisy duke shorts.

_"I'm not ready yet. Give me 10 minutes."_ She throws him the remote and runs into her bedroom.

He lies down on the sofa and stares at the ceiling while he waits. He's wearing an all charcoal colored dress shirt with a slim black tie. Black trousers with a leather belt and black shoes. And a gray asymmetrical coat. Anne comes into the living room and does a spin to showcase her bright yellow dress and purple sky high pumps.

_"Good or no?"_

_"Perfect."_

_"Thanks Irish. You don't look too shabby yourself."_

_"I try."_

She grabs her purse and waits for Brendan to grab his keys as they make their way to his car. He waits for her to pick a radio station and then they are on their way.

_"Weren't you the one, who tried to hurt me with goodbye? Did you think I'd crumble? Did you think I'd lay down and die?!"_ Anne shrieks along with the radio while dancing in her seat. She pushes Brendan and he starts moving his head to the rhythm. The rest of the car ride consist of random karaoke attempts from both of them, jokes about each other, and the constant honking of the horn to pedestrians. They play a game on the way and see who can get more phone numbers. Brendan wins. By a landslide.

_"I'm at a disadvantage here. You can get numbers from both genders Brendan."_

He pulls up to the restaurant and they both throw away the numbers into the trash and walk in to get their reservation. Anne grabs a table outside, she may not look it but she gets a little claustrophobic when there are too many people around. She also knows Brendan is exactly the same so when he walks out he gives her a smile that says thank you and takes off his jacket.

_"So get to the point Mitz why did you invite me out to lunch?"_

_"Can't I just take you out without having any motive?"_

_"No."_

At that moment the waiter comes outside and places some bread and butter on the table and takes their order. He says he will be back with their food momentarily so Brendan focuses back onto Anne.

_"So?"_ He yawns and then rubs at his eyes to wake himself up.

_"Right there! That's what I wanted to talk to you about. I noticed you been really tired lately. You having trouble sleeping again?"_

_"I always have trouble sleeping you know that."_

_"Yeah but seems worst now. Is the Ambien not helping? If you want we can go back to the doctor see if they can up your dose."_

_"It gets me to sleep but I always wake up soon after. Not really the medicines fault it's just me."_

_"Babe have you thought about going to see someone. I mean just once. It couldn't hurt."_ She reaches over the table and grabs Brendan's hand_. "I'll come with you."_

_"I'll think about it."_

_"You're lying aren't you?"_

_"You know me so well."_

They both end up dropping the conversation when their food arrives and once they are done Brendan drives them back to Anne's. They get inside and take a seat on the sofa and turn on some random show.

_"Oh my god so I heard about you and Cheryl's big fight yesterday."_

_"You could hear it all the way over there?!"_

_"No you idiot, some of the nurses that were there came by and started gossiping."_

_"That's great. You know what as a punishment I have to go to another one of those meetings about professionalism. I been to fucking 5 of them already."_

_"And you never learn. So what happened? Why Cheryl go all psycho on you."_

_"I don't know. I think she's pissed off that I'm talking to Ste more than her."_

_"You just led me straight into my next question. Anything that you need to tell me about you two?"_

Brendan knows Anne enjoys all this gossip and relationship crap. He's not sure if Ste spoke to her yesterday or not and as far as he remembers he didn't say or do anything in front of her that implies they are anything but nurse and patient.

_"Nope nothing to tell."_

_"Brendan you are the best at not showing any emotion. Even your body language shows nothing. But Ste he wears his heart on his sleeve. I don't even know the guy but I can read him so easily."_

_"Yeah so?"_

_"I'm not stupid Brendan. I was in that room and he may have been pissed but the way he looked at you was the complete opposite of mad."_

_"What are you trying to tell me Anne? I don't really feel like putting two and two together here."_

_"Oh Brendo. Can't you see it? He loves you."_

Brendan can't think for a second as the word goes over and over in his mind. Love. It's a word that he doesn't really use often. It's a word that he rarely feels. Point blank he hates the word.

_"You must have lost your touch on this whole reading people. We're just friends."_ Brendan's phone beeps and he opens it to see a text from Ste.

**I Miss You**

_"Oh my god!"_ Anne's loud voice booms throughout the room.

Brendan looks up to see a shocked expression on her face_. "What?"_

_"That's him right?"_ He nods and she gets even more excited. _"Whats it say?"_

_"Nothing."_

_"Give it here."_

_"No."_

It suddenly becomes a wrestling match with Brendan on the floor and Anne on top of his back pulling his arm trying to reach his phone. He fumbles with it and it ends up slipping out of his hand. Anne becomes superwomen and not only pushes Brendan down but grabs the phone at the same time.

_"HE MISSES YOU!"_ She looks at Brendan and catches something in him_. "Oh my god look at your eyes!"_

_"What about them?"_ Brendan shoves Anne off him and gets back to his feet.

_"Their shining! Your smiling through your eyes."_

_"It's just the sun."_ It's a stupid response as the blinds on the windows are closed.

_"Brendan Brady I can't believe I'm saying this."_

_"Saying what?"_

_"YOU LIKE HIM!"_

* * *

**Tuesday 2 PM**

_"Professionalism in the workplace. Who can tell me what that means?"_

_"Fuck my life."_ Brendan is now seated with 7 other people in a conference room as the presentation starts. He thinks he should know some of the other nurses here but he doesn't. He ends up tuning out whatever the lady is saying immediately and starts to make a paper airplane with the pamphlet he was giving.

_"BRENDAN!"_

He jumps in his seat and Eoghan is giving him a death glare so he slowly unfolds his airplane and smoothens out the pamphlet.

The lady goes through what each letter represents and Brendan wants to slam his head against the table. He is bored out of his mind and ends up caught up in a day dream.

_"Brendan what did just say the letter L represented?"_ Eoghan snaps him back into reality.

_"Umm-"_ all these words pop into his mind and he tries to figure out one that might fit into the topic _"loyalty?"_

Wrong.

_"LISTENING! LISTENING! Something you're clearly not doing. Pay attention. I'm not gonna warn you again."_

Brendan sees the other nurses give him a disapproving shake of the head and go back to taking notes. That's when he realizes he didn't even bring a bloody pen along with him. _'I fail at life'_ he thinks to himself as he pretends to be interested in whatever the presenter is saying. After 2 hours they get a small 15 minute break so Brendan steps out of the room to stretch his legs out. His phone shows 3 missed calls and 1 text since he turned it off. All from Cheryl.

**Bren I'm sorry. So so sorry. I didn't mean any of it. Please call me. Please? I just want the best for you. I love you. Never forget that x.**

He pockets his phone and walks around the corner and thinks he sees Amy at the very end of the hall. It's too far to tell so he just heads back into the meeting.

The time seems to be moving at a snail's pace. It doesn't help that the other nurses keep asking questions as if they actually care. They are only trying to show off to Eoghan who is giving them all proud smiles. Brendan has yet to get one of those as he sits all the way at the back by himself.

_"Alright guys let's move onto your patients. Just recently the committee made a more stringent rule about the boundaries between nurse and patient. It's involving sexual relationships."_

Brendan's knee hits the table at that exact moment. _"Sorry."_

_"A little jumpy there aren't you Brendan."_

_"No just your bloody tables are too small that's all."_

Eoghan just rolls his eyes and lets the presenter know to continue.

_"So anyway, before it was always frowned upon but the rule on it wasn't very clear on what was acceptable or not. This new one they approved states 'Any form of sexualised behaviour with a current patient is unacceptable' and it also says that relationships with former patients will often be unacceptable."_

Brendan can't help but think someone just turned the heater on as he is getting quite warm. He pulls at his shirt collar and wipes his forehead.

_"Such behavior can include anything from going on a date or using sexual humor during consultations to criminal acts such as sexual assault and rape."_

Someone definitely turned on the heater he thinks to himself as he feels his neck start to heat up. He feels uncomfortable and knows he is fidgeting in his seat_. 'Stop looking so damn suspicious'_ he tells himself as he tries to stop moving around so much. Eoghan looks at him and raises his eyebrows. Brendan swallows and looks away. The remaining time in the meeting goes by excruciatingly slow. Apparently everyone wanted to ask questions concerning this new rule and the presenter kept going on and on about it.

**UNACCEPTABLE. AGAINST THE RULES. SHOULD NEVER HAPPEN. SUSPENSION. TERMINATION. LOSE OF LICENSE.**

The clock shows its 6 o'clock which technically means the meeting is over but the other nurses don't leave. They are now writing down the new rule word by word.

_"Guys you can all leave when you are done."_

Brendan takes that as his cue to go and rushes out the room before anyone gets a chance to stop him.

* * *

**Tuesday 6:17 PM**

Brendan makes it back to the West Wing and checks his patient's charts to make sure nothing happened in the 4 hours that he wasn't available. He takes a seat behind the counter to write down a couple notes in Laura's chart.

_"Excuse me mate you wouldn't happen to know which room Ste Hay is in?"_

Brendan stops immediately and looks up to see an average looking man with black hair that Brendan can only describe as 'punkish'.

_"Can I get name?"_

_"Oh sorry names Adam."_

_"Right let me look through his file and make sure you're not on the list of no visitation."_

_"Thanks."_ Adam turns around and moves to read some random papers on the walls.

_"Brendan there's no list like that?"_

_"I know that Sean but he doesn't. Just keep him busy for a second."_

He makes the brief walk over to Stes room and walks inside. Ste looks incredibly happy. His smile could light up a whole room at this moment.

_"What's up with you?"_

Ste hadn't seen him come in so he jumps a little when he hears him.

_"Oh didn't see ya there. I got a visit from me kids and Amy today. They just left though but I'm proper excited that I got to see em."_

_"That's good. So look anyway you wouldn't happen to know a Derek would you?"_ He cuts straight to the point.

_"Derek? Nope doesn't ring a bell."_

Brendan smiles and is about to go rub it in this guy's face when he realizes that wasn't the right name at all. _"Sorry not Derek. Umm...Adam? I think that was it."_

He watches as Stes expression changes. His eyes show that clearly he knows who he is and that he's happy to hear the name.

_"Oh Adam. Yeah. He's a...friend."_

_"Just a friend?"_

_"Yeah."_

Brendan may be the worst person to detect when someone is flirting with him but one thing he's always been good at is spotting when he's being lied to.

_"Steven you won't like me when I'm mad."_

_"Why would you be mad though?"_

_"Cause you're lying straight to my face. You're whole expression just gave it away. So what is he? Ex? Friend with benefits? He fuck you or is it the other way around._

_"Seriously Brendan. I shouldn't even have to answer those questions."_

_"So you're not gonna deny it?"_

_"I don't need to defend myself to you...we're not even together so you don't have a right to ask me about my love life."_

_"Fine."_ He turns to walk out but Ste calls out to him.

_"Bren no wait. I didn't-"_

_"No I get it. I'm just your nurse right. It's fine. I'll send him in yeah."_

Brendan pushes open the doors and spots Adam leaning against the wall.

_"Ozzy you can go in!"_

* * *

**Tuesday 7:13 PM**

Break time in a hospital always is difficult to get. Brendan has been trying to go on his for the last 20 minutes but keeps getting called back and forth between the North and West Wing. Laura keeps paging him and he always makes it right before she pukes all over herself. Then once he's done Sheila, the diva, from the North Wing calls him over to complain that she can't get comfortable in bed. So he fluffs up her pillow and reclines the bed all while trying to avoid her hands that seem to be reaching for his waist. He rushes out of there and for the first time that day his pager doesn't go off. Break time.

He's not hungry for once so he ends up just walking around the hospital. He goes down the hallway between the West Wing and East Wing as it's less crowded and there are a couple places where you can sit. Only problem is that the kids area is right in the center of it seeing as the East Wing is basically for expectant mothers. He takes a seat against the wall and starts playing _'Plants vs. Zombies'_ on his phone.

_"Bendan!"_

_"Oh fuck!"_ He drops his phone as the same little girl from Sunday comes running at him. _"Hi."_ He says as he checks to see that he didn't just break another one_. "You separate from your mom again?"_

_"Nope she there." _She points over to her mom that's currently sitting nearby.

He looks over at her and she waves and mouths _"I'm sorry"_ to him as she points to her daughter. He smiles at her and looks back to see the girl climbing onto the leather seat beside him.

_"What ya doing?"_

_"Taking a break umm...I didn't get your name before did I?"_

_"Daisy."_

_"Well I'm taking a break Daisy."_

She grabs a hold of Brendan's hand again and drags him over to a kids table. The chairs are tiny so he takes a seat on the floor next to her while she plays with letter blocks. She keeps on talking about what she did today and Brendan realizes that she can speak fine she just has a slight lisp and gets her words out in an odd order. He spends the next couple of minutes teaching her how to say his name correctly and after about the 10th time she gets it.

_"I made a friend today Brendan. She inside shop."_

He looks over to the gift shop and then thinks maybe she means an imaginary friend. Daisy tells him to stay there while she runs into the shop and comes back out pulling a blonde haired girl with her.

_"Brendan this is Leah. Leah this is Brendan he's nice. Say hi."_

Leah waves and takes a seat at the table as well. Brendan doesn't know why they keep coming to him he's awful with kids. But here he is spelling out words with these blocks that they both keep handing to him.

* * *

_"You can't deny me from seeing my own daughter Eileen."_

_"Yes I can. And I'll make sure you don't see her at all until you get help. I mean it Brendan I'm going to court to make it legal. I'm getting full custody of her and putting you down as mentally unstable. I'm sorry but you can't be a dad like this. Maybe not seeing your daughter grow up will give you that push to seek help."_

_She walks always from him as Niamh starts to cry in her crib. She picks her up and takes a seat on the sofa._

_"Can I hold her?"_

_"No."_

_"Just once."_

_"Brendan I don't trust you enough to think you won't have an episode and drop her."_

_"I wouldn't. I only have them when something triggers a memory. I'm fine."_

_"Say your fine all you want but you're not. I'm sorry but no."_

_Niamh drifts off to sleep and Eileen carries her back into her crib and settles her in. She wraps a blanket over her and places a small bear next her. "I'll give you 5 minutes to say goodbye Brendan." She gives her daughter a kiss on the forehead and walks out the room keeping the door open as she takes a seat outside. Brendan stands over the crib and lightly holds her hand for a second before letting go._

_"Hi princess. I know you probably don't recognize my voice and that's my fault. I haven't really been around. I tried but...I just want you to know that if you don't see me for a while don't think it's because of you. Don't ever think you did anything wrong. You are the reason I'm still here. You give a reason to try and get better. And I will. I just hope you will give me time. Please don't take it out on your mum or anyone other than me. I know it's gonna be hard not having a dad in your life but believe me it's better to not have one at all then to have one that will end up ruining your life. Always know that I love you. So much. Don't give up on me. I'll make you proud to call me dad one day. Until then Niamh I love you, I'll see you soon."_

* * *

_"Daisy sweetie we have to go."_

_"Yes mum. Bendan...Brendan I have to go. Can you visit tomorrow?"_

_"I'll see. Run along."_

Again she hugs him and he does another awkward hug. She says bye to Leah and goes with her mom. He doesn't know what to say to her so he just starts building a tower.

_"You're building it wrong."_

_"No I'm not."_

_"Yes you are."_

_"I'm not."_

_"You are."_

_"I'm…I'm arguing with a child. Fine how should I build it?"_

After a quick lesson from Professor Leah they end up building a tower that matches her height.

_"Can I push it over?"_ She's smiling from ear to ear.

_"Go ahead."_

She takes a doll she has in her hand, Brittany, and swings her into the tower causing it to come crashing down. She jumps up and down and her loud laugh fills the entire hall. Brendan thinks her laugh sounds familiar to someone but he can't think of whom. Leah grabs his arm and drags him to the gift shop.

_"I'm not buying you anything."_

_"Please?"_

She turns her blue eyes into puppy dog eyes.

_"Fine but something-"_ she's already off in another direction _"-small. Unbelievable."_ They walk out of there with a new Dora the Explorer coloring book.

_"Where's your mum?"_

Leah points to a large crowd so he doesn't really know who exactly she's looking at.

_"Well I have to get back to work so I rather you go back with your mum instead of staying here alone ok."_

_"Ok. Thank you for this."_

_"You're welcome. Scram little one."_

She laughs and opens her book to the back. She peels a sticker out of it, it's a heart, and places it at the hem of Brendan's shirt.

_"You can have that to remember me. Bye!"_ She waves as she runs off and hugs a woman from the back. It's her mother as Leah smiles up at her and takes her hand.

Brendan starts to peel off the sticker but ends up leaving it as he walks back over to the West Wing.

* * *

**Tuesday 7:54 PM**

_"You're back?"_ Ste sits back up In his bed.

_"Yeah thought I give you some time with your friend."_

_"Almost 2 full hours. I ran out of things to say to him within 15 minutes."_

_"So the rest of the time was spent doing what with him?"_

_"Fuck you Brendan I'm not doing this again with you."_ Ste leans back down but then feels pressure on his arms. Brendan is pining them down as he stands on the side of the bed. _"Let go your hurting me."_

_"Shut up. Here's how this is gonna work. I don't care about your fucking past and every damn person you been with but don't you ever let another guy visit you while I'm here. You understand me?"_ He applies more pressure but Ste doesn't respond. _"Are you deaf or stupid? Do. You. Understand?"_

_"You're fucking insane! Let go!"_

He releases his arms but doesn't move from his position. Ste looks up at him and sees nothing in his eyes. Their blank. It's not him.

_"I'm sorry."_

Ste backs away slightly as he sees that Brendan isn't even looking at him. He's staring straight ahead.

_"I'm sorry._

_"Brendan? You ok?"_

Brendan snaps his eyes back to him and blinks a couple times to focus on Ste.

_"What? Yeah I'm fine. Umm I'll be back in a bit yeah."_ He leans down and tries giving Ste a kiss but Ste moves and avoids it. _"Did I do something wrong?"_

_'He doesn't remember'_ Ste thinks to himself and what Cheryl said comes back to him.

**Sometimes he has a bit of a violent outburst. Almost like he blacks out and doesn't know what he's doing.**

While he's deep in thought he feels a kiss on his cheek and sees Brendan walk out of the room. Realization hits that Brendan has issues that are more complex than he originally thought, and it may be more than he can handle.

* * *

**Tuesday 8:21 PM**

Brendan walks out to his car as he just took the last of his pills and wants to refill the vial in case he needs more later on. As he is walking he feels someone watching him. Can feel the eyes burning a hole in the back of his head. He glances a look behind him but no one is there. He fumbles with his keys when he gets to the car. A keychain Anne gave him always ends up tangling around his key making it difficult to open the door. He starts untangling it and then feels a pair of hands grab him.

_"Oh bloody hell Cheryl! I'm the worst person to sneak up on."_

_"Sorry. How did you know it was me?"_

_"Reflection off the window."_

_"Oh."_

_"What do you want?"_

_"I just wanted to say sorry to you in person. I know it's not much and it probably sounds meaningless but I am sorry. For everything I said."_

_"You meant it though."_

_"Not all of it. I don't think you're any of those words I called you...except for frightened and lost."_

Brendan finally gets the door open and tells Cheryl to get in the passenger seat. They both shut the doors and stare ahead. The moon is bright and Cheryl looks over at Brendan and sees those familiar blue eyes, this time though they are luminous. They almost look unreal.

_"What?"_ Brendan can always tell when his sister is watching him. It usually gets followed by a serious conversation.

_"Oh it's nothing really. It's just whenever I see light coming out of your eyes I know that your here. Like your mind is here, you know."_

_"Yeah. So...you gonna talk to me about something or can I go back inside?"_

_"No hold on I need to talk to you. I want to say I'm sorry for everything. It's just I'm losing you Bren and I don't mean I'm losing you to someone else. I mean I'm losing YOU. Every day I see another part of you die and I don't know what else I can possibly do to help."_

_"Chez I'm still here. I'll always be here."_

_"Can you promise that?"_

She turns in her seat so that she can face him better. His gaze drops to the steering wheel as he grips it.

_"No."_

_"Look Brendan I know you're tired of me being in your life. I admit I'm overprotective. I'm meddling. I'm selfish. I'm in your face all the time. I'm controlling. And I'm not perfect. But when you almost lose the one person in your life that means the world to you, you forget who you are."_

_"Sis-"_

_"No no let me finish. That day changed our lives forever. It changed everything about us. We couldn't even recognize our own reflections. But I got help Brendan and I'm able to go through life as normal as possible now. But there's one part of that day that I will take to the grave with me."_

* * *

_"Wake up! Don't leave me!"_

_Brendan rushes into her bedroom and sees Cheryl shaking violently. She is frantically throwing her hands in the air._

_"Chez chez you're having a nightmare. You gotta wake up for me." Brendan grabs at her arms and tries moving her to get her to wake up._

_"No no! Please you have to stay with me. Please don't close your eyes. Brendan! You can't go! Not like this. Ambulance is on its way ok. Just hold on please. I can't do this without you."_

_She's talking in her sleep and tears are flowing down her cheeks. Brendan lifts her into a seated position and then sees her eyes open._

_"Hey hey you're ok. You're ok."_

_Cheryl's eyes are bloodshot red and her whole face is dripping with tears. "I'm so sorry."_

_"You don't have anything to be sorry about."_

_"No you shouldn't have to worry about me. I'm sorry I woke you up. I'm sorry I worried you. I'm sorry I didn't protect you. I'm sorry for choosing him. I'm sorry for being so fucking stupid. I'm-"_

_"Chez look at me. Look at me. It's not your fault. You have to stop blaming yourself for everything."_

_"It is my fault! You could have died Brendan!"_

_"I didn't though. I'm still here."_

_Cheryl's head slumps down and she starts whispering. "Why did you come after me? You should have left me."_

_"Do you honestly think I would have left you?"_

_"No I knew you would come. But I told you to run. Get away. You would have been safe." She grabs his arm and points to his scar. "You wouldn't have a daily remainder of what happened."_

_Brendan runs his hand over the scar and looks straight into Cheryl's eyes. "Yeah but it reminds me of what you did that day Cheryl. You put your life on the line for me. You're the best sister I could have ever asked for. This scar is just a reminder that you choose me and I will never forget that."_

_She pulls Brendan into a hug and holds on as if it's the last time she will see him. That if she lets go he won't be there. That if she lets go it'll all be a dream. A joke from god letting her believe he's there with her only to cruelly yank him away again. She clutches on to him for dear life to the point that it's suffocating, but it's the only way she knows it's real. That he's alive._

* * *

_"Don't."_

_"You tell me you wouldn't be like me if you laid on the floor and held your brother as he was slowly dying right in your arms. Have your brothers' blood pour all over you. See the glint in his eyes fade away. Feel him going cold under you. So you know what you can end up hating me for the rest of your life but I would take that in a heartbeat as long as I knew you were safe."_

She doesn't give him a chance to say anything as she gets out of the car and says _"I'm sorry"_ as she closes the door behind her.

* * *

**Tuesday 8:48 PM**

Its pitch dark in Stes room. Everything is turned off, but he's not asleep. He's wide awake just staring at the ceiling waiting for Brendan as he knows he will be back. And just as if reading his mind Brendan walks in. They both have different things running through their minds.

_"You going to bed soon? The lights are all off."_ He turns on one of the lamps but dims the light so only a red hue covers them.

_"No just was thinking."_

_"About what?"_ Brendan takes a seat on the chair and looks over at Ste.

_"You don't remember what happened earlier do you?"_

_"Umm yeah why wouldn't I."_

_"So you aren't even going to apologize then."_

_"For what? Giving you a couple hours to spend with your friend."_

_"No I mean what happened afterwards."_

_"I don't...I didn't say anything after."_

He doesn't remember. Ste can see it in his eyes that he has no recollection of it.

_"You did."_

_"What did I say then?"_

_"Brendan you didn't just say anything you held me down and told me that I can't have any guys visit me when you were here."_ He chances a glance up at Brendan and hopes he sees some sort of indication that he's sorry. But he doesn't get one. In fact a brief smirk appears on his face.

_"Doesn't sound like something I would do."_

_"So I'm making it up?"_

_"I don't know do I. But if it makes you feel better I'm sorry for 'allegedly' doing that."_

_"Are you bipolar or something because you go from being this nice guy to being a complete asshole the next."_

Brendan laughs at the statement and gets off the chair. _"Steven you should keep that pretty little mouth of yours shut before you say something you'll regret."_

_"Go to hell Brendan. I'm sure there's a place down there for you."_

_"Oh I'm hurt. Deeply hurt. So what I'm not good enough is that it huh? Is that other bloke better than me?"_

_"Seriously is all this because of Adam?_

Brendan loses focus for a second as someone catches his eyes outside the window. It's a man that looks to be around his 40s or 50s. He's in a suit. A brown one. He takes a seat on a bench and pulls out a fag. He reminds Brendan of someone. He feels a chill run down his back and he starts speaking. Only he's not speaking to Ste.

_"NO! This is all your fault! You're supposed to love me and protect me. But you did neither. You fucking ruined me. Look at me! Look at what I have become. I don't understand what I did that made you hate me so much. Why? Why me?"_

Ste has been trying to get Brendan's attention since he started talking. He called his name out over and over but it doesn't work. He tries speaking to him but he gets ignored.

Finally Ste reaches out and grabs Brendan's hand and pulls him over to him. He's completely lost and fragile and when he gets pulled he doesn't even feel it. He falls right into Stes arms. Ste holds him close and waits for Brendan to come back to him.

* * *

**Review pretty please?**


	13. Chapter 13

**AN: This chapter just killed me. I couldn't write a decent chapter to save my life...but it's done! I wanna thank you guys for the wonderful reviews. Absolutely made my day!**

**HUGE MENTION: Amber! (AmberScanlan1234) this chapter is dedicated to you. You really do inspire me and I feel so so blessed to have you as my friend. Thank you for all the laughs and random conversations! Seriously you're just the absolute best! Heart you! =)  
**

* * *

**Tuesday 9:40 PM**

_***All you hear is him colliding into everything outside your room. He's clearly drunk as you hear glass fall on the floor. It's just about to be midnight and all you want is to sleep. That's not asking much. Just a couple hours where you don't have to deal with life. Suddenly it goes quiet outside and it's strange unless he fell on the floor and knocked out. You figured if you cared about him you would go check, but you don't. Instead you pull the covers over you and drown out any other noise. A couple minutes later you hear him again saying the familiar chant of "Brenda." He will come get you himself if you don't go so you might as well get it over with. With your track suit bottoms on, you grab a white Tshirt off the floor and walk out of your room. There he is sitting at the kitchen table with a bottle of scotch in his hand._

_"Yeah?" You don't know exactly where you should stand at so you choose to lean against the counter, opposite of him._

_"Saw you and Pete walking around town today. Looked like you two were some sort a queer couple."_

_You can't take this anymore. Everyday it's the same thing. It's always Pete this and Pete that. You don't even spend that much time around him but to your 'father' it's enough._

_"I'm not gay Seamus." You rarely call him dad anymore unless Cheryl is around or when it's your only escape from his brutal beatings._

_"Those lips tell a different story."_

_You're actually confused and stare at him for an explanation but you can already feel that by the end of the night another part of you is going to be tainted._

_"Those lips are perfect for sucking cock Brenda. I think it's time you learned how, considering you will most likely be doing it throughout your life you little faggot."_

_You shake your head trying to tell him you don't want to do this. It's not right. This is just his form of humiliating you._

_"No I don't...I don't want too." You ask for someone, anyone to hear your silent pleas. But like all the times before this, no one comes. They never help you. You never get saved._

_Seamus advances towards you and hits you right on the throat completely making you fall onto the floor in pain. Once again you can't breathe, it's becoming a tradition really. You think Seamus gets some sort of sick pleasure from seeing you gasping for air. He drags you across the tile flooring but throws you under the table. While he starts to seat down he unbuckles and zips down his fly._

_"I don't want to see your face during this you got it." He drags the chair forward and pulls you onto your knees and gives you one last smack across the face. "Suck."_

_The last thing you remember is looking down counting all the little spots on one of the square tiles._

_There was 237. ***_

Brendan wakes up in a cold sweat and tries to move but finds some sort of pressure keeping him down. When he looks around he sees he's not in his bedroom. It takes him a few more seconds to realize he's still at work. Not only that but he's currently lying on Stes bed. When he looks over he sees Ste sound asleep but he has one arm over his chest. The grip is tight and secure as if Ste refuses to let anyone get him. Brendan feels...safe. For one time in his life he feels like someone is looking after him. But then the other emotion comes in where he hates feeling like he can't take care of himself, like he's this weak person that needs help. He doesn't.

_"Steven?"_ When Ste doesn't move Brendan tries to lightly move his arm off him. He only shuffles closer to Brendan.

_"Wake up Steven I'm gonna get in trouble if someone walks in."_ And right on cue Cheryl walks in.

_"Hey Ste I was-"_ She stops mid-sentence and the expression on her face would be laughable under different circumstances_. "What are-"_ her mouth opens and closes so many times. It's as if her mind is trying to get out a sentence but there's so many questions that they all get jammed coming out. _"Are you-"_ her eyes widen and she keeps looking between the two of them. _"Finish this and come to my office. Immediately."_ She slams the doors as she leaves.

Brendan kisses Ste on the nose and that seems to do the trick. Stes eyes slowly open and he gives Brendan a shy smile.

_"Hi."_

_"Hey...umm...can you move your arm. Please?"_

_"Oh sorry."_

As soon as he does, Brendan jumps off the bed but stays next to it.

_"Not your fault just...Cheryl walked in and-"_

_"Oh great. Now she's actually going to kill me. Did she ask you to explain or anything?"_

_"No and even if she did I wouldn't even know what to say. Umm...how did I get in bed with you?"_

_"You don't remember what happened before you fell asleep, do you?"_

Brendan tries to re play the scene in his head and the last part he remembers is himself seating down. Beside that he has no clue. There's no memory of anything else.

_"Not really no. Fill me in."_

_"Erm...earlier you kind of held me down-"_ Ste looks at Brendan and sees him cringe when he hears 'held me down' _"-and said a couple things so when you came back we got into another row. You were being an asshole...I'm sorry but you were and then all the sudden you like went into some trance. You were talking but not to me. I kept trying to snap you out of it but couldn't. The only thing I could think to do was hold you. So I did. I kept my hold on you until you finally stopped shaking and fell asleep."_

_"I'm sorry-"_ Ste tries reaching out to him and stop him _"-no not for that. I'm sorry for anything I said earlier. I'm sorry for putting my hands on you, I wouldn't...I wouldn't hurt you. I promise. I didn't know-"_

Ste extends his hand out and motions for Brendan to get back in bed.

_"Steven I can't."_

_"I'm not asking you to stay here just come here real quick."_

Brendan climbs back into the bed but doesn't lie down. He stays on his knees instead.

_"What now?"_

Ste motions for him to move over him so Brendan ends up straddling him again but doesn't move.

_"I don't know what's going on in your mind Brendan but you need help. I need you to understand that I won't turn my back on you. We will get through this together. No matter what you do I won't stop fighting for you. I want to help you get better."_

_"I can't change Steven."_

_"Look at me. I am not gonna give up on you ok. I_ _won't give up on you."_

Ste reaches around and grabs him around the waist. Brendan gives in and dips down. Their foreheads connect and Ste moves his hands to the back of Brendan's neck.

_"Thank you."_ Brendan lays one hand on Stes cheek and gives him a warm-hearted kiss on the lips before he leaves.

* * *

**Tuesday 10:10 PM**

When Brendan walks into Cheryl's office she already has an exasperated look on her face. He mirrors her actions and takes a seat.

_"So are you finally going to say it? I mean like actually SAY it?"_

Brendan rises from his seat and is about to leave when Cheryl speaks again.

_"Yeah Brendan walk away. Just like you always do when this topic comes up."_

_"I'm not. I just don't want to talk about it."_

_"Just tell me. I already know. Why can't you for once in your life just say it out loud?"_

_"Cause I'm not."_

_"YOU ARE! Did that worthless piece of shit screw up your head that much to the point you can't even admit who you are Bren. You're gay. I known since you were 15."_

Brendan leans back on the wall and slides down all the way till he hits the floor. _"I can't say it."_

Cheryl walks over to him and takes a spot next to him on the floor. _"You already have so many things on your shoulders Bren this shouldn't be one of them. I will love you regardless."_

_"I know but once I say it I'm saying he was right along. You know that I was this weak fragile son that deserved...you know."_

_"YOU NEVER DESERVED THAT. Never."_ Cheryl moves to sit in front of him. _"Look at me. You did NOT deserve any of that. I will not listen to you say that. He...he was scum. A waste of space in this world. He was the weak one. Not you. You have more strength than anyone. I just want you to see how absolutely amazing you are inside and out."_ She takes hold of his left hand and rotates the ring he has on his finger. _"I know mum would agree."_

* * *

_"You're so close sweetie."_

_"I can't mum."_

_"Yes you can. One more branch."_

_Brendan reaches as far as he can and is able to grab onto the tree branch above him. He pulls himself up and takes a seat on it while looking down at his mom._

_"You did it! I'm so proud of you!"_

_Brendan can help but smile. He feels really good about himself and wants to go even higher._

_"No no no Brendan. I don't want you to get hurt. Come back down."_

_He reluctantly climbs back down carefully and runs into his mother's open arms. She ruffles his hair and hugs him tight._

_"See and you thought you couldn't do it."_

_"I know."_

_She pats the seat next to her on the bench and Brendan jumps up. She grabs the paper bag she brought and takes out a peanut butter and jelly sandwich, apple slices, and a brownie._

_"Eat the sandwich first Brendan." She says to him as he was about to take a giant bite out of the brownie._

_Brendan eats his lunch as he swings his legs back and forth. He looks up at the sky and tries to make shapes out of the clouds._

_"Is that were you're going mum." Brendan mumbles as he points up towards the sky._

_"Yes sweetie. But you still have me for a couple more months. And even when I'm gone I'll always be around you Brendan. You can even call me your guardian angel if you want."_

_"I don't want you to go."_

_"I don't want go either but the doctors can't help me anymore Brendan. No no...don't cry." She holds onto him as tight as her deteriorating body can. "Shh it's ok. It's ok. It's ok."_

_They end up leaving the park and head home. When she opens the door she quickly glances around the room then moves aside so Brendan can walk in. He flops onto the sofa and turns on some cartoons._

_"Brendan come in here for a sec."_

_Brendan walks into his mother's room and sits down on the floor. She takes a seat in front of him and opens up her hand. In her palm is a black band ring._

_"I got this for you when you were born. I was going to give it to you on your 18th birthday but I won't be around to see that so I'm giving it to you now. It's a bit big but in a couple of years you'll be able to wear it."_

_She places it on Brendan's hand which he now has open._

_"Whenever you feel alone look at that ring and remember that I'm there. Whenever you're happy look down and know I'm smiling with you. Whenever you feel scared I'm there holding your hand. Look at this ring as a sign of strength Brendan. You can do anything. You are re best gift god ever gave to me and I love you so much. Don't forget me ok."_

_"I promise I won't mum."  
_

* * *

Cheryl watches him as he starts to shake a bit.

_"Bren you ok?"_

_"I'm fine."_

She knows he's not. In a split second she loses him again. He brings up his knees and covers his face with them. His hands are trembling as he rocks back and forth.

_"No! No! No! Get off me!"_

Cheryl backs away as she knows one of these types of episodes result in him lashing out and last time it ended with her getting a kick to her leg for being too close to him. She got a small bruise and Brendan kept apologizing so many times that Cheryl had to scream at him that it wasn't his fault.

_"Why do I have to say it?"_

She looks at her brother and feels like a knife is going straight through her heart. She physically can feel a sharp pain in her chest as she has to bare witness to this. His eyes are open but there's nothing behind them. They look dead to Cheryl. He's completely disconnected to reality. She can't watch anymore when she sees her brother violently grip his belt and hold on. The tears start falling from her face as she hides behind the desk and has to hear her brothers' 8 year old self plea for help.

_"Say it boy. Or I'll keep doing it."_

Cheryl starts hyperventilating as she hears Brendan impersonating their father. He's spot on with the voice and it brings back so many memories. Awful memories.

_"Brendan! Stop! He's not here."_ She shouts at him as she tries getting her breath back.

_"I...I...like it. I like...I like...when you do this."_

That's all she can take. She drags herself all the way to him. She refuses to allow him to even speak those words. He may not even know what's happening but she will not let that monster make him admit that again. Cheryl sees her brother with tears running down his face and shaking all over.

_"Brendan please come back. Can you hear me? I'm right here with you. You're not there. It's all in your mind. You need to come back to reality. Please."_

She places a hand on his knee and he loses it.

_"DON'T TOUCH ME! DON'T YOU EVER TOUCH ME!"_

He starts kicking and throwing punches in the air. Cheryl luckily dodges the punch and says to hell with it and jumps right back in front of Brendan.

_"LOOK AT ME! IT'S JUST ME!"_

He starts to throw another punch and Cheryl braces herself for it. When she doesn't feel anything she opens her eyes and sees the life coming back into Brendan. His eyes turn from black to blue again. He's looking around to figure out where he is.

_"You're back."_

Brendan looks at his sister and she looks terrified. She's putting on a fake smile for him but he could read her like a book. Her eyes tell the whole story and they are reflecting sadness and fear. He figured he just had another episode and it probably wasn't pretty.

_"Chez...I didn't...I didn't hit you right?"_

_"No you didn't. I'm fine. Are you ok?"_

_"Don't. Don't ask me that. I know I almost struck you or something for you to have that look on your face and yet you still want to know if I'm ok."_

_"Yes! When will you get it in your head Brendan that my number one priority is you? I could care less about myself. I just...I can't lose you. But I am. You're losing touch with reality Brendan. You're...you're losing this fight."_

He knows he is. He's been knocked down so many times but keeps lifting himself back up. Mentally he's exhausted. His mind can't take much more. This long standing fight between himself and his past was always going to go one way. He knew it. Cheryl knew it. All they are waiting for is that final punch.

_"Never said I would win."_

* * *

**Tuesday 10:45 PM**

Cheryl dragged Brendan into a restroom and made sure they both didn't look like they had just been crying. Many eye drops later they went back to her office where she made sure he was ok to finish up his shift. It was only a couple more minutes so he said he would be fine.

Brendan goes to the North Wing first to make sure that patient is asleep, and she is. So he heads back to the West Wing to check on Laura but she's also asleep. His last stop is to see Ste. Knowing him he probably has stayed up waiting for Brendan to come say goodnight.

He's up.

_"Hiya!"_

Brendan doesn't necessarily feel joyful nor does he want to smile. But it's something about seeing Stes entire face light up when he sees him walk in that gets him every time. The gray cloud over his head suddenly disappears and he's content again. Just being in this room with Ste does something to him. It grounds him.

_"Hi. Why you still up?"_

_"Well I was waiting for you to say bye."_

_"So I'm now expected to come see you before I leave."_ He says it playfully and is sure his eyes show he's not serious.

_"Yeah basically."_

_"Guess I can manage that for...you."_

Ste once again holds his hand out and tells Brendan to come over. Brendan does a quick glance outside the door and makes sure no one is around before he moves.

_"Steven I'm not some doll you can just order around."_

_"For now you are as I can't do much."_

_"Yeah yeah yeah but once you're all healed up, I'm gonna get you back for all this."_

_"Can't wait."_ Ste licks his lips and waits for Brendan to get on the bed. _"Seriously why do you always do this to me?"_

_"Do what?"_ Brendan did get on the bed but is sitting opposite of him.

_"The distance."_

_"What do you want me to do exactly?"_

_"You know what?"_

He must be lucky today because Brendan starts crawling to him and gets on top, not making any contact.

_"Now what?"_

_"Can you, you know."_ Ste places his hands on Brendan's waist.

Brendan straddles Stes legs and places both his hands on the bed rails next to him. He starts grinding on him slowly and picks up on the intensity as he continues.

_"Oh fuck...faster Bren."_

Brendan moves to lie on top of him and spreads Stes legs for him enough so that he can get in between. Ste can feel Brendan is already hard as he starts to roll his hips on him. Ste moves his hands under Brendan's shirt and finally is able to feel his skin. He runs his fingers as far as they can and drags his nails back down making Brendan moan into the side of his neck. He's been sucking on his neck and Ste can feel Brendan's teeth biting him every so often. He assumes Brendan likes it extremely rough so this can't be easy on him to even be this gentle. He starts pushing down on him with force causing Stes back to give him a small bit of pain.

_"You alright?"_ Brendan looks at him and Ste is transfixed. His eyes are dilated and pure black. His lips are glistening from the amount of saliva he has had to use. Not to mention he's panting. Ste can't speak but nods and pulls him back onto him. He feels his shirt get pulled up and then Brendans lips starts working his way down. His tongue effortlessly tease him all over. He licks his nipple and then sucks on it causing Stes hips to thrust up. He winces as he feels the pain that just caused.

_"You can't stay still can you."_

Ste hits him slightly as Brendan gets back to what he was doing.

_"You're so fucking beautiful."_ He reaches the top of his track suit bottoms and looks up at him as if asking for permission.

_"Umm wait wait come back up here."_

_"What for?"_

_"Just come here."_

Ste laughs when he hears Brendan release a frustrated sigh.

_"You first."_

Brendan can't comprehend what's happening as he stares at Stes golden toned skin below him_. "First what?"_

Ste is stalling. He's beyond nervous and thinks this plan of his will calm him down_. "I mean umm can I you know...see it?"_

_"See what?"_ His train of thought still hasn't come back to him yet.

Ste knows he must be extremely red all over. _"Your you know...dick."_

Brendan stares at him and once again Ste can't tell what he's thinking.

_"Why?"_

_"You're so difficult Brendan."_

_"What the hell did I do?"_

_"Oh great now were about to argue again."_

_"Steven I'm not gonna argue with you when I was just about to put my mouth on your cock."_ He pauses for a second as he thinks of another compromise. _"I want to taste you Steven. You really gonna deny me that?"_

Ste makes no move to answer and keeps his lips sealed.

_"Fine you win."_ Brendan takes hold of Stes hand and moves it down to his waistband. They keep eye contact as he pushes both their hands into his boxers and feels Ste grab his rock hard shaft. _"Pull it out."_

Stes eyes bulge out as he actually sees the size of him. His hand gets a firmer grip and he looks up into Brendan's eyes. Brendan slides his thumb against the head and gathers some of the pre cum off onto his finger.

_"Open your mouth."_ It's a downright order and Ste opens up willingly. _"You can suck now."_

The obscene noises coming out of Stes mouth as he sucks makes it difficult for Brendan to stay still. He grips his own cock and starts to move his hand up and down. Their eyes meet again and they both see fire pulsing in them. Without any hesitation Brendan takes his other hand and reaches into Stes pants and takes hold of his member. He starts working both of them at the same rhythm.

_"Oh my god...Bren! Just..."_

Brendan teases the tip of Stes cock with his thumb and feels the liquid just dripping from it. His vision starts to cloud and all he can see is Ste who looks like he is in complete bliss. His eyes can't stay open but when Brendan catches a glimpse of them it sends a chill all throughout his body. He's addicted to him. Ste is his drug. This boy that walked into his life only a week ago has become his medicine.

Brendan achingly strokes Stes shaft as he looks down at the quivering boy beneath him. He forgets about his own pleasure and focuses on giving Ste everything he wants.

_"Look at me Steven."_

Ste musters up any control he has to make eye contact. Brendan keeps a tight hold on him and starts to strip his cock raw. It's not gentle anymore it's pure animistic. The adrenaline pumping through both of them is intense. Ste forgets about his back and starts trusting his hips up fucking Brendan's hand. They become in sync with one another.

_"Bren! I'm...I can't hold..."_

The wave of pleasure shoots all through his body as he cums all over Brendan's hand. He looks up to see Brendan licking off every last bit of him off his hand.

_"Aren't you delicious."_ Brendan smirks at him and leans down for a passionate kiss. Ste can taste himself but at this point he couldn't care less. After what feels like forever Brendan stops.

_"I really should get going but this was...nice."_

_"Nice? That's it."_

_"Yep." _He smiles at him playfully and jumps off the bed making sure he looks presentable_. "I look alright?"_

_"You look better than alright."_

_"Shut up. I come in at 5 tomorrow I think so I'll see you a bit later yeah."_

_"Too right you will."_

_"Too right I will."_

They affectionately kiss one more time before Brendan heads off for the night.

* * *

**Wednesday 4:13 PM**

_"Umm has the universe suddenly collapsed on itself."_

_"What are talking about Chez."_

_"You're on time. No wait you're early. I'm speechless."_

_"I been early before."_

Cheryl gives him one of her signature _'we both know that's a lie' _look.

_"Ok fine but I was trying to do work at home and kept getting distracted so decided to just see if I could focus more here."_

Cheryl takes a seat on the table with him and takes a look at all the paperwork around him. _"What exactly are you doing?"_

_"Well I'm thinking Laura probably has some rare condition and I'm trying to pinpoint what it could be."_

_"We done almost every test on her and everything comes up normal."_

_"Yeah I know but it has to be something."_

Cheryl's pager goes off signaling her that a trauma patient is on the way. _"Well go over to the supply ward and see about researching some of the older diseases. Might lead you somewhere. I gotta go."_ She lightly taps him on the back and rushes out of the cafeteria.

Brendan is so focused on the patient charts that he doesn't even register anything happening around him. He especially didn't hear a particular person approaching him.

_"Brendan. Nice to see you here on time."_

_"What?"_ Brendan peels his eyes away from the chart and lifts his head up to see the stupid annoying irritating smirk on Eoghans dumb disgusting hideous face_. "Had work to do. What do you want?"_ He goes back to staring at his papers and hopes that Eoghan gets the message he doesn't want to chat.

_"Hello to you too."_

_"Yeah yeah hey...bye."_

_"I'm not done here."_ Eoghan takes the chair opposite of him and looks through some of his paperwork. _"Shame you still can't figure it out."_

_"I'm trying."_

_"You been trying for months."_

Brendan slams the chart closed and throws the pen on the table. Eoghan always does this. Not once has he ever gotten a compliment on anything job related. Countless of meetings he has attended and witnessed everyone else get a _'good job'_ except for him. He could care less if he got the compliment but what he hates is when Eoghan looks at him and in front of the whole staff says _'work a little harder Brendan.' _Then the staff all look at him and he sees some of them whispering to each other like he's some sort of joke. One time he ended up kicking the back of Wills' wheelchair when he made a sly comment to Eoghan about him. Apparently he doesn't know his own strength as Will ended up toppling over onto the floor. He couldn't contain the smile on his face as he saw Will flailing around like a fish. That was a good day.

_"Now are you done?"_

_"No actually I did want to talk to you. Your annual progress report is coming up."_

_"Great. Good. Fantastic. Leave."_ Brendan is sick of seeing his face. Not to mention have to hear his voice. He compares it to nails going down a chalkboard. Does his head in.

_"Oh you're so touchy today Brendan. What was your score last time?"_

_"88."_

_"With a little help right."_

_"Yeah I guess."_

_"I looked at where you stand right now and let's just say you're far from passing. You might need help again."_

Brendan knows he most likely has a dreadful score but he really doesn't want to take Eoghans _'help.'_

_"Maybe but it might go up."_

_"I'm sure it will but it still won't get you to a 70."_

_"What do you want from me?"_

_"Brendan I'm only looking out for your best interest. I know you need this job. I'm on your side remember. If it was anyone else they would have already been fired but I have kept you around."_

_"Yeah why's that?"_

Brendan wants to puke his guts out when he sees Eoghans face at that moment. Of course he already knows one of the reasons he keeps him here.

_"I'm pretty sure you know why. Anyway when you make up your mind you know what to do."_ Eoghan stands up and looks at Brendan again_. "Don't stress yourself out so much I wouldn't want to see that gorgeous face of yours have lines all over it."_ He laughs as walks away from him.

_"Fucking prick."_

* * *

**Wednesday 5:27 PM**

Mitzeee and Brendan have been skipping on work for the past 20 minutes as they hid in one of the supply rooms. Of course being as there aren't any doors to the rooms they are crouched down in the corner behind a shelf filled with drugs.

_"You're hogging it all Brendan! Give me a sip."_

_"You already took two sips...no gulps more like it."_

She easily takes it out of his hand as he really wasn't doing a good job keeping it away from her. How they found a bottle of whiskey in a hospital no one will ever know. It was in the East Wings break room so they just stole it and made a run for it.

_"You sure they won't come looking for it Brendan?"_

_"Naw their too lazy to even walk all the way over here. Besides we will just hid it somewhere I guess."_ He takes another swig of it before he passes it back to Mitzeee.

_"Ok last one as we both just started our shifts. Don't want to be drunk at work."_

_"I would."_

_"Shut up."_ She pushes him and he topples over falling straight on the ground. _"Oh for fucks sake Brendan you better not be tipsy."_

He laughs and winks at her as he pulls himself back up and leans his back on the wall.

_"So what's up? You look like you have a lot on your mind."_

_"I don't."_

_"Come on Brendan. I can't see your mind going like a mile a minute. Is it Cheryl? I thought you two were working something out."_

_"No it's not her. We're talking at least but I'm sure we'll get into another fight again soon."_

_"Most likely. So what is it then?"_

Brendan isn't really a talkative person. He doesn't enjoy telling people what is actually going through his mind. If he was to tell them a small portion of what he sees they wouldn't be able to handle it. It's not something that he feels people need to take on their shoulders. He was cursed with this life and no one else needs to have to endure it.

_"It's nothing."_

Mitzeee starts twirling her hair around her finger and starts whistling a song.

_"Cut it out."_

_"Nope not until you talk."_

_"Ugh why are we even friends?"_

_"Cause you can't get rid of me."_ She pauses for a second and then plasters on the hugest smile imaginable. _"Soooo...how are you and Ste?"_

_"What?"_ Brendan almost chokes on his own spit.

_"Spill the deets. What's happening there? You tell him you like him."_

_"Why would I do that?"_

_"Ah ha! You didn't deny it."_ She does a small victory dance. _"If you didn't like him you would have answered me back with 'I don't like him' so shove that in your face Brady."_

_"No you cow I meant why would I tell him that when I don't. Stick that in your face Minniver."_

She starts slap him lightheartedly and goes to mess up his hair that he spent a good 20 minutes on.

_"You like him! You like him! You kissed him haven't you?"_

Apparently Brendan takes a bit longer to reply and Mitzeee is all over it.

_"Oh my god! You have! I was joking I didn't think you actually did. So fucking cute."_

_"I didn't even say anything."_

_"Yeah but you hesitated and that says it all really. I'm so freaking excited. Ok tell me all about it."_

_"I'm not gonna gossip with you."_ Brendan's pages goes off so he stands up, a bit wobbly at first.

_"Fine but ok ok answer me this."_

_"What?"_

_"Are you two together?"_

* * *

**Wednesday 5:50 PM**

Cheryl is in Stes room when Brendan walks in. She gives him a minuscule smile but doesn't look delighted.

_"You call me?"_ Brendan looks at Ste and can already see Ste blushing.

_"Yeah time we move Ste over to the North Wing and start him up on his physical therapy. He's all good with the internal injuries so now we just need to get his muscles working again."_

_"Oh alright you want me to do that now?"_ Brendan waits for a response but Cheryl seems to be deep in thought. She keeps looking at Ste almost as if she's examining him for something. _"Cheryl?"_

_"Huh what? Sorry yeah. You have a room ready for him?"_

_"Yeah pretty sure."_

_"Alright then he's all yours."_

Ste smiles so hard his teeth almost blind the room and Cheryl takes notice.

_"A bit happy there aren't you Ste?"_

_"Yep I can't wait to finally being able to move."_

_"Right I'm sure that's the reason." _She gives her brother another look that he can't make out_. "Ok Brendan you can take him. Oh and come back over here in an hour or so. I need to talk to you."_ Cheryl doesn't say goodbye to either of them and leaves the room.

_"She's a little cranky huh."_

_"You say anything to her?"_

_"No she just came in and stood there in silence till you came."_

_"She's weird. Come on let's get you going then."_ Brendan gives him a chaste kiss on the lips before he puts him on the wheelchair. _"You got everything?"_

_"Yeah didn't really have much."_ Ste leans his head back and pouts his lips. _"One more?"_

_"You're impossible."_ Brendan tilts his head down and gives him an upside down kiss. It turns out it's pretty awkward to do. That and his cross keeps smacking Ste in the eye. _"Sorry. I'll give you a better one when were over there."_

He wheels him to the North Wing and gets him settled in. The rooms here are much larger than the West Wing. There are flowers, books, magazines, board games, the lot.

_"No wonder people like it here more."_

_"How told you that?"_

_"No one. But it's like 100 times better over here."_

_"You do realize most of the time you're going to have to be doing exercises right."_

_"Naw I'm sure my physical therapist will go easy on me."_

_"I don't think he will."_

Ste gives him a bubbly smile and gets back to looking around the room to get familiar with his new 'home.'

_"So umm...I...I missed you."_

At first Brendan doesn't know if that just came out of his mouth but after seeing Stes face he realizes it did.

_"You what?"_

_"I'm not saying it again."_

_"Awww aren't you-"_

_"No no no don't say it."_

_"Adorable."_

Brendan hits him with the pillow very softly and then tries covering Stes mouth when he busts out in laughter.

_"You're gonna ruin everyone's eardrum with that laugh of yours."_

_"You love it."_

_"Not in my vocabulary mate."_

_"I'm not your mate."_

_"So what are you?"_

Ste opens his mouth to answer but his phone goes off. The tables are a little farther than in his last room so he can't necessarily reach it. Brendan grabs it for him instead and is about to hand it over and when he sees the name on the screen.

_"Oh look who it is."_

Ste can already feel the mood change as Brendan sounds irritated now.

_"Umm-"_

_"Adam. You know your little boyfriend from last time."_

_"He's not my boyfriend. You-"_

_"You going to tell him to fuck off or should I?"_

Brendan places the phone on the bed next to Ste. It's that silence that they have grown used to as no one says anything. The phones ringtone is the only sound in the room. It finally stops ringing so Ste just puts it into his hand.

_"You didn't answer me Steven."_

_"I don't know what you want me to do. There's nothing between me and him so there's no reason for me to even tell him anything."_

_"Give me your phone."_

_"No you're only going to go off on him and he hasn't done anything."_

_"Aww how fucking cute, you care about him. I can find his number you know that right."_

Ste looks into his eyes and still sees its Brendan. He hasn't blacked out like last time. He still seems to be present.

_"Can we drop this please? It's not worth it."_

_"I'm not worth it?"_

_"That's not what I meant! Stop making everything my fault!"_

_"All I'm asking for is your phone you're the one being a little bitch about it."_

Ste throws the phone in Brendan's direction but he manages to dodge it. It crashes into the wall behind him and shatters.

_"Fuck you Brendan. You owe me a new phone too."_

_"I'll get you a new phone when you leave this place until then you're not talking to anyone else. I never really liked sharing my possessions you know."_

_"Possession? I'm not a some sort of toy. Jesus how controlling are you seriously."_ Ste looks around to see if there's anything else he can throw at him.

_"I can be worst. You really haven't even scratched the surface."_

Ste is surprised when Brendan gives him an infatuated smile and his eyes also have this light in them. Their glistening and Ste can't look away.

_"I gotta head over to the West Wing for a bit and check up on a patient but I'll be back."_

Brendan leans down enough so that both of them are close to one another.

_"Gissa kiss. No? You mad at me is that it."_

_"Just go."_

_"Fine."_ Brendan takes out his phone from his pocket and drops it next to Ste_. "You can use my phone since till my shift is over. I'll see you in a bit."_ He exits the room and Ste watches him as he walks out.

* * *

**Wednesday 6:30 PM**

Ste lays down on his bed and turns on the tv to some reality show. He isn't paying much attention to it as he starts thinking about what's happening here. He knows he is in love with Brendan. Has been from the start. That love at first sight people talk about apparently is possible. He knows that now. Every time he sees Brendan his heart literally grows. It's this feeling that tells him he would be lost without him in his life. But there's a problem. It's a problem that has been subtly show and talked about to him since he has been here. Brendan Brady is mentally unstable. He hides it the best he can but there's moments when it shows. He's controlling, possessive, aggressive, vicious, forgetful, untrusting, and destructive. Most of all Brendan is a shattered soul. Broken. Lost. Sometimes when Ste watches him he sees a man that is barely holding it together. Trying desperately to crawl his way out of this dark hole that he's sinking further and further in.

He's so consumed in his thoughts he doesn't notice when someone walks in.

_"Ste I think it's time we talked."_

* * *

_He's on you and you're struggling to push him off but you're far too weak. He almost chocked you to death and you still haven't been giving enough time to get your breath back. Seamus has his knee pressed down right on your stomach. He moves slightly so you are able to look behind him and you see your sister on the floor by the kitchen counter. She's not moving and you want to scream out to her. Just say anything so that she will wake up. Or just to tell her you love her before he takes your life. But you can't. Seamus has his hand pushed up against your mouth and you're powerless to yell. You move your legs and throw your arms trying to do something, anything._

_"Stop moving you fucking worthless excuse of a son! You deserve everything you have ever gotten. Do you hear me? It disgusts me to have to look at you and call you my son. I should have killed you a long time ago."_

_"Get away from him."_

_You hear her weak voice coming from behind. She slowly gets up but has too grab onto the counter to keep her balance. Seamus slashes you with the knife across your collarbone before he gets up and charges toward her._

_"NOOOOO! CHERYL!"_

_Her screams fill the entire room. It makes you forget about all the physical pain you're going through. Now the pain is just in your heart. You roll over and try crawling towards them as you see her fighting for her life. She's throwing punches harder than you ever thought possible. She hits him right in the face and tries running around him but he grabs her across the waist and flings her against the counter. Her head slams into the cabinet at such force that the cabinet door falls off the hinges. You hear her groan as her back collides onto the floor. After that she's silent._

_"Chez..."_

_Seamus laughs at the sight of her and comes towards you again. He gives you a kick to the ribs that sends you rolling onto your back again. The belt comes off and he whips you all over your chest. You see blood flying through the air with every single hit. He drops back to his knees and pulls down his trousers._

_"Get a last one out of you before I finish you."_

_He takes off your belt and then hastily pops the button on your jeans and un zips you. You close your eyes but there's a voice you hear that's telling you to open them. You listen and slowly open your eyes. Seamus is still on top of you and seems to be struggling with the zip as you hear him cursing. You don't understand what you're supposed to be looking for until you see it. Until you see her. You try focusing behind Seamus to see Cheryl struggling to move. She's alive. She refuses to stay down. There's blood around but she either doesn't notice or doesn't care as she places her hand right in it to try and lift herself up. You feel hands on your chest now. You're about to close your eyes so you don't have to see his face while he does this to you. Before you do though something catches your attention. A tiny sliver of light pierces the darkness and you see the blood-crusted razor sharp metal in Cheryl's hand._

* * *

**BAM! Sorry this took me longer than usual but I felt blah about it. I hope you liked it. Review please?**


	14. Chapter 14

**AN: *Waves* THANK YOUUU so much for the reviews/follows/favs. They all touched my heart and I was giddy all day...and y'all got me past the 200 mark! Absolutely amazed and grateful...muchas gracias!**

**PS: I'm really sorry about the wait...I blame writers block lol.**

* * *

**Wednesday 6:35 PM**

_"Ste I think it's time we talked."_

Cheryl slowly walks in not knowing how Ste is going to react to her after their last encounter.

_"The last person I want to talk to is you."_

_"Look I know what I did was stupid ok. I'm sorry I really am. I don't know what I was thinking but I just wanted to help."_ She pulls a chair next to the bed while Ste fidgets with the phone in his hand. _"Isn't that Brendan's?"_

_"Umm yeah. Sorta broke mine."_ He points to the floor where all the tiny pieces of his now destroyed phone lie.

_"It's completely shattered. What did you throw it against a wall?"_ Cheryl laughs thinking that's ridiculous but as soon as she sees his face she stops_. "You actually threw it!"_

_"Well your brother is a loon and all I had was my phone."_

_"Why didn't you throw the pillow?"_

_"Why didnt-"_ Ste slaps himself in the face at his moment of stupidity. _"I'll use it next time."_

Cheryl doesn't say anything for a couple minutes as they both sit in silence. She has an internal struggle within herself and doesn't know if she is doing the right thing. Or if she should even be doing this at all. She remembers how furious Brendan got at her for talking to Ste about him, so what she's going to do now may push it too far. Too far to the point where he may stop trusting her altogether and she couldn't deal with that. It has never really occurred to her how dependent she is of him. Her happiness only comes when she knows he is happy. Inside this bubbly over the top persona lies a little girl asking for help. The sadness and despair fills her whole being. Every time she closes her eyes she sees dripping blood and worst of all she sees her father pining her brother on the floor.

_"CHERYL!"_

_"What?! What?!"_ She almost falls out of the chair from the sheer abruptness from Ste.

_"I been calling your name for minutes. Daydreaming?"_

_"I wish. Look I came to talk to you about something and I don't really know if it's my place or not but I have too."_

_"Ok what?"_

Cheryl decides that at this point she has to warn him. She will always choose her brother over anyone. It doesn't matter the situation but there comes a time when she has to protect the person that is trying to become a part of someone's life that they don't even know.

_"You remember when I told you those things about Brendan?"_

Ste nods and has experienced first-hand the black outs and violent outbursts.

_"I wasn't just making that up. I know you probably don't believe me and I don't blame you if you don't. But you two are getting close...as friends and I feel like I owe it to you to tell you what you're getting into. I'm not saying this to try and ruin anything I just want you to be safe."_

Ste can see Cheryl is struggling to speak and her movements alone show that she's a nervous wreck. She's avoiding eye contact and keeps looking towards the door every so often. _"Wait a minute; you're looking out for me?"_

_"Shocking right but yes. I care about you as a patient and...you make my brother happy so for that alone I'm forever in your debt. But you don't know him. I mean you know bits and pieces. The parts he chooses to show. The parts that are the best qualities about him. But you would be a fool to think that's him. It's the complete opposite."_

_"I don't understand."_

Cheryl takes a deep breath as there's no going back now. She already stuck her foot into the fire she has to keep going. _"Brendan has been through a lot of things in his life. Devastating things. Things that you wouldn't wish on your worst enemy. Those memories he carries around are destroying him every day. I don't know if you have seen it but he is slowly losing grip with the real world. He's not mentally stable Ste. Not by a long shot. He has...episodes. Some item or word or a person can trigger a memory and just like that you lose him to his past. I don't want you to get hurt when he has one of his violent episodes because at that moment he's not himself and I don't like saying it but he's capable of attacking you."_

Ste is speechless at everything Cheryl is saying. He's only seen Brendan have one episode and that one alone was difficult to handle. He wouldn't describe it as violent so he can't imagine how he would handle one where it became more aggressive.

_"He needs help. He needs help now. He can't handle it anymore. And I don't think I'm the person that can save him." _She stares deeply into Stes eyes and convey how serious she is right now. In her eyes this right now is a life or death situation.

_"You are."_

* * *

**Wednesday 7:01 PM**

Brendan is now standing in the restroom waiting for Laura to finish throwing up. _'What has my life become'_ he thinks to himself as he holds her hair out of the way. Once she is finished he gets her settled back into her bed and is about to walk out but she ends up throwing up again. Only this time its blood. It's a large amount so he orders an MRI scan for her immediately.

She softly says _"thank you"_ to Brendan as he wheels her to the radiography room. Brendan tries giving her a comforting smile. They reach the room and wait while the technician gets the machine working.

_"So when there done they will take you back to your room and I'll come check on you then."_

She nods and stares ahead. _"I wanted to tell you thanks for always been there for me. Always made me feel like I was special. That I wasn't just another patient."_ She finally shuffles around in the wheelchair to look him on the eyes. _"I just wanted to make sure I told you how lucky I was to get you as a nurse. Thank you."_

_"That sounds like a goodbye."_

He thinks back to when he first met her. He was late, like usual, and the second he parked his car his pager went off. He knew he had a new patient but he never met her before. Brendan took off running all the way to the room and witnessed his patient violently throwing up. He was able to catch some of it in the waste bucket and ended up with most of it all over his clothes. He told himself next time he would put on his scrubs BEFORE he came to work. Laura was released after an overnight stay but she came back within a week. After that the same pattern repeated. Brendan asked Cheryl for help and they both conducted almost every test possible and couldn't find anything medically wrong with her. But here was this 16 year old girl wasting away right in front of him.

1 year later and there is still no diagnosis for her. Only now she looks defeated. Brendan would be lying if he said that he didn't care about her. He looks at her as his adopted sister and she would call him big brother every day.

Laura looks at him one more time before the technician comes to get her.

_"Bye Bren."_

_"See you in a bit"_

Brendan starts walking back to the East wing but feels his heart beating erratically. He turns into the first available restroom and locks it. He splashes cold water on his face but it does nothing. Brendan looks up and stares at his reflection in the mirror as the water droplets run down his eyes.

* * *

_Here he sits at another psychologist office. He lied to Cheryl and told her he was going to grab lunch with a friend. This was the first time he actually sought help for himself. The last and only time he went to a therapy session was 4 years ago when he was 16 and Cheryl forced him to go. That session didn't go so well. It ended with Brendan dragging Cheryl out of there as she charged at the therapist. He was considered the normal one that day. Since then he has avoided any talks about another session. Cheryl went for a year and got her life back together but he never went and now his life was spiraling out of control. Which is why he now is here in this waiting to be seen._

_"Mr. Brady you can go in now."_

_He gets up and walks toward the door. It takes everything he has to actually open it and step inside. The office is plain. Just a desk in the middle and 1 chair in front of it._

_The psychologist introduces herself and she spends the next couple of minutes telling him about herself. He can tell she's trying to make him feel comfortable enough to share his thoughts. It must work because he starts talking about non-significant things and even mentions Cheryl. They don't get into too much detail and continue talking. Then she asks a question that he wasn't expecting._

_"Brendan you don't seem to actually be here."_

_"What? I'm sitting right in front of you."_

_"Physically yes but I don't think you're actually here, mentally."_

_She's right. His mind is filled with so many thoughts he wonders how it hasn't just exploded yet. The worst part is that these thoughts don't make any sense._

_"Can you tell me what you see Brendan."_

_"I see hallucinations."_

_She gives him a compassionate smile and it gives him that last push to open up just a little._

_"They don't make sense though. It's like I'm looking into a kaleidoscope with all the colors morphing into one. It all becomes cloudy and I find it hard to see what's around me. I see these shadowy figures staring at me. All they have are these piercing red eyes. I hear them following me as I past them. But when I look back their gone."_

_She takes notes as he speaks and she listens intently as he keeps describing the inner workings of his mind._

_"When I wake up I feel this pressure on me like something is holding me down. It's always followed by a loud scream that repeats over and over again. Throughout the day my vision turns to pure red. Everything is red. I hear a little voice taunting me telling me to go and prove I'm a man. It laughs at me when I don't beat someone till there unconscious. It won't get out of my head. It's constantly laughing at me. Putting me down. Telling me I'm worthless. Telling me I'm nothing. And it's right. It's right. I am nothing."_

* * *

He feels coldness run down his hands and it sends a shiver all through his body snapping him back into reality. His hand somehow fell right into the sink when he was in his trance. He turns it off and collects himself before he walks back out. As he shuts the door he turns around and smacks straight into someone.

_"Fuck. Watch were the hell you're walking mate."_

_"Sorry I'm kinda lost wasn't really paying attention."_

_"Just move."_ Brendan doesn't even make eye contact as he tries moving past him.

_"Wait wait you wouldn't happen to know where Cheryl Bradys office would be?"_

Hearing anyone say their last name makes his blood run cold. He hates that even dead his father still has a part of his life.

_"Who's asking?"_

_"Nate Tenbury-Newent. I'm a brain surgeon thats transferring over to this hospital and I was supposed to meet her for a briefing."_

_"Right. Come on then."_ Brendan reluctantly starts walking over to Cheryl's office while Nate goes on and on about his achievements in the past year. Anne happens to pass by them and she lightly brushes her hand across Brendan's arm as a greeting and continues on her way. When Brendan looks over at Nate he sees him just following her with his eyes. Practically drooling all over himself. He presents himself as a conceded stuck up rich boy who had gotten everything served to him on a silver platter. He jokes about how his mother got him into the most prized medical school. Never worked a day in his life to pay for it. Brendan isn't jealous but is resentful. He literally did everything to pay for both Cheryl's and his school loans. He went to school in the morning and sold drugs all night. He would come home completely exhausted but his sister would always be waiting for him. She had his dinner on the table for him right when he arrived. She would even stay up with him just so they could talk. Everyone always tells him that his sister is dependent on him but people fail to see that if anyone is dependent on the other it's him. Cheryl is his life. They may argue like deranged lunatics but he would kill anyone without any remorse if they hurt her. He's put his life on the line for both of them to get them to this point in their life and here comes this guy squandering around like owns the place. Like he's better than him. He's exactly like everyone else who always put him down.

Brendan hates him.

They get to her office and he knocks but no one responds. _"She should be here but maybe she stepped out for a bit."_ He stops speaking when he sees his sister walking towards them.

_"Sorry did you need me Bren?"_ She completely ignores Nate who is staring at her with a glint in his eyes.

_"No he did apparently."_ He nods over to a suddenly quiet Nate.

_"Can I help you?"_

Brendan gives her a look that tells her she's being a little cold. She catches him and gives a very clear fake smile.

_"I'm Nate I think we spoke earlier."_

_"Oh right yeah I remember."_ She passes by both of them and opens the door_. "You can come in."_

_"Thanks again mate...I didn't get your name."_

_"Brendan. Cheryl's brother."_

_"Her brother?!"_

* * *

**Wednesday 7:57 PM**

Most patients in the North Wing are heading back to their room with their physical therapists help. Ste is already in his room, but no matter what he tries he can't fall asleep. He gives up and curiosity gets the better of him as he opens Brendan's phone and looks through his pictures. He remembers Cheryl saying he didn't have many friends but from the pictures he can tell he has a small handful of close friends. There's many of him and Cheryl, they are at different locations in most of them but there's quite a few of them at the hospital. Not only that but Brendan is smiling in almost half of them while Cheryl is beaming. They look happy. He scrolls down more and sees a couple with him and Anne. Brendan's eyes are shining in them and Anne has the hugest grin on her face. Definitely happy. He sees just a few pictures of Brendan and another guy. He can tell right away they are just friends as in one of them they are both flicking off the camera. The other guy looks a little bit bigger than Brendan, more muscle mass but he can't tell that well because in every picture he's wearing a big jacket. He kind of sees a brotherly bond there. Ste goes to the text and either Brendan doesn't like texting or he deleted them because there are only 3.

_From: Cheryl-Love you._

_From: Anne-Call me._

_From: Warren-Fuck you._

Ste sees Brendan only text back to one.

_To: Warren-Sleep with your eyes open Foxy. Don't want to wake up dead do you?_

_"You find anything interesting in there?"_

Ste jumps at the sound of Brendan's voice and winces as he moved his back to fast.

_"Shouldn't be going through people's things."_

_"You let me borrow it."_

_"For emergencies. Clearly you aren't that trustworthy."_ Brendan strides over to him and snatches it right out of Stes hand. _"You over your little temper tantrum now?"_

_"You called me a possession Brendan how the fuck else should I have reacted."_

_"Steven you don't respond to that you just keep your mouth shut yeah."_

_"I can't stand you!"_

_"Aww that's cute. But you know that's a lie. You know for a fact that you would come back to me no matter what I did. You picked me Steven and you kept pushing and pushing till you wormed your way into my head. I can't get you out of it. And well let's be clear you belong to me Steven."_

If Ste could get up he would have already been up and swinging at Brendan. He doesn't know how he changes his personality so frequently. He doesn't know which Brendan he is getting most of the time. He missed the Brendan he met. The caring and sweet and funny Brendan. Cheryl was right, he's losing it.

_"Why are you like this?"_

It catches Brendan off guard. _"What?"_

_"This-"_ Ste looks him up and down _"-this person in front of me isn't who I remember. I would be the happiest person in this world to be able to say I'm yours. But this form of you isn't who I want to be with. I'm not a possession. You don't own me Brendan. And you will not fucking talk to me like I'm worthless."_

Brendan actually laughs straight at his face. His eyes look dull and lifeless_. "Look at you actually sticking up for yourself. I don't like that. Think I'm going to have to fix that."_

_"You know what Brendan. I'm done with whatever we even had. I'm requesting to be transferred to another hospital."_

* * *

**Wednesday 8:36 PM**

Nurses rush through the doors as a trauma patient is just been rushed in. Brendan is sitting behind the counter and he watches it in front of him in slow motion. The blood from the victim is dripping all over the floor. He doesn't get up and help. He just stays seated completely lost and alone. They manage to get through the halls to the emergency quickly enough and some of the nurses that were around him left to go help so Brendan snaps out of his trance and gets up to clean up the blood. Truth be told he actually gets nauseas at the sight of it. Brendan cleans up most of it and gets on his knees to wipe away some blood that fell on the chairs or behind them.

_"Brendan I always liked the sight of you on your knees."_

Brendan looks up to see Eoghan staring down at him with a sick smile.

_"Funny."_

_"I thought it was."_

_"Look I'm really not in the mood. So do you mind."_ He tries to ignore him and continues clean up the chairs. Suddenly Eoghan sits on the chair next to the one he was cleaning. _"What?"_

_"Took a peak at your scores and right now you have a 56."_

_"I shouldn't know my score should I?"_ Brendan already knows that everyone's scores are confidential and you don't see them till you sit down at your annual meeting.

_"Well you know me I like helping. No let me correct that...I like helping you."_

_"That's what it's called now huh."_ Brendan gets up and turns but Eoghan grabs his arm and tries to wrap an arm around his waist. The next thing that happens is Eoghans face is colliding with the floor. _"Don't you ever lay your hands on me. I call the rules around here. Not you. Do you understand?"_

Eoghan nods and Brendan releases the hand that was pushing his head down. He decides he needs a break and starts walking away only to hear Eoghan talk behind him.

_"You'll regret that Brendan but you know my offer still stands. Oh and I don't mind your aggressive side." _He winks at him and Brendan flicks him off and walks out the door.

He reaches his car and gets inside. He just sits there staring straight ahead. Then he slams his head into the steering wheel repeatedly. Over and over again till he feels pain. He just wants to feel something. Anything.

* * *

_Hes sitting in the corner of his room with the letter he has written to Cheryl. In it he apologizes to her and asks her for forgiveness. He tells her he wishes he could be the brother she used to know. The brother that always laughed at her jokes even if they didn't make sense. The brother that would smile at her just because. The brother that would run up to her, pick her right off the ground, and spin her around. He tells her that he loves her and always will. That this has nothing to do with her and to never blame herself for anything that has happened in their life. He makes sure to let her know that no matter where he goes, heaven or hell, he would always be there watching over her. He would still protect her. But it's his time. He picks up the gun next to him and loads one single bullet into it. There are no tears this time. He's sick of the tears. He made his eyes bleed once when he literally clawed at them. He runs his hand over the cold metal and places his thumb on the trigger. His eyes close as he thinks of his father. The man that single handedly destroyed him. The man got his wish. Seamus wanted him dead so he will finish the job off himself. Maybe he will see his father in hell. He opens his eyes and raises the gun to his head. The sun from the outside shines upon him and he takes it as a sign that the devil is ready for him. The light hits an area of the room that's across from him. And something shines back at him. His ring. The ring his mother gave him._

_"Whenever you feel alone look at that ring and remember that I'm there. Whenever you're happy look down an know I'm smiling with you. Whenever you feel scared I'm there holding your hand. Look at this ring as a sign of strength Brendan."_

_He gives one final smile at his mother's words. "I'm sorry."_

_He pulls the trigger._

_But nothing happens. He assumes he should be feeling excruciating pain or see blood. But there's nothing. He brings the gun back down and realizes it jammed. He points it at the wall and pulls the trigger and it jams again. He takes the bullet out and thinks he manages to fix it, so he loads up 6 bullets into the chamber. Just in case. But then he hears the front door open. The only person it could be is Cheryl. He quickly removes the bullets and slides the gun under the bed._

_His door opens and Cheryl walks in looking so extremely tired. "Sorry I'm late Brendan someone called out and I got stuck working an extra hour. But I got us some food. Your favorite actually." She stares at him and something in her eyes makes him uneasy. "You ok?"_

_"Yeah I'm fine sis. Umm go set it up I'll be down there in a second."_

_She gives him one of her smiles that is only reserved for him and gently closes the door behind her. Brendan releases the breath he was holding. He gets up from the bed and rips up the letter throwing it into the trash before he walks out of his room._

* * *

_"Brendan! Open the door!"_

He stops slamming his head on the steering wheel and starts pulling at his scar.

_"STOP! BRENDAN! I'll fucking break this window!"_

That stops him and he reluctantly unlocks the door.

_"What is wrong with you? Your arm is bleeding Bren." _Cheryl tells him she will be right back and he watches her as she runs to her car and back. She gets into the passenger side and has a small first aid kit that she always keeps in her car. _"Let me see your arm."_

_"No."_

_"Brendan I need to clean it."_ Cheryl just grabs his arm by force and starts cleaning it. _"You ok?"_

_"Fine."_

_"So what was this all about?"_

_"Nothing. Just drop it."_

She cleans up the blood and then applies some cream over it. _"Let it dry ok."_ She relaxes into her seat and looks straight ahead.

_"What were you doing out here?"_

_"My shift is over I was going to my car when I saw you."_

_"Oh."_ Brendan lays his head on the steering wheel and feels his sisters hand grab his own.

_"I wish I could take the pain away from you Brendan."_

_"It's ok. I'll live."_

Cheryl nods not believing one part of that statement.

* * *

**Wednesday 9:12 PM**

Back in the North Wing everyone is already asleep. Brendan walks in and carefully goes through the Wing making sure he doesn't trip...again. He hates the overnight shift and he's counting down the hours till 3 AM. He goes to the only place he feels comfortable. Brendan slowly opens the door and closes it behind him.

_"You just gonna stand there?"_

_"Can I come in?"_

_"I don't care Brendan."_

It's not what he wanted to hear but he takes it and sits on the chair. _"I'm sorry."_

He says it almost in a whisper but Ste hears him. _"You're always sorry. Am I just supposed to forgive you every time?"_

_"No. I just...don't."_

_"What?"_

_"Don't...don't go."_

_"What are you talking about?"_

_"You said you wanted to transfer out. I'm asking you to stay please. Ill trade places with another therapist here if you don't want me around you but just don't go."_

Ste sees him and he looks broken. Once again his heart breaks for him. _"I'm not going anywhere Brendan. And I don't want another therapist. I heard you're actually the best one here."_

_"Yeah the only thing I got going for me."_

They seat in silence again for a while and don't glance at each other.

_"Brendan?"_

_"Yeah."_

_"Why are you so possessive? Why do you think its ok to tell me I can't speak to anyone?"_

Brendan looks at him and considers how to word this so he doesn't sound so bad.

_"Because Steven the second you talk to another guy you'll see you can do much better than me. I don't even come close to being the man you deserve. Look you'll be out of here in a week or two and when you leave you'll find someone that you can actually be in a relationship with. So until then I just want you to myself because I know once you leave, I won't see you again."_

There are more reasons why he is controlling and possessive but he chooses not to disclose those as he has already said enough.

_"You have to stop thinking I'm just going to forget you. Or that you're not good enough, because you are. Stop thinking that I'm gonna find anyone that's even close to how beautiful and amazing you are."_

_"Steven if you were all healed up you know you would have already walked away. The only reason you're still here and still dealing with me is because you physically can't leave."_

_"That's not true."_

_"It is! This here-"_ Brendan motions to the space between them _"-it will never work. You want someone that isn't me. You want someone that I can never be. I'm not who you met Steven."_

_"Stop! Ok just stop. It's all bullshit Brendan because that person is there-"_ Ste points directly at him _"-he's still there. He has always been there. Never left. You just haven't allowed the true you to come back out. All these other demons inside of you have pushed it back and you just need to find a way to get him back."_

Ste reaches his hand out to him and Brendan grabs it and lets himself be pulled onto the bed. Ste shuffles over to make room for Brendan to lay down next to him.

_"Put your arm around me."_

Brendan does it without any argument and feels Ste lay his head down on his chest. Ste hears and feels Brendans heartbeat against his ear. It's smoothing and soft and something about this moment feels right. This is where he belongs. It would be perfect if only he could get Brendan the help he needs. Brendan deserves to find happiness and even if it's not with him that would be ok. He just wants him to find himself again. He looks up at Brendan and he's looking straight at him.

_"What?"_

_"Do you want to be with me Steven?"_

_"Yes but..."_ Ste knows that this might just ruin any chance they had but he has to do it. _"I can't be with you unless you get help. Psychiatric help Brendan."_

_"And if I don't."_

_"We will just be patient and nurse. Nothing more."_

_"I'm guessing you expect me to go immediately right."_

_"No I'm not telling you go tomorrow or anything. But you need to go see someone before I leave. If you don't then don't bother trying to stop me when I walk out of here."_

Brendan stares away from him but holds him tighter knowing that in a week he may never see him again. That he would never be able to witness one of his smiles. Those gentle warm smiles that make him actually feel...alive.

_"Please Brendan. I can't lose you."_

_"Why not?"_

_"I...I lov."_

Brendan silences him before he can speak those 3 words by giving him a gentle kiss. It's slow and delicate.

_"Bren...I..."_

_"Steven don't. Just...don't say it."_

* * *

**Thursday 1:13 PM**

_"Brendan! Get the fuck up."_ Warren rudely jumps into Brendan's bed not even caring how this looks.

_"What the fuck Foxy?!"_ Brendan drags the covers over his head in an effort to ignore him.

_"Come on I just get back into town and my best mate doesn't even call to say hello. What's up with that?"_

_"You said you weren't coming in till tomorrow."_

_"Oh...never mind then but still I'm back so what we doing today."_

Brendan doesn't feel like even getting out of bed but Warren turns on the tv and raises the volume so loud that he is sure his neighbors will be calling him to complain about the noise. H throws the covers over Warren and goes to get ready. When he's done he walks out of the bathroom to see Warren snooping around.

_"What you looking for?"_

_"Nothing just got bored. So do you need any more of these sleeping pills I could get you some."_

_"No thanks I'm alright."_

_"What about anything else? You still staying clean I suppose."_

_"For now yeah but if I need a hit I'll let you know."_

They both go downstairs and Brendan gets put in charge to make the food as Warren can't cook to save his life.

_"So care to explain why you're actually here. You usually just call me first."_

_"Just checking up on you really. You seem...ok I guess."_

Brendan actually considers Warren to be an older brother to him. He has surprisingly taken care of him many times. There has been times when Warren has witnessed one of his episodes but he handles them differently. He lets Brendan go through it and when he snaps back into reality he pretends it never happened. And Brendan appreciates that because sometimes he doesn't want to discuss it. There are other times when Warren does step in and takes on the hits head on. The main thing he likes about Warren is how he never tells him he isn't fine. He waits for him to talk about it and only then will he chime in.

_"Yeah I'm fine. Just tired you know."_

_"Well you have those vacation hours saved up right. Why don't you use them and get away for a bit. Clear your mind you know."_

_"Foxy you always have pretty good ideas."_

_"Well I am the smarter one of the two."_ Warren accidentally tips over his coffee mug spilling boiling hot coffee over himself.

_"Oh fuck fuck fuck! THAT'S BLOODY HOT!"_

_"Genius."_

* * *

**Thursday 5:44 PM**

After spending a couple hours causing mischief with Warren, Brendan starts walking back to his flat.

He passes by a church that he always just ignores every time he comes by here. But for some reason today he decides to go inside. It's empty except for maybe one or two people all the way at the front. Appears they are praying. Brendan takes a seat towards the back and just listens to the surroundings. He didn't intend to fall asleep but something about this place made him relax and he easily drifts to sleep.

_*****You start walking up this small pathway leading up to what appears to be a giant tree filled with white flowers. They fall off the leaves and float through the air never touching the ground. You look down at yourself and you're dressed in an all-black suit. As you start approaching the tree you notice that there are people gathered around. All of them are wearing all black as well. It strikes you as odd but you carry on. You finally reach everyone and see a casket in the middle. There's no picture around so you don't exactly know whose funeral this is but you move to stand behind the crowd. That's when you see Cheryl and Steven in the midst of the group. Cheryl is crying and has to hold onto Steven to prevent herself from collapsing. You don't understand who she would be so attached too to warrant such a reaction. As you look at everyone's faces you start realizing you know them all. Anne is gripping onto Warren as she lets her tears flow down her face. Then there's Warren. You can see it in his eyes how broken he looks. His hands are shaking and his eyes are red. Then there's Lynsey sitting on the floor weeping into her hands. And then you see her. Your heart stops. You suddenly can't breathe. It's your mum. She has her hand on top of the casket. But she's not crying. You can't tell what she's thinking. No one speaks until a priest just pops up out of nowhere and starts reciting a couple of words. Everyone starts to place a flower on top of the casket and they slowly walk away. You push yourself off the tree and try getting in front of Cheryl but she goes right through you._

_"Chez. Chez."_

_She looks back but she doesn't see you._

_"What's the matter Cheryl?"_

_It's Steven. He grabs her shoulders and stares in the same direction as your sister._

_"I thought I heard him."_

_"He will always be with you. You know that right."_

_"I know. I miss him though. I'm lost without him." She starts crying again and Steven literally has to drag her away._

_You don't know who she was talking about or why she didn't say anything to you. You choose to forget it and turn around and see your mum looking at the casket. You make your way over to her and hear her talk._

_"No more pain anymore. I'll take care of you know Brendan. You're back with your mum."_

_You think you misheard her for a second but it all starts making sense. You blink and when you open your eyes she's gone. You rush over to the casket and hesitantly open it. When you open it you lock eyes with yourself. You're dead. There's no life left in you. You're finally dead. At first you feel relived but then a wave of sadness hits you. Maybe you don't want to actually leave. Maybe you do want to live. You slam the casket closed and look up. And you spot him. Of course he would be here. He's always been in your life so why wouldn't he be here. It's most likely his dream come true. This time though you don't look away. You keep staring back at him. He never blinks, not even once, as he keeps his eyes right on you._

_And then it happens. You're suddenly running away. Running away from everything. You keep running not even knowing where you're going but you refuse to look back. But you can't get away from him. As you pick up speed you hear him whisper behind you._

_"Brenda."_

_When you turn around he's right in front of you smiling. His flesh looks to be burned off. It's almost dripping off him. He moves towards you and you step back. You decide to run again but you feel something grasp you. It's him. His rotting flesh falls on you and it starts to burn into you. The more you pull the tighter he grabs. You can't free yourself. You look down to see that you're sinking into the ground. It hits you then that your father is taking you down to hell with him._

_"I'm sorry. Please just save me." You're not talking to Seamus but to God. But yet again he doesn't listen to you. You keep being dragged further down and now your own skin is peeling right off. You manage to get an arm lose but it's hopeless. You're too far in and all you can do is claw at the ground for one second more. You hold on for dear life knowing that once you let go you're going to spend eternity with your father._

_And just like that your hand lets go and you drop down. Accepting the fact that now your life is back in the hands of the devil himself.*****_

_"Are you ok?"_

Brendan jumps up and shields his eyes from the bright light.

_"What...where..."_

_"Sorry to have scared you. I'm Father Des. I saw you here and wanted to make sure you were ok."_

_"Yeah I'm fine I think I fell asleep. Sorry I'll just go."_

_"No you can stay. Everyone is welcomed to stay as long as they need."_

_"I'm not homeless if that's what you're thinking."_

_"Well I wasn't but that's nice to know."_

Brendan tries to discretely move away from him but he gets caught.

_"So..."_

_"Brendan."_

_"So Brendan you have a specific reason why you're here."_

_"No."_

_"So you just came to fall asleep in a church. You sure you don't want to talk about anything. That's why I'm here."_

Brendan thinks about it. He really does want to get some of this weight off his shoulders. But he can't. He doesn't trust anyone enough to just start talking about his past. His pain. The depression. The anxiety. He can't. But he decides to speak about something just as important.

_"There's someone in my life that means a lot to me. And I want to be with them but they won't be with me unless I change who I am. But I don't think they will like who the real me is."_

_"What makes you think that?"_

_"I don't know. Everyone always leaves me in the end."_

_"Maybe people in the past have left but it doesn't mean every one that follows will. You have to trust them enough to know that they won't leave. You have to allow yourself to let them into your life. If you keep holding onto the past it will only hinder your future Brendan."_

_"Yeah but should you really change who you are for someone."_

_"Depends if that change is for the good. Look at it this way if someone is a drug addict and their significant other wants them to stop they are asking them to change. But for the good. So you have to figure out if the change they want from you is actually to help you. Because most of the time Brendan the change is always good. This person you speak of clearly cares about you and just wants to see you become better than you already are. You just have to give them a chance. But more importantly give yourself a chance."_

_"Thank you."_

_"Anytime Brendan. I'm always here."_

Brendan thanks him again and watches as Father Des goes over to another person that appears worse than him. But on the inside Brendan knows he's worst. He gets up and walks to the front of the church. There's a giant cross in the middle so he gets on his knees and looks upon it. It's time he gets this off his chest and right now he's just tired of his life. He wants out.

_"Sometimes I wonder if you forgot about me. Did I do something in my life that you felt I needed to be punished for? I apologized for my sins but you still let him hurt me. Night after night. Did you close your eyes when he ripped my clothes off? Did you cover your ears when I screamed as he pushed inside me? Did you walk away when you saw my blood spilling out of me? I don't understand how you allow a human being to suffer so harshly. I ask every day for an answer. Why me? I was happy. I was content. I felt loved and alive. The world was a beautiful place in my eyes. I stared up at the stars and smiled to myself thinking how amazing life was. But then you took away my only protector. My mother. I saw her die a slow painful death. She was gone. To make it up to me you replaced my angel with the devil. Was that your joke? Did you get a good laugh from it? He took my innocence, my soul, my heart, and my life. I came to you because I needed help. I came to you cause I wanted to be a better man. And this, you give me this as my reward. Which begs the question, which side are you on? I'm done with this life you cursed me with. I can't get out of this darkness that fills my whole existence. My strength is gone and I can't...I can't do it anymore. I'm done. I welcome death with open arms. Do what you want with me."_

* * *

**Sooo what did y'all think? Depressing? Yep I know lol.**


	15. Chapter 15

**AN: Hiya! Thanks again to everyone who reviewed...really do appreciate each and every one of them. Also thank you for the follows/favs! All I can say for this chapter is don't hate me for it...you'll see why. On a side note here, I love you Amber! Now go ahead and read...enjoy =]**

* * *

**Thursday 7:01 PM**

It's still fairly bright outside as Brendan walks out of the church. His mind is clear but unfocused as he drives down a familiar path. Whether he planned to or not, he finds himself back at the hospital. He has no control over his legs as they make their way down different hallways. The next thing he knows he's at the North Wing. He looks around and there are still a few patients hanging around outside their rooms. Brendan ignores them all and avoids any contact with anyone around him. A nurse in the Wing tries to get his attention but gets completely overlooked. Brendan turns the corner and sees a light still showing through the blinds from a specific room. He composes himself and knocks on the door.

_"Come in."_

Two words. Two simple, one syllable words. Two words that don't mean anything at all, but mean everything to him. It's not the words themselves; it's the person who said it. The voice. It makes Brendan feel normal, feel important, feel complete.

Brendan walks in and sees Ste with a phone in his hand. Brendan gives him a small smile and Ste returns it and then focuses back on the phone.

_"When did you get that?"_

_"Oh Cheryl nicked a phone from lost and found and we just put my SIM card in it and voila!"_ Ste goes to lift the phone in victory and ends up clumsily dropping it on the floor. _"Bloody hell. I broke another one!"_

Brendan can't help but giggle at him. Actually giggle. He wants to slap himself afterwards for it but instead he picks up the phone from the floor and it takes everything in him not to look through it.

_"Doesn't seem broken."_

Ste flicks through it for a minute and then looks up at Brendan_. "Still works just scratched it."_ He places it on the table next to him and gives Brendan his full attention. _"What you doing here anyway? Thought you were off."_

_"I am but I was nearby, thought I should come check up on you." _Brendan leans down and his lips hover over Stes.

_"You gonna kiss me or are we just going to inhale each other's air?"_

_"Steven I went 99% of the way the least you could do is contribute the last 1."_

_"Nope you owe me."_

_"I don't but fine."_ Brendan moves the last inch and places his lips on Stes. Their lips mold to one another. Brendan lifts himself onto the bed and moves to be on top of Ste. The kiss continues being gentle and soft as both Brendan and Ste start to move their bodies together. Their arousal start building up and the kiss goes from gentle to rough in a second. Brendan places his thumb on Stes bottom lip and slips his tongue inside Stes mouth. A moan escapes from Ste and Brendan can feel him. Literally feel him as his cock is hitting him right in the stomach. Brendan moves his hand down and runs his hand over Stes growing erection, making Ste moan in pleasure. Brendan looks at his dark blown out pupils and has to contain himself from just fucking him raw right there and then. Every noise that comes out of Stes mouth is tipping him over the edge and he doesn't know how much longer he can hold off.

_"Steven-"_ Brendan makes speaks it low but commanding _"-I want your dick in my mouth."_

_"Please..."_ Ste feels Brendan's hand move off him and already he misses it. He doesn't have a chance to think much more after that as the next second his pants are being pull down forcefully. He becomes self-conscious and goes to cover himself with his hands but they get pushed aside.

_"You have a beautiful cock Steven. Can I..."_ Brendan licks his lips and looks at him for his permission.

Ste breathes out before he nods as he sees Brendan move down his body. He closes his eyes as he feels Brendan's lips on the tip of his cock. Brendan gives it a kiss at first. He has no idea why but he does it repeatedly and then adds his tongue into it, licking the pre cum already leaking out of it. Brendan's erection starts to literally hurt but he ignores it and gets back to pleasuring the boy beneath him. He licks down Stes shaft leaving a trail of his own saliva on it. It glistens with the light above them and Brendan has never felt so aroused in his life. His mouth takes him in once again and this time he moves it further up as he applies more suction to it. He stops the pressure only to roll his tongue all over Stes cock. The boy is moaning so loudly and that only makes him suck him off harder.

_"Bren...oh god...please"_

Brendan's chest tightens as Stes voice hits him right in the heart. The feeling is something he can't even describe. It's a feeling he has never had in his life. His whole body is hot and pulsing and he releases a low growl as he deep throats Ste. His nose brushes against Stes pubic hair and he bites him.

_"Ohh! What was...fuck!"_ He doesn't finish his sentence as Brendan's hands are now massaging his balls at the same time. Ste opens his eyes and looks down and it takes his breathe away. Brendan sucking him off has got to be one the most amazing things he has ever seen. His eyes are closed and his cheeks keep collapsing as he sucks harder. Brendan opens his eyes almost as if he knows Ste is watching and they make eye contact. It takes everything in Ste to not cum at that moment alone and then Brendan smiles at him. It knocks Ste completely out. He thinks he's in another world.

_"I love you."_ Ste blurts it out all in a rush. He has been holding it in since the day he saw him and he couldn't hold it in anymore. He truly loves him. Unconditionally. He loves him for the person he is. He loves his flaws, scars, and wounds. He loves the man that he knows is broken. The man that goes through life suffering in silence. If he could he would take all that pain from him. He can't but he won't stop trying to help. There's only one thing that will make him stop...death. So as he speaks these 3 words he doesn't know what to expect. It catches him off guard when Brendan stops everything he was doing. His whole body freezes and suddenly Ste can feel a sudden coldness around him radiating from Brendan_. 'I screwed up, it's too early'_ he thinks to himself.

_"Bren I didn't...I'm...forget I said that."_ Ste looks down at him but Brendan isn't looking back at him. It only takes a couple of seconds before Brendan's hand is gripping Stes cock. _"Fuck that hurts!"_ Ste finally catches a glance at Brendan and his eyes show a sort of desperation. He can't figure out why though.

Brendan starts pumping his cock before he takes him in his mouth again. This time it's fast and uncoordinated. He sucks so hard that his cheeks start to physically hurt. Ste grips onto the sheets below him as his hips thrust up. Brendan places an arm under Stes body and lifts his hips up pushing Stes cock further down his throat until it hits the back of it.

_"Ah hell I'm gonna..."_

Milky white hot liquid comes shooting out of him straight into Brendan's mouth. It's a constant flow and feels like it keeps going as his orgasm goes through his whole body. His toes curl, his eyes roll back, his vision goes blurry, and his breath disappears. Brendan swallows every last drop of him and waits till he knows Ste has come down from his climax.

Brendan releases Stes dick from his mouth with a loud pop and moves up towards Ste.

_"Lick your cum off my lips."_

Ste has never seen anything hotter than Brendan having his own cum on his mouth. He sticks his tongue out and licks it all off.

Brendan smirks at him when he finishes and rolls off to the side to lie next to him.

_"Brendan, umm what I said-"_

_"Shhh. Don't worry about it. It was just in the moment type of thing. I know you didn't mean it."_

_"But Bren I did m-"_

_"Stop. Can we just...not talk please."_

Ste is exhausted from the mind blowing blow job he just received that he doesn't have it in him to continue. He moves his arm so that Brendan can wrap his arms over his waist. Brendan is about to close his eyes when he thinks he sees something outside the room.

_"Did you see something move outside?"_

_"No don't think so."_

He's about to ignore it when he sees it again. This time though he's sure something moved. Or someone move.

_"You didn't see that?"_

_"What? No. Stop being paranoid."_

_"Right. Look I gotta go I'm sorry. I'll see you tomorrow though."_

Ste pouts and crosses his arms across his chest. _"You can't stay. Please?"_

_"Don't do that you know I can't say no and I really need to go before someone catches me here."_ His eyes move towards the same spot outside the room where he spotted someone. _"Have a goodnight."_ He looks around real quick and gives him a kiss goodbye.

* * *

**Thursday 8:33 PM**

He feels everyone's eyes on him burning into the back of his head as he walks through the hospital. He tries keeping his head down as he makes his way out towards the parking lot. Brendan sees his car and then sees the guy leaning against it.

_"Brendan wasn't expecting you here on your day off. You must really enjoy your job." _Eoghan emphasizes the word enjoy, making sure it's the only word he hears.

_"Just left something behind yesterday."_ Brendan tries to reach for the handle but Eoghan leans over to cover it.

_"What did you leave?"_

_"My phone."_ He takes it out of his pocket just to show him. _"Got it now though so going home."_ As soon as the words leave his mouth he wishes he could take them back.

_"Is that an invitation Brendan?"_

_"No. It's a statement. Do you mind?"_ He motions for the car door and Eoghan actually moves away from it but as soon as Brendan moves Eoghan turns him around and pins him against the car.

_"You been a busy boy tonight haven't you?"_

_"What are you talking about?"_ He tries reaching for the door handle.

_"The way you suck a cock is beautiful. Those perfect lips of yours. I remember how they feel. But actually watching you give a blow job is on a whole other level. Your cheeks sucking and the moans you make Brendan, I almost came just watching you."_

_"Wasn't me."_

_"Really? Because your scar gives you away. It was such a good show and-"_ Eoghan licks his lips and stares straight at Brendans groin _"-your dick being all hard made me lose my breath."_ He moves his hand down Brendan's body and lightly touches his dick_. "I want this."_

_"Get your hand off me before I crack your skull open."_

_"Aggression, I like that. I don't get it Brendan. I'm offering you a passing score on your annual report and promising to not say anything about what I saw today and you still refuse."_

Brendan pushes him off of him so hard that Eoghan ends up on the concrete pavement.

_"You don't listen do you? I give you warning after warning but you still disobey. Don't fucking touch me again."_ Brendan opens his car door but before he gets in he gives Eoghan a swift kick to his ribs. _"Say anything about this to anyone and I'll end you."_

He drives away leaving Eoghan to slowly get to his feet. By the entrance to the hospital stands Cheryl watching the whole scene play out.

* * *

**Friday 12:35 PM**

_From:Cheryl-Need to talk to you ASAP. Come to my office when your shift starts._

Brendan read the text as he pulled up into the parking lot. Not only was he working a 10 hour shift today but judging by Cheryl's text he's in for a serious conversation. He takes his time as he clocks into work and takes a glance into Laura's room. She's not there so he makes a mental note to go locate her afterwards. When he gets to Cheryl's office he wishes, very cruelly, that someone came into trauma so he wouldn't have to deal with her. He's knocks twice and waits.

_"Come on in."_

Brendan slowly opens the door to see paperwork all over Cheryl's desk. He knows she's a neat freak so it seems odd.

_"Umm hiring or firing someone?"_

_"Neither. These are all your records, reviews, progress notes, resume, basically everything about you._

_"You taken this to a whole new layer of stalking Cheryl."_ Brendan takes a seat across from her as he takes in all the different papers about him.

_"Brendan I'm not the one that had all these records of you on hand."_

_"Oh. Well whoever did is a tad bit obsessed then huh."_ Brendan wants to ease some of the tension in the room but it doesn't work. Cheryl is looking at him with no emotion showing. She seems on edge though as her fingers keep tapping the desk over and over.

_"Seems that way. So you want to tell me why Eoghan is so obsessed with you?"_

Silence.

His mind goes through different excuses but he takes too long to answer back.

_"Was it to do with what I saw last night by your car?"_

Realization hits him as he knows she saw the whole incident with Eoghan. Of course she would. She always seems to be watching over him.

_"Cat got your tongue Brendan. Or does Eoghan have that."_

_"It's not what you think."_

_"Really?"_ She throws a file over to him. _"Explain to me how last year you got an 88 on your annual report but in actuality from what I can see in that file you had a 42."_

_"I don't know, I don't have any authority in changing my score."_

_"No you don't but Eoghan does. Coincidence isn't it."_

_"What do you want me to say?"_

_"I want you to tell me what's going on between you two and why he gave you a passing score. All this time I was thinking he hated you and apparently that's the complete opposite. Please don't tell me you-"_ she makes a circle with her finger and then takes her pointing finger and inserts it through it _"-you know."_

_"What's that supposed to be?"_

_"It's supposed to be someone sticking their dick into the other guy."_

_"Chez I'm not talking about this with you."_ Brendan gets up from his chair but Cheryl is already at the door preventing him from leaving.

_"Did you fuck him?"_

_"No."_

_"Did he-"_

_"No."_

She breathes a sign of relief. _"How'd you get the score then? I doubt he just did it out of the kindness of his heart."_

She looks at him and sees Brendan's eyes looking down. He's ashamed and she really doesn't want to hear what he did but she can't not know.

_"Brendan? What did you do? You can trust me."_

After a few seconds of hesitation Brendan speaks up. _"He came to me one day and told me my score and said he could help me out with it but I had to help him out with something first."_ Cheryl gives him a reassuring smile so he continues_. "I said no at first but he kept pestering me about it and saying I needed this job. Then it just sorta happened."_

_"What happened?"_

_"I went to his office and...umm...I sucked him off."_ Brendan watches for his sisters' reaction but her eyes are blank. _"Cheryl?"_

_"And then he gave changed your score right?"_ Brendan nods and she opens the door and walks out.

_"Where you going?"_

_"I'm gonna go kill Eoghan."_

_"No you're not!"_ Brendan grabs her around the waist and pulls her back into her office and locks the door_. "You can't."_

_"Why the fuck not! It's not right!"_

_"I agreed to it."_

_"I don't care! It's...it's...its rape Brendan don't you see it."_

_"I wasn't forced to do it."_

_"HE FORCED YOU TO DO IT TO GET A PASSING SCORE. IT'S RAPE!"_

When Brendan doesn't speak up she tries going for the door again.

_"Stop. You can't say anything."_

_"What?"_

_"If you report it the board will go through my records and find out I failed. You know they'll fire me instantly."_

_"Do you honestly think I'm gonna let this happen again to you. I can stop it this time. I'm doing this whether you like it or not."_

_"Please don't. I know what you're doing. You're trying to make it up to me for the past. But you can't. Cheryl I already went through it, you can't change what happened in the past. Stop feeling like you owe it to me for not being there. It wasn't your fault ok."_

_"But it was. I heard you Brendan."_

_"What?"_

_"One night I heard you scream and I thought it was just you having a nightmare like all those other times when you would fall asleep in my room and randomly scream out. I walked out of my room to go check up on you but I saw Seamus walk out of it already. He looked at me and told me he already made sure you were ok. I thought he meant he calmed you down but he had just finished raping you didn't he?"_

_"Yeah."_

_"I wish it was me that he raped and not you. You deserved so much more. It should have been me."_

* * *

**Friday 3:37 PM**

_"This is stupid."_

_"Yeah Steven walking is stupid. Now stop pouting and move."_

For the past 2 hours Ste has been forced to start using his legs. At first he took a step and toppled over only to be caught by Brendan before he fell on the floor. No matter how many times Ste failed Brendan was right there smiling at him the whole time. Giving him words of encouragement. When people weren't looking at them Brendan would wrap his hands around his waist and give him a kiss on his neck.

After one hour though Ste was actually walking. It wasn't perfect and he stumbled a bit but he was moving. With Brendan next to him the whole time Ste walked from his room to the doors of the North Wing and back. Now they focused on speeding up his steps while also improving his back at the same time.

_"Bren can I take a break please?"_

_"I usually don't let my patients take breaks until they're done."_

_"But I'm not just your patient am I?"_

_"Fine."_

Ste raises his arms in victory and very slowly walks himself back to his room with Brendan following close behind. Brendan lifts him into bed and then gets on himself.

_"So I think you did pretty good today. Maybe in a couple of days we can see about discharging you if someone will be able to take care of you at home."_

_"Really? Can't wait to get out of here! And Amy will be able to. She's supposed to come visit today so I'll ask."_

Brendan gives him the best smile he can muster up but he's far from happy at this point. All he keeps hearing is Ste saying he wants to go. He wants to leave. Most likely leave him. He doesn't blame Ste. Everyone leaves him anyway, why should he have thought this time would be different.

_"Great."_

_"What's wrong?"_

_"Nothing."_

_"Right. So do you live around here?"_

_"Not really. About an hour away actually. That way."_ Brendan points in a direction to show which way he actually stays at.

_"Me too. I think we might live somewhat close to each other. You know after I get out maybe we could go somewhere for once-"_ Ste stops when he sees Brendan doesn't look excited at all _"-or I mean we don't have to. You're probably tired of me anyway."_ Ste fumbles with his fingers and looks down.

_"I'll never be tired of you Steven."_

_"Really?"_ Ste looks at him with so much hope and love.

_"Yeah. Why do you think I'm always around you? I come to see you even when I'm not supposed to be at work. Everything I do centers around you Steven. I...umm...I...just want the best for you."_

* * *

**Friday 5:27 PM**

_"Leah get back here!"_

The small girl keeps running away from her mother as she screams at her to stop. Leah turns the corner and slams right into someone.

_"Hi you."_

_"Brendan!"_

She jumps up and down and hugs him. This time he actually hugs her back.

_"Leah! Don't do that again."_ Amy leans on the wall as she tries to catch her breath again. _"Brendan, nice to see you again."_

_"Likewise."_

_"Sorry about her she has too much energy sometimes."_

_"It's fine. I met her already last time you were here."_

Leah lifts her arms up and Brendan picks her right up. She giggles at him as she touches his mustache in fascination.

_"I'm a little shocked. She doesn't really like many new people but clearly she likes you."_

_"That's a first. Anyway you visiting Steven today."_

_"Actually just finished seeing him. We miss him at home. Leah and Lucas can't wait to have him back. Doug has been dying in the deli by himself so he needs him. And Adam and Ste have been texting so I'm sure he's excited a well. I hear he might be ok to leave here soon?"_

Brendan can't help the fire rushing through him as he hears that Ste has been going behind his back texting the same Adam that has been a cause of their many arguments. He doesn't know if he should be worried or not but weighing the options he knows he's not the best choice. Ste would choose anyone over him. Who would honestly choose someone who can't even function correctly? Someone like him who's not even close to being mentally stable. No one would. And he knows he's going to lose Ste in the end.

_"Erm yeah maybe by Sunday or Monday."_

_"Can't wait-"_ she walks over to Brendan and gets Leah from him _"-anyway I gotta get this little girl home. But thank you so much for helping Ste. Really can't thank you enough. Say bye Leah."_

_"Bye Bren!"_ She reaches for him and Brendan grabs her hand for a second before waving them off and walking back over to the North Wing to have a conversation with Ste.

* * *

_Brendan walks out his room thinking everyone had left the house already. He holds onto his arm that still hurts from when Seamus slammed him against the wall. As he walks past the bathroom door it opens and suddenly he's yanked into the room, door shutting closed behind him. He focuses again and sees Seamus standing right in front of him, smiling. Brendan tries to slowly walk back to the door but Seamus hands are holding it closed. The shower is on and the steam from the hot water is clouding the room. Brendan starts feeling a bit sticky and goes for the door again but this time Seamus pushes him against the tile wall and his arm slams into it._

_"Ah Brenda does your arm still hurt? Do you wanna cry again? Huh be the little bitch you always been. Get in the shower now."_

_"No." Brendan rushes past him but gets grabbed around the waist. He gets pushed onto the floor and he kicks at Seamus slamming his foot into his chin. Brendan crawls away from him and reaches for the door handle but Seamus holds onto his ankle and he gets pulled back down into the floor._

_"You're going to get punished for that boy."_

_Seamus straddles him but Brendan punches him right in the chest but he doesn't get off him. Instead he starts choking him and then punches him square in the face. Brendan can taste the blood from his lips seeping into his mouth._

_"I'm sorry I won't do it again."_

_"You damn right you won't." Seamus gets off him and stomps on his already injured arm before he lifts him and throws him into the shower, with all his clothes on. The hot water hits him all over his body. Brendan lifts himself up into a seated position as the water kept going into his eyes making his vision blurry. As soon as he does this Seamus is pushing him back down. The shower head right above him as the water keeps hitting him right in the face._

_"We're going to get rid of all these gay thought going through your head, do you hear me?"_

_"I don't have any!"_

_"LIAR!"_

_Seamus makes the water even warmer as now when it hits Brendan's skin it starts to burn a little._

_"Da this hurts!" He has to spit out the water as he feels that he is drowning._

_"SHUT UP!"_

_Seamus places a hand under Brendan's chin and pushes it up so the water can go in his nose, eyes, and mouth. Brendan starts coughing over and over again as more water pours over him. Without any warning he gets rolled over to his chest and feels his soaked shirt being pulled over him. Now the scorching hot water hits him directly on his back. Then his pants get pulled down along with his boxers._

_"Please...not today...please. Just for one day...don't."_

_Seamus laughs at him as he removes his own pants._

_Brendan screams and screams. He tries grabbing onto anything to get some leverage but it's useless. And he earns for his reluctance a punch to the back of his head and then the temperature of the water increases. Brendan looks at his skin and its turning red from the heat. He gives up and starts counting his 8 times table. He winces a couple times when his father gets to rough but he holds in his tears. He opens his eyes and sees the red water going down the drain._

_After a few more minutes he feels the pressure get off him. He dares to look up and watches as Seamus throws the condom into the trash and walks out of the room. Brendan gets up and even though he's in pain rushes to lock the door. He catches his reflection in the mirror and his lips are busted and he sees the forming of a black eye. His whole skin looks red from the heat so he goes and switches it to cold water as he steps back in. He washes himself until blood stops flowing from him. Then he almost makes himself bleed again as he scrubs his body over and over trying to get rid of his father's semen._

_He thinks to himself 'if only washing away memories was that easy.'_

* * *

**Friday 6:01 PM**

Ste is once again on his phone as Brendan comes rushing through the door.

_"You know I believed you for a second when you said you loved me but obviously you get some sort of pleasure from playing these games with me."_

Ste takes a second to process what is happening. He puts down his phone and looks at Brendan. He's clearly upset as he paces back and forth. His hands keep turning into fists.

_"What are you going on about?"_

_"What do you think?! You! All this fucking talk about being with me and how much you care about me it's all been a bunch of shit. You lie out your damn mouth because you don't want to be alone. That's all I am to you. A fucking time waster. You can go fuck off Steven. I wish I never met you!"_

_"What is wrong with you? I never lied to you...ever! I love you so much. I would never say that to anyone if I didn't care about them. I fucking want to spend the rest of my life with you. And you're here saying you wished we never met! I have taken everything you have thrown at me and I'm still here! What the fuck else do I have to do. Huh? Tell me!"_

Ste very slowly gets off the bed and stabilizes himself before he walks close to a very agitated Brendan.

_"I never forced you to stay. So run away..."_

_"No, I'm not going anywhere. But you have to swear to me that this...right nothing like this ever happens again. You can't keep going off on me for no apparent reason. You keep making things up in your head. And then I have to suffer for it."_

_"I'm not making things up! I'm tired of being used. I'm tired of people just messing with my life."_

_"IM NOT! I want to help! Get it through your fucked up mind!"_

Neither one of them truly knows what happens next. Stes back collides into the wall as Brendan throws him against it. Pain shoots up all throughout his body. The next thing he feels is a hand gripping his neck. The grip isn't that tight. Ste pushes Brendan off of him and when he opens his eyes he sees Brendan's lip is cut open. He punched him. Ste punched Brendan directly in the mouth.

Ste backs away from him thinking Brendan might be looking for retaliation but when he reaches the wall his back finally starts hurting so he slides down to the floor. He keeps his eyes on Brendan as he wipes away the blood from his lips.

Brendan moves over to Ste but he brings up his knees to protect himself.

_"Steven...I'm...I'm sorry. I'm sorry. I don't know what came over me ok. Come on I need you. Steven please._

Ste crawls to the corner of the room. _"No no...don't come near me."_

Brendan keeps a distance but gets on his knees in front of him_. "You punched me. I'm not the only one at fault here."_

_"You tried choking me."_

_"You kinda provoked me a little."_

_"You told...you said you would never hurt me."_

It finally hits Brendan what he did. He actually looks at Ste and he's terrified. He's curled up into himself and a couple of tears have escaped. It physically hurts Brendan to see him that way. And it completely breaks him to know he's the cause of it. He has never considered himself violent, he may lose himself when he has an episode but he believes that when his mind is there that he wouldn't hurt anyone. But the sight in front of him shows him he was wrong. This boy in front of him opened himself up to him. The boy gave him everything he had, his smiles, his laughs, his love. He gave him his heart and Brendan just dropped it and watched it shatter into a million pieces. Brendan watches as Stes eyes tear up even more and he can't help but wonder if this was the last straw. He has pushed and pushed and every time Ste forgave him. He comforted him. He told him he wouldn't give up on him. But at this point Brendan wouldn't even argue back if Ste gave up. He doesn't deserve him. He never did.

_"I'm sorry. I'm so sorry. I never meant to...I don't know what to say. I'm sorry."_

_"I can't trust you. I can't...I can't love you when you're like this. You broke every promise you ever gave to me. You destroyed all those memories we have had."_

_"No. We can still...they were good memories."_

_"Everything I'm gonna see now is this. The time when we stared up at the stars, the time when we stayed up for hours watching a terrible movie, the time I spilled my drink all over you, all those times we laughed, all the times we were happy together. But now all I'm gonna see is you pushing me against a wall and then charging at me. You scare me Brendan. I can't do this anymore."_

_"I never wanted you to be scared of me. I'm sorry. Please. Don't walk away from me. I'll do anything please. I can't lose you, not now. You...you changed everything Steven. Everything."_

Ste sees how drained Brendan is. He sees how tired he is, physically, mentally, emotionally. He's more broken than his ever seen. The man that portrays himself on the outside as a tough cold heartless person is this fragile broken child underneath. The tears running down his face show him pleading for help. He's asking for someone to help him...again. He's reaching a hand out to him asking Ste to pull him up. It's not too late to save him.

_"Do you even know what love is? Because I don't think you do. Before I met you I didn't even know who I was, but I do now. And that's thanks to you. Me and you we can do everything can't we? But I can't do this without you. Nothing's ever gonna change. I'm never gonna feel any differently about you. But please I'm begging...for us...for you...please just...go get help…I love you Brendan._

_"I love you too."_

* * *

**Friday 7:45 PM**

Brendan makes his way to another department in the North Wing and speaks to one of the doctors there.

_"I told you Brendan whenever you're truly ready to let everything go I'll be here. But you have to be willing to be open. You can't hold anything back. I want you to think about it and if you're ready just give me a call. Take these home and read them as well."_

The doctor hands him a couple of pamphlets before Brendan walks out. He has spent most of his shift with Ste so he decides to go back to the West Wing and check up on Laura. He hasn't seen her since she was taken to get an MRI and he hasn't heard anything about her either. Her room is empty when he looks inside. He sees Cheryl walking out of an operation room all the way across the Wing so he quickly walks over to her. She's covered in blood but still smiles at him as he approaches her. She tries giving him a hug but he moves back.

_"I really rather not have blood on me."_

_"Says the nurse."_

_"Funny. Look you seen Laura? I been meaning to find out what the scan showed."_

_"Oh umm yeah she's been moved to the neurology department."_

_"Why? I didn't-"_

_"It wasn't anything you did Bren. I looked at the scan and saw something so I asked Nate to take a look."_

_"Why would you show it to him? He's a neuro surgeon."_

_"Bren, she has a brain tumor."_

* * *

**Friday 8:30 PM**

There's tons of paperwork that Brendan has to complete before he leaves. He sits in the North Wing focusing on his work until he hears footsteps approaching him. He looks up to see Eoghan limping towards him.

_"You alright?"_ Brendan asks not really caring.

_"Yeah my ribs kind of hinder my movement."_

_"What happened to your ribs? Walk into a door."_

_"You have jokes. One last time Brendan I'm gonna ask. I'm turning in your report by the end of the week. Your score of 56 still stands and not only that but I will make sure to include that you physically assaulted me as well. You done it before Brendan I really don't see why you suddenly have an issue getting on your knees again. Oh wait...don't tell me. Ste? Is that it? Are you two together? Brendan take it from me no one would ever choose you as their partner as their boyfriend. You're really only good for one thing...and I think you know what that is. So what's your choice...a fake relationship that will have you without a job or me that will still have you working here for another year?_

* * *

**Friday 11:25 PM**

After Brendan said goodbye to Ste and got a hesitant kiss from him he left to go home. On the drive over all these thoughts were going through his mind. He thinks about his past and how he has managed to even get to this point in his life. He remembers the suicide attempt and wishes he could go back to that time to get it right. He knows why the gun jammed, his mum stopped it. He looks down at the ring on his finger and all these memories come back. The good ones where he had a water balloon fight with his mother where she ended up just getting a hose and soaking him in it. That was a memory he carried with him for years. It was one of the last memories he had of his mum. Sadly, the bad memories seem to occupy most of his mind. Like the time Seamus pushed him off a tree and he broke his arm. Or the time he laughed at him for crying on his mother's birthday. He thinks to himself that maybe Seamus was right maybe this was all that he could be. But if it was Seamus and it wasn't him. He never knew what Seamus wanted from him. Why did he choose him? Why did Seamus pick that day to almost end his life? He remembers the screams from Cheryl and from himself. He sees them both fighting for their lives. His heart still races as the image of both him and Cheryl diving for the gun replays in his mind over and over.

He's in a trance but a knock on the door snaps him back. He gets up and opens the door to let Warren in.

_"You alright?"_ It's the first thing Warren says to him. _"I thought you said you weren't gonna use yesterday."_

_"I know but I need something."_

_"You wanna talk about it?"_

_"No just give me the pills."_

_"Brendan come on. Think about it. Do you really want to start this again? You were in a really bad place then, I don't think you want to find yourself back there again."_

* * *

_Warren is pulling Brendan back up to his feet as they walk to his flat. Brendan is so drugged up he can't even think straight. He's laughing at anything and everything._

_"What the fuck did you take?"_

_"Couple ecstasy pills."_

_"How many is a couple?"_

_"Don't know lost count after the 10th one."_

_"Are you trying to kill yourself dumbass. That's too much to take in a day. Your fucking lucky you haven't overdosed yet."_

_As they are approaching the flat there is a group of men standing on a corner not really doing anything, just observing. Both Brendan and Warren know them but they just keep walking. Brendan passes by one of the men but the man grabs him right on his scar. It's an all-out brawl after that. Brendan knocks the guy out cold but then his friends go after him so Warren jumps in to help him out. Even with both of them completely high on drugs they manage to take out the other 4 guys. Warren tries wiping away some of the blood on him but Brendan doesn't stop. He keeps punching and kicking the first guy he knocked out._

_"Ey you're gonna kill him!"_

_Warren tries pulling him off but Brendan escapes his grip and keeps attacking the guy. He sees the guys eyes slowly start losing life._

_"Get off him!" This time Warren grips him across his neck and almost chokes him as he pulls him off. Warren looks at him and Brendan is actually smiling. He looks deranged in a way. "Come on we gotta get out of here. Ill sort this when we get to the flat."_

_After that they saw 4 of the guys from that day but they never again saw the other guy. They both decide to never speak about that day again._

* * *

_"When did you start trying to give me lectures about what I do with my life? I told you I want the pills so are you gonna give them to me or not?"_

_"No."_

_"Fine. Ill get them somewhere else. I don't need you."_ Brendan gets up but in his drunken state he trips and lands on the floor.

_"Oh for fucks sake."_ Warren sighs but lifts Brendan up onto the sofa. _"Here."_ Warren drops a bag of pills onto the table_. "I'm staying over tonight though to make sure you don't do anything stupid. I'll be in the spare room."_

When Warren closes the door Brendan gets up and grabs the bag with shaking hands. He takes out one pill and places it on the table. He hasn't taken any drugs in over a year. He stopped when he overdosed and Cheryl begged him to stop. He picks it up and places it on the palm of his hand. He enjoyed the feeling he got when he was high. He felt no pain, no sadness, nothing. It was perfect in his mind. It made him be void of any emotions. And back then that's what he wanted. But now it's different. The image of Ste protecting himself from him goes through his mind. The fear in his eyes are tattooed into his mind. A year ago he would never even consider what he is about to do. But this boy that came into his life is someone that he would do anything for. Ste is his life. He knows in his heart that he can't go on without him by his side. He can't lose him. He won't lose him. Not now.

Brendan puts the pill back in the bag and reaches for one of the pamphlets that he got earlier. On the top of it has a note that says _'Brendan- Call whenever you're ready. We're open 24/7. Dr. Rosenberg'._

Brendan picks up his phone and types in the phone number but hesitates to hit the call button. He takes a deep breath and hits the button. After 2 rings a woman picks up.

_"Psychiatric Practices, this is Maureen speaking how can I help you?"_

He loses his bit of strength he had and remains quiet.

_"Hello? Hello...I know this is hard but we're only here to help."_

_"Umm...I...I wanted to make...an appointment with Dr. Rosenberg."_

_"No problem. Can I get a name?"_

_"...Brendan."_

_"Alright Brendan let me just get a bit of basic information from you."_

She takes the basics from him, full name, address, insurance, and other small things.

_"Great. Ok Brendan do you know what exactly you need help with or do you need a mental evaluation first."_

_"No. I already know."_

_"What should I put down?"_

_"...Insomnia...anxiety disorder. Ummm...manic depression. And...umm...post...post-traumatic stress disorder."_

* * *

**Bam! His issues are revealed. Review please? =)  
**


	16. Chapter 16

**AN: Hello again! Another big big thanks to anyone who read the last chapter! All your reviews were sooo amazingly perfect. Truly humbled that you guys are still with me on this. I hope you enjoy =)**

**PS: I apparently messed up the dates on the last chapter so hopefully none of y'all caught it lol but I did go back and edit it just in case...oops :)**

* * *

**Saturday 1:33 AM**

_*****The waves crash upon the walls. Some of the water spills onto the pier as people walk by. The kids laugh when the little droplets land of them. Their parents smile so bright as they grab their hands and rush them out of the way. Brendan stays seated on a bench nearby as he watches these perfect families going on about their day. He notices people staring at him and silently whispering to each other. It's not his fault that his lip is busted and his eye is red and swollen. He tries covering it up by pulling his hood over his head, but people still see it. Brendan tilts his head down when a little girl points at him and asks her mum "what happened to him?" Her mum looks her straight in the eyes and tells her "he must have been a bad boy." They both smile and as Brendan watches them he sees their smile morph into a clown like smile. It's deformed and unnatural. As they move away their bodies start to snap at odd locations. He decides to look away._

_As the day progresses the sun starts to go down and suddenly there are no more people around the pier anymore. Brendan tries lifting himself off the bench but he can't. It's as if he is glued onto the spot, completely frozen in place. He stares up towards the clouds and sees them turning into a mixture of red and black. Rain starts falling, but it's not water. It's blood. Red hot sticky blood starts falling from the skies. It lands on him and it oozes down his clothes. His eyes widen when he sees that the sea in front of him is not water anymore, it's the opposite. It's now become fire._

_Brendan tries moving away this time using all the force he has. He struggles and is actually causing him physical pain by distorting his body in these awkward positions. The heat from the flames start reaching him and he feels suffocated. The pouring of blood intensifies as the small drops start becoming the size of golf balls. When they hit Brendan it actually hurts._

_Brendan is powerless to do anything. He physically can't do anything. He closes his eyes and waits for the inevitable. Then he feels a presence in from of him. When he opens his eyes his father is standing right in front of him, smiling. It's that same smile he saw on the girl and her mum. It's wide and spread out and looks so unreal. The lips practically reach his ears. His eyes don't have any pupils, they are completely black. Almost looks like an 8 ball._

_"Hello Brenda."_

_Seamus voice is high pitched and there's something else behind it that Brendan can't fully understand._

_"Do you need help?"_

_Brendan looks down at his father's hand, but they're not hands. Their hooves._

_"Who..are you?" Brendan actually tries moving away but of course he can't._

_"Who do you think?" Seamus bares his teeth and they are razor sharp._

_"Get away from me."_

_"Don't speak to your father like that Brenda. I just want to help."_

_"You never helped me before." Brendan can't look at him anymore because the sight in front of him terrifies him. That's when he notices the blood coming from the skies are now burning him._

_"I could help now son. You just have to ask. Be a good little boy and beg to your daddy to help."_

_Brendan looks and sees the fire reaching closer to him. He turns his head back and sees that in the opposite direction of the fire that it's perfectly normal. It's as if Dublin has been cut right in half. One side has scorching hot blood falling from the skies and a sea of fire moving. While the other has perfect white fluffy clouds and the sky is just a magnificent shade of blue. Brendan doesn't know what he did to deserve being put on this side. He finally dares to look at Seamus. Would he actually get him to the other side if he begged? Would he actually help him?_

_"Your choice Brenda. We could both go over there and live a perfect life."_

_Brendan's eyes lock onto Seamus and that's all it takes. 'We' and 'Perfect life' stand out. Those words will never go together in their lives._

_"I rather die than ask you for anything."_

_He sheds no tears and gives his father one last look. A look that says he's already dead. Has been for years. Seamus gives out a blood cringing laugh and leans down and plants his lips onto Brendan's. There is nothing Brendan can do so he stays still and keeps his mouth shut closed. But then he has an idea. Brendan smirks and parts his lips. Seamus takes it as an invitation and slips his tongue inside Brendan's mouth. When Seamus has his whole tongue inside Brendan laughs and snaps his mouth shut. His teeth impale his father's tongue. Seamus tries pulling away but Brendan just grips harder. He feels blood inside his mouth so he gives one last yank back and sees Seamus fall backwards._

_Blood his flowing from Seamus mouth and he's in obvious pain. Brendan feels something in his mouth and spits it out along with his own vomit. On the floor he sees it. His dads tongue._

_Seamus gets back up and charges at him. Within a second Brendan is being lifted onto his dads shoulder. He stares down and sees that Seamus is walking through the fire and in that second he realizes he is about to be throw into it. They reach the end of the pier and Seamus stops. Brendan is still paralyzed and can't move his legs or arms. Seamus mumbles something that Brendan can't understand but he thinks he hears "I loved you."_

_With nothing else to do Brendan whispers into his father's ear:_

_"I hated you. I'll see you in hell."_

_The next thing he feels is excruciating pain as he gets burned alive.*****_

Beep. Beep. Beep.

Brendan snaps out of his dreaming state and almost rolls off the bed. He looks at the clock and groans.

_"FOXY WHAT THE FUCK ARE YOU DOING UP AT 2 IN THE DAMN MORNING?!"_

He waits for a response and hears the microwave door closing.

_"I WAS BLOODY STARVING. SORRY FOR DISTURBING YOUR BEAUTY REST!"_

Brendan gets out of bed and walks out to the kitchen. Warren is seated on the table with a microwaveable dinner. Warren looks up at him when he takes a seat across the table.

_"What? I had the munchies."_

_"You pot head. There's some leftover food in the fridge you know."_

_"I'm alright. Ta though."_

They sit in silence as Warren eats his food in record speed. Brendan casually glances around the room when he notices Warren picking up the bag of pills and counting them.

_"Didn't take any?"_

_"Not last night no."_

Warren just nods his head as he keeps a hold on the bag. He drops them when he sees the pamphlets on the table.

_"Wednesday 9 AM. Wait did you actually make an appointment to see someone?"_ Warren looks up at him with a shocked expression.

_"Yeah but I'm not going."_

_"What? Why not?"_

_"Cause I don't want to. The second I hung up I regretted even calling."_

_"Come on Brendan this is a huge step. You already called and did the first part. Just cause you go one time doesn't mean you have to keep going. You can see how it goes and then decide afterwards if you want to continue. But it wouldn't hurt to go this one time. Maybe it'll help. And then maybe you won't need these."_

Warren throws the bag across the table hitting Brendan right in the chest. Brendan takes a pill out of it and keeps staring at it.

_"It wasn't that I needed them Foxy. I wanted them."_

_"No you needed them so that you could forget about your past. You needed them to numb your pain. You needed them so that you could overdose and almost lose your life."_

_"The overdose was an accident ok. I wanted them to forget about the fucked up life I had and still have."_

Brendan is about to take it when Warren tackles him to the ground. He grabs his hand trying to pry it open to take the pill away.

_"What the fuck are you doing Warren! Get off me!"_

_"Give me the pill!"_

After a few more minutes of almost fighting Brendan opens his hand and lets the pill drop on the floor. Warren grabs it and rushes to get the bag as well.

_"Psycho."_ Brendan pulls himself back up and heads back to his room.

_"Are you gonna go or not?"_

_"I DON'T KNOW! I'm sick of talking about it ok. Every day I get reminded how messed up I am. Don't you think I know I need help? I know I'm not fine! I just...I can't do this."_

* * *

**Saturday 9:27 AM**

Brendan wakes up a massive hangover. He can't remember the previous night or how he ended up on the floor in his room. He silently curses at himself when he struggles getting to his feet.

_"Foxy?"_

No response comes back so Brendan goes to the spare bedroom to check. The bed is made and everything looks organized. There's a note on the nightstand that reads _'Had to run. Gotta bring Mitz her lunch today so see you there. Ps.I understand why you need them. Their on the counter. Warren.'_

Brendan throws away the note and walks back out to the kitchen to see the bag of pills there. He picks them up and places them on a drawer as he goes to take a shower. Once he's done he dries himself off and puts on jeans and stops right before he puts on a shirt. Brendan looks at the mirror and his eyes go straight to his left arm. It's blinding red. The heat from the water has made it even more noticeable. He glides his hand over his arm and feels the raised skin. Then on the right side he sees the other scar that starts on his forearm. He turns around and sees it go over his shoulders and stopping at his back. It has an 'S' shape to it towards the end.

_'Whenever anyone sees you for who you are they will know you belong to me. You're mine Brenda. You will always be mine. This scar here is a reminder of who owns your life. I do. I've branded you forever. You'll never forget me.'_

Brendan shakes the memory out of his mind as he applies the same cream he has applied for years. He puts on a shirt and quickly escapes from his image on the mirror.

His shift doesn't start till 3 so he has time to kill. The only thing is Brendan hates having time on his hands. When he has nothing to do then his mind starts racing. Every memory from his past comes to the front and he can't escape it. He needs to stay occupied to avoid having to deal with these reminders.

Brendan picks up his keys and phone about to head out. He has a couple missed calls but none are important enough for him to call back. Then he sees he has a text from Ste.

_'We need to talk when you get here.'_

Brendan sighs because he's not in the mood to deal with yet another serious conversation. He already broke down in front him, and that's enough for him.

Before he walks out of his flat he takes out his vial of Paxil and takes 2 pills. Then he remembers the other pills he has. He sprints back to his room and takes one of them out of the bag. He paces back and forth making a pro and cons list in his head.

It takes him a couple of minutes but in the end he makes up his decision.

* * *

**Saturday 11:03 AM**

The church is having a sermon as Brendan walks in. He takes a seat at the back where he notices that most of the people in the back rows all don't appear to be people that usually attend church. He can clearly see that half of them are drug addicts as he watches them have their tweaks every couple of minutes. He slouches down on his seat and listens to Father Des as he speaks. He says a couple of bible verses that Brendan doesn't even listen too.

_"I'm going to bring out a special little girl that has a poem she wants me to read to you all. She's been through a lot in her short amount of years and she's never given up. I want all of you in here to know that no matter what happens in your lives, you cannot give up. Daisy come on up."_

Brendan at first doesn't recognize her but within a few seconds he remembers the girl that he met at the hospital. The little girl that couldn't pronounce his name at first. The little girl that didn't even know him but believed in him. The one that told him he would see his daughter one day. He realizes that she's staring right at him and she mouths _'Brendan' _and waves making a few people turn around to look at him. Brendan drops his head and when he thinks everyone has stopped looking he lifts his head up. Daisy still is staring at him smiling so for the first time that day he smiles. She giggles into the microphone and then pulls out a couple sheets of paper and hands them to Father Des.

_"As the light shines through my window I awaken. I am reminded once more that today is another day stolen from borrowed time. Today I will live and live to will. I will be thankful for all I love and all I have. Every breath taken in shall be full as I take in the world around me. I will push away the pain, hide my tears and sorrow and drown out all that threatens my very being. Today I will climb that rock and sit on top staring and soaking in the beauty of nature, of life. I will let the wind whisper in my ears and flow through me filling my every sense, breathing life once more into my soul. Just for today I shall truly live, making the best of everything, because I know as the sun sets and sleeps, so shall I. I will be there once more to watch the last ray of the sun disappear; knowing that one day it may never awaken me. Just for today I will live."_

Brendan is to absorbed into the poem that he completely misses the time to clap. Daisy gives him an angry look and he shrugs his shoulders and mouths _'sorry'_. The sermon finishes with Father Des giving a last bible verse and lets them know he will see them next week. Everyone starts exiting and Brendan gets up but has to wait for a pregnant woman to get by so he could move and leave. Once she passes him he steps into the aisle but something grabs a hold of his arm.

_"Bendan! Bren..Brendan!"_ Daisy hugs him as if she hasn't seen him in years. He gives her a small hug back before sitting down knowing he wasn't going to be let go so easily.

_"Hi."_ Brendan looks up front and sees Father Des approaching them.

_"I missed ye. Mum is here with baby. We come here every week."_

_"Believe in God do you?"_

_"Yes. He protects me and keeps me safe. Do you?"_

He thinks he should lie to her just to avoid all her questions but then remembers he's in church. Probably not a good idea to lie.

_"No. He forgot about me a long time ago."_

Before Daisy has a chance to respond Father Des comes up to them and tells Daisy her mum is waiting for her. She quickly gives him and Brendan a hug and runs off.

_"Nice to see you here Brendan."_

_"Had some time to myself. Figured I just come here. Maybe get something from it."_

"Did you?"

_"Got nothing but a bad back. You should consider getting some cushions for these seats."_

_"Why are you really here Brendan?"_

_"I told you already."_

_"No you told me you had some time to spare. But you didn't have to come here, you could have gone anywhere. There's has to be a reason for that."_

Brendan tries focusing as much as he can but his vision is getting a bit blurry and his muscles all throughout his body are cramping on him. His jaw starts clenching and he feels his heart beat speed up. He starts controlling his breathing so that he can get his body back to normal.

_"Alright so I came here for a bit of help."_

Father Des gives him his full attention and waits for when Brendan is ready to speak again. Brendan on the other hand is still trying to get himself together and suddenly feels this sort of openness about him, like he just wants to spill everything out. He knows exactly why his body is reacting this way. Now he wishes he could go back a couple hours and change one of his decisions.

_"So look ok...I haven't had the easiest life growing up. I been through some things that I rather just forget but I can't. The past has ruined me. Let's say I'm a little messed up in the head."_ Brendan chuckles to himself and sees Father Des give him a worrying look.

_"You ok Brendan?"_

_"Sorry. I'm fine. Umm where the fuck was I? Right so my sister always tells me I'm not fine and I need help. My friends tell me I need to see someone. But I never cared enough to listen to them. Something in me didn't think of them as important, so I never sought help. But then I met him and he changed my life. Oh and yes I said HIM."_

_"I know you did."_

_"So aren't you disgusted? God tells you to be disgusted."_

_"God tells me to put love first. Love is a beautiful thing that shouldn't be thrown away. It doesn't matter if it's between a man and a woman or a man and a man. Now continue."_

Brendan laughs at the statement and how unaffected Father Des seemed at the fact that he was talking about a man.

_"I never looked thought ahead to my future. I was never one of those people that had like a 5 year plan. I honestly never even thought a day ahead, because I never knew if I would even wake up. But then Steven walked into my life and now all I keep thinking about is a future with him. But like everyone else he wants me to get help. And I want to do it for him. I really do. But I don't think I can."_

_"It amuses me that you haven't figured it out yet."_

_"What?"_ Brendan looks at him clearly for the first time but is completely confused now.

_"I heard you say earlier to Daisy that God forgot about you. I don't think he ever did. He has always been there. You forgot about him, not intentionally. But because you had too. You didn't want God to see what you became so you decided go on with your life alone. But God saw you suffering and he heard you loud and clear. Steven was put into your life for one reason. Because this is your last chance at saving yourself. He can save you. Brendan let him save you."_

* * *

**Saturday 3:15 PM**

The hospital appears to be a bit more busy than usual. There's a lot of visitors walking around, lost. A lot of nurses are running up and down the halls. Some of them at dripping with blood. Brendan almost slips on a puddle of it and catches Mitzeee laughing at him before she disappears into an elevator. He walks over to the North Wing the whole time looking down avoiding any blood splatter.

When he finally makes it to the Wing he has to dodge all the physical therapy equipment being used. He's about to go walk over to Stes room but remembers he didn't see his other patient yesterday so he rushes over to make sure she won't report him for anything. Brendan has to look at the room charts to even remember what room she was at. _'No wonder I get such low grades'_ he thinks to himself as he knocks on the door.

_"Yes?"_

_"Hey it's me. How you doing?"_ Brendan awkwardly walks into the room and picks up a couple things from the floor.

_"Pretty good actually. Especially since you gave me a day off yesterday from your extreme exercises."_

_"Day off? Oh right right. Yeah figured you deserved a day. But were doing an hour today, no breaks during it either. Yeah?"_

_"Fantastic."_

_"I thought so too."_ He gives her a slight smile_. "Oh and for the sarcasm I'm adding 15 more minutes to your time. You're welcome."_

He closes the door before she can throw anything at him. He walks to the opposite side of the Wing and prepares himself for whatever Ste has to say to him. Brendan doesn't even knock this time just walks right in and sees Ste sleeping on his side.

Brendan takes a seat next to the bed and watches him. He thinks if Ste wakes up right now he would probably think he really is a lunatic, but he can't help it. He's honestly mesmerized by him. He's hypnotized by him. When Brendan leans forward a little, Stes eyes spring open. His bright blue pupils widen as he makes contact with Brendan's piercing blue eyes.

_"Hello sleepyhead."_

Stes eyes keep closing and opening trying to adjust to the brightness of the room. _"How long was I asleep for?"_

_"Don't know just got here."_

_"Oh."_ Ste lifts himself up into a better position and stretches his body out. _"Right so what we doing today."_

_"Umm...thought we should get you walking more since that's really all you have left to do."_

_"Ok."_ Ste moves so his legs are dangling off the the bed.

_"Didn't you want to talk to me about something?"_

_"Later. Let's just get this over with."_

Brendan helps him off the bed and holds him until Ste moves away from him.

Brendan walks in front of him and opens the door as Ste slowly follows him.

_"So let's see if you can walk to the West Wing and back."_

_"You aren't serious?"_

_"Just try it. Please."_

When Ste looks at him it takes his breath away. His eyes show more than he could ever say. He sees trust in them. Even though he doesn't deserve it.

_"You're gonna be by my side the whole time right?"_

_"Till you let me go."_

They both know that their not talking about the exercises anymore. Words unsaid. Words that they can't truly express.

Ste starts walking and Brendan stays a little behind him and to his side. Ste doesn't even stumble one time. He makes it to the entrance of the West Wing and turns around and gives Brendan the hugest smile.

_"I did it Bren!"_ Ste throws his arms in the air in excitement and even manages a small jump. That makes him almost fall over but Brendan is right there grabbing his hand and pulling him back into position.

_"Easy there kid."_

_"Sorry but I fucking did it. That's good right?"_

_"Yeah it is. I'm proud of you. Honestly."_

_"Thank you. For everything." _Ste walks up to him and leans up and gives Brendan a chaste kiss_. "Going back right?"_

Brendan nods and this time keeps a farther distance between them. He doesn't need him anymore so it's time for him to try to separate himself from Ste. They both make it back to the North Wing in record time. Ste actually did much better on the way back. Ste has a skip to his step and moved almost as if he had never fallen off the roof to begin with.

_"You really did a good job today considering how short of a time you been here. Better than anyone I ever seen actually. You can take a break for a bit as I gotta go see my other patient for an hour. You gonna be ok?"_

_"Yep I'll watch some tv but when you get back we can have that talk."_ Ste walks away from him as Brendan watches him becoming independent again.

* * *

**Saturday 5:51 PM**

Brendan ended up cutting his patients session short. For one she wasn't even trying and secondly he couldn't concentrate. He played it off by saying she's not putting in her part and next time she should consider how much she really wants to get better. He stormed out of there just to add the impression that he was not happy with her.

Brendan walks straight into Stes room and leans against the wall.

_"So what do you need to tell me?"_

_"Straight to the point huh. Ok. Come here though."_

Brendan reluctantly moves closer to him and takes a seat on the bed making sure he's still facing him.

_"I wanted to talk to you about us."_

_"There is no us Steven. You made it perfectly clear you didn't want to be with me."_

_"No don't put words in my mouth. I said I wanted you to get help first."_

Brendan leans back on the bed and Ste crawls over to him and lays his head down on Brendan's chest.

_"Bren you know I love you right?"_

_"So you say."_

_"You really don't believe me? Have you ever felt loved?"_

Brendan kisses him on the forehead and then leans his head further back.

_"You don't do you?"_ Ste doesn't get an answer back. _"Bren?"_ He still doesn't respond to him. _"You ok?"_ Once again Brendan keeps quiet. Ste knows he hasn't fallen asleep as his hands keep moving. But he seems saddened. Almost depressed. It breaks Stes heart to see him this way. Ste kisses the top of his chest and moves up to kiss him on his neck. He applies more pressure as he kisses him, knowing that a love mark will most likely appear. He hears Brendan moan and sees him move his head back to give him more access to his neck. Ste places his hand on Brendan's cheek and continues giving him kisses all over his neck.

_"What..what are you doing?"_

_"Shh. I'm gonna show you I love you."_

Ste stops and positions himself on top of Brendan. He grabs the side of his face and makes Brendan look at him. Their eyes connect and it's as if they are both looking at each other's reflection. Both their eyes are filled with lust and the blue color have drained becoming pitch black. Ste doesn't fail to notice the sadness in Brendan's eyes though. He's suffering and he doesn't know what he can do to pull him out of it. He leans down and slowly places his lips onto Brendan's. Neither one of them breaks away as they continue their slow languid movement. They inhale each other's air and groan into their own mouths. Brendan's hands move to Stes back and the warmness of them heat up Stes whole body. Ste places his hands on either side of Brendan's face. He runs his thumb in a circular motion as he feels the man beneath him. Everything around them disappears. They hear nothing else beside the noises coming from their wet kisses. Ste has never felt this before. It's not just lust for him. It's pure love. There is no one else for him. This broken man is his one and only soul mate. He has his heart for eternity. His life will never be complete without him.

Ste moves one of his hands down Brendan's left arm. He reaches the scar and lightly moves his hand over it. Brendan stills beneath him. His lips stop moving. Ste opens his eyes and sees the look of uncertainty in Brendan's.

_"I don't know how you got this but I won't hurt you. Trust me."_

Ste gives him a tender kiss before he moves down and gradually plants light kisses across his scar. He starts from the elbow and goes all the way to his finger. He takes Brendan's finger and starts sucking on it. When he removes it from his mouth he looks him straight in the eyes.

_"I love you so much. No one else has a place in my heart beside you. My life didn't exist before you. Just let me give you the happiness that you have given me. I love you Brendan. Forever."_

Ste sees Brendan's eyes lose that sadness and he finally sees the joy make their way to the front. Brendan gives his a softhearted smile.

_"I can't live my life without you. I love you Steven."_

Ste doesn't wait anymore and kisses him with all the passion he has. He grips his neck and hopes that he doesn't put nail marks on it. Brendan doesn't seem to notice because his own fingers grasp him tightly around the waist. Ste rocks his hips back and forth applying more and more pressure as he picks up speed. Their groins connect as they both start moaning into each other. Ste stops the kiss and crawls down his body and rapidly pulls Brendan's pants and boxers down in one motion. He sees the pre cum already leaking from the tip. Ste smirks at him and runs his tongue right over it. Tasting him for the first time. He can hear Brendan's breathing hitch and watches as his hands are already about to go grip the sheets.

_"You were hiding this from me weren't you? Your cock is fucking perfect."_

Ste starts sucking the head of it as he moves his hand up and down his shaft at the same time. He spreads all the pre cum over his dick and uses it as a lubricant. His hand speeds up and then he removes it in a flash only to deep throat him. Brendan's dick hits the back of Stes throat and Brendan can't stop when his hips thrust upward. His dick pushes deeper in but Ste takes him all in. Ste goes all the way back to his tip and goes back all the way back down again applying more and more suction.

_"Fuck fuck. Steven I..."_

Brendan's knuckles are white from gripping onto the sheets below him. Ste thought receiving a blow job from Brendan was the most amazing thing ever but now he knows that giving Brendan a blow job is the most amazing sight he has ever seen. The moans and growls he releases from his mouth send fire through his veins. Every bit of his senses get magnified by 100 percent.

Ste runs his tongue across the underside of his dick and he can't help himself as he bites down on his dick. Brendan groans and roughly grabs the back of Stes head and pushes his dick straight into his mouth. They both move in a rhythm as Brendan feels the pressure building up inside him.

_"Steven...I'm...gonna..."_

With one last sweep of Stes tongue Brendan shoots his load into Stes mouth. Ste slurps it right up and gives the tip one last kiss before he shuffles back up to Brendan and kisses him. Brendan still is trying to catch his breath as Ste moves his hands all over him. Brendan bites down on his bottom lip and flips them over so Ste is on the bottom now.

_"Your turn."_

Stes cock is already throbbing and Brendans low rough voice isn't helping it go down. He already feels like it's going to explode.

_"Take your pants off. Now."_

Ste lifts his hips up and watches as Brendan licks his own lips. Ste gets naked from the waist down and Brendan straddles him as grinds his hips over him. Both their dicks touch as the liquid keeps leaking from both the heads.

_"God. Brendan you're...so fucking...perfect. Please."_

_"Suck my fingers for me."_

Ste grins as Brendan's fingers enter his mouth.

_"Good boy, that's enough."_

Brendan takes Ste into his mouth and slowly sucks him off.

_"Bren I can't...I can't hold..."_

_"Don't you dare come. Not yet."_

Ste literally has to force himself to think of something else beside his cock in Brendan's mouth to prevent himself from coming.

Ste feels a circular motion by his entrance and then he feels the tip of Brendan's finger enter him. It slowly goes in further and further till it hits his prostrate. Stes hips push down onto it and he feels the burn from the intrusion.

Brendan keeps licking and sucking Stes cock as he pushes his finger in and out of Stes hole. When he feels that he can take it he inserts another finger. Ste starts moving his hips to the same rhythm as Brendan's fingers and is saying Brendan's name over and over. They both make eye contact and know at that moment that there is no one else that will ever make them feel this way. They both entered each other's lives as strangers. Each one had a different life before they met. One had a pretty content life but had an empty feeling. The other had a life filled with hopelessness and pain. Faith decided to bring these two together to make them complete.

Stes eyes can't stay open as Brendan sticks a third finger into him and twist it over and over hitting his prostate every time. He's up to his knuckles. Ste starts fucking himself off on Brendan's fingers as Brendan takes Stes entire cock down his throat. He pushes his fingers as far back as he can and pounds into him.

_"OHHH GODDDD! BRENDANNN."_

Stes arousal is too much and he shoots his cum into Brendan's mouth. It keeps going and going and his whole body shakes uncontrollably. He can't stop the screams and moans coming out of his mouth. His heart beat is going crazy and his eyes feel as if they are going to pop out of their socket.

Brendan takes his mouth off Stes cock and removes his fingers out of him.

_"Look at me Steven."_

Stes vision is so blurry he can barely even see Brendan as he takes his fingers that were just inside himself and puts them in his mouth. Brendan sucks on them as he keeps his eyes on Ste beneath him.

_"Bloody hell Brendan. That was...I can't even explain."_

_"Hmm."_ Brendan pulls his boxers and pants back on and grabs Stes pants and helps him put them on as well.

Brendan lies on top of him and places his head right in the nook of Stes neck and shoulder. Ste massages the back of Brendan's neck as he whispers to him _'I can't lose you Brendan. You can't lose this fight.'_

* * *

**Saturday 7:07 PM**

_"You page me?"_ Brendan walks over to where Cheryl is sitting down on a sofa close to the lobby.

_"Yeah had some news on Laura. Thought you might want an update."_

Brendan seats right next to her and Cheryl places her head on his shoulder. _"Yeah course."_ He kisses her on the top of her head.

_"So Nate thinks it's crucial that he gets to the tumor as fast as possible as its starting to spread rapidly. But he's not sure if he will be able to remove it all in one go. And even if he does there are some serious complications that can happen. The tumor is right next to major nerves and if he even moves a nano inch he will hit one of them which could lead to paralysis and even death."_

_"And if he doesn't do the surgery?"_

_"She won't make it to her next birthday. It's the only option babe. I'm so sorry. Nate has scheduled the surgery for tomorrow and she's asked that you be with her before she's put under."_

Cheryl sees her brother drop his head and she wraps her arms around him. His whole weight collapses onto her but it doesn't even faze her.

_"She will be ok Brendan. We'll do everything to make sure she makes it."_

_"I actually care about her Chez."_

_"I know." _She keeps holding him and then let's go when he whispers he's fine.

_"Come over to my flat tonight. I don't want you to be alone ok."_

_"Thanks."_

They both turn their heads to the right as they hear two people shouting down the hall.

_"Warren you know I hate fish! Why the hell would you bring me that?"_

_"You said you loved fish."_

_"Bastard that wasn't me!"_

Mitzeee almost passes them both up but does a second glance and stops abruptly causing Warren to slam into her.

_"Guys tell him I don't like fish."_

Cheryl responds with _"Erm I don't know we never ate together."_

Brendan on the other hand says _"Umm you ate fish once remember?"_

_"I ate fish ONCE! Doesn't mean I love the damn things."_

_"You're impossible." _Warren takes a seat on the sofa next to Brendan and Mitzeee sits next to Cheryl.

_"When did you get back Warren?"_ Cheryl turns to look at him but Mitzeee interrupts him.

_"He came back 2 days ago and still hasn't taken me out. Can you believe that Cheryl? 3 years we have been together and when he gets home he doesn't even bother to call me."_

Cheryl moves closer to Brendan and whispers _'get us out of here.'_

Brendan and Cheryl move forward to lift themselves up but both Mitzeee and Warren grab their wrist and pull them back.

_"Alright I get it Mitz. How about we all go to dinner one night. I'll even pay."_

_"You mean all 4 of us?"_ Brendan tries thinking of any excuse to get out of a dinner that will undoubtedly turn into a food fight in the middle of a restaurant. _"Well umm...you see we're busy most days you know. Work and that other stuff like umm cleaning."_

Cheryl's kicks him as he finishes talking and gives him a look saying _'great job idiot.'_

_"Make time."_

Mitzeee squeals and then puts her angry expression back on. _"Fine. But you're not forgiven. When I get home their had better be a dozen rises waiting for me."_ She gets up and Warren starts to follow_. "No. I'm going back to work." _She storms out of there and pushes a rolling Will out of her way. _"Dumbass get out of the way yeah."_ She flicks him off as she walks away. Will stares at her frozen and then stares at the 3 of them. They all give him their middle fingers and he gasps and rolls away.

_"He looks like a right freak."_ Warren keeps staring in his direction.

_"Bren you should go check up on her. Make sure she's ok."_

_"She's fine. You know she gets all over dramatic sometimes."_

_"Brendan! Go check up on your friend."_

_"Alright alright calm down Chez. It's like you're trying to get rid of me."_ Brendan laughs quietly but leaves and follows the direction Mitzeee just went in.

_"I'm gonna head off then Cheryl."_

_"Wait wait. I need your help."_

Warren stops and turns at her to see desperation in her eyes.

_"Yeah sure. What do you need help with?"_

_"Do you know how to break into a locked room? Like top notch locks."_

Cheryl can see the confused look in his face and quickly adds on _"I'm not robbing anything."_

_"Depends. I mean I can look-"_

Before he can finish his sentence Cheryl is already dragging him down the hallway. She takes him to the 7th floor and casually walks down the long corridor before she stops at a door in the corner.

_"Umm the records department?"_

_"Yeah. Can you get it open?"_

Warren looks at it and sees it's an easy lock to break. _"Think so but you wanna tell me why you're breaking into it?"_

_"I'll explain later just...please open it."_

Warren gets out his small pocket knife and within a minute he gets the door open and Cheryl rushes past him. He steps inside and closes the door behind him. He sees her rush to a specific area and start rummaging through different folders.

_"Cheryl those are from last year I think."_

_"I know."_

_"You need help?"_

_"No just keep your ears open for someone coming."_

She keeps shuffling through all these files hoping it's in there. _"Bade. Bennett. Bharde. Bixon."_

Warren hears her as she says these names out loud and it finally hits him. _"You willing to risk your entire career on your brother?"_

_"Yes."_

One word. No hesitation. Simple as that. She would sacrifice everything for him. She starts flipping through them frantically and finally her eyes see the file she came here for.

_"Brendan Brady."_

* * *

_"Please leave your message after the beep."_

_Cheryl throws her phone against the wall and watches it shatter all over the living room floor. She paces back and forth as she keeps looking out the window for any sign of him. She sits down on the sofa and stares at the clock. After 5 minutes she realizes she can't take it anymore and grabs her keys. She's about to walk out until she hears the door handle moving. Then the door opens and in walks Brendan._

_"Where the fuck have you been?!" She rushes over to him and hugs him tight. "Do you know how worried I was? It's freaking 2 in the morning and you weren't picking up your damn phone!"_

_"Sorry didn't hear it."_

_"That's not an excuse. Where were-" she looks down and sees his hands covered in blood. Then her eyes move up and she sees some blood on his shirt. "Is that- what did you- what happened?" Are you ok?"_

_"I'm fine." Brendan steps around her and walks to the bathroom. Cheryl follows him and pushes through as Brendan tries closing the door on her. She turns on the bathroom sink and grabs his hands, placing them under the running water._

_"What happened?"_

_"Nothing."_

_She sighs and gives him a frustrated look as she continues to clean off his hands. Once she can finally see his hands she notices that they have cuts all over them. She grabs some alcohol and pulls his hands towards her._

_"Stay still this might hurt if your skin is broken."_

_Brendan winces as the alcohol hits his torn skin. It stings and burns but he stays still as is sister cleans the remaining blood off him._

_"Is this just your blood or someone else's?"_

_"Both."_

_Once she finishes completely getting rid of all the blood she puts a band aid on one of the deepest cuts then she takes a seat on the edge on the bathtub._

_"So?"_

_"So what?"_

_"Don't give me that. You walk in here at 2 in the morning with blood on your hands and your shirt. And you don't think you owe me an explanation."_

_"No." Brendan takes a seat on the floor and looks up at his sister who looks disappointed in him. "I'm sorry."_

_"For what?"_

_"It's better if you don't know."_

_"Right. So you were here the whole night then yeah. We watched a movie and then ate what? Huh? Pizza. Alright so we ate pizza and watched more tv. All the way till 2 AM. Is that it?"_

_"You never took your eyes off me."_

_"Course." She gets up and walks out to the kitchen. Brendan follows her and sees her grab the whiskey bottle from the shelf and drink it straight from the bottle._

_"Chez I'm sorry."_

_"Is the guy at least conscious?"_

_Brendan stays silent and that gives her her answer._

_"I have your dinner in the microwave if you're hungry or you can go get some sleep."_

_"Not really hungry."_

_"Ok well then have a goodnight. I'm just gonna clean up a bit."_

_Brendan knows she means clean up the traces of blood in the bathroom. He nods and heads to his room. At least an hour goes by when he hears the knocking on the front door. Brendan gets out of bed and opens his bedroom door at the same time Cheryl was opening it._

_"Stay in your room and don't make any noise ok. You been asleep for hours." She waits for him get into bed. "Turn towards the wall and pull the covers over you." He listens to her and then hears his door close._

_A few seconds go by until he hears the front door open. He can make out 2 different voices. Both male. Their conversations aren't understandable from his position. He can make out a few words but not whole sentences. He hears his sisters' voice and he smiles to himself as he can make out how calm she is. Then he hears her say:_

_"He's been with me all day officers. We were having a brother sister day you know."_

_A couple seconds later and there is laughter coming from all 3 of them. He tunes out the rest as he can't really get anything from it. It takes a couple of minutes but finally the door closes. He stays still not knowing if maybe the cops decided to come in to investigate. His door opens and he braces himself._

_"Just me."_

_It's just Cheryl standing at the doorway. She moves over and sits on the bed._

_"Thank you." It's the only thing he can really say to her._

_She turns around to look at him. Really look at him. "I will always have your back Brendan. No matter what you do. No matter who you hurt. But you have to stop. One day you won't be able to stop yourself and you're going to step over that line. There's no turning back from that. The guilt and remorse will eat you up. It's going to destroy whatever part of you is left. I know you're hurting. But this-" she reaches across to his table and picks up the drug filled syringe "-isn't helping. Seeing other people in pain isn't going to ease yours. It won't give you what you're looking for."_

_Cheryl gets up and is just about to walk out but hears her brother say her name._

_"I'm sorry that you have to lie for me. I am. I don't want you to have to worry about me or make up excuses. But Cheryl I don't feel anything. I don't care anymore. Whether someone dies or not, doesn't bother me."_

_"Brendan you're not a murderer. That's not you. That's not my brother."_

_"Oh Chez, there's gonna be a time when you finally realize the brother you knew is gone. You're gonna wake up one day and look at someone you don't even recognize. It's going to hit you that you really don't know me at all. And finally you are going to understand that I'm not worth enough to be your brother."_

_Cheryl comes back over to him and crouches next to the bed. She motions him to look at her, so he lifts himself up and makes eye contact._

_"I don't care what happens in our lives from this day forward but I will always, always call you my brother. We can drift apart, argue, fight, never speak to each other again. But it'll never change that fact. You need to understand that it's me that doesn't deserve you."_

_Brendan laughs in almost a psychotic way. "Really? What if I told you I crossed that line today? Would you still see me the same way?"_

_Cheryl looks at him deeply and wishes she could just truly read his mind. "Did you?"_

_"Maybe."_

_Not one second passes by as she gets off the floor and gives him a kiss on the forehead. "I love you Brendan. Till the end remember? There's nothing you could do that would make me stop fighting for you. My brothers in there and I'll get him back."_

_She walks away and opens the door to leave._

_"Chez you didn't answer my question."_

_"If you ever need an alibi, I'll be there. Does that answer it?"_

* * *

**Saturday 7:59 PM**

Brendan turns around and tries hiding behind a shelf that contains medical supplies. He doesn't know if he was spotted or not. He curses himself for not paying attention as he walked down the hall that he knows houses his office. The whole day he had managed to avoid him easily but of course it wouldn't be long till they eventually crossed each other's path. Brendan doesn't have the energy or frankly the patience to deal with him right now. Not to mention his anxiety is starting to build up. He crouches down while still keeping his eyes focused ahead. He takes a Xanax and then another Paxil. Surprisingly his anxiety problems have stayed consistent while his depression has gotten worst. He has been considering going to a doctor just to get anti-depressants but he never went through with it. The Paxil helps but is mainly targeted to help his symptoms of his post-traumatic stress disorder. But what doctor would honestly give him more drugs to take? The second they see his medical record they would report him to a psych ward.

He snaps out of his thoughts when he sees Eoghan stop in front of him. He's talking to another nurse and Brendan tries seeing if he could somehow sneak out of there unseen. Eoghan starts walking again so Brendan thinks he's safe and gets back onto his feet only to see Eoghan come right back into view.

_"Fuck."_ Brendan's hand hits a box filled with needles and they make a slight noise. _"Don't come over. Please don't come over."_ Brendan whispers to himself as he sees Eoghan approaching.

_"Brendan didn't see you there."_

Brendan literally wants to slam his face into this metal shelf_. 'Why are you always against me universe'_ he thinks to himself.

_"Yeah was just getting some supplies but this room doesn't have what I needed so I'm off."_ He quickly moves out of the room but hears Eoghans footsteps following him. _"You're following me because?"_ He starts making random turns hoping to lose him somehow.

_"Maybe I just like being around you. Besides I think we have some unfinished business to discuss."_

_"Don't think we do mate."_ Brendan finds himself back in the North Wing as he goes to the break-room. Of course his luck there's no one in there.

_"Ah perfect. Room all to ourselves. I wonder what we could do?"_

_"I don't have time for this. What do you want?"_

_"You. I always want you. But not here. What I actually wanted to talk to you about was my proposition. You remember it don't you? Times ticking Brendan. I gave you to the end of the week which is in 2 days."_

Brendan jumps up onto the counter and feels his phone hit the tile with force_. "Oh fuck."_ He doesn't grab it as he thinks it probably didn't hit anything important. _"Fine you want my answer. No."_

_"No? I don't think you're understanding this Brendan. If you don't do what I say, you're basically out of here. That score isn't going up to a 70, there's no possible way. All I'm asking for is your mouth on my cock for a couple minutes. And then that 50 something gets turned into a 80."_

_"You know I never did understand why my scores were so low. I can get why they aren't in the 90s, that's self-explanatory. But I do think I at least deserve to be in the 70s. It's just funny that every year I'm barely cracking 50."_

Eoghan smiles at him and starts walking towards him. He places his hands on the counter essentially blocking Brendan from moving away.

_"Well just like I can improve your grades, I can also lower them."_

_"So those score were never mine to begin with?"_

_"No you did honestly get that 42 last year. This year though, let's just say it's not that low."_

Eoghan yet again ends up on the floor as Brendan punches him straight in the nose. He sees blood pouring out of it.

_"Oww! What is your problem?!"_

_"YOU ARE! Get it through your fucking head, I don't want anything to do with you."_

Brendan steps over Eoghan to get to the door but Eoghan grabs him by his legs and pulls him down onto the floor. His arm hits the tiles underneath him and the pain shoots up his body.

_"I don't care what you want. YOU DO AS I SAY!"_

Eoghan straddles him and goes to kiss him but Brendan moves out of the way and forgets the pain for a second as he pushes Eoghan off him.

_"GET OFF ME!"_ He knocks him back to the floor and punches him right in the throat causing Eoghan to struggle breathing. _"You're such a weak little bitch. You use your status to get what you want. You use manipulation to get anyone to give you even a second of their time. Without that no one would want anything to do with you. You're a sick, twisted, disgusting human being that should be killed and burned on a stake. You're nothing to me. And I would get so much pleasure from killing you myself, but that involves me touching you. And even that's too good for you."_

Brendan spits at him on the floor and heads for the door.

_"Oh Brendan I could have secured your job here for another year and you threw it all away. For what? Your pride. Your dignity. You'll never work in another hospital again. Do you realize that? Your low scores are bad enough but once I put down that you assaulted me, twice, and that you been having a sexual relationship with your patient no one will give you a second look. You're throwing everything away. And it's sad really because you are a good physical therapist, the best we have here. But you're so, broken. It's pitiful. You're so unstable I don't see how you even function every day. How you're not dead is beyond me. You'll never amount to anything in life. Ever. That was your last chance. I'll be seeing around. And I will be in attendance when you have to meet with the board to discuss your report."_

Brendan tilts his head and laughs. It comes out completely mental and demented. Even Eoghan is shocked by it as he moves away from him. Brendan approaches him again and bares his teeth.

_"You amuse me Eoghan. You really do. You talk and talk and think I honestly give a damn. I don't. My life means nothing to me."_ He grabs him by his collar and lifts him up. _"I'll see you there. Have a good day Eoghan."_ He throws him against the wall and then slams his foot on his fingers until he hears the familiar sound of bones cracking.

_"Oh and clean this mess up when you get a chance."_

* * *

_Brendan is yelling and screaming but no matter how loud he is no one will hear him. There's no one home except himself and his dad. Seamus has him pinned down on the floor. He keeps slamming his head over and over against the floor. The pain goes through his entire body. He almost wishes he would just become unconscious. But it never happens. Seamus grabs him by the collar and throws him against the wall only to knee him in the face as he fell to the floor._

_"YOU FUCKING FREAK! YOU'RE USELESS AND PATHETIC. I HATE EVERYTHING ABOUT YOU. THE DAY YOU WERE BORN WAS THE WORST DAY OF MY LIFE."_

_This shouldn't affect him as much but it does. Every last word hits him straight in the heart. The words hurt him more than the physical pain. He tried stopping the tears from falling but he can't contain them anymore._

_"LOOK AT MY SON CRYING LIKE THE LITTLE PUSSY HE IS. BE A MAN BRENDA! YOU CAN'T EVEN DO THAT RIGHT. YOU'RE A PIECE OF SHIT THAT IS ONLY TAKING UP SPACE IN THIS WORLD."_

_"I'm sorry."_

_"YOU'RE SORRY! IF YOU WERE SORRY YOU WOULD HAVE KILLED YOURSELF A LONG GIME AGO. I WOULDN'T HAVE TO SEE YOU'RE FACE AGAIN. YOU'RE SISTER WOULDN'T HAVE TO DEAL WITH A DISGRACE OF A BROTHER. AND YOUR MOTHER SHE WOULD HAVE DIED IN PEACE WITHOUT YOU."_

_The last sentence does it. That's the second where he loses everything he was holding onto. His tears stop and he gives up moving. His vision of the world changes that day. There's no more sun or stars. There's no more laughter and joy. It's dead to him. Like he should be. He faintly hears his dad saying other things but he doesn't listen. When he looks down he sees blood pouring out of him and notices his father took a piece of broken glass and started quickly slashing at his chest. He doesn't feel it though. Then his father leans down and licks the blood off him and kisses him forcefully. Brendan doesn't respond back. He gets punched in the face and told to open up. He doesn't. So he gets another smack. He gets warned again that if he doesn't listen he's gonna get the worst beating he's ever had. Brendan smiles at him before he says "Go ahead. I enjoy the beatings." His mind dissipates._

_Seamus eyes turn red and he starts punching him over and over again. They both hear bones cracking. Seamus rips his clothes off him and grabs another piece of glass and starts to slash at his legs and even cuts him once on his dick. Brendan still doesn't do anything. He stares up towards the ceiling and watches as the ceiling fan goes around and around and around. He feels a burning sensation and figures it's probably his father entering him. He doesn't care. He's consumed with watching the spinning fan above him. His vision starts fading and he knows his losing consciousness._

_"YOU WILL NEVER FORGET ME."_

_That's the last thing he hears before everything does dark._

* * *

**Saturday 8:45 PM**

Ste has been trying to get a hold of Brendan for the past couple of hours. He hasn't responded to his texts or calls and at this point he is worried. They seemed fine before. Better than fine. In fact he felt that they were the most connected then they have ever been. Now he wonders if maybe he said something he shouldn't have. Or maybe Brendan had one of his episodes he's prone to have? His mind keeps coming up with different scenarios until he sees Brendan walking out of the break room. He looks completely frazzled and disoriented. He doesn't even think about what he's gonna do. He painfully gets out of bed and rushes over to him as fast as his legs will allow him. When he reaches him he sees his eyes are misty and he looks so helpless.

_"Bren? Bren? Are you ok?"_

Brendan nods to say no. Ste holds out his hand for him and is surprised when he actually takes it. He leads him back into the room and closes the blinds and locks the door. As soon as he lets go of his hands Brendan collapses onto the floor. Ste ignores the pain all together and forces his body to the floor.

_"Brendan its ok. It's ok."_ Ste grabs him and covers his face. _"Shh. It's ok. You're ok."_ He keeps repeating the same things over and over hoping they work, but they don't. He feels Brendan trembling against his arms and then feels something wet going down his arms. It's Brendan's tears. He's silently crying and shaking_. "Please be ok. Please be ok. I'm sorry for everything I ever said. I'm sorry for everything that's happened to you. I wish I could take that hurt from you. I love you so much. Please...I don't want to see you in pain."_

He holds onto him for dear life and after a couple of minutes he feels Brendan relaxing. The tears stop and the shaking is gone. But he doesn't say anything. When Ste looks down he notices that he has fallen asleep in his arms. Ste gives him a kiss on the forehead and gets into as much as a comfortable position that he can get without waking Brendan up.

The next time he opens his eyes he's back in his bed. He looks around the room and sees Brendan on the chair next to it_. "Hiya."_

Brendan just gives him a forced smile and then goes back to looking at the floor.

_"Have I been asleep long? I was proper tired wasn't I?"_

Brendan just shrugs and still avoids any eye contact.

_"Look Brendan you don't have to be weird about what happened earlier. I told you I would never give up on you and I meant it. If that was an episode or not it doesn't matter, I'm not going anywhere. Bren?"_

He finally looks up and makes that eye contact Ste was desperate for.

_"Would you honestly never leave me?"_

_"I will NEVER leave you Brendan. Ever."_

_"Not even if you knew the whole story?"_

Ste shakes his head but isn't quite sure exactly what he means.

_"I mean everything Steven. Why I'm like this. Why I have these episodes. Have you ever wondered why I have a scar that basically covers my whole arm?"_

_"I wanted to know from day one Brendan but it wasn't my place. But even if you told me everything, I'm still not going anywhere."_

_"That's what you say now but no one would ever be with me after they find out what happened."_

_"Let me make that decision for myself. Because I can promise you this. The only way you're getting rid of me is if you kill me."_

They both stare at each other for what seems like hours. No one speaks and the silence in the room carries.

_"You sure? Cause once I tell you, there's no going back."_

_"I'm ready."_

Brendan takes a second to get this last image engraved into his mind. Because he knows once he has told him about that fateful day that Ste will run. He will run out of his life forever. There's no one in their right mind that would even consider taking him after they hear the whole story. But it's too late now. The boy says he's ready so he decides to take someone into the day that changed his life forever. The day that destroyed his very being. The day that shattered his soul. The day that is the reason why he is broken.

_"I'll start from the beginning then."_

* * *

**Sooo are y'all ready for the reveal? All I'm saying is there will be blood...plenty of it. But how'd y'all like this chapter? Review please?**


	17. Chapter 17

**AN: There's not a word that can sum up how truly thankful I am for all your wonderful reviews. I figured as a way to show my appreciation I would give you this chapter a couple days earlier, but first I have some notes...**

**1) This whole chapter is a flashback that happened 10 years ago.**

**2) Brendan is 16 and Cheryl is 20.**

**3) There will be like 2-3 parts that you'll think to yourself "I read this before didn't I?" Yes you have. The small little bits I have put into the previous chapters giving y'all hints about this day needed to be put into this one as well so that you would get the whole story.**

**Now on with the chapter =)**

* * *

**["It has been said, 'time heals all wounds.' I do not agree. The wounds remain. In time, the mind, protecting its sanity, covers them with scar tissue and the pain lessens. But it is never gone."]**

_10 Years Ago..._

Heavy rain has been drenching the village all day long. When the students all began their classes the sky looked dark and black, signaling a storm was on its way. Within a couple minutes, rain started pouring down. It kept going on and on and on. Never stopping, not even for 5 minutes. Everyone found it strange that it was raining so much as usually they barely even see it. When classes ended the weather was still horrible.

Brendan hesitates by the doors as he watches the other students run into the rain and make a dash to their cars. The people walking home seem to think about their options first before they just shrug their shoulders and rush out.

_"The day I decide to wear my new shoes is the day the world decides to flood itself." _Pete crouches down and starts taking off his shoes.

_"You're the dumbass that bought suede shoes. Who even wears those?"_

_"Jealousy doesn't suit you Bren."_

_"Fuck off bitch." _Brendan kicks him and causes Pete to lose balance from his crouching position.

_"That's real nice of you."_ He looks up at Brendan who is just leaning against the wall casually chewing gum. He's wearing a plain white shirt and black jeans. He has on a black jacket and has the hoodie pulled over him. Pete notices the familiar busted lip and black eye that he always seems to sport. He chooses not to ask Brendan about it because last time he did it ended badly.

_"You gonna make a run for it? You can stay at my house till the rain calms down since your place is further."_ Pete gets back up putting his shoes into his bookbag.

_"Naw my dad would probably kill me if I didn't go straight home."_

Usually when people say that there's a tone of playfulness but Pete doesn't detect anything but a serious tone. That and he notices the cold stare in his eyes.

_"Alright well I'll see you tomorrow then. Yeah?"_

Brendan just nods as Pete runs out into the rain. It doesn't seem like it's going to calm down anytime soon so he's going to have to just get soaked. Just as he was about to step out he hears a loud booming voice nearby.

_"Oi!"_

Brendan fixes his gaze forward and sees his sister walking towards him with a neon pink umbrella shielding her from the rain.

_"Need a lift little bro?"_ She gives him one of the warmest smiles imaginable to him.

_"Yeah."_ Brendan simply says as he joins her under the umbrella. She casually puts her arm around his shoulder all the way till their back in her car.

Brendan pulls the hoodie off him and relaxes into the warm car seat. He faintly can feel Cheryl observing him but he doesn't say anything. After a couple minutes of silence Cheryl speaks up.

_"What happened to your eye? It's swollen Bren. Your lip looks cut too."_

_"Oh it's nothing. Got into a small fight."_ He doesn't want to drag this topic any further so he changes the subject. _"Why are you here anyway?"_

_"Oh yeah that's sweet of you. I mean if you want you can get out into the rain."_

_"That's not what I meant. It's just usually you don't get out of work this early."_

_"Yeah but they hired a new girl so I got to leave on time for once. I saw it was raining really bad and didn't want you catching a cold so just thought I would just swing by and give you a lift."_

_"Thanks."_

She just winks at him and then turns on the radio to drown out the silence. It's a calm relaxing drive until Cheryl just blurts out something random.

_"Oh oh!"_ She turns the radio down so Brendan is forced to listen to her. _"So I was watching some show during work right and it was like one of those murder shows, you know the ones right?"_ Brendan barely gets a nod in before she continues_. "Well some bloke was killed in his house and the autopsy people examined him and found he died from a stab wound. Apparently his jugular vein was cut."_

Brendan just stares at her not really seeing that point in this story.

_"No no I know what you're thinking. Why is she telling me this right? Well to kill a man all you have to do is cut their jugular vein. It's like an instant kill...well not instant but they die in minutes. It's a vital vein or something."_

_"Right. Thanks I guess. I'll keep it in mind for the next time I decide to kill someone Chez."_

_"Don't you dare. I'm just giving you extra knowledge into the human anatomy. You know I want to be a doctor so I just wanted to share. But hey if it ever comes down to saving yourself...always go for the jugular vein."_

At the next red light Cheryl reaches over and shows Brendan where the vein would be located. They both end up laughing as they pretend to slash each other until the car behind them honks there horn. Brendan and Cheryl roll down the windows, ignoring the rain hitting their arms, and flick off the car behind them before they speed away.

* * *

**["I thought about how there are two types of secrets: the kind you want to keep in, and the kind you don't dare to let out."]**

Once their back in their dads flat they throw all their stuff on the floor. Cheryl plops down on the sofa as Brendan joins her after taking off his jacket.

_"Bren grab the remote."_

_"Why didn't you tell me before I sat down?"_ He grunts as he gets back up again and ends up throwing the remote hitting his sister right in the face.

_"Oww you dipstick that hurt!"_ She lunges at him and misses him by an inch. They spend about 10 minutes running around the flat until they both call a truce and watch tv.

The day carries on normally until Brendan's phone rings with a text from Seamus.

_Brenda do something right for once and tell Cheryl to call me. Good boy._

He grips the phone so violently that he thinks he may break it. Brendan relays the message to Cheryl and she nonchalantly shrugs and goes to get her phone.

_"Wonder what he wants. Be right back gonna call from my room."_ She goes into her room and closes the door.

Brendan barely registers her speaking so he decided not to try and strain himself into hearing what's been said. He lies down in the couch as he doesn't want to even do school work. He figures he will ask that Macca bloke to do it for him when he gets to school tomorrow morning. Brendan doesn't pay him anything or even thanks him but the kid always does it. Doesn't even hesitate. Brendan has an idea why but he refuses to entertain the thought. It's disgusting and wrong in his mind so he pushes it aside. Besides Macca looks like hell.

When Cheryl walks out she seems to be a little frustrated. More than a little. She slams her phone down on the kitchen counter and just stares ahead.

_"What's up with you?"_

_"Just Da. Always wants this done. Or that done. And I always have to do it. Like he never ask you. Have you noticed that? He treats you...differently."_

_"No he doesn't."_ Brendan sits himself back up so he can actually look at her.

_"Yeah he does. I'm second best to you."_

_"Oh shut up even I know that's a lie."_

They both suddenly stop speaking and the house goes quiet except for the tv in the background. A few minutes go by and Cheryl has been stuck in the kitchen cleaning up.

Brendan gets up to help at one point but gets interrupted when his phone goes off.

_"It's dad."_

She rolls her eyes and keeps washing the dishes.

_"Yeah-she's cleaning up I was about to help-why not-but it's a lot-I'm not, I just want to help-fine." _He hangs up and goes back to the couch._ "Sorry Chez he specifically told that I can't clean cause it's not right."_

Cheryl sighs but doesn't say anything else for a while until she can't hold it much longer.

_"How come you don't have to help with cleaning the house today? It's so unfair!"_

_"Da told me not to and besides you're older."_

_"Oh shut up I'm only 20. So why did Dad let you off the hook today then?"_

_"I don't know. He didn't tell me a reason on the phone."_

_"Do you know how lucky you are Bren. To be the apple of his eye. You're his favorite child. I know you are. Nothing I do will ever make him love me as much as you."_

_"Chez you're still his little girl. His princess. And if anyone is his favorite it's you."_

_"No I wish I was you."_

_"No believe me you don't want that."_

_"Why not? He loves you so much."_

He don't know what happens next. It's been his and his dad's secret for 8 years. He has never messed up before, never slipped up. There have been times when he wanted to say something. Wanted to ask for help, but he kept it inside. At one point Brendan thought it would end. That he would stop doing it to him, but it didn't. Brendan thought that he was such a weak man, at least that's what Seamus made him believe. Brendan saw himself in the mirror and he hated himself. Thin, fragile, couldn't even defend himself. A failure is what he is. And the bruises and cuts all over his body remind him of that every day. A couple years ago the sexual abuse basically stopped, it only happened rarely now. The physical and mental abuse still continued. He wasn't quite strong enough to take him on so he dealt with the pain. Every day Brendan wanted to just run away but he had nowhere to go and he wasn't going to leave Cheryl by herself with this monster. But today is different, today he slips up. This one decision will torment his life for many years to come.

_"He loved me a little too much. In his own special way."_ Brendan realizes what he said and he hopes maybe she didn't hear him. Once he meets her eyes he realizes she heard it perfectly. His sister has always been smart, the smartest girl in school. But she was so naive. She never saw the bad in anyone until it was shoved right in front of her face. Brendan can see her mind racing. She shakes her head and walks over to him.

_"What do you mean?"_

Brendan doesn't know if he should tell her but he already can tell she's made an assumption. He tries getting out of it by admitting the physical abuse. The punches.

_"Bren that doesn't show love though. What do you mean?"_ She slowly says the last words and she's looking at him so deeply as if she's pleading with her eyes to tell her the truth.

_"I just told you. He beat me Chez ok. That's it. I wasn't thinking and used the wrong word." _Brendan tries to laugh but it comes out sounding forced. That's when he sees it. Her eyes change into realization. Every single thing in the past that she overlooked comes straight to the front. Every time he flinched when his dad touched his shoulder and she asked what that was for. Every time he touched his lower back and he jumped forward and she laughed at him for being jumpy. Every time he would smile at him and he would excuse himself to his room and she would say he was being mean to Da. All those thoughts hit her and Brendan sees her eyes widen. This is the day he will remember as the day when he witnessed his sisters heart shatter. A single tear escapes her eyes as she crouches down.

_"Brendan. Look at me. You know you can trust me. You know I'll always be here for you. I need to know-"_ she hesitates as she looks down and catches her breath _"has...has he ever...touc... did he ra-"_ she can't say it. Brendan knows it's not because she doesn't believe him but it's because she's failed him.

"_Yes."_ That's all he says. The next thing he hears is his sister's scream echo throughout the house.

* * *

**["The smile upon your face doesn't hide the sadness within your eyes."]**

She keeps screaming and screaming till her lungs have no more air to give. Then it becomes a very soft muffled cry. She's still on the floor crouched down with her head resting on the flooring. Cheryl slams her fist over and over again against the tile until her whole hand becomes red.

_"Chez just...look at me."_ Brendan reaches out and lifts her chin up with his finger. She refuses to make eye contact until Brendan forces her head even higher.

_"Chez..."_ It breaks his heart when he finally sees her eyes. Their bloodshot red but that's not what gets him. He can see through her and he sees the broken little girl with eyes that are asking for forgiveness. Her eyes show the guilt, sadness, anger, disgust, and the words she can't speak out loud. Brendan moves further to the edge of the sofa and tries to pull her into a hug but she nods frantically and pushes herself off the floor. She runs to the bathroom and then a couple seconds later Brendan hears her throwing up. He gets up and follows her path and watches as she pukes her guts out. She's gasping and sobbing and she can't stop. Her bile eventually is just water and Brendan has to literally tell her to stop and pull her away from the toilet.

_"You ok?"_ Brendan rubs at her back as she tries stabilizing her breathing.

She pulls away and then turns around and grabs him. She hugs him so right Brendan struggles to breathe.

_"I'm so sorry. I'm sorry. Sorry. I'm sorry."_ She keeps repeating the same thing and every time her grip increases. _"Brendan I'm sorry."_

_"It's ok...I can't breathe."_

She pulls away as if she's been burned. _"Sorry. Sorry."_

_"Stop apologizing."_

_"I'm sorry. I'm so sorry."_

_"Why you sorry? You have nothing to be sorry for."_

_"For not seeing it. For not...for not seeing what he's done to you. Why didn't I see it?"_

_"I didn't want you to see it."_

_"I'm your sister, why didn't you tell me?"_

_"Cause..cause I love you."_

Cheryl drops her head and tears start falling to the floor. Brendan reaches out and tries wiping away some of them from her cheeks. She looks up towards him and gives him a broken smile.

_"If I told you, then everything you believed in and everything you cared for, everything would just...just come crashing down. How could I do that to my sister?"_

She clears her throat for the next question knowing it's going to shatter her whole childhood_. "When?"_

_"It doesn't matter."_

_"Was I there? Was I in the house?"_ She can barely get these questions out as more and more of her keeps breaking into pieces. She sees her little brother being stronger than she could ever be. When he doesn't respond, she gets her answer. _"I was wasn't I?"_

_"Not all the times."_ His voice cracks as he starts remembering all the times she was in the house. When he was forced to keep quiet or she would hear. And if she heard and came in and saw what was happening, her whole life would be ruined. So he did everything he could think of to keep himself from screaming. He would bite on his lips so hard till he could taste his own blood in his mouth.

_"I was in the next bedroom to you."_

_"Please don't do this. Please."_

_"I was jealous can you believe that? I was jealous when I used to see him playing with you. I wanted to be you so badly. I wanted to be daddy's favorite."_

_"If he was with me it meant he wasn't with you."_

_"Oh!"_ Cheryl pushes away from him and throws up once again. She slowly gets up and balances on the sink as she washes her mouth. The second she even moves one hand away her whole body collapses beneath her. She crawls over back to Brendan and sits in front of him. Both their knees touching.

_"So I didn't run away."_

Cheryl can't stop crying. Her tears are now burning her eyes_. "At nanas there was this one summer when me and you were there, I remember. And you were so happy you had this big stupid grin on your face all the time."_

She looks at him for a second and she sees him smile at her.

_"...and then he arrived. It was meant to be a surprise. I was happy...but you...you stopped smiling."_

Brendan releases a breath and Cheryl reaches out to him. He grabs her hand and pulls her to wrap her in his arms as she sobs into his chest.

* * *

**["I guess what scares me the most now is the thought that I won't be able to protect you"]**

After about an hour of sitting on the bathroom floor, they both got up and went to the living room. Cheryl turned the tv off and sat on the floor.

_"So what do we do now?"_ She pats the space next to her motioning for Brendan to come sit down.

_"Don't know."_ Brendan takes the seat next to her and they both just stare at the wall.

_"Go pack your stuff up."_

Brendan doesn't understand what she's talking about so he just gives her a very confused look.

_"Brendan go pack a bag. We're leaving."_

_"What? Where? We don't even have any money."_

_"I have some money saved up. We'll get a hotel room for a week till I figure out a permanent place for us to stay at."_

_"Chez no. You're saving that up for medical school."_

_"I don't care about school Brendan!"_ She doesn't mean to shout at him but she's completely in another frame of mind. _"I'm sorry I didn't mean to yell. But please just go pack. We need to get out of here before he comes back."_ She gets up and grabs his arm to pull him to his feet. She practically pushes him to his room and throws a bag on his bed. _"Fit whatever you can in there. I'm gonna go get some of my stuff."_

She leaves him to it as he starts throwing clothes and other small possessions into the bag. He vaguely hears his sister also moving things in her room. He stuffs as much as he can before he picks up the bag and drops it in the living room. Cheryl comes out a minute later with a suitcase.

_"I got some of your paperwork in here too for when I apply to be your guardian. You have what you need?"_

_"Think so."_

Cheryl grabs his bag for him but stops when Brendan seems to remember something.

_"Wait wait I forgot my ring."_

_"What?"_

_"My ring mum gave me. Give me one second."_

Cheryl gives him one of her _'you're so forgetful' _smiles and waves her hand at him letting him know to hurry.

He rushes into his room and has to remember exactly where he put it. He doesn't wear it often as it doesn't entirely fit. Some days it fits fine and others it seems to almost fall off his finger. He opens a drawer and moves things around trying to find it.

_"Brendan come on!"_

_"I can't find it! Hold on."_

He keeps going through drawers throwing different items all over his room. He hears a door close and thinks Cheryl maybe went to put their bags into the car. After a minute he realizes he never heard the door open again so it couldn't have been Cheryl walking out. It had to be someone coming inside. He freezes. There's only one other person that has a key to the house. Seamus.

He slowly walks over to his door and places his ear against it. There is no voices been heard but he hears footsteps.

_"What are these suitcases doing here?"_

_"Oh wanted to take Brendan on a sibling road trip. Thought it would be nice."_

Brendan can easily hear the coldness in her face and hopes Seamus can't see it in her eyes.

_"Really?"_

The sound of a zipper opening alerts Brendan that he's checking the contents of their bags.

_"So why do you have all of Brendan's records in here. Too many things in here for a small road trip."_

_"Didn't say it was a small road trip did I Seamus?"_ Her tone is now completely riddled with anger. _"Now if you don't mind I'm taking him."_

Brendan is about to open the door when he hears Cheryl again.

_"Don't you dare go into his room."_

_"Why not? He's my son."_

_"That's fucking rich coming from you."_

The footsteps approach and his door opens up. Seamus walks in and spots Brendan. His room is a mess and it must click in Seamus mind that this wasn't a road trip. It's an escape. He walks towards Brendan and gently touches his arm until Cheryl slaps his hand off of him.

_"DON'T YOU EVER TOUCH HIM!"_

_"Cheryl sweetheart what's wrong?"_

_"What's wrong? Really?"_

Brendan silently pulls on her sleeve trying to get her to calm down but it's no use she's livid. And judging by his father's eyes, Brendan knows he has figured out their secret is out.

_"You're a sick human being. I'm ashamed to have you as my father. You don't deserve having him as a son. He's so much better than you'll ever be. Now I'm taking him away from you so you'll never hurt him again. Don't you try getting in contact with him or I will kill you myself."_

She grabs Brendan's hand and walks out of his room, both of them feeling Seamus eyes on them.

_"Grab your bag we have to go now."_ Cheryl whispers to him and Brendan detects fear in her voice.

_"You couldn't keep your mouth shut could you Brenda."_ Seamus walks right up to them but only stares at Brendan. _"That pretty little mouth of yours just had to open huh. I told you those lips are only meant to suck my cock not to talk you little bitch."_

Cheryl slaps him right across the face_. "SHUT THE FUCK UP! YOU HAVE NO RIGHT TO TALK TO HIM LIKE THAT! You raped him Da, why? Why? He's your son. I don't understand."_

_"I couldn't stop Cheryl. I had to show him...show him what being a fag would be like. He needed to learn that taking it up the ass was disgusting. It's not right. I just...I needed to show him."_

_"By raping him. That's sick. You're sick. You're dead to me. Come on Brendan lets go."_

_"Who said you could leave?"_

_"I did. He's not your responsibility anymore. Don't worry Seamus I'll do what you couldn't."_

As soon as she takes a step Seamus lunges at Brendan punching him straight in the face. Brendan stumbles a bit but regains his balance and throws a punch of his own. It's an all-out fight after that. Both Seamus and Brendan are punching and kicking each one of them trying to get the heads up. Cheryl jumps in and starts punching Seamus in the back.

_"YOU TWO ARE WORTHLESS PIECES OF SHIT!"_

_"SHUT UP! SHUT UP! SHUT UP!"_ Brendan screams and releases the voice from all the times he stayed silent. All the times he was forced to stay still. All the secrets he was undoubtedly told to keep to himself_. "I HATE YOU!"_

Seamus swings back and his elbow collides with Cheryl sending her to the floor. She lets out a small groan but stands back up and continues fighting. Seamus ends up hitting Brendan in the throat completely knocks the air out of him. He knows it's a weakness of Brendan's. The amount of times he has been hit in the throat has ruined his trachea and windpipe. With the small bit of leverage Seamus turns around and punches Cheryl repeatedly. She falls to the floor and covers her face as the onslaught of punches come her way. She gets dragged across the floor into the kitchen. Seamus kicks her in her ribs and then stops when he sees Brendan regaining his strength. He moves away from her but feels a hand grab his ankle.

_"No please...leave him alone. Hurt me. Let him go. Please."_

He smiles down at her before he slams his shoe right onto her face sending her head slamming into the tile. She's not unconscious but her vision starts fading.

_"No...no please..."_

She still begs as she sees Seamus go towards Brendan.

_"Get up queer boy."_ Seamus lifts him up enough so he's staring at him.

_"I'm sorry. Let her go."_

_"Let who go?"_

_"Cheryl. She won't say anything. I'll stay with you."_

_"To late Brenda."_ He slams Brendan against the wall slamming his head in the process. It disorients Brendan's mind for a second before he gets brought back into reality as Seamus knees him in the stomach. He leans forward from the hit only to be kneed in the face. Seamus lets him fall to the floor. Then he laughs. A loud laugh fills the room as his children groan in pain below him. He crouches down next to Brendan and shoves his shoulders down onto the ground before he straddles him.

He's on Brendan as he struggles to push Seamus off but he's far too weak. Seamus has his knee pressed down right on his stomach. He moves slightly so that he can look behind him and he sees his sister on the floor by the kitchen counter. She's not moving and Brendan wants to scream out to her. Just say anything so that she will wake up. Or just to tell her he loves her before his life is taken away from him. But he can't. Seamus has his hand pushed up against his mouth and he's powerless to yell. Brendan moves his legs and throws his arms trying to do something, anything.

_"Stop moving you fucking worthless excuse of a son! You deserve everything you have ever gotten. Do you hear me? It disgusts me to have to look at you and call you my son. I should have killed you a long time ago."_

_"Get away from him."_

Brendan hears her weak voice coming from behind. She slowly gets up but has too grab onto the counter to keep her balance. Seamus slashes Brendan with a knife he always carries with him. The slash goes across his collarbone. Then he gets up and charges toward her.

_"NOOOOO! CHERYL!"_ Brendan yells trying to get Seamus to come back to him. It doesn't work.

Her scream fills the entire room. It makes Brendan forget about all the physical pain he's going through. Now the pain is just in his heart. He rolls over and tries crawling towards them as he sees her fighting for her life. She's throwing punches harder than he ever thought possible. She hits him right in the face and tries running around him but he grabs her across the waist and flings her against the counter. Her head slams into the cabinet at such force that the cabinet door falls off the hinges. Brendan hears her groan as her back collides onto the floor. After that she's silent.

_"Chez..."_

Seamus laughs at the sight of her and comes towards Brendan again. He gives him a kick to the ribs that sends him rolling onto his back again. The belt comes off and he whips him all over his chest. The blood starts flying through the air with every single hit. He drops back to his knees and pulls down his trousers.

_"Get a last one out of you before I finish you."_

He takes off Brendan's belt and then hastily pops the button on his jeans and un zips him. Brendan closes his eyes but there's a voice he hears that's telling him to open them. Brendan slowly opens his eyes. Seamus is still on top of him and seems to be struggling with the zip. He doesn't understand what his supposed to be looking for. Until he sees her. Cheryl is struggling to move. She's alive. She refuses to stay down. There's a small amount of blood around her but she either doesn't notice or doesn't care as she places her hand right in it to try and lift herself up. Seamus hands moves to Brendan's chest. Brendan is about to close his eyes so he doesn't have to see his face while he rapes him again. Before he closes his eyes though something catches his attention. A tiny sliver of light pierces the darkness and he sees the blood-crusted razor sharp metal in Cheryl's hand.

Brendan's eyes widen as he makes eye contact with Cheryl. He starts pleading for her to just drop the knife and run. Leave him. But she nods no and keeps moving forward, knife in hand. When she is close enough she moves her hand upwards and then slams it downwards into Seamus arm. Her coordination is off as her head is pounding from the constant beating before so she only ends up stabbing the side of it. It's enough for Seamus to scream and get off Brendan. Both Brendan and Cheryl see absolute rage in their fathers' eyes and at this point they know they're not making it out alive. Seamus erupts and throws Cheryl across the room. She slams into the table so hard it breaks from the force. Brendan gets up and tackles him to the floor and starts punching him with anything he has left. He gets distracted when he sees that a shard of glass has impaled Cheryl in the leg and she's crying in agony. Seamus gets the upper hand as he punches him and rolls him over.

_"You two are really starting to irritate me. I was thinking just maybe I would let her go but the whore refused to leave you. So for that neither one of you is getting out of here." _Seamus smiles at Brendan before he plants his lips on him_. "Open your mouth Brenda. Your precious sister will see how much you enjoy a dick going into you."_

_"No no Da. Please. She can't see...it'll ruin her...please. I'm begging you."_

_"You're so useless Brendan. Nothing about you is special. You know what you are? You're a waste of space in this world. I got a gay boy as my son. You disgust me. Truly you do. I'm so disappointed in you. You just had to do one thing...keep quiet. But you couldn't even do that. Now you ruined your life and your sisters. It's your fault Brendan. Her death will be on your hands. But look at it this way you can finally see your dead mother again. No wait you can't. Because you're not going where she is. Faggots like you don't deserve to go there. You're gonna be in hell as you mum laughs at her pitiful son."_

Seamus kisses him again as he slips his tongue inside his mouth. He finally gets the zip open on Brendan's jeans and in one motion pulls his jeans and boxers down past his knees. Seamus pulls his pants down as he flips Brendan over and forces him to look at Cheryl. Brendan tries facing away but Seamus holds his head in that position.

_"DON'T! PLEASE DAD DON'T DO IT TO HIM AGAIN!"_ Cheryl is screaming and pleading as she tries moving but her leg is in agony. She collapses the second she tries standing. Her eyes make contact with Brendan and she mouths _"I'm so sorry."_

Brendan whispers back _"It's ok."_

Seamus doesn't even prepare him or even put a condom on as he pushes straight into him. Brendan cries out in pain as his body reacts violently at the intrusion.

_"NOOO! STOP!"_ Cheryl is crying so hard her voice sounds so pained.

Seamus thrust into him over and over causing Brendan to yell every so often. He tries to helplessly grab onto anything as the pain is unreal. It hurts so much. He screams as Seamus grabs his hips and pulls Brendan into his thrusts. Brendan mistakenly glances toward Cheryl and sees tears just pouring out of her. She's pulling herself across the broken glass not caring if she's cutting herself open. She looks completely broken.

_"Chez...chez stop...you're...glass...stop." _He can barely form coherent sentences as Seamus keeps pounding into him. A few seconds later he feels liquid inside him as he realizes Seamus just came in him. He breathes again and thinks maybe it's over. Maybe he will just let them go. Seamus pulls himself out of him and gets his pants back on. Brendan hastily pulls up his jeans. He looks down and there's blood dripping through his jeans. Seamus was apparently to rough and completely tore him open.

Brendan tries standing but his legs give out of him. Seamus leaves for a second. _"Fuck. Sis stay there. You're cutting yourself open."_

_"Bren...are you ok? I'm so sorry."_

_"I'm fine. Just don't move."_ Brendan starts crawling towards her and when he gets in arms distance Cheryl grabs him and cries into his shoulder. _"Come on we have to get out now."_

They both struggle and realize that they can't even stand. They start crawling slowly to the door but before they even come close Seamus has them by the ankles pulling them back. He has his belt off as he whips Cheryl across her chest and pushes her out of the way before he goes back to Brendan. He wraps the belt around his neck and tugs on it. Brendan's vision becomes cloudy and he can't breathe. Everything around him starts to fade as darkness fills his sight. He becomes unconscious but wakes back up. He doesn't know how long he has been out for but he figured it couldn't have been that long. When he opens his eyes he sees Cheryl on Seamus back stabbing away at him. Over and over. From the loss of blood Seamus topples over and he crawls to the kitchen to try and patch himself up. Cheryl sees her moment and grabs Brendan by the hand and literally pulls him across the floor knowing he barely has enough life in him to breath. She fumbles with the door handle but gets it open.

_"Listen to me Brendan. He will come after us if we both run out of here and neither one of us will make it far before he gets us."_

Brendan knows what she is about to do. _"No I'm not leaving you."_

_"You don't have a choice. You have done everything to keep me safe. I failed you as a sister and I'm so sorry. I want you to go ok. Run away and never look back. I love you so so much. You're the best brother I could have ever wished for. Please forgive me."_

She pushes him out of the door and shuts it closed before he can register that she didn't come out with him. He painfully reaches up to grab the handle but it's locked.

_"CHERYL! OPEN THE DOOR!"_

He hears a huge force slam against the door. He finally cries at that second as he knows its Cheryl's body. She's just sacrificed her life to save his. _"CHEZ...SIS! PLEASE!"_ His windpipe is ruined and the more he screams the harder it is to breathe. Within moments he becomes unconscious.

* * *

**["My father told me once that the most important thing every man should know is what he would die for."]**

Brendan suddenly wakes up and he springs up to his feet only to get a sharp pain shoot through his body. He leans against the door as he waits for the pain to leave. It doesn't so he just accepts it and looks around to get his bearings together. He's on the porch of his house and there's blood on it. There's blood on him. He tries the door and it's still locked. He limps around the house and makes it to the back door and surprisingly it's open. He walks inside and it looks as if a tornado just went through the house. Everything is broken. There's holes in the walls. Blood is splattered all over the place.

_"Cheryl?"_ He waits but hears nothing_. "Sis are you here?"_

He doesn't know what to do next. He slides down the wall and starts to cry until he spots a white piece of paper in the middle of the floor. He brushes away his tears and grabs the note.

_Brenda you still have a chance to save her. Your choice. Either walk away or come find her._

He puts the note in his pocket and walks out the back door. He has no idea where he is going but he just keeps walking till he sees a giant field in the distance so he picks up his speed and keeps heading in that direction. Brendan finally gets to the beginning of the field and sees a small pathway so he follows it.

It's dark out as he walks this paved walkway. His heart is racing as he looks around for any signs of her. A bit farther down the path on the ground are small blood droplets. They appear to make a trail so he follows it. A mantra of _"Please be ok. Please be ok. Please be ok"_ repeats over and over in his mind. To this day Brendan never believed in god but at this moment in time he finds himself praying and asking him for help. The walkway ends and turns into this gravel road. It's uneven and he trips every couple of steps. The farther he goes the less he sees of the blood trail. It starts becoming more and sparser till it completely stops. Brendan finally peels his eyes from the ground and takes a look at the surroundings. He's in the middle of nowhere. The trees are dull with no leaves on them. A bunch of dead flowers are scattered around the field. Small dead animals are lined along the side. It's as if any sign of life here has gone. He looks in every direction to see where to go and he finds himself being drawn to keep going straight. His feet move on their own as if he isn't even in control of his body anymore. After what feels like hours to him, knowing it's only a few minutes, he walks into another field with grass so high he can barely see over it. All the way at the other side of this field is an old abandoned shack like house. Brendan strains his eyes to make out a silhouette right by the door. Many people wouldn't be able to tell who it is but he knows right away. He can tell by the way it walks, the way it presents itself. A figure that has haunted him his whole life. That's when it dawns on Brendan that he didn't bring anything. No gun or knife. He looks back and there's no way he would be able to find this place again so he keeps moving forward. He knows she's there and terrified for her life, she's in his head telling him to run the other way. To escape. That it's ok to leave her. That she's sorry. Brendan ignores her. She always did say he was stubborn. Adrenaline kicks in and his running now. Brendan knows he's running into his own demise and he think to himself that's ok. It's his time to go. He's ready to take that final hit for her.

* * *

**["We all didn't come into the world at the same time so it makes sense that we don't leave it at the same time."]**

Seamus had told Brendan when he first moved into this house that there was a massive field a couple yards from the house. He said there was a forest and large crops. Miles upon miles of greenery. Turns out he wasn't lying. He has been walking for what feels like ages and he still hasn't reached the shack. The fact that he can barely breathe isn't helping either. He can still feel the hands crushing his throat and he's struggling to breathe properly. He can only imagine how red his neck must look. There's blood all over him. His face, neck, arms, shirt, and jeans. Brendan can't tell whose blood is whose. He can see Cheryl's and Seamus blood splattered all over him. He thinks to himself that he will never wear these clothes again, that is if he even gets to see tomorrow. After what feels like forever he thinks he is finally within distance of the old abandoned shack.

A couple of steps down the road Brendan trips on some of the uneven gravel and lands face first on the ground. When he opens his eyes he sees a pink hair bow. There's blood on the very tips of it. He lifts himself up and grabs it. Brendan sticks it in his pocket and hopes it gives him some sort of strength. And if it doesn't at least when he dies he will have something to remind him that his sister was there with him. Till the end.

* * *

**["Childhood should be carefree, playing in the sun; not living a nightmare in the darkness of the soul."]**

_"Unbelievable."_ Brendan mutters as he trips for the millionth time. He gets back up again and hears his joints crack. Their stiff and this long walk is draining any last amount of strength he has. He looks back for a second and sees his own blood trailing him. There's just grass behind him, nothing else. He sighs and continues to move. Eventually he has to stop as he is having more and more trouble breathing. Brendan gets on his knees and looks towards the sky.

_"I know I never done this before and I know I don't deserve your help. But I'm begging you for it. She's my life. I don't think I could go on without her. Take me instead. She still has so much to give and she still has love inside her. I don't. Not anymore. I'm asking you to hear me for once in my life. Please...just save her."_

He struggles even more to get back up_. "Thanks God I can't even pray without my knees buckling."_

Brendan walks for a few minutes and he finally sees the shack mere inches away from him. Seamus is right by the door when he spots him and then walks inside. Brendan takes a deep breath before he opens the door and steps in.

He doesn't expect what he sees. Cheryl is all bloody and tied to the old decaying staircases. Seamus is sitting on the first step just smiling at him. When Cheryl catches his eyes hers widen. She mouths _"Please just run."_

Brendan's nods to say no and looks over at Seamus as he stands up.

_"Brenda I figured you would come."_ Seamus steps forward and for a second Brendan thinks he's too tired to do anything. But before he has time to blink Seamus is already on top of him punching him everywhere he can get his hands on. Brendan fights back and the anger in him gives him a little bit of energy. He connects with Seamus nose and sees blood start pouring. He punches him over and over in the mouth till Seamus teeth start cracking and falling. He slams his fist straight in his eyes and Seamus yells in pain. Brendan lifts himself up and starts kicking but Seamus is able to grab his leg and drop him to the floor. His head cracks on the floor and Brendan knows he probably has a concussion as he feels blood pooling on his head. Seamus begins his assault on him with kick after kick to his ribs and chest. He takes his belt off and whips his back repeatedly. He then whips him across the face ripping some of his flesh off. The steel buckle hits him in the left eye and gets stuck in it. He cries out in pain as he pulls it out himself. Now tears of blood start falling from his eyes. His vision is completely gone from his left eye and now his only working with his right eye.

Seamus drags him closer to his sister and Brendan reaches out and is able to touch her foot. She's pulling against the ropes making her wrists bleed.

_"You up for one more Brenda."_

Brendan shakes his head and says no. He can't. His whole body is in excruciating pain. He can't even breathe properly at this point. He has to breathe through his mouth and every breath is like a punch to his lungs. Seamus pulls Brendan's jeans off again and then takes his own off.

_"DON'T FUCKING TOUCH HIM!" _Cheryl screams and starts pulling violently.

_"SHUT UP BITCH!"_ Seamus backhands her and goes back and straddles Brendan_. "Now you're going to look at me as I put my dick in you. And you will tell me you enjoy it. Do you understand?"_ Brendan doesn't respond and gets punched in the face.

Seamus lines himself up and pushes in him for the second time that day. Cheryl starts screaming as Brendan groans in pain. His hand is still holding onto her foot. She can't do anything at this point; she can't even look away as Seamus has tied her neck so tight she can't move her head. She moves her other foot and joins both of them together to wrap Brendan's hand in between. _"I'm so sorry. I'm so sorry."_ She closes her eyes when she feels Brendan's grip tighten. He releases his grip and Cheryl's eyes spring open thinking Brendan has passed out. She panics but Brendan's face his facing away from her. _"BRENDANNNNN! DON'T LEAVE ME!"_

He turns his head to look at her and quietly says _"I'm not leaving"_ before he gives her a smile and turns away. She watches as Seamus keeps pushing himself into her brother and she throws up all over herself. She tries closing her eyes when she sees white liquid shooting out of Seamus. She looks away and throws up once again but feels Brendan's hand grip her foot as it happens.

_"Good boy. Now say it."_

_"No."_

Punch.

_"Say it."_

_"No."_

Slap.

_"Now Brenda."_

_"Fuck you."_

Punch. Punch. Punch.

_"Brendan don't make me have to force you because it won't end well."_

_"FUCK. YOU. I. WISH. YOU. WERE. DEAD."_

Seamus drags him to the middle of the room and pulls out a knife_. "Last chance."_

Brendan spits and it hits him right in the face. Seamus chuckles and spits back at him before he leans down and yanks Brendan's shirt off. He starts stabbing him all over the chest.

_"BRENDANNNN! NOOOOOO! GET OFF HIM!"_

The pain is too much and Brendan loses consciousness a couple of times but eventually stays awake. He looks at the amount of blood all over him before he feels the most heart stopping pain he has ever in his life experienced. Seamus has impaled the knife right above his elbow and is dragging it down his left arm. The blood is spewing out of it. The veins are bursting below the skin. The flesh is burning around the cut. The knife keeps digging into his skin. Brendan can't even see his arm anymore as the blood has completely covered it. Seamus pulls it rapidly all the way to his ring finger and then he goes back to the beginning of the scar and drags it down again.

Brendan can feel the life going out of him. He's suffocating and the pain is so intense he rather be dead.

The next thing he feels is the knife on his right forearm. The knife enters him and gets dragged all the way up his shoulders. Seamus rolls him over and continues the path.

_"Whenever anyone sees you for who you are they will know you belong to me. Your mine Brenda. You will always be mine. This scar here is a reminder of who owns your life. I do. I've branded you forever. You'll never forget me."_

Towards the end of the scar he makes an _'S' _shape making sure he brands Brendan with his initial. He finishes marking him and then starts stabbing him in the back.

_"SAY IT BOY!"_

_"I LIKE WHEN YOU DO THIS TO ME!"_

_"You're sick Brendan. You enjoy getting raped. Your mother would be so ashamed to have you as a son."_

Seamus lifts the knife again and slashes at Brendan's neck. Brendan doesn't have much time left and he closes his eyes until he hears something in the background.

_"I'LL FUCKING KILL YOU!"_ Cheryl literally jumps on Seamus knocking him off of Brendan. Brendan blinks a couple times and looks over to the staircases. The pole she was tied to is broken right in half. The ropes are still around her neck and arms. Blood is oozing from her neck and wrists but she doesn't let up. She's on top of Seamus slamming his head into the ground. Her fake nails all break as she puts them in his eye sockets. She digs her finger into his eyes and twist them.

_"SICK PIECE OF SHIT! YOU'RE NEVER GOING TO HURT HIM AGAIN! EVER! I'LL FUCKING BURN YOU TILL YOU TURN TO ASHES YOU WORTHLESS ANIMAL!"_

Brendan is speechless as he sees her. She's raging and he can hear bones cracking. He knows some are her own bones but she's going on pure adrenaline because she doesn't stop. Seamus somehow manages to grip her throat and she hesitates for a second. He grabs the knife next to him and stabs her across the collarbone sending her backwards.

She puts her hand over it and applies pressure to it.

_"That's it I'm sick of the both of you! Let's just end this now."_ Seamus crawls to a corner of the room and pulls out a gun from a bag. _"I'll be nice and give you a last chance to say goodbye to each other."_

Cheryl looks over at her brother who clearly doesn't even have much time left. The pool of blood around him shows that. His eyes are losing the light in them.

_"Brendan look at me please." _She waits till he looks at her in the eyes_. "I'm sorry. You never deserved that. You did absolutely nothing wrong to deserve what he did to you. You're perfect in my eyes Brendan. I don't care what he has told you and what he has made you believe but you're none of those things. You're amazing and anyone would be blessed to have you in their lives. I love you Bren. My brother and my best friend. And I will see you again."_

She reaches out to him and runs her hand over his bloody arm. He smiles at her before he starts.

_"Don't ever think you need to apologize to me. You have never let me down sis. Everyone else gave up on me except you. You always saw the good in me and no matter what I did you were there. You listened and you protected me. I would give up my entire life just too give you a second more to yours. I love you Chez. Forever."_

Seamus stares at them before he speaks. _"That was so beautiful. I could cry."_ He laughs once again. _"Now which one of you wants to go first?"_

Cheryl lifts herself up enough to indicate she's going first. She smiles one more time to Brendan and lets Seamus pull her away from him. Their backs are facing Brendan so he silently pulls himself up. The very last ounce of life he has in him will be used to save her. He picks up the knife and quietly sneaks up behind him.

Seamus lifts the gun up and points it at Cheryl. The next second the gun is on the floor as Brendan has stabbed the knife right in the center of his back. Seamus drops to his knees and Brendan removes the knife. Then in one motion he cuts him across the neck right on the jugular vein. Blood shots out of his neck as Seamus drops to the floor. Brendan grabs Cheryl away from the body next to her. She lifts herself and holds Brendan up as she knows he's about to fall. They try walking away but Brendan can't stay up much longer.

_"Come on Brendan please just stay with me. We're almost there."_

They both stop in their tracks when they hear something behind them. They turn around and see Seamus on the floor putting the gun directly at Cheryl.

He pulls the trigger.

Cheryl falls to the ground but realizes she hasn't been shot. She looks over and sees Brendan on the floor. He pushed her out of the way and took the bullet for her directly.

She turns her gaze towards Seamus who seems to still be alive but slowly dying. He's on the floor barely holding onto the gun. His eyes already look dead. She reacts and pushes herself off the ground. She runs toward Seamus and pulls the gun right out of his hand. She looks at him one more time as she sees him fading away.

She pulls the trigger shooting him right in the chest. She shoots again and again till the gun is out of bullets. She drops the gun and rushes back over to Brendan.

_"Bren...Brendan...please stay with me."_ She pulls him up to her lap and moves the hair away from his eyes. _"You can't leave me. Not now. Please you have to fight. I promise we will be ok Brendan. You saved me. I'm safe Brendan. I'll always be here. Till the end remember? We said we would always be there till the end together. And this isn't the end. It can't be. You have so much more life in you. Please. Don't leave me."_

She looks at him as his eyes struggle to stay open. The small bit of light in them start fading away. His blood is dripping onto her and she holds his hand. Brendan looks up at her and smiles at her.

_"I love you Cheryl. Never forget that."_

_"No don't you dare say goodbye to me. I'll get help you just have to stay with me a little bit longer. Please. I saw Seamus phone here. I'll go find it and get help ok."_

_"Chez...I'm so sorry...I can't..."_

_"Yes you can. You can! Don't close your eyes! I love you Brendan. You have to stay here."_

_"Bye sis..."_

She feels his body go limp for a second. _"Bren? No no no no no no no! BRENDAN! WAKE UPPPP! BRENDANNNNNNNN!"_

* * *

**["The thing about hearts is that they always want to keep beating"]**

Cheryl sits in the same chair she has been sitting in for over 2 weeks. She never takes her eyes off of him. Every time she hears the machine stop beating her heart stops until she hears the beep again.

Both Cheryl and Brendan were rushed to the hospital over 2 weeks ago after Cheryl found Seamus cell phone and dialed for an ambulance. Surprisingly they were able to find the abandoned shack easily. From the time she called it only took them about 5 minutes to get to them. She still remembers the look on their faces as they walked in. It was a bloodbath in that house. It covered the floor and the walls and them. Seamus lay on the floor, dead, with multiple bullet shots to the chest. Cheryl was bleeding from the collarbone and her face was so swollen it was unrecognizable. In her lap lay Brendan, still breathing but barely alive. His whole body was covered in blood. He had stab wounds all over his upper body, two massive wounds on his left and right arm, and a bullet shot in his chest. The ambulance clearly saw Seamus was a hopeless cause as they could see he was dead so they rushed towards Brendan who was barely hanging on. Cheryl repeatedly told them she was fine and to just focus on her brother. She refused treatment until she got to the hospital making sure everyone that was in the ambulance was only helping Brendan.

For the most part she didn't have any serious injuries. She had a few broken bones, internal bleeding, and a concussion. The doctor told her that the cut on her collarbone would eventually turn into a scar that wouldn't fade. When she was given the ok to move around she went straight to her brothers' room. He was in the intensive care unit hooked up to machines. Those machines were keeping him alive. He couldn't even breathe for himself and he still hasn't woken up. She never left even as she saw the cops pacing outside their room. She knew eventually they would ask what truly happened and she honestly didn't know what to tell them. She shot Seamus repeatedly and she assumes the police will see that as murder instead of self-defense but she had to do it. She knows Brendan may have killed Seamus, but she shot him and took his life before the knife did.

She looks at her brother and watches as the machines breath for him. She doesn't even notice when the doctor walks in.

_"Cheryl Brady?"_

_"Yes?"_ She doesn't look away from her brother.

_"I wanted to talk to you about his condition."_

She nods and finally makes eye contact with the doctor.

_"Obviously we're still waiting for him to wake up but besides that he has a lot of serious injuries I need to discuss with you. He has a broken arm and leg and almost all his ribs are broken. We were able to stop the internal bleeding but we had to do a blood transfusion as he lost gallons of blood. He has a collapsed lung and his trachea in his neck is injured. Meaning breathing for him will be greatly impaired if we do not do surgery on it. His left eye has lost some vision in it but we won't know how bad it is till he wakes up. Luckily the bullet went through him and didn't go through any major organs. The stab wounds we were able to stitch up but the one on his right arm going towards his back will end up being a scar that will always be there. The other scar on his left arm will also never fade away and I honestly don't think it will look any better than it does now, which is red and raised. But I think his physical injuries aren't going to be the thing you have to deal with. I truly implore you to seek a psychiatrist for the mental damage that he will undoubtedly have when he wakes up."_

_"He will wake up though right?"_

_"Yes he will."_

The doctor gives her a few more comments before he leaves them alone.

The next day Brendan's eyes opened and Cheryl screamed for a nurse. They all rushed to him but he started to panic. Cheryl had to cover him to calm him down. Throughout the day he has panic attacks and would lose consciousness. At night when everyone was asleep he finally woke up and tightened his hand that was being held by Cheryl. She didn't call for help. She gently moved onto the bed and put her head on his shoulder.

_"I thought I had lost you."_ She cries onto his shoulder as she feels his hand grip harder. She kisses his forehead and goes to sleep.

They do this routine for a couple of days until Brendan is finally taken off the respirator and is able to breathe on his own. It's difficult for him to breath but Cheryl still thinks it's better than a machine. A few more days pass and Brendan is now speaking but he tires easily and his breath runs out quickly.

_"Bren there gonna start asking questions soon since they know your awake now so we have to get out stories straight ok."_

Brendan nods and is about to speak before Cheryl interrupts him.

_"No no I know what you're going to say Brendan. And it's not happening. You didn't do it...I did. I killed him. I shot him dead. That's it."_ She starts crying as she remembers the day. It's been on a constant replay in her mind every day. _"He's dead because of me."_ She shakes her head as tears start falling.

_"Hey don't cry. I can fix this."_

_"You can't. I killed him."_

_"No you didn't."_

_"I did..."_

_"I did. Do you know what unconditional love is Chez? Unconditional love is standing in front of somebody and taking a bullet for them. Taking the hit. I'm taking that bullet for you."_

She stands back up and paces the room back and forth not knowing what's going on anymore. When she finally sits back down she's made up her mind.

_"I'm not gonna let you die in prison because of something I done. No way!"_

_"I'm not gonna die in prison. It's never gonna happen."_

_"You can't protect me forever."_

_"YES I CAN! YES I CAN! I can't let him win ok. Because of what that sick parasite did to me as a kid we have landed here. We were so close weren't we? All of us, we were so close. Nobody is gonna take your life away from you. Nobody."_

She breaks down for what feels like the hundredth time. She can't look him in the eyes.

_"You don't get to say what goes on all the time."_

_"You think I want this. I don't want this...I don't want this."_ Brendan sighs as he stares at his sister looking at the floor tears rolling down her face.

_"I'm not that little girl anymore.."_

_"Don't."_

_"Bren please. Listen to me. Babe I am not that little girl anymore who's in the bedroom next door to you. She's all grown up. She can look after herself."_

Brendan reaches out to her and puts his hand on either side of her face so she can look him in the eyes.

_"Hey you got everything ahead of you now. You're life's not gonna end before it's even started."_

_"No sorry. I'm not letting my brother go to prison. It's not happening. You still have your whole life left. I lived already Brendan and you never gotten that opportunity to be happy. This is your chance and I'm not gonna let you give it up for me. I'm not."_

"_Chez you don't get it. I'll never be the same after this. Look at me. I'm scarred for life. You and I both know happiness isn't in the future for me. Only one of us has a chance of actually being something in life. And that's you."_

They sit in silence. Both staring at each other. Their eyes full of sadness and pain. They hear in the distance officers speaking to one another and they realize its time. They are coming for them.

_"Brendan..."_

_"It's time."_

_"No. Not yet."_

_"It's gonna be ok."_

_"This isn't happening. This isn't happening."_

_"Everything's gonna be just fine. I love you. I love you more than you'll ever know."_

_"Brendan..."_

_"You were the only one that never let me down. The only one."_

She wipes away her tears and makes sure to look him in the eyes again. _"I love you too."_

He smiles at her and releases a small laugh.

_"What's gonna happen now."_ She's sobbing uncontrollably.

_"Nothing for you to worry about."_

_"Brendan I'm sorry."_

_"Don't..."_

_"I'm sorry for not being a better sister. For being the sister you needed."_

_"Oh Chez you are so much more."_

They both look up when they see police officers coming up the hallway towards them. They see them holding papers as they approach and handcuffs in hand. Cheryl grabs Brendan's hand before they enter the room.

_"Brendan Brady and Cheryl Brady you're both well enough to answer questions now. Your father is dead and although we don't think it was premeditated murder he was shot repeatedly and we would like to know what happened. So Cheryl you're going to be escorted back to your room while we talk to Brendan."_

Cheryl holds on as an officer tries pulling her. Brendan nods for her to release him. She reluctantly does and as she walks away she looks back at him. They're eyes connect and it says everything they needed to. She mouths _"bye"_ and Brendan smiles back in response.

She gets dragged and her view of her brother keeps getting further and further away. She struggles with the cops and gets one last look at him before the officer literally picks her up and drags her away. As she is put back in her room another officer walks in wanting to question her. The officer goes on and on about what the autopsy discovered. In Brendan's room the same routine is happening. He gets told the results from the autopsy as well. The officer in Brendan's room and the other officer in Cheryl's room both ask _"So who killed Seamus Brady?"_

Both Cheryl and Brendan, in separate rooms, look them clear in the eyes before saying:

_"I did."_


	18. Chapter 18

**AN: Hiya! Sooo I'm really sorry about the wait but writers block happened and real life just wore me out. Wanna say it again, thank youu guys so much for reading, reviewing fav/following and anything else there is cuz it truly means so much to me. Muchas Gracias!**

* * *

**Saturday 9:51 PM**

They sit in absolute silence together. The clock on the wall being the only thing heard. Brendan is on the chair looking over at Ste who is staring down at his hands. Brendan doesn't fail to notice the tears falling from his face and the small strangled noises coming out of him. He glanced over at Ste a few times as he was talking and just saw the horror cross through his whole face. He saw Ste holding onto his chest and almost hyperventilating to the point he had to stop till he calmed down. It didn't last long as he started talking again and Ste leaned over to the side and became violently sick. Brendan stood by him as Ste cried so much he ran out of tears. It took a couple more moments for Ste to recover and Brendan continued until everything was out.

_"You ok?"_ Brendan whispers it so that it's barely audible.

Ste looks over at him for a second and tries giving him a reassuring smile but fails. Brendan sees the same look he saw in Cheryl when she found out. He sees the heartbreak through their eyes and he didn't want that for Ste.

_"I'm sorry I shouldn't have told you I didn't want to make you upset. Just forget I said anything."_ Brendan stands up and is about to turn when a hand grabs him around the wrist.

_"No. You're not going. You're not doing this alone anymore. I'm not letting...you will not go back to that time without me. Every nightmare or episode you have, you will not suffer through them alone."_

Ste pulls him to the point where Brendan is hitting the side of the bed. He shuffles over and wraps his arms around Brendan's waist putting his head on his chest.

_"I love you. Do you understand that? I will never stop loving you. What you went through is something I wish I could take away from you. You didn't deserve any of that. That man was a monster that tried to take you from this world. But he didn't Brendan. What he did was make you who you are."_

Brendan tenses at the last words but feels Ste hold him tighter. He feels the tears the boy is letting go soaking through his shirt.

_"I know what he made me Steven. He made me this-"_ Brendan moves his left arm _"-he marked me his for life. He ruined me. Completely."_

_"No what he made was a man that would do anything to protect the people he loves. This scar here-" _Ste lets go of Brendan and lightly runs his hand over it _"-is you. It's not going away. Never be ashamed of your scars Brendan, they simply mean you were stronger than whatever tried to hurt you. And it's not marking you as his. It marks the day you refused to give him what he wanted. It marks the day that you stood up to him. It's the day that you finally became free. He doesn't own you Brendan. You have never been his. You know why? Because you were already chosen for someone. Me."_

_"What?"_ Brendan looks down to see Stes eyes shining. The tears and light hitting them make them almost unreal. The blue color resembles the sky on a perfect day.

_"Bren I picked you. You're mine. I accept you for everything you are and everything you bring. Your flaws and scars and whatever else you have I'll take it. You're broken you told me that but I will spend the rest of my life mending you. And even if one day you can't do it anymore and you decide to give up on yourself, know that I won't give up on you."_

Ste watches as Brendan slowly climbs onto the bed. Ste relaxes into him and places his head on Brendan's chest. He hears the slow heart beat against his ear. When he looks up at him Brendan's eyes are staring towards the ceiling. Deep in his own thoughts.

_"What's wrong Bren?"_

_"You can do so much better than me Steven. Do you realize how much you're gonna go through being with me? Every day is going to be something new. Everyday I'm gonna lose it. Every day you're going to get closer and closer to reaching your limit. I'm not...I can't be fixed Steven. I can't be saved."_

* * *

**Saturday 10:45 PM**

Ste kept reassuring him over and over until Brendan shushed him and fell asleep. Brendan's pager goes off which causes him to wake right up. It's almost instinct as he jumps off the bed but stumbles a little as his mind just woke up. Ste watches Brendan look at the message.

_"What's up?"_

_"From Cheryl, saying I can leave early."_

_"When?"_

_"Technically now."_ Brendan sees Stes face fall in disappointment. _"What?"_

_"Don't go. Please."_

_"Steven if I stay after my shift people will think something is going on. I have to go."_

Ste makes up a plan at that exact second. _"Well couldn't I be discharged for a night? Like an emergency at home."_

_"Well you could but you need someone to sign you out and it's almost midnight who's going to come get you now."_

_"Well couldn't you-"_

_"No I'm your nurse remember."_

Ste tries thinking of anyone that could possibly still be up and be willing to drive an hour out of their way to pretend to sign him out.

_"You don't have anyone you could get to sign me out. Not even one?"_

_"No Steven. Everyone I actually get along with works here. There is no one else that-"_ Brendan stops mid-sentence when a name pops into his head _"-actually I may have someone. Gissa sec."_ Brendan leans down and gives him a chaste kiss before he walks out and makes a call.

About 20 minutes go by when Warren finally gets to the hospital. Brendan is waiting for him by the entrance and smiles at him.

_"That smile can only mean you need a favor."_

_"You were always a smart one Foxy."_

_"So what do you need now?"_

Brendan tries to keep himself from laughing as he knows this is going to sound ridiculous.

_"Erm...I need you to pretend to be married to my patient."_

* * *

**Saturday 11:24 PM**

Warren starts walking down the hall with Brendan right behind him still trying to convince him to go along with the plan.

_"It's stupid Brendan."_

_"No come on look all you gotta say is that one of your family members just passed away and you need your husband for support tonight. They won't even ask any questions."_

Warren comes to a sudden halt causing Brendan to slam right into him almost knocking them both over.

_"A little warning next time Foxy."_ Brendan rubs his nose where it collided with a very bulky jacket. _"You gonna help me out? Ill owe you."_

As soon as Brendan utters those last words he wishes he could take them back. Judging by the look in Warrens eyes he already has a favor in mind.

_"Actually I do need help with something."_

Brendan motions for him to continue by doing a weird hand movement that Warren gives a _'what the fuck was that'_ look.

_"I need someone to unload a shipment with me. Seeing as we done this so many times in the past it should be simple."_

_"I'm not a drug dealer anymore Foxy. I rather not."_

_"Come on Brady. I'll even give you some of the profit and I'll get your boy out of here for the night. So you in?"_

Brendan considers it for a second and is just about to agree to it when he remembers a certain event.

_"Warren go back a year ago and then ask me that question again."_

_"Why would I...oh right. Probably not the best idea."_

* * *

_Warren rushes down the steps shouting at Brendan that his hair is fine. Or in his exact words "fucking arrogant asshole no one cares about your god damn hair." Brendan scoffs at him as he walks out of the room putting on his jacket at the same time._

_"Calm down Foxy. Gonna get yourself a heart attack one of these days."_

_"We're already running late and this guy is one of my best buyers alright. Do you realize how much money I'm gonna make today with this shipment? Thousands Brendan. But I won't make any if the bastard leaves cause we're late. So hurry the fuck up."_

_Brendan rolls his eyes at him and runs to the kitchen to grab a piece of toast. He heads back to the front door with toast in his mouth and picks up his phone on the way. Warren is sitting on the stairs when Brendan passes him and signals to him to move it._

_"Got the keys." Brendan says as he walks out the door followed closely behind Warren who replies with a simple "alright" before shutting the door close._

_They make their way towards the car and jump in. Brendan gets in the passenger seat and looks over at Warren when he doesn't start the engine._

_"Did you forget how to drive today or what?"_

_"HA. HA! I'm waiting for you to put the shipment in the center console."_

_Brendan looks at him as if he has 2 heads. "Me? I don't have it."_

_"Well I don't fucking have it."_

_They both end up shouting at each other before Brendan gets out of the car slamming the door closed. Warren curses at him as he follows him back up the path to the house._

_Both being completely high on drugs they stand outside for a couple of minutes before Brendan decides to ask the obvious question._

_"Why are we standing out here?"_

_"Well we can't get in without opening the door and you have the keys. Put two and two together smart one."_

_"You have the keys smart one." Brendan ends up laughing for no apparent reason till he sees Warrens face. "You do have the keys don't ye?"_

_For a second it looks like Warrens head is going to explode. "No! Why would I have them? You said and I quote 'got the keys'-" Warren does his best Irish accent._

_"I was asking you if YOU had the keys. It was a bloody question!"_

_"WHY THE FUCK DIDNT YOU JUST SAY DO YOU HAVE THE KEYS?!"_

_"THAT'S WHAT I SAID!"_

_"NOOO YOU SAID GOT THE KEYS. AS IN YOU HAVE THE KEYS!"_

_"GOT THE KEYS...QUESTION MARK!"_

_After a few minutes of them repeating the same thing over and over again they both go to the back yard hoping they left that door open._

_They didn't._

_Brendan had mentioned breaking a window which would have worked if it wasn't for the fact that they have bars on them. The only one that didn't have bars on them was the room on the second floor._

_"How much do you weigh Brendan?!" Warren struggles to give Brendan enough of a lift for him to reach the roof. He receives a quick kick to the face as his answer. When Brendan manages to pull himself onto the roof he gives Warren a hand up._

_Warren breaks the window and manages not to cut himself. They head downstairs to the room that houses their whole drug stash and pick up the package. Before leaving Warren ends up popping another pill while Brendan shoots up on heroin. Now being stupidly high they end up going back out the broken window._

_"Fuck fuck fuck!" Brendan loses his balance and goes sliding down the roof. He tries to grab anything but his mind and vision are so distorted that he misses everything by a mile. He reaches the end of the roof and falls straight down on the ground below. Warren is sitting on the roof laughing so hard he's actually crying. He jumps off and walks over to Brendan who is on his side curled into a ball._

_"That just made my entire life."_

_Brendan rolls onto his back. "I'm glad my pain can give you amusement." He reaches his arm out and Warren helps him up._

_"You alright though?" Warren worryingly asks._

_"I'm fine. The grass broke my fall." Brendan tries wiping away the grass stains off his shirt._

_"You know I always hear about people falling off roofs and spending months in hospital recovering."_

_"Those people are muppets."_

_When they finally do make it to the meet up point the buyer is already long gone._

_"How late are we actually?"_

_"Oh not that long just-" Warren looks at his watch "-an hour." He throws the package at Brendan hitting him right in the face. They end up sitting in the car for a while just staring out the window. "I don't think this is for you anymore Brendan."_

_"What are you talking about?"_

_"This-" he waves the drug package in the air almost hitting himself in the eye "-you're more than this. You always have been. Look it's been a couple months since your breakdown Brendan and I think it's time for you to go back. That's where you belong. Helping people."_

_"I can't even help myself. How do you expect me to help someone else?"_

_"Well you always cared more about other people than yourself."_

_Brendan shakes his head and looks at his ring. "I don't think I can go back."_

_Warren looks over at him and snaps his fingers to get his attention. "You remember when you first got into medical school? First time in 2 years that I had actually seen you smile. I remember when we would be in alleys selling this stuff to people and I would look over at you and you had this dead expression on your face. When you decided to make eye contact I saw nothing. They were these cold blank eyes. But then that day when you said you got into that school it's like something in you changed. Your eyes had that glint in them that I had almost forgotten. And you laughed and smiled and you...you were happy. My little brother was going to fucking medical school and I was dead proud of you."_

_Brendan smiles as he remembers that day clearly._

_"You have something special in you Brendan. The things you gone through should have made you into someone who could care less about humanity but you're the opposite. You actually care too much for people. They always say that everyone has a reason for why their still alive and I think yours is pretty obvious. It's to help people. It's to mend them. To fix them. To make them whole again. And maybe by piecing them back together you'll be able to piece yourself back together. You worked so hard to get to where you are. To become a physical therapist. And not just any physical therapist but the best one they have at that hospital and you can't let him take that away from you. I won't let him. If I have to drag you there every day I will. But I won't watch you throw away something that made you happy one time in your life. So this drug shit ends today. No more selling. You're out ok."_

_Brendan doesn't respond back and stares down until Warren finally starts driving back to his flat. They don't speak till they pull up onto the driveway._

_"Foxy?"_

_"Yeah?"_

_"Thanks."_

_"Anytime little bro. Anytime." He reaches over and ruffles Brendan's hair. "Ahh fuck how much gel did you put in your hair!"_

_Brendan smacks the back of Warrens head and makes a dash for the front door. He turns the door knob and then it hits him. He turns around to see Warren walking up the path._

_"FOXY?"_

_"What?"_

_"YOU DIDNT GET THE FUCKING KEYS!"_

* * *

Warren decides against that favor and gets a better one in his mind.

_"You have a point. Forget that then. Erm Mitzeee is still proper mad at me so how about that dinner? It'll be me, Mitzeee, you, and Cheryl."_

_"Well that's not awkward at all. I don't want to be on a double date with my sister."_

_"Ok me, Mitzeee, you, and this new boy of yours."_

_"Again no. We're not together."_

_"Fine me, Mitzeee, and you."_

_"I'll bring Cheryl."_

Brendan makes a run for it knowing Warren is probably at the ends of his ropes and is a second away from ringing his neck out.

They slow down when they get close to the counter. Brendan goes through the plan and then hides behind a door when Warren gets to the nurse.

_"Can I help you sir?"_

_"Yeah I was looking to sign out my umm...-"_ Warren awkwardly coughs _"-husband for the night. My sister passed away today and we need the whole family tonight to mourn her loss. Support each other."_

The nurse actually looks devastated and saddened. _"Oh I'm so sorry about your loss. I know what you're going through so I understand you need your partner with you through this rough time. I can absolutely sign him out. But he needs to be back tomorrow afternoon."_ She riffles through different forms and pulls one out. _"What's the name?"_

_"Mine? Warren Fox."_

_"And your husband's name?"_ She looks up at him waiting for his response and it suddenly hits Warren that he never got the name from Brendan.

Brendan panics as he's positive he never said Stes last name nor his first one for that matter. He thinks fast and comes from behind the door with his phone against his ear.

_"Yeah yeah I know STEVEN. He said HEY to me first. I can't stop people from just shouting my NAME when they see me._" Brendan continues with his fake conversation and passes Warren on his way.

_"Umm the name right. Steven Hey."_

Apparently the nurse was too busy with the forms she didn't even notice Brendan passing by_. "Room or department he's in?"_

_"North Wing. Physical Therapy department."_ Warren assumes that's where he would be at considering that's where Brendan is stationed to.

_"Perfect let me just get his nurse here to sign off on this and he will be all yours."_

Warren smiles and takes a seat as he knows Brendan is going to take a couple minutes around the corner pretending he was in the North Wing the whole time.

Finally Brendan makes his appearance and ignores Warren as he goes over to the nurse.

_"You called me right?"_

_"Yes a -"_ she motions over to Warren _"-would like to sign out Steven Hay for the night as there has been a family emergency. Just need you to approve it and sign the form."_

Brendan quickly signs it and thanks the nurse before nodding over to Warren to follow. They don't talk until they are out of the West Wing.

_"Next time maybe give me the name of the guy you wanna take to your flat yeah. It would help."_

_"There won't be a next time."_

_"Whatever you say...wait so the quick fucks last name is Hey, as in hey how are you?"_

Brendan stops walking and grabs Warrens arm pulling him back to face him.

_"First, it's Hay as in H-A-Y. And second he's not a quick fuck. Call him that one more time and your head is going straight through a window. Are we clear?"_

Warren smiles at him before nodding. _"Sorry I didn't know he meant anything to you."_

_"S'okay. I didn't tell you so partly my fault but he means a lot to me."_

_"You happy?"_

_"I don't do happy but yeah I'm...I'm ok."_

_"Alright well come on then. Time for me to meet him."_

Once they make it to the North Wing Brendan guides Warren to Stes room and gives him a look that says _'be nice'_ before walking in.

Ste looks up from his phone when he hears the door open. Brendan walks in with another guy that Ste remembers as the guy that was next to Brendan in one of the pictures on his phone. Looking at them now next to each other they are definitely not brothers. But he can see how close they are by Brendan's posture alone. He seems more relaxed and calm.

_"Mate nice to meet you. Names Warren."_ Warren extends his hand and Ste shakes it.

_"Same to you. I'm Ste."_

Warren looks over at Brendan and rolls his eyes. _"So I'm guessing this nutter over here calls you by your whole name huh."_ Ste shakes his head and laughs_. "He does that often. He calls me by my last name so I don't really understand his ridiculous logic."_

_"You do know I'm standing right here?"_

_"Yeah yeah yeah whatever. So look Brendan asked me to sign you out for the night so let's go."_

Without any hesitation Ste gets out of bed and thanks Warren before they all make their way out of the hospital. Brendan helps Ste get into his car and then walks over to Warren who is already in his car.

_"Thanks again. Gonna need you here tomorrow to sign him back in."_

_"Got it. See you then."_

Brendan starts walking back until Warren shouts from his car.

_"Brady go easy on him. The kids back is already messed up. He really doesn't need to be sore as well."_

Before Brendan could even think about responding Warren has already drove off laughing in the distance.

* * *

**Sunday 12:46 AM**

They pull up to Brendan's house in a little under an hour as there wasn't much traffic at this time of night. Ste practically jumps out of the car and looks around like an excited child. He's been stuck in the hospital too long. Brendan gets out of the car more slowly and tells him to come inside but Ste is too busy observing the different items around it. Brendan gets inpatient and grabs him from behind.

_"Ey! I'm trying to capture this scenery."_

_"There's a tree and the sidewalk and oh look a car. Now come on."_ Brendan still grips him and pushes him to the front door only letting him go when he has to unlock it. Ste goes in first and waits for Brendan to flick on the light. When he does he finally gets to see a part of Brendan's personal life. The house fits him quite well. It's tidy and organized. Nothing is out of place except for some paperwork that covers almost half of the coffee table. The walls are painted gray and there's not much else on it. No pictures or decorative accents. Everything else is either black or white but overall it looks modern and sleek. Ste walks over to the dining table and sees a pamphlet on it but Brendan manages to pick it before he gets a chance to read it.

_"Nice place."_

_"Thanks I don't really spend much time here."_

_"Oh where do you stay?"_ Stes stomach suddenly turns as he can imagine Brendan spending the nights at other men's house. Jealousy. He's never had that issue before but suddenly his whole body is raging with it.

_"Cheryl's or Anne's. I'm really only here to sleep."_

Ste releases the breath he was holding and points to the stairs.

_"My room and a guest room is up there and Cheryl's is-"_ he points to another room on the corner _"-right there. She wouldn't give me the ok on buying this place unless there was a specific room for her. She rarely ever spends the night here though."_

Brendan shows him around some more before Ste makes a dash to his room. Brendan knows there's a couple items that he should have probably hidden but it's too late now and he doesn't really care at this point. He follows Ste up the stairs and sees him looking around the room.

The bed is surprisingly made for once. On the nightstand there is a bottle of water and 3 prescription vials. Some of the pills are surrounding them. There are a few pieces of clothing hanging off a chair or on the floor around it. Ste looks across the bed and sees the flat screen tv mounted onto the wall. He's mesmerized by how giant it is but then something below it catches his eyes. It's a bag of pills. It's open and there's a few of them falling out. Next to it is just a jar of cream and a cooling spray.

_"Well your room is..."_

_"Messy? I know. Meant to clean it but had other things to deal with. Be back I'm just gonna change out of these scrubs. Make yourself comfortable."_ Brendan grabs a plain white T-shirt and tracksuit bottoms and goes into the bathroom to change. Ste on the other hand decides to snoop around. He checks over his shoulder and then runs over to the nightstand picking up each vial and reading it.

_Ambien CR 12.5 mg-Take 1 tablet by mouth at bedtime._

_Paxil 40 mg- Take as directed per doctors order for depression and PTSD._

_Xanax 2 mg- Take 2 tablets by mouth daily. Do not exceed 3 tablets in 24 hours._

_"I don't always take all of them if you're wondering."_

Brendan surprises Ste causing him to knock over one of the vials. Luckily it was closed.

_"Oh sorry I didn't...I mean I wasn't trying to..."_

_"It's fine."_ Brendan moves over to the dresser to remove his watch while Ste walks over to him but stops at the bag of pills.

_"And these?"_

_"You seem smart enough Steven. What do you think they are?"_

_"Oh."_

_"Yeah." _Brendan moves away and gets into bed before turning on the tv_. "You're blocking my view Steven."_

_"You're such a prick Bren."_ Ste moves out of the way and jumps into bed causing Brendan to laugh at him_. "Least the beds comfy."_

Brendan just smiles at him but goes back to watching tv and within minutes ends up falling asleep. Ste is still wide awake but doesn't want to wake Brendan up. He looks exhausted both physically and mentally. Ste watches as his chest rises and falls. The lines etched next to his eyes must be from the years of not sleeping. Once again he has frown lines on his forehead, not truly at peace even when he's asleep. Ste shuffles closer to him and watches him. He thinks to himself that this is bordering on being a bit stalker ish.

He keeps staring at him and how one of his arms wraps around himself almost in a defensive act. He places his head on Brendan's chest and falls asleep to the sound of his heartbeat.

* * *

**Sunday 2:02 AM**

_*****Brendan is running through a cemetery at night. He manages to jump over some of the gravestones if he sees them on time. But for the most part he doesn't see them in the dark and slams right into them knocking him to the floor. In the background he hears the sounds of laughter coming closer so he stands back up and keeps going. He stops when he notices the same gravestone again and he knows he's passed this one before, which means he's just going in circles._

_"WHAT DO YOU WANT FROM ME?! JUST LET ME GO!"_

_He screams and crumples to the ground. The laughter stops and all he hears is the leaves on the trees moving from the wind. Brendan jumps when a hand you his shoulder. He doesn't dare look up knowing who it is._

_"Bren why are you running from me?"_

_Brendan shakes his head. "You lied to me. You said you loved me...and then I see you with him. Why?"_

_Ste stares down at him and gives him a cold smile. "Because your damaged goods Brendan. So broken. Lost. So very very lost. No one can fix you. You're beyond repair. Naive and stupid thinking I could ever love someone like you. You couldn't even pay anyone to be with you. Do you understand?"_

_Brendan shakes his head and gets back up on his feet. "I'm sorry."_

_"You should be. Because you're a worthless excuse of a man. But your father on the other hand-"_

_"Stop. Please. I already know. He's better than me. He will always be better than me. I don't deserve being his son. I get it. Just leave me alone."_

_Ste laughs at him and looks behind Brendan. "Isn't he perfect?_

_Brendan turns around and sees his dad looking straight back at him._

_"Brenda you can't even keep a man. I taught you how to suck one off and how to fuck one but you still couldn't keep Steven over here entertained. Couldn't give him the pleasure he deserved. So I had to do your job again."_

_Brendan moves away so that Ste and Seamus are in each other's eyesight. "Fine I can't do anything right. I can't keep anyone. No one will ever want me. I'm worth nothing. I'm damaged. I'm ruined. I fucking get it! JUST LEAVE ME ALONE! GET OUT OF MY HEAD. GET OUT OF MY LIFE!"_

_Brendan starts walking away but stops and looks back at Ste who is skipping over to Seamus so happily._

_"Did you ever love me?"_

_Ste reaches for Seamus hand. "I never loved you."_

_It's a stab to the heart to Brendan. His breath goes out of him as tears starts to pour out of his eyes._

_"But I thought...fine. Fine. Have a good life together."_

_Brendan leaves them both as he hears them laughing. He still thinks he's going in circles and ends up tripping over a gravestone._

_Seamus Brady_

_He looks next to it and there's another one._

_Brendan Seamus Brady_

_Both of them have a gravestone but it's empty. The hole in the ground is dug out but there's nothing in them. He runs his hands over his own gravestone. The next thing he feels is hands over his arms essentially trapping him. He struggles and tries moving but he's powerless again. He turns his head to see his father pushing him against his gravestone._

_"So so beautiful aren't you."_

_Brendan is about to respond when he sees Steven standing behind Seamus smiling. Seamus pulls Brendan's trousers down as well as his own._

_"Can't get enough of you. You take all of me in you so good."_

_Seamus pushes into him causing Brendan's whole body to tense up. His body freezes and locks up. He makes eye contact with Steven._

_"Help. Please."_

_"I can't Brendan. I can't."_

_Everything starts fading away as he hears his dad whispering he loves him.*****_

_"BRENDAN WAKE UP!"_

Brendan faintly hears his voice but he can't open his eyes. He shakes and convulses.

_"Please please please snap out of it."_ Ste holds onto Brendan's face and lightly kisses his forehead hoping it'll calm him down.

Brendan slowly starts coming back into reality as his heart beat starts to slow down. His eyes open and he sees Stes eyes staring back at him. There are tears in them but he seems relieved.

_"Are you ok?"_

_"I'm sorry."_

_"No no don't do that. That is the last time you will ever apologize for that ok. You have done nothing wrong."_

Brendan pushes Ste away and takes one of the vials next to his bed and goes to the bathroom. Ste follows him and manages to get there in time before Brendan gets a chance to close the door.

_"Brendan, you don't have to hide the fact that you take these. Or that you need them."_

_"I don't want to need them Steven. This happens every fucking night! Do you get that? Do you?! You think this is going to be some easy process. That one little session with a psychiatrist will make me all better. That you'll have someone that could spend you future with. But it won't."_

_"I never thought this would be easy Brendan. I don't think this will be fixed in a week or a month or a year but I know you can overcome it. And I will be there till the end. And even if you don't ever get better I'll still be there. You're in my future whether you like it or not."_

_"Steven I'm giving you an out here. Just take it. I'm not this good guy. I done so many things in my life that I deserve this. I deserve ending up alone. I deserve death. I deserve to be in hell with him."_

_"NO YOU DON'T!"_ Ste reaches out and takes the pills from him and places them on the sink. _"You don't Brendan. Why can you only see the bad things in you? Why can't you see how amazing you are? How perfect you are? Why can't you see that you're my life?"_

_"Cause I'm not."_

Ste shakes his head and reaches up to give him a kiss. It's slow and gentle. It's reassuring him that he deserves love in his life. Brendan wraps his arms around him and Ste jumps up wrapping his legs around Brendan's waist. They stay in the same position for a few minutes before Brendan stops.

_"Steven I..."_

Ste places a finger on his lips and silences him. _"Shhh right now forget about everything that's ever happened. Nothing exists beyond these 4 walls. It's just you and me. For one night nothing else matters but making you know that I truly love you. With everything I have in me."_

Ste removes himself from Brendan and walks back into the bedroom. He waits by the bed as Brendan walks into the room as well. Ste removes his shirt and waits for Brendan but he hesitates.

_"I want to see them."_

Brendan slowly pulls his shirt off and stands with his arms next to him. Ste walks up to him and traces the scar on his forearm and goes up his shoulder. He goes behind him and runs his finger down the _"S"_ scar. It's just as bad as the one on his left arm. He sees a few stab wounds on his back but they look faded. When he goes back to the front he sees more stab wounds on his chest. His eyes start to water when he notices the bullet wound on him.

He kisses the wound and slowly kisses down his body till he gets to the top of his waistband. He looks up at Brendan for his permission and gets a nod from him. He pulls down his tracksuit bottoms along with his boxers. Ste sees that below his waist there are no marks on him. His mind races with the thoughts that Seamus probably wouldn't be able to enjoy him if he had scars down there. He puts it to the back of his mind as he removes his own jeans and boxers. Ste moves Brendan to the bed and allows him to rest against the headboard.

_"Just relax. This is all for you."_ Ste crawls down him and looks at Brendan's erection. The pre cum is already leaking from the slit. He laps it up with a few flicks on his tongue before kissing the tip. Ste goes back up and kisses Brendan letting him get a taste of himself before he goes back down and takes Brendan into his mouth. He feels Brendan tense up and sees his knuckles grip the sheets underneath him. Ste runs his tongue up Brendans cock before he starts sucking.

_"Steven stop. Stop."_

Ste releases him from his mouth with a loud pop. _"What? Do you not want this?"_

Brendan grins at him before he rolls them over. _"No I just don't want to come before you do. Besides I always liked giving not receiving."_

He licks down Stes body and sucks on his nipples eliciting a moan and gasp from Ste. Brendan looks up and sees the lust in his eyes. He slowly crawls down his body and takes Stes dick into his mouth. He rolls his tongue over the tip of it before he starts sucking.

_"Oh fuck Brendan...I..."_

He keeps sucking and licking Stes cock until he feels a hot bitter sweet liquid in his mouth. Brendan swallows it and moves back up to kiss him.

_"Didn't take long did it?"_

Ste sticks his tongue out at him which Brendan just ends up sucking on.

_"Not done with you yet though."_

Brendan watches Stes eyes widen as he moves to kneel in between him. Stes knees get pushed up as Brendan circles one of his fingers.

_"Brendan please."_

_"Already begging Steven."_

_"Prick."_

He laughs at the desperate pleas before he shoves a finger into Ste.

_"Fuck! Fuck!"_

_"See rushing me only gets you that."_

Brendan leans down and kisses him as he inserts another finger in more slowly. Ste shudders and moves his hips with the same rhythm as Brendan's fingers. Brendan watches how his whole body shakes and how he still wants more. Stes arms reach up and wrap them around his neck.

_"Bren...Bren I'm...I'm ready. Please just..."_

Brendan removes his fingers and he sucks them before reaching into the bedside drawer. Ste looks over at him as he sees Brendan rip the condom wrapper and roll it onto himself. He squirts lube over his rock hard shaft before going back to kneeling in between Stes legs.

_"You sure?"_

Ste swallows the lump in his throat and frantically nods. Since the day he saw Brendan this image has been running through his mind every night. He would imagine it over and over again hoping one day it would happen. He couldn't be happier at this moment.

Brendan grabs Stes legs and puts them over his shoulders. Ste wraps them at the ankles. Ste feels Brendan's cock right at his entrance and the pressure is already too much. As Brendan enters him his muscles contract all around him.

_"You're so fucking tight Steven."_

Brendan slowly pushes in and feels the heat and tightness around him. He forgets about everything that has ever happened in his life. To this point he had never had a moment where the past hasn't been with him. It's always there, lingering in the back of his mind. Always trying to ruin anything good in his life. There's never being a time where he could say he was truly fine. But for the first time since that day 10 years ago he finally feels complete. The moment his eyes connect with Ste is the moment he realizes he's not alone anymore.

He removes his cock from him and then pushes it right back in him. He keeps doing this hitting Stes prostate every time. Ste digs his nails into Brendan's arms as he rocks his hips trying to get more of Brendan in him.

_"Harder Brendan."_

_"Wrap yourself around my waist."_

Ste does as he's told as Brendan grabs the iron headboard with his hands. He grips it and pulls himself pushing himself as deep as he can into Ste. Ste screams out in pure pleasure and grabs Brendan's arms above him. They move in sync together while panting and groaning. The headboard slams into the wall over and over. Brendan can feel the pressure going straight to his cock. His ears start ringing as he hears Ste releasing noises from his mouth that he has never in his life heard. Both their visions become cloudy as their arousals hit the maximum level. Brendan thrust one, two, three more times and feels his muscles all lock on him. He shoots his load into Ste and feels Ste violently come onto his stomach and chest. Pain and pleasure shoot through their body as they start to come down. Sweat is falling from Stes forehead and he has some on his neck from where Brendan placed his head on it. Brendan looks at his arms and he has small nail marks from Ste but Ste has scratches all over his thighs.

_"You ok?"_

Ste nods as his eyes struggle to stay open. Brendan is about to pull out when Ste stops him_. "No. Just leave it in me for a bit. Please."_

Brendan slumps on top of him and rest his head on Stes chest as Ste runs his hands up and down his back.

_"I love you Brendan"_

_"Yeah...I know."_

He always had a small doubt in the back of his mind whenever Ste told him those words before. There was always him second guessing himself and making excuses saying Ste couldn't truly love him. Eventually he had made himself believe that Ste didn't love him he just needed someone because he was alone at the hospital for weeks. He thought he was just a convenience for Ste until he got out. Ste didn't love him. No one could love him. He didn't even know how true love felt. But now he can truthfully say he does. There's this overwhelming feeling in his heart that he couldn't even begin to describe. It's too intense and too powerful for words to explain. Ste loves him, unconditionally. He knows that now and he believes him. Brendan can say at this moment right now, he's happy. He sees a light at the end of the tunnel. And with Ste there with him he hopes he will be able to get out of this darkness that has surrounded him for far too long.

* * *

**Sunday 10:01 AM**

Ste rolls over in bed and ends up falling onto the floor.

_"Fucking hell."_

He blames Brendan for that because if he was in bed he would have stopped him. He gets back up and notices the room looks a bit more organized. All the clothes are picked up and the counter surfaces have been cleaned. The bag of pills from earlier are nowhere in sight and neither are the prescription vials. Ste walks into the bathroom and on a counter there is a black T-shirt and tracksuit bottoms folded up neatly. He assumes it's for him so he takes a shower and gets dressed before walking downstairs.

The smell of pancakes makes him incredibly hungry as he rushes to get to the kitchen. When he reaches the bottom of the steps he sees Brendan in his scrubs sitting on the dining room table with paperwork in front of him.

_"About time you woke up. I made you some breakfast before I have to take you back so hurry up and eat."_

Ste smiles stupidly at him and gets a playful smile in return from Brendan.

_"Didn't know you could cook."_

_"Their pancakes Steven. A kid could do them."_

Ste takes a seat across Brendan and just watches him filling out all these forms. Eventually Brendan stops and looks up to catch Ste watching him.

_"Can I help you?"_

_"Nope just enjoying myself here."_

Brendan can't help but smile at him as Ste drops some syrup down his chin.

_"You really can't feed yourself can you."_

_"HA HA! Hilarious."_

Ste finishes up his food and Brendan takes his plate and washes up. When he sits back down he just stares at Ste for an uncomfortable amount of time.

_"What?"_

_"Tell me something."_

_"Like what?"_

_"Don't know. Anything really."_

Ste bites his lip as he tries thinking of something that could be considered interesting.

_"Oh I like snails."_

_"Like to eat?"_

_"No that's gross. I mean like as pets or something. I had them when I was smaller cause I wasn't allowed to have a dog so I would go outside and collect snails. My mum didn't know about them till one got out of me room and she stepped on it."_ Ste remembers that day vividly.

_"You kept snails as pets then?"_

Ste nods and watches as Brendan gives him a very odd expression. He doesn't think anything was wrong with having snails as pets.

_"That's weird."_

_"Shut up its not."_ He flicks him off and gets a piece of bread thrown at him for that. _"Ok what about you?"_

_"Umm...oh ok erm I sometimes have these dreams where I think worms get inside me. Like those fat ones...grubs I think there called. So basically they pass through my body and get to my brain where they lay their eggs."_

_"That's freaking sick Brendan."_

_"Wait wait I'm not done. So then they all start hatching right and I end up throwing up worms all over the place-"_ Brendan is cut off by Ste covering his ears and saying _"la la la la I'm not listening la la la la."_

Eventually they both stop as it gets time to leave. Brendan makes sure to text Warren so that he can sign him back in. They both walk out but Ste stops before getting into the car.

_"You ok?"_

_"Yeah I just don't want to go back. I liked it here."_ Ste hesitates for a second. _"I liked being here with you. It felt as if we were a couple you know."_

Brendan doesn't respond back but Ste drops it and gets in the car. Back to the hospital again.

* * *

**Sunday 12:45 PM**

Warren has met them up I'm the parking lot and he walked in with Ste and signed him in. Brendan waited by his car until Warren came back.

_"Brady I want a divorce from Ste. I think he spent the night at another man's house. I just lost my sister and he fucks another guy on the same day. It's over Brendan."_

Brendan laughs at his fake tears and waves him off as he makes his way into the hospital to start his shift.

He's in the West Wing punching in to start his shift when he sees Cheryl running down the hall with Nate. She spots him and motions for him to come with them. He grabs his badge and pager and runs after them. When he finally gets within distance of his sister he asks _"what's going on?"_

_"Laura had a seizure and started convulsing and throwing up massive amounts of blood. Her coordination and vision is completely off. I think the tumor grew overnight and is pushing into one of her nerves in her brain. Nate has to operate now so you need to be there for her when we put her under."_ Cheryl looks back and sees Brendan came to a complete halt_. "Bren I get that your close to her and you don't want to see her this way but she needs you now more than ever. She's scared and asking for you. I promise we will do everything we can for her. But she doesn't have time to waste so please."_

Without any more thought the three of them go running down the hall making their way to the neuro department.

* * *

_"Brendan you here?" Cheryl throws her bag on the floor as she puts the keys on the table. "Bren you didn't answer my phone calls."_

_She walks over to her brothers' room where she hears the tv is turned on. When she opens the door she hears him in the bathroom. "Can you explain to me why you can't answer one of my calls. Or just respond to my text. It's not that difficult."_

_She doesn't get a response back so she decides to wait for him. She goes over to his dresser to grab the remote but sees bits of white powder on it. There are a few empty bags with white residue on them in the corner of the dresser. Something inside her tells her to open the top drawer._

_"Oh my god no."_

_There are tons of used and new syringes in there. Some of them have blood on them. That's when she notices some blood splatter on the bottom of the wall. She carefully moves things in the drawer only to find a rubber cord and a spoon with more residue on it. She feels sick to her stomach but keeps searching._

_Tears start to form when she finds it. He has every type of drug she's read about. She finds heroin, cocaine, meth, LSD, hundreds of ecstasy pills, and weed._

_She hears the bathroom door open and Brendan walks out with his hoodie over his head._

_"Aren't you at supposed to be at work?"_

_"No if you would have checked my text you would have known I got out early."_

_"Sorry." Brendan stumbles a little before climbing into bed. "You done snooping."_

_"Please tell me you're just selling these. You're not doing drugs right."_

_"Cheryl really what do you think."_

_She sees his dazed and dilated eyes. And the constant twitch in his cheek. His jaw keeps clenching and she finally notices the injection marks on his neck and arms._

_"Why?"_

_"Are you stupid or something? Why the fuck do you think huh? Daddy's baby girl still can't see how fucked up he made me. All that shit calms me down. It makes me forget ok. You have your fucking therapy that helps while I have those."_

_Cheryl sits on the floor next to the bed and tries to get him to look at her but his eyes look dead._

_"You can't keep taking these Brendan. There not gonna help you. It's only gonna make things worse. Please I don't want to see you go down this path. I can get you some help...rehab-"_

_"I DON'T WANT YOUR FUCKING HELP!" Brendan gets out of bed so forcefully that Cheryl jumps back out of fear. She's never truly seen him be this angry. The veins in his neck are popping out and his eyes keep blinking uncontrollably. She's staring at a stranger now. Her brother is gone._

_"I DON'T NEED REHAB. I DON'T NEED THERAPY. I DON'T NEED TO BE WATCHED EVERYSINGLE SECOND. I DON'T NEED YOU!"_

_"Bren..."_

_"SHUT UP! I'm tired of hearing your voice and listening to you go on as on about getting help. I don't give a shit ok. Let me live my fucked up life how I want to yeah. If I want to do drugs I will. If I want to beat someone to a pulp I'll do it. If I want to take someone's life I'll fucking enjoy it. So do me a favor and leave me alone. Just seeing your face pisses me off."_

_"I'm just trying to-"_

_"Chez STOP! You're still trying to make it up to me but guess what? You can't. This is all your fault. I fucking protected you my whole damn life and you couldn't once see what he was doing to me? I mean how fucking naive are you."_

_Cheryl starts crying and shaking her head. "I didn't...see...I'm sorry."_

_"You're always fucking sorry." Brendan sees her cry but feels nothing anymore. "I hate you do you know that. I always will."_

_Cheryl runs out of his room before he can see her shatter into a million pieces._

* * *

**Sunday 1:37 PM**

Brendan and Cheryl sit silently in her office. They made it to Laura's room before she was put under. Brendan held her hand and promised she would be ok and that he would see her once she woke up. Laura said goodbye to him before she fell asleep from the anesthesia. Nate told them it would be a couple hours before he was finished and that he would page them when he was done. Cheryl asked Brendan to stay in her office for a bit until he was stable enough to go back to work.

_"Nate is the best at what he does Brendan. I'm sure she will be ok. Just gotta get through these couple of hours and then we can go see her. She's gonna be proper excited when she wakes up knowing she's tumors free."_ She puts on her best smile and hopes Brendan buys it. He doesn't.

_"Yeah sure."_ Brendan looks around the room and notices bright pink flowers. _"When did you get those?"_

Cheryl rolls her eyes at Brendan changing the topic because she knows he doesn't want to deal with his feelings like always.

_"Yesterday. There nice right?"_

_"Their neon pink. Who got them for you? Anne or Lynsey?"_

_"Umm neither...Nate did."_

Brendan's head flicks back towards her_. "Nate? As in the neuro surgeon Nate? When were you going to tell me you two were together?"_

_"We're not together Brendan. We just went out on a date."_

_"A date?! I never gave my ok."_

_"Oh please I don't need your permission. I'm older remember."_ She scoffs at him but shots him a wink.

_"So you like him?"_

_"I think so. I don't know if he feels that way about me. I can't help but think he just wants me as a friend. I text him after our date and said thanks for the lovely time and he never replied."_

Brendan gets off the chair and walks towards the door.

_"Oi I was still talking where are you going?"_

_"Oh I'm gonna go get a drink and then kill Nate and then get something from the vending machine."_

_"No you're not interfering in this. I can handle it myself."_

_"Right sure you can. But I will be speaking to him very soon. I need him to know I don't take it to kindly when someone doesn't tell me they want to go out with my sister."_

Cheryl tries getting his attention but he's already out the door. She sighs and leans back into her chair but sees Mitzeee walk past her door. She pushes herself out the chair and bolts out the door.

_"Mitzeee! Come here."_

Mitzeee gives her a strange look but walks over to her. _"What? You ok?"_

_"Yeah I'm fine. I need your help."_

_"Alright with what?"_

Cheryl pulls out a small video camera from her purse.

_"Umm...right...is this illegal?"_

_"Probably."_

Mitzeee shrugs her shoulders and follows Cheryl down a hallway.

_"So want exactly are we doing?"_

_"Well I need you to keep an eye out and make sure no one comes into Eoghans office while I'm in there. If you see him coming just distract him."_

_"Cheryl he's gay what the hell am I gonna do? And wait why are you taping Eoghan?"_

_"Look it has to do with Brendan. And Eoghan is a fucking asshole that deserves what is coming to him. So will you help?"_

Mitzeee doesn't hesitate this time and walks to the side of Cheryl as they each his office. The door is unlocked so she goes inside while Mitzeee keeps guard. Cheryl looks around for a decent spot and then chooses the bookcase. She puts it behind this fake plant and uses the leaves to hide it. She positions it perfectly and then peeks her head out the door. Mitzeee gives her a thumbs up letting her know the coast is clear. Cheryl and Mitzeee give each other a high five before they run down the hallway back towards the West Wing.

* * *

**Sunday 3:11 PM**

Brendan is being very easy on Ste today. He did about 30 minutes of physical therapy with him before Ste complained that he was tired. Ste pouted, blinked his lashes innocently, and said please with a cherry on top. Brendan gave in and stopped the session extremely early. Ste is in his room watching tv while Brendan tidies it up a bit.

_"Umm Bren?"_

_"Yeah?"_

_"You still think I'll be able to leave here tomorrow? You said Monday didn't you?"_

Brendan ends up dropping a vase he was cleaning on the floor. It shatters into tiny pieces. Brendan looks down at the floor and thinks that's the perfect metaphor for his life. It was getting re built and mended and he was complete like this vase full of water, him full of life. But then just one thing causes him to break all over again.

_"I'm gonna order some tests for you tomorrow and another MRI scan to make sure you're ready to go. They'll most likely come out ok so I'm going to start filling out your discharge papers. But...you're not going tomorrow."_

_"So when then?"_

_"Tuesday. Let Amy know to be here by 5 so she can sign the papers that she's going to be looking after you."_

Ste practically falls off the bed but Brendan grabs him.

_"You're just accident prone aren't you?"_

_"Am not."_

_"You fell off a bloody roof Steven. Accident prone."_

Ste smacks his arm and then cringes when he sees he hit his left arm again. _"Oh god I'm sorry I'm sorry-"_

_"It's fine didn't hurt much."_

They end up watching Monsters inside of Me until Brendan says he can't watch it anymore when one of the people on the show gets worms in his body.

_"I need to go talk to Cheryl for a bit so I'll come check up on you later."_ Brendan picks up Stes chart and starts walking away.

_"Bren?"_

_"Yep?"_ He turns around and leans against the wall.

_"So umm...you know when I leave here, what's gonna happen?"_

Brendan shrugs his shoulders but doesn't say anything.

_"I mean like...I still meant what I said last time."_

_"I know. I made an appointment, it's at 9 on Wednesday."_

_"So you're gonna go right?"_

Brendan drops his head and avoids eye contact_. "I...don't know."_

_"So this means nothing to you then huh? Look I'm not trying to force you to go. I'm not. But you need help and I can't give you that. You need to talk about everything or it's just gonna keep getting worse. I can see you slowly losing it and I don't want to wake up one day knowing you couldn't overcome your demons. I told you I would stay with you till the end and I would. As long as you at least try to get help. I will be at that psychiatrist office on Wednesday waiting for you. If you don't show up...then forget I was even a part of your life."_


	19. Chapter 19

**Sooo each and every one of y'all brought a hugeeee smile to my face and I can't say this enough thank you guys for reviewing/ following/fav. I know I say this a lot but it really does make me want to continue writing this fic so truly thank you XX**

**Ohh and I may have watched a few FanVids before writing this...just a small warning.**

* * *

**Sunday 4 PM**

It was all a blur in Brendan's eyes after he had a talk with Ste. He told him if he didn't go to his appointment to basically forget everything they had. He can't remember much after that. Except for him arguing back that it's his decision to make and Ste agreeing that it was. He walked out of there before he said things that he would later regret.

Brendan keeps walking till he finds himself back in the West Wing. He can never understand why he comes back here since he knows the only patient he has here is being operated on or recovering. A part of him thinks it's most likely because his sister is always here.

He decides to just go into the break room and cool down for a moment but gets stopped when Cheryl practically drags him into her office. The second she shuts the door she waves a file in his face.

_"Take this to Eoghans office please?"_

_"What? Why? Last time I checked you didn't want me anywhere near him."_

Cheryl pushes the file into his chest which makes Brendan grab it. _"I don't but I will end up jumping over the desk and cracking his skull open if I see him."_

_"I'm really not in the mood to deal with him today. Can't you get someone else to do it? I'll get.."_

_"NO...I mean no...It's umm...the file is umm important. Yeah that's it. The file is too important to hand off to someone I don't trust. So please."_

Cheryl gives him one of her winning smiles that could basically blind anyone.

_"Fine."_

Brendan lightly taps her head with the folder before walking out. Cheryl pulls out her phone and quickly text a message.

_To: Mitzeee_

_He's on his way._

A couple seconds later she receives one back.

_From: Mitzeee_

_No worries. Already got Eoghan heading back._

Cheryl puts the phone down and taps her fingers nervously on her desk hoping she's doing the right thing. She's also concerned about leading her brother to a man that reminds her of someone she rather forget existed.

* * *

**Sunday 4:15 PM**

_"Prick."_ Brendan says to Will when they almost slam into each other turning the corner.

_"You could watch where you're going Brendan. I mean I'm the one that can't walk here."_

_"So you say."_ Brendan rolls his eyes at him. _"How'd you paralyze yourself again William? From what I can remember you slipped on the floor and all the sudden you can't walk."_

Will stutters for a second before regaining his sense of speech. _"I hurt my neck in that slip."_

_"Fucking liar."_ Brendan starts walking away but turns around for one final dig. _"Oh can you tell Ash to stop texting me. Not really my type."_ He smiles to himself when he sees Will forcefully roll himself down the hall.

Brendan has no idea why Cheryl is even asking him to do this. He knows she could have just dropped it off when Eoghan wasn't in. He ignores a weird feeling he has and knocks on the door. He gets no response so he tries the handle and it's unlocked. He walks in and quickly drops the file on the desk and is about to turn when he hears the door close behind him.

_"Fuck. My. Life."_ Is all Brendan can say when he hears footsteps approaching him.

_"Brendan nice to see you again. What can I do for you?"_

_"Cheryl wanted me to drop this off to you-"_ He points at the folder on the desk _"-so yeahhh umm I'll be going."_

He sidesteps Eoghan and is literally an inch away from the door when Eoghan pushes behind him. Brendan is now trapped between the door and Eoghan.

_"This is nice isn't it?"_

_"Fuck you."_

_"I wish you would."_ Eoghan pushes against Brendan and licks the back of his neck.

Brendan moves his hands to place them on top of Eoghans. Eoghan must think Brendan is finally succumbing to him until he feels an increasing pressure on his hand. He feels the already injured hand being crushed yet again. Nails are digging into his skins and bones start cracking. Eoghan releases Brendan and gets shoved straight across the desk landing on the other side.

_"Tell me Eoghan what do I have to do to get it into that head of yours that I don't want anything to do with you. Clearly even breaking a few bones doesn't stop you. Do I have to take it even further? Cause I will."_

_"You're very violent Brendan. I like that. But that's not my favorite part of you that I like. You have so much going for you...well in your looks only. Too bad the inside doesn't match the outside."_

Brendan actually takes offense to that. _"What do you mean?"_

_"Your outside is quite...beautiful. But the inside is completely hideous. You're a tortured soul that only has this really. What else is your life besides this job Brendan? Nothing. And you and I both know that. Your job is history once I turn this report in today. This is your final chance. On your knees now or I'm sealing this envelope and dropping it off."_

Brendan drops his walls for a brief second_. "I hope one day you realize what you're doing. I hope it hits you that some people never had a chance to say no. That some people had no other choice. They couldn't do anything to stop it. Their choice was taken out of their hands. So I'm finally saying no. No."_

Brendan walks out the door and Cheryl watches him from a far. She sees Eoghan leave a few seconds later in the opposite direction and she runs down the hall going straight to his office to a familiar spot.

* * *

**Sunday 4:46 PM**

Brendan somehow ends up in the space between the East Wing. A little girl bumps into him and he sees a frantic mum searching for her. He kind of holds her in place making sure she doesn't go running off again. She looks up at him with these blue eyes and smiles as her mum comes running towards her. She thanks him and Brendan hears her telling her daughter never do that again. He takes a seat against the wall and watches the different families walking back and forth. He ends up watching a father and daughter close to the gift shop. She is jumping up and down pretending to be a kangaroo apparently. Brendan looks at the dad who is just smiling at his daughter and encouraging her to jump higher. She giggles and laughs when he lifts and twirls her around. When he puts her down she takes his hand and they walk away. That's when it hits him that he's missing something. He's missing his daughter. He is forgetting how she even looks and that pains him more than anything in the world. It's like his mind is slowly washing away the last image of her. He sighs and pulls out the phone and hovers over a name for minutes before hitting dial.

A few rings pass before Eileen picks up the phone.

_"Brendan?"_ Her tone alone gives confirmation she doesn't want to speak to him.

_"Yeah. Umm how are you?"_

_"What do you want?"_ Straight to the point.

_"Look I was thinking it was time we talk again. I...miss Niamh. Can I just see her? Please. It doesn't even have to be long maybe-"_

_"Brendan since the last time you were here have you gotten any help what so ever?"_

When he doesn't respond she takes it as a no.

_"That's what I thought. I told you already that was the only way you would even get a chance to see her. I have full custody and you have no rights to see her. Not even with supervision. You're so fucked in the_ _head that I don't even know who you are anymore. You're a stranger to me and your daughter. She doesn't need to see you like this."_

_"I know but-"_

_"No Brendan. The answer is no. She needs a father...and you can't be that. You're not stable enough and I can't have her seeing you that way. Please get some help and when I start seeing the old Brendan I knew you can see her because I know she misses you."_

Before he can even try to argue back she hangs up the phone.

* * *

**Sunday 5:02 PM**

_"You ok?"_ Cheryl asks her brother as she approaches him. He's outside the hospital sitting against the concrete wall. Almost hidden from view.

_"I'm fine."_

_"I hate when you say that you know."_ She brushes the pavement before she sits down next to him.

_"Say what?"_ Brendan keeps looking ahead. She sees his eyes follow the cars that are entering or leaving.

_"That you're fine. Whenever you say you're fine it really means you're not. So what's wrong?"_

_"Eileen won't let me see Niamh. Basically said I'm too screwed up to be a father...and she's right. I know I am but I'm not asking to take care of her by myself. I asked for a fucking minute to see her and she said no. Just like that."_

Cheryl rest her head against his shoulder before looking up at him. _"I'm sorry Bren. I know you miss her. But you can't give up though. We can try finding some loop hole to get that decision thrown out and ask for supervised visitations or-"_

_"She already said no to that too."_ Brendan looks over at his sister before staring down at his arm_. "I never asked for this. I never wanted to be here. This...this isn't the life I had planned. I wanted the family and the kids. But I'll never get that. And yeah I could blame him for it. It'll be so much easier to put all the blame on him and say it was his fault completely. But I would be lying to myself. Many kids go through what I went through and they didn't turn out like me."_

Cheryl stops him before he can continue. _"Brendan yes kids have gotten raped before but I really don't think anyone has gone through what you went through. You were brainwashed, beaten, raped, and tortured. That's not something you just wake up the next day saying I'm completely fine. It takes work. It takes years. And your first step is knowing that you did nothing to deserve that. He does deserve all the blame. No one else."_

Brendan lightly laughs to himself before he takes his ring off and holds it in front of them.

_"She told me once that whenever I needed strength to look at this."_

Cheryl takes his hand and holds the ring with him.

_"You know how many times I have looked at it to try and get something from it? Too many times to even count. Every day I stare up towards the clouds and try to see any sign that she's still watching over me but I never see anything. I don't hear her anymore. I don't feel her presence. She promised me she would be my guardian angel...but I guess she didn't think I deserved one anymore. Like everyone else. She stopped protecting me. She left me...and I hate her for it."_

* * *

_His room is a mess and it's all thanks to Cheryl. She's riffling through his stuff. Throwing out whatever she can get her hands on. She almost pokes herself with several syringes before she decides to stop. She grabs a wet rag and starts to clean the bottom of the wall that has dried up blood on it. She can't make out how long it's been there for. She scrubs and scrubs until she hears the front door open._

_"Fuck." She looks at the time and it's barely 8 PM. Brendan never comes home this early. She panics and runs inside his closet. She hears the door open and watches out a very small hole in the door. It's clearly Brendan but there are 2 other people with him. She sees him open the drawer and watches as he looks suspiciously at it. He must find whatever it was he was looking for because he gives it to one of the guys._

_"Get out then."_

_Cheryl waits a few minutes but they're not moving._

_"What no goodbye."_

_She doesn't recognize the voice but she doesn't really have time to think as she sees the guy that looks about 3 times the size of Brendan push him against the wall. His hand grabs his groin and he pushes himself against him. Cheryl has to put her hand over her mouth to avoid being heard. She watches her brother actually struggle and realizes he doesn't want this. He doesn't want to be touched by the man. She is about to storm out and do something but then her heart stops when she watches the guy topple over and hit the floor._

_"Don't you ever touch me. You understand?" Brendan grabs his jaw and crushes it with his hand as he moves the man's head for him to say yes. "Good."_

_He looks over at the other guy frozen to his spot. "I suggest you take him out of here before he bleeds to death."_

_The guy grabs him and pulls him to his feet. Brendan throws the bloody pocket knife onto his nightstand and follows them out. Cheryl quietly exits his room and goes back into her room hoping he didn't hear her. She hears Brendan go back into his room and shut the door._

_Cheryl relaxes a bit and heads out towards the living room but gets stopped when Brendan opens the door right as she was passing by._

_"Oh hi. Scared me there." She can already see it in his eyes that he is on drugs. They are glassed over and dilated. She looks at his neck and she sees more injection marks. He clearly ran out of veins in his arms._

_Brendan smiles rather coldly at her but doesn't say anything. She moves around him and goes to the kitchen. She feels him following her every movement. When she moves left he goes left. When she stops he stops. When she walks faster he walks faster. It starts unnerving her and she feels something in her stomach that's telling her to run. But she doesn't._

_"You ok?"_

_He looks at her but his eyes don't connect. It's almost as they are going through her._

_"I'm fine."_

_A chill runs up her spine at the sound of his voice. It's rough and cracked, and has a sliver of pure anger._

_Cheryl's peripheral vision sees the knives to her side just in case. She slides her hand across the counter but it collides with her brothers' hand. He's already standing in from of the knives._

_"Want to watch a movie with me sis?"_

_When he would ask this question years ago she would stop everything and go rushing to find a movie. She would hug him and ruffle his hair as she made popcorn. She enjoyed the sister and brother movie time. But now, she wants nothing more than to not be here in this flat with someone who she doesn't know anymore._

_"Umm...yeah...sure."_

_She plops down onto the sofa and hopes he sits farther away. Luckily for her he sits all the way on the other side of the sofa. He keeps tapping his fingers on the arm rest and every few minutes glances over at her. She pulls her knees up to her chest and pretends everything is ok. Her phone beeps and she goes to pick it up. That was her mistake. She feels hands grab her wrists and the phone drops to the floor._

_"Bitch I told you to stay out of my room didn't I?"_

_"I wasn't in your room. I promise." She struggles trying to free herself from his grasp but he only tightens his grip._

_"STOP FUCKING LYING TO ME!"_

_His grip tightens so hard she almost thinks he's going to break her wrist._

_"LET GO BRENDAN. YOU'RE HURTING ME!"_

_"SHUT UP! SHUT UP! SHUT UP! You let him hurt me for years and you can't fucking take this."_

_"I'm sorry. I'm sorry! I didn't know!" Cheryl can feel the hot tears running down her cheeks and then finally feels Brendan release his hold._

_"You're just useless aren't you? You have nothing up there do you?" He pushes her forehead back a little harder than he probably thought. "Anyone could have seen what he was doing. Do you just...you ignored it. I called out for you so many times. Did you ever hear me? I screamed and pounded on the door. As he dragged me across the room I silently prayed you would come help me. But you didn't. You stayed in your room like the good little girl you were. Daddy's princess had her perfect childhood. While I was being fucked every night."_

_"Stop..." Cheryl can't hear anymore and she tries standing up only to be roughly pushed back down. For a brief second his hand goes around her neck but he removes it just as fast as he placed it. She panics and starts kicking him to get away but he just avoids them and lands a hard kick on her leg. She screams and that must get through to him as he stops and it gives her enough time to run past him. She hears the footsteps running behind her. Cheryl makes it to her room and closes it shut before he reaches it. She locks it and moves to the other side of the room._

_"OPEN THE FUCKING DOOR!"_

_She hears him slamming the door and punching at it. It echoes throughout the room. The door handle is shaking and the loud banging outside is ringing in her ears._

_"Brendan please. I'm sorry...I'm so so sorry! Why are you doing this?!"_

_"I WASN'T MEANT TO PROTECT YOU. YOU WERE SUPPOSED TO PROTECT ME."_

_"I FUCKING TRIED!"_

_"You did nothing. I took every hit for you. I took a damn bullet for you. But you know what that wasn't the worst hit I took for you."_

_Cheryl subconsciously has made her way back to the door and now has her ear pressed against it. "I don't understand." She can sense that he's sitting on the floor against the door too._

_"One day I was in bed and heard him come home. I looked over at the time and it was past midnight so I knew he was drunk. I expected him to come straight to my room so I waited. But he never came. I didn't hear his footsteps. I thought maybe he just wasn't in the mood that night so I tried going back to sleep but I couldn't. Something was off so I got up and peeked outside my room. I saw him by your door trying to get in. I assumed you locked it that night for who knows what reason. But there he was trying to get in with a knife. I wasn't sure if he would be able to get into your room or not but I couldn't risk it."_

_Cheryl puts her hand against the door and listens to Brendan's voice as it starts sounding more and more like her brother. It sounds familiar. She's missed it. "What did he want?"_

_"What do you think? I tried giving him the benefit of the doubt that maybe he wanted to just say goodnight to you. But that wasn't it. I could see through the dark that he was touching himself so I knew what would happen if he got in. And I wouldn't be able to forgive myself if I let it happen. So I stepped outside my room and he heard me. He looked up at me and motioned for me to come over. I stood in front of him and he pulled me down to whisper to me that if I didn't enjoy myself he would come get you instead. He kissed me but how can you honestly enjoy being kissed by your father. He pushed me and tried harder to get into your room. I begged and said I would try again but he didn't believe me. Then I heard a click and I knew one more turn would get the door open. So I did what I had to."_

_Cheryl doesn't like where this is going. There's been a few times where Brendan has opened up and told her a few of the things that their father did to him but he never really goes into it that much. He leaves out the parts he knows she couldn't take. But this time she feels he's doing this for himself. He needs to let this go._

_"I...I...I ran my hand over my groin and moaned his name. I panted and gasped and thrust my hips up as I put my hands down my pants and touched myself. I looked at him and he had let go of the handle. He said I looked fuckable and dragged me to my room. He backed me against the wall and started kissing me and grabbing at me. I kept saying his name as I looked over his shoulder. I saw my reflection through the mirror and I saw the life just leave me. He repeated over that if I don't enjoy it that you're next. He bent me over the desk and fucked me as I told him to...go faster. He laughed and said good boy before he told me he loved me. This wasn't the last time this happened. Every few days he was outside your room knowing I would do anything to keep him away from you."_

_"You did that for me?" Cheryl is now physically sick. She hears that he's calmed down now and unlocks the door but doesn't open it._

_"Yeah. I did. I would do anything for you. I loved you Chez..." He pauses and turns the door handle. "Key word loved you. I FUCKING HATE YOU! I WISH I NEVER HAD YOU AS A SISTER. I WISH I WOULD HAVE LEFT YOU THAT DAY TO DIE!"_

_Cheryl tries locking the door again but it's too late, Brendan has already slammed it opened sending her flying across the floor._

* * *

**Sunday 5:56 PM**

_"So where we going then?"_

_"Well since you barely did any of your therapy earlier I'm making you walk around this whole hospital."_

_"You can't be serious?"_

Brendan doesn't reply and Ste has no choice but to follow. His legs still give him trouble here and there and he has to stop a few times. His back is recovering well but it still feels sore. But for the most part he's ready to be released.

They walk down the North Wing all the way to the West Wing. It doesn't take them long and no one says anything to them. They know Brendan has his odd therapy sessions and this one isn't his strangest one. They head down a deserted hallway and see Cheryl is walking towards them but looking down at her phone.

_"Chez Chez look up."_

She doesn't and slams straight into her brother who grabs her before she falls over.

_"Oh bloody hell Bren why didn't you move."_

_"You're the one not paying attention."_

_"Exactly so you go arounnnnnddddd. Idiot."_

She pushes Brendan and walks in between him and Ste.

_"Bitch."_ Brendan mumbles under his breath.

_"I HEARD THAT JACKASS!"_

He rolls his eyes and tells Ste to keep walking. Reluctantly he does. When Ste finally admits that he is getting exhausted Brendan tells him they are almost there.

_"Oh come on Bren. I can't stand much longer."_

_"Stop whining. You could easily keep walking you're just choosing not to. We're almost there anyway so keep moving."_

Ste walks the remaining distance with a pout on his face which only makes Brendan laugh. He receives a slap to the back of the head for that. Brendan grabs him around the waist and bites his neck before letting go and running down the hall.

Ste finally makes it to a door that Brendan is holding open. He brushes past him to go outside.

_"Ooook..."_ Ste knows it's another one of Brendan's spots. This is the third one he has brought him to. But this one is a bit different. It's all the way towards the back of the hospital and there is only a brick wall behind them. It's more secluded than the other 2. It's also not as nice but Ste will take what he can get.

_"Ta Da."_

_"This place is a shit hole."_

_"Classy Steven."_ Brendan takes a seat against the wall and starts pulling up random flowers that are around him. Ste joins him and sits next to him.

_"Wait wait wait. Make a wish."_ Ste reaches for Brendan's hand before he could throw away the flower he picked up.

_"Why would I do that?"_

_"Idiot that's a dandelion flower. You're supposed to make a wish and then blown on it. The little white things there will come right off."_

Brendan looks at it and then back at Ste. _"What am I supposed to wish for?"_

_"I don't know. Something you want more than anything in the world." _Ste smiles at him and nods back to his hand_. "Go on then."_

Brendan shakes the flower one time before he blows on it. They both watch as the small seeds float through the air.

_"Bren?"_

Brendan grunts as his response as he stares up towards the clouds.

_"You gonna be there Tuesday when I leave?"_

_"Yeah I have to sign your release forms remember."_

Ste sighs and snaps his fingers in front of him to get his attention. _"That's not what I mean. Everytime I bring it up I can tell you get upset and detached. I'm asking if you'll actually BE there."_

_"If you mean will I mentally be there. Yes. Have to say goodbye don't I."_

_"Well only for the day cause I'm gonna see you Wednesday right?"_

_"...yeah...course."_

_"So you're gonna go then?"_

_"I said I fucking would ok stop asking me."_

Ste can tell he's getting more and more agitated so he decided to drop it. They sit in a peaceful quiet afterwards. Brendan is now lying down and Ste has his head resting on Brendan's chest. He again hears his calming heartbeat. It soothes him completely. Something about hearing Brendan's heartbeat gives him reassurance that he is still alive. He will never admit it but he always wonders every night before he goes to sleep if that was the last time he would see Brendan. The second Brendan leaves he thinks is that it. Is he gone forever? Just thinking about losing him breaks everything thing inside of him. If he loses him, his whole existence would be lost.

_"What are you thinking about?"_

Brendan's voice snaps him out of his thoughts. He shuffles closer to Brendan, even though they were already practically attached to each other. Ste places an arm across Brendan's chest and tightens his grip around him.

_"Please don't leave me."_

It takes time for Brendan to process what he means by that.

_"What you on about? I'm not leaving you."_

Ste removes himself from Brendan and looks down at him. _"Promise me you won't ever leave. I mean it Brendan. You can't go. It'll...it'll destroy me if you do. I can't...I can't do this without you."_

_"Do what without me?"_

_"Life. I can't live without you in my life. I can't. There is no me without you. I want to spend the rest of my life with you. I want to wake up every morning next to you and fall asleep every night with you. I want to watch the dumbest movies with you and laugh with you. I want to take care of you when you're sick and watch over you when you're down. I want to hear that voice of yours on the phone when were apart. I want you to hold me when I'm sad. I want you to be that person I can go to knowing you'll be there no matter what. I want to grow old with you and make memories with you. And I can't do any of that if you're not here...with me. I need you emotionally, mentally, and physically here with me. So please promise me you won't leave me?"_

Brendan looks up at his shining blue eyes. They show determination but also doubt. They are pleading for any reassurance. He's giving him everything he has and all he is asking for is promise. A promise that this wasn't all a waste of time. A promise that no matter what happens they will get through it. A promise that he loves him just as much. But people don't understand the promises they're making when they make them. But they keep the promise anyway. That's what love is. Love is keeping the promise anyway. But the problem with promises is that once they've made one, it's bound to be broken. Sooner or later.

_"I promise I won't leave you."_

* * *

_Brendan opens his eyes and sees nothing. It's pitch dark all around him. He's on the floor so he crawls until he hits what he thinks is a wall. He places his hands on it and pulls himself up. He feels a sharp pain in his leg but he ignores it. He runs his hands across the wall and keeps going and going and going. He's able to make out there's 4 walls but he can't find a door. Brendan gets back onto the floor and starts crawling around feeling for anything. It's just cold concrete flooring. Until he places his hand and feels something. It's sticky and gooey. He's about to move his other hand when something grabs it. Brendan is dragged across the floor and he feels this sticky goo below him. Then he hears a faint cry in front of him._

_Then he hears as thunder roars throughout the room. The light from the thunder shines the room for a second. Brendan misses the chance to look at what's dragging him around so he prepares himself for the next time. He tilts his head up and waits for the thunder to strike again. When it does and he sees who it is he screams at the top of his lungs._

_His mother is dragging him. Her long black straw like hair comes down to her back. Her face is a pale white with scars and bruises on over it. Her eyes are missing and her teeth are black and pointed. Her neck is missing the skin around it so all you see is the bones. She wears a long white torn up gown with dirt all over it. Every time the thunder hits Brendan is able to see how she moves. She is moving almost like a spider would._

_She lets him go and he scrambles to get up but he keeps slipping on the goo. He hears her pacing around him as if he is her prey. He fumbles over something on the floor and when the light shines in the room again he sees it was a mutilated body. In fact the whole room has dead bodies. Some are on the floor others hang from the ceiling. And all over the floor is blood._

_"GET ME OUT!" He yells as his mother walks around him. Finally a dim light turns on and he watches as what appears to be hands come out of the ground. They wrap themselves around her and slowly start ripping bits and pieces off her._

_"MUM!" Brendan crawls over to her but something grips him around the neck. He can't breathe so he tries grabbing it. It feels slimy and he can't tell what it is. He keeps trying to remove it while he watches his mum get torn apart. His heart starts to beat erratically when these hands pull out her organs one by one. Within minutes she stops moving. Her body slumps onto the ground and her head dislodges from the body. It ends up near Brendan's feet and he pushes away from it._

_"Brenda."_

_"No no no no no no no no why can't you get out of my mind! LEAVE ME ALONE!"_

_The grip on his neck tightens and he knows he's about to die. He tilts his head back to see Seamus looking down at him pulling on a rope. Seamus drops a part of the rope I'm front of him and Brendan knows immediately what it is. Its strands of his mums hair covered in blood. His hands shake and his whole body starts convulsing. Foam starts spewing from his mouth._

_"Goodbye Brenda."_

_Seamus gives one last pull and Brendan's vision goes black as he hears his neck shatter._

* * *

Ste has already dialed Cheryl as he doesn't know what to do. He has seen 2 episodes from Brendan and they were small compared to this. He keeps looking at the door hoping Cheryl is close.

_"I CAN'T BREATH! I CAN'T BREATH!"_

Brendan is gasping for air and choking himself. Ste is trying to pry his hands apart but he can't. They don't even move.

_"BRENDAN! LET GO! LET GO!"_

Ste touches his face and then realizes that was the wrong thing to do.

_"DONT FUCKING TOUCH ME! DONT YOU EVER TOUCH ME."_

Ste backs away as Brendan's whole body starts shaking uncontrollably. He starts digging his hands into his scar and blood starts oozing out.

_"STOP! You're hurting yourself."_ Ste goes to grab his hand and narrowly avoids getting punched in the face. Ste stands up and moves away and watches Brendan on the floor as his body locks up and his eyes widen.

_"PLEASE IT HURTS! STOP DAD! YOU'RE HURTING ME!"_ Brendan screams in pain.

Ste stands frozen. Everything he has done has seemed to make things worse.

_"HELP!"_

Brendan is pleading for help and Ste doesn't know how to give him that in this state. He looks around helplessly and finally breathes when he sees Cheryl running down the hall. She slams the door open and without any hesitation throws herself onto the floor next to her brother.

_"You're ok. You gotta come back to me. Listen to my voice alright and just follow it."_

Brendan pushes her and Ste sees her dodge a punch and a kick.

_"WHY WON'T YOU STOP! WHY DO YOU HATE ME SO MUCH!"_

Cheryl wraps herself around him and whispers something in his ear. She rocks him back and forth and keeps talking to him so quietly Ste can't make out what she's saying. He sees Brendan start coming around and knows he's back when his arms come up and hug Cheryl.

_"I'm sorry."_

_"Shh it's ok. It's all gonna be ok."_ Cheryl looks over her shoulder and tries giving Ste her best reassuring smile. _"Love why don't you go back to your room and I'll come check on you in a bit."_

Ste stars walking back and turns around to see Brendan resting his head on Cheryl's shoulder; he sees the blood still on his arm. _"Cheryl is he gonna be ok?"_

_"...yeah...he'll be fine."_

Ste doesn't believe her and he is more than positive that she doesn't believe herself either.

* * *

**Sunday 6:53 PM**

Brendan slowly starts coming back and feels someone holding him tightly. He already knows who by the smell of her perfume. It's a mixture of flowers and candy. He pulls back a little silently letting her know she can let go and she does. She fixes his hair and then pulls out some tissues she always carries with her to clean up his arm. Luckily he didn't go deep into the scar to cause much damage. The blood is just dried now. When she's done she says she'll be right back.

Brendan pushes himself backwards until he hits the wall. He stays there until Cheryl walks back outside with a bottle of water.

_"Forget to take your medicine didn't you?"_

_"No I took them."_

She just glares at him as she drops 2 pills into his hand and puts the water next to him.

_"I only took 1 today."_

_"Brendan it's almost 7 at night and all day you only taken 1. Are you insane?! You can't wean yourself off them it doesn't work that way."_

_"I was fine though. I didn't feel it coming all day."_

She lifts his hand up so he gets the message to take the pills. He does and then takes a sip of water.

_"You still have to stick to the schedule for them Brendan even if you feel fine."_

_"Sorry won't happen again...mother."_

_"Shut up."_ She lightly kicks him and takes a seat next to him. _"So umm...do you remember anything during it?"_

Brendan's nods his head not remembering any part of the episode until Cheryl grabbed him. _"I saw...Steven saw me having it didn't he?"_

_"Yeah."_

_"That's gonna make him want to be with me huh."_

_"Well he does have to know what he's getting into...and he stayed Brendan. I could see he was terrified but he never left you. That's saying something."_

_"Yeah says he had pity for me."_

Cheryl rolls her eyes at him and watches as he keeps turning his phone in his hands. It annoys her so she snatches out of his hands. He sighs but doesn't try getting it back. He hears a click and looks over to see his sister taking picture of herself flicking off the camera.

_"There's your new wallpaper."_

He laughs thinking she's kidding but she's already switched it for him.

_"What?"_ He asks her when he sees her eyes light up.

_"Every time I saw you two together I found it odd. So opposite to each other. Like night and day. I never really saw it before until now."_

She turns the phone to show Brendan a picture on it. Facing back at him is a picture of Ste and him against a large window. The sun is bright and is shining through it. Brendan can't remember when that was taken but clearly Ste took it as his arm is extended out. They're huddled close together with Ste leaning over to him. Brendan snorts at the fact that the light is hitting Ste in the face making him glow while he himself barely has an inch of light on him. His side is just dim and dark. The irony.

_"You know you two remind me of something."_

_"What's that?"_

_"You ever heard of ying and yang?"_ Brendan's nods so she continues. _"One side is white the other is black. Kinda like light and dark. Sounds familiar doesn't it? He's the light to your darkness. Basically they fit together as two parts of a whole. They become each other through the constant flow of the universe. They rely on each other. They can't exist without each other. Ying can contain certain part of yang and yang can have some component of ying. It fits you two to a tee."_

Brendan looks at her as she seems lost in her own knowledge.

_"Look think of it this way. He's the good side and you're the bad side. But there's a spot of bad in him. And there's a spot of good in you. When those two pieces join together it makes life. They make each other whole. They complete each other. Brendan you both need each other to live. If you didn't have him you wouldn't be you. Ste is the other half that makes you complete. He's your other half. Your soul mate. I see it I do but I don't think anyone will ever be able to truly understand how much you two love each other. So you need to do something Brendan. You need to fight all your demons. You need to fight the past that is slowly trying to kill you. You need to fight to keep him here with you. Fight to feel love again from someone who truly loves you, for you. I know sometimes you wonder if love is worth fighting for. To go through all the pain and hurt. But then when you see that one person in the world that you can't imagine yourself ever being apart from again is when you have to tell yourself something...tell yourself you're ready for war."_

* * *

**Sunday 7:34 PM**

_"Is he ok?"_

Cheryl had barely got in his room before Ste is asking questions.

_"He's fine love, just taking a small break."_

_"Shouldn't someone be with him making sure he doesn't hurt himself or have another episode?"_

_"It's rare that he has 2 repeating episodes in one day. Only seen it happen once. But he took his medicine and he's calming down right now so he'll be fine. Umm may I?"_ Cheryl points to the chair next to him and he nods_. "Thanks."_

They both sit in awkward silence for a while. Neither one knowing exactly where they stand with each other. Whether they can even call themselves friends.

_"Cheryl?"_

_"Yes love."_

_"Is that...was that one...is that as bad as its gonna get?"_

Cheryl doesn't know why but she mildly laughs at the question. It's probably due to the fact that she's the only that knows how bad it can really get. How some people scare off when he barely starts shouting. They tell her that is as bad as its going to get. She knows it's not. That doesn't even come close.

_"Honestly? No. It's not. There's worst. Much much worst...umm Ste can I ask you something?"_

_"Yeah."_

_"Do you honestly think you could handle that day in day out? Because if you want to be with him you're gonna go through so much more than that-"_

_"Cheryl look-"_

She cuts him off knowing exactly what he was going to say. _"I'm not trying to stop you two from getting together. I'm truly not. In fact I think you're the best thing that happened to him in his life. I want him to_ _be happy again, and you make him smile. But...I can't let you give him hope that you'll be there for him and then end up leaving him when you realize it's too much. Ste it will never be sunshine and flowers with him. It just won't. That episode was nothing. It was minor. I seen his worst ones and compared to that, the one you saw was a joke. You have to be willing to take the hits, literally, and not be scared that it'll happen again. Because it will. He has no control over it and you can't hold it against him. You can't blame him and you have to be willing to forgive him when he does. He might go get help one day but that won't guarantee that he will get better. He may get worst I don't know. I need you to completely understand what you're getting into. Because if you can't handle it then please let him go before you break the small piece of heart he still has left in him."_

Cheryl is giving her full attention to him waiting on an answer. She knows deep inside that she can't help Brendan get better anymore. She's done all that she can for him. Her job is over. The only person that can even get through to him now is standing right in front of her. She's putting her life in his hands right now. Her life being Brendan. He fought for her throughout his whole life. He protected her and saved her. His life was shattered because of her. He never asked for a thank you. Never hesitated to do what he needed in order to keep her safe. They have been through hell and back with each other. So many words have been said that they wish could be taken back. They yelled, fought, bled, cried, laughed, smiled, and forgiven each other time and time again. The day he walked into her life is when she truly understood what that feeling was to have a family member that she loved unconditionally. It's taken years for them to get back to having a sibling bond and she doesn't want to lose him. Not again.

_"I won't ever forget him. Never. He means more to me than he will ever know in life. I'm always gonna love him. He made me feel safe when I had nobody. He taught me how to love...and he changed my life forever. He means everything to me. I'm in for the long haul. I will be by his side for the rest of his life. I'm not giving up on him. I never will. I see him for who he is and deep inside I see that child who was so innocent and saw the world as a beautiful place. It was taken away from him and I hear that small boy screaming to be helped. To get back that love that was taken away. I will spend every second until I take my last breath to make him believe that the world could be good again...I'm not going anywhere. I...I'll keep him safe. For the rest of his life."_

_"Thank you."_ She rises from her seat and grabs his hand for a second before letting it go. She walks over to the door and looks back at him.

_"Thank you...thank you for loving my brother."_

* * *

_"Daddy, where's Brendan?"_

_"I don't know he's probably outside. It's all new to him. Moving into a different house with family he's never known. And his mum just passed away. He must want to be alone."_

_"Then shouldn't you be with him? You're his dad."_

_"He's fine. He needs to learn to be a man. He's not a baby, he's 8 for gods sake."_

_Cheryl crosses her arms and stomps her feet as she walks out. She barely met Brendan, or her brother, about 2 hours ago. He didn't talk to any of them much but she understood. Seamus told her that his mum just died so he's still mourning. She figured he needs someone there for him and she's always wanted to be a big sister._

_She looks around the house but doesn't spot him. She goes to the back and starts walking into the field that is right behind their house._

_"Brendan!" She calls for him but doesn't hear anything back. She keeps walking and thinks maybe she should stop but some force keeps pushing her. She hears a faint sobbing noise from the side so she turns and follows it. There's a massive tree in the way and when she goes around it she sees her brother against it with hugging his knees to his chest._

_"Hi." She slowly takes a seat next to him and stares ahead._

_"...hi."_

_"Are you ok?"_

_"...I'm...fine."_

_She looks over at him and lightly laughs. "Do you always say you're fine when you're not?"_

_"Yes..."_

_"You shouldn't do that because then I won't be able to help."_

_Brendan for the first time looks her in the eyes. That's when she sees it. She sees him as her brother. Her little brother. It happens instantly and she has no idea why. It's a bond that appears out of nowhere but that she treasures now._

_"Why...why would you help me?"_

_"Because you're my little brother. That's what big sisters do. I think they do. And if you give me a chance I promise I'll be the best sister ever!"_

_Brendan gives her a shy smile and nods. "Promise?"_

_"I pinky promise I will always be there for you Bren."_

_She sticks her pinky up and Brendan does the same thing. They pinky promise and then spend the day playing in the field. They laugh throughout it and at the end of the day Cheryl pulls him into a hug and whispers "I love you little brother."_


	20. Chapter 20

**Hallo! I seriously can't believe y'all got me past the 300 mark! You guys are amazing, thank you so much! Sorry about the wait again my job has worn me out and school started back up recently. Hope you enjoy xx**

* * *

**Sunday 8:01 PM**

The lights in the room are dimmed to the lowest setting so that when she wakes her eyes won't be blinded by them. He has been sitting on the chair for over 30 minutes now waiting on her to open her eyes but she's not showing any sign in waking up anytime soon. He leans back on the chair and his legs accidentally bump into the bed. He curses himself and hopes he didn't just wake her up. But he does.

Laura moves very slowly and her eyes only open half way. She looks lost and confused and it takes her a moment to realize where she is at. She blinks repeatedly as she sees Brendan next to her.

_"Hey."_

She gives him the best smile she can muster up and leans back into the bed.

_"You're actually here."_ There's a tone of doubt and shock in her.

_"Course. Told you I would be there when you woke up. So here I am. How are you feeling anyway?"_ He stands up and wipes the sweat off her forehead.

_"Tired and my head kinda hurts."_ She reaches up and feels the bandages wrapped around her. _"Oh right. Forgot I just had my skull opened."_

Brendan doesn't say anything and picks up her file from the table and waits for her to ask.

_"You're being quiet Bren. What's wrong? Something's wrong right? Oh god I'm gonna die aren't I?"_

_"Yeah."_

Her mouth opens and words fail to come to her_. "Umm...I...you don't even seem...worried."_

_"Everyone eventually dies Laura. Its life. But you gonna die now though? No. Although I do need to let you know about what happened during the operation."_

Brendan waits for her to brace herself and she gives him the ok to continue.

_"Nate couldn't remove all of the tumor. He was able to get most of it but there was a small part that was right on the nerve and it would have done more damage to remove it."_

Laura shakes her head before it drops into her hands_. "So I went through all of this for nothing? I still have a tumor in my brain."_

_"It wasn't for nothing. You're gonna feel much better now since most of it is out of you. The part still left we are gonna use chemo to get rid of it and then you'll be rid of the tumor completely."_

_"No! No...I'm not doing it."_ She crosses her arms and refuses to look up.

_"The chemo?"_ She nods her head. _"There's no other choice Laura. If you don't it's gonna keep having an effect on your body. This is the last step to being fine again. Don't you want that?"_

She breaks down instantly and Brendan moves over to her and wraps her in his arms. She sobs into his chest while he keeps a hold on her.

_"It's ok. It's ok."_

_"I don't...I can't do it."_

_"What are you afraid of?"_

She pulls away to look him in the eyes. _"That I won't make it."_

_"You might not but do you honestly want to keep going through life like this. In and out of the hospital constantly. Always having people ask you if you're fine and never being able to get them to stop worrying about you. Family always watching your every step. That's not living. You're 16, you still have so much life in you and you can't let this one thing beat you."_

She pulls away from him but holds his hand in hers. _"I'm just...scared."_

_"I know. Look I can't force you to-"_

_"Yes you can! If you force me to get the treatment than I'll do it because I have no option. I won't have to think about it because I know it's not under my control."_

Brendan crouches down so he can be on the same level as her and then gives her a small reserved smile. _"I can't force you to do something you don't want to. That's not my right. You have to want to do it. Because if you don't then the whole time all you will feel is resentment and anger towards the person that is forcing you to go through with this. Forcing someone when they aren't ready is only gonna lead to a disaster. It won't ever help. I'm not gonna do that to you. You have to want to get better. Live or die. Make your choice."_

* * *

**Sunday 8:38 PM**

Ste is pacing back and forth in his room. He's not the least bit tired. He can't get his mind to stop racing with thoughts. He's in too deep. There's no turning back now. Even if he wanted to he can honestly say he wouldn't know how. There's a feeling of him being lost without Brendan. Almost as if he isn't alive unless Brendan is with him. There's always a part missing, his other half, when he knows Brendan isn't there. So to even consider the possibility of not having him is too much for Ste to handle.

_"Can't sleep?"_

Ste almost falls to the floor from shock but manages to balance himself on the wall. _"For fucks sake Brendan stop doing that."_

_"Doing what?"_

_"Sneaking up on me!"_

_"It's not really sneaking as it is more so you aren't paying attention to your surroundings."_

_"Yeah ok Einstein."_

Ste pouts and drags his feet all the way back to his bed. He jumps on and pulls the covers up to his neck.

_"You look like an idiot Steven."_ Brendan pulls the chair to the side of the bed and takes a seat. _"So umm I thought we should talk about what you saw earlier."_

_"Look Bren you don't need to apologize for it-"_ he gets interrupted by Brendan who has no expression on his face.

_"I wasn't going to. I just wanted to make sure you were ok. Cheryl told me you look terrified during it."_

Ste nods and doesn't know what he should really say. Should he apologize for not helping? For not knowing what to do. Should he be reading up on these episodes for the next time when it happens?

_"I can see your mind going a thousand miles a minute."_

_"Sorry I just...I didn't know what to do. I said I would help you but I couldn't even do that when you were asking."_

Brendan doesn't remember asking Ste for help recently so he assumes he most likely said the word help during the episode Ste witnessed.

_"Don't apologize for that. I don't even know what I'm saying during one of them honestly. So even if you helped I wouldn't have known."_

Ste turns to the side to look at Brendan more clearly. _"It's not that. It's just that...I couldn't bring you out of it. I had to call Cheryl and she just dove right in there and got you back. It scared me. What if we are alone one day and you have an episode and I can't pull you out of it. What would happen to you?"_

Brendan rises from his seat and places his hand gently on Stes cheek. _"If you want to be with me you should understand that that scenario will most likely happen. It's inevitable. But I don't want you to be scared of me. I'm not asking you to stay with me as I'm having one. Run out of the room if you have too. I'll be fine. I have been fine before. The only thing I'm asking from you is that when I come back to reality you'll still be there waiting for me."_

Ste places his hand on top of Brendan's and pulls him closer to the point that Brendan has to climb into bed with him. He wraps Ste up in his arms and kisses him on the forehead once. Ste once again hears Brendan's soft heartbeat. Every time he hears it it relaxes him but in the back of his mind Ste would find something odd about it. He never could put his finger on it. Now he finally figured it out. He actually listens to his heartbeat and keeps himself from falling asleep. He realizes Brendan heartbeat is irregular and slow. He starts to wonder if that's normal or is Brendan even aware about it. What makes your heartbeat become irregular? Ste makes sure to put this question into his memory so he can look for the answer later. For now he relaxes and slowly lets sleep take over.

Brendan on the other hand isn't tired. He watches as Ste slowly closes his eyes and appears to fall asleep. His lips are slightly parted as he breathes out of his mouth and nose. His nose scrunches up randomly and Brendan finds it endearing. He takes a good look at his ridiculously long eyelashes and almost laughs when the word _"Bambi"_ pops into his mind. There's something about Ste that draws him in. There's an invisible light around him that pulls Brendan to him. It invades his inner darkness and gives him just a sliver a light. He keeps staring at him and wonders what he did to deserve him. The boy loves him, actually loves him. Unconditionally. He's willing to go through hell to be with him. And although Brendan loves him, there's something missing. There's something holding him back from giving himself completely to Ste.

The problem is he has no idea what that is. Nor does he think that Ste can get it out of him. The walls will always be up and he doesn't know how to break them down.

* * *

**Sunday 9:16 PM**

_"I got the eye of the tiger, a fighter, dancing through the fire! Cause I am a champion and you're gonna hear me roar. Louder, louder than a lion! Cause I am a champion and you're gonna hear me roar. Oh oh oh oh oh oh! Oh oh oh oh oh oh! OH OH OH OH OH OH! YOU'RE GONNA HEAR ME ROAR!"_

Brendan watches in horror as he sees Nate throwing his fists in the air and singing, if you can call it that, a song that Brendan has never heard of. Nate is into it and he starts doing fake boxing poses and jumping from side to side. He does a spin and then abruptly stops when he sees Brendan leaning against the door.

_"Brendan! Umm..." _He rushes and turns off the music before fixing his hair and scrubs. _"How can I help you?"_ His eyes refuse to make eye contact and the red starts showing on his cheeks.

_"Apparently I'm waiting to hear you roar."_

_"Oh HA! HA! That it's just..."_ Nate keeps fiddling with his hair not really knowing how to finish the sentence.

_"I don't know why you're wasting your time as a surgeon...singing is clearly where your skills are at."_ Brendan is enjoying this far too much but he has other things to do so he decides to put Nate out of his misery. _"Seriously though I needed to talk to you."_

_"Oh right right about Laura."_ Nate takes a seat and motions for Brendan to do the same.

_"Actually no. About Cheryl."_

Brendan clearly sees Nate tense up and he easily catches on that they are probably either dating or close to it.

_"See I don't know much about you, besides the fact you like Katy Perry, but here you are dating my sister and you never thought to talk to me at all during the time you been here."_

_"Erm...well we're not dating-"_

_"Yet?"_

_"Ummmm...yeah."_

Brendan stands up and walks around the desk. Nate feels tension in the room so he stands up too. He can feel himself sweating through his shirt.

_"Sit down."_

Nate doesn't even hesitate and ends up missing the chair by a mile. He crashes onto the floor and he stares up at Brendan who has an amused expression on his face.

_"I meant on the chair. Sit down on the chair." _Brendan helps him up and waits for Nate to finally get on the chair. _"I need you to know two important things. One you don't date my sister until you get the ok from me. You understand that part?"_

Nate frantically nods and waits for the next condition.

_"Good. Second...listen to this one very closely. If you break my sisters' heart I'll make the rest of your life a living hell. Oh wait there's a third part...don't you ever EVER hit her cause I'll kill you in a heartbeat if you do. Are we clear?"_

Nate is frozen but gives a very quiet yes. Brendan pats his cheek and heads for the door.

_"Good talk. I'll see you around Nate."_

* * *

**Sunday 9:45 PM**

Warren is leant against the door blocking anyone from coming in, as Cheryl and Mitzeee are testing out pen colors.

_"No no no that ink doesn't match."_

_"Oh for crying out loud Cheryl its black ink they are all the bloody same!"_

_"They're not! See this one is darker."_ She throws the pen and grabs another one. _"It has to be exactly the same for this to work ok."_

_"AH HA I GOT IT!"_ Mitzeee does a happy dance when she finds the perfect match. All three of them gather around the table and see whose writing matches Eoghans handwriting. _"Babe you win. Yours clearly looks like his."_ Mitzeee hands the pen over to Warren. Cheryl explains to him what needs to be written. They all look at the finished files and smile to each other.

_"Ok I need to get this recent file to Eoghans desk and I gotta put last year's file back into the records room."_ Cheryl hands one file to Mitzeee and she winks and takes the recent one and heads to Eoghans office. Warren and Cheryl go back to the records office and once again he breaks the lock and keeps an eye out for anyone. They are all in and out within a few minutes and they meet back up by her office.

_"Thanks guys I really couldn't do this without you."_

_"You know we would do anything for him Cheryl so no need to thank us."_ Mitzeee and Warren give her a hug goodbye and start walking away but Warren stops and turns around.

_"So what kinda car does this Eoghan guy drive? Or better yet, where does he live?"_

Cheryl knows what he's capable of and she knows without a doubt what he's planning_. "I'm not telling you that. I know you'll end up waiting for him by his car or his house and beat him to a pulp."_

_"And he doesn't deserve that?"_

She shrugs her shoulder and looks down_. "He does but not yet."_

_"Fine but I hope he knows that he's a marked man right now. If I see him, he's dead."_ Warren shows no sign that he's joking and Cheryl knows for a fact he's not. She nods and waves them goodbye as they walk out of the hospital.

She takes a seat on the sofa next to her office and looks around. It's quieter at night for the most part. A few nurses pass her by but no one she wants to talk to at the moment. She stares ahead at a blank wall and starts daydreaming.

She's snapped back into reality by her brother standing in front of her.

_"Where were you at just now?_ _Your eyes were all glassy."_ Brendan takes a seat next to her.

_"Sorry. Just tired. You about to go home?"_

Brendan looks at his watch and nods at her. _"Yeah I was heading to my car now but saw you over here. I thought you got out at the same time as me."_

She looks at the clock on the wall and then gets up and pulls Brendan to his feet. _"I do. I just got distracted. Anyway since we're both off you wanna just come over. We can watch a movie or something." _She looks at him with her beaming smile and he can never say no to his sister.

_"Sounds like a plan. Go get your things then."_

She smiles so widely at him and practically skips to her office. She's back within seconds with her purse and keys in hand.

_"Have you said bye to Ste yet?"_ She locks her office door and starts walking next to Brendan.

_"Yeah said goodnight before I came over here."_

Cheryl slows down and waits for Brendan to get a little ahead of her. When there's enough distance between them she runs and jumps onto his back.

_"CHEZ!"_ Brendan almost ends up dropping her but manages to grab her. She wraps her arms around his neck and he sighs and goes along with it. _"You're such a child."_

_"Oh shut up. Piggyback ride!"_

She ends up laughing all the way throughout the parking lot.

* * *

**Monday 7:44 AM**

_*******He jolts up from bed with sweat dripping from his forehead. He's lost and confused and has no idea where he is. With the back of his hand he wipes away the sweat and looks around. The room is dimly lit but he can make out his surroundings fairly clearly. Brendan slowly climbs out of the bed and when his feet hit the floor he crumbles to the ground. The flooring is all rotten and he wonders if he steps on the wrong spot would it just break underneath him. He gets onto his knees and notices the walls are padded with what used to be some white material. Now it looks as if it has been in a fire as its all black. The windows have no blinds but they have bars across them. Locking him in. There's a small table in the corner with a lamp on it that is the only source of lighting. He jumps when he feels something crawl on his arm. He flicks the maggot off of him and gets to his feet. Their wobbly at first and he uses the wall to make it to the door. The door creaks as it opens and he hesitantly steps out into the hallway. He looks to the right and it's a long corridor with the lights above flicking on and off. When Brendan looks to the left he thinks he sees someone quickly dart into a room._

_"Hello?"_

_No one answers him back so he decides to head to the left and see if he finds anyone. He glances down at himself and he has on white pants and an odd white jacket on. Whenever he tries to move his arms the jacket pulls at him. That's when he realizes they have buckles on them but luckily for him the straps aren't buckled around him. They click and bang into each other as he walks down the deserted hallway. The flooring underneath him keeps making noise and at some points the wood breaks and his foot goes through it._

_"Is anyone here?"_

_This time he hears a child's laugh in the distance. It lacks a playful tone._

_Brendan holds onto the wall for support until he feels it become slimy and bumpy. He quickly flicks his eyes to the wall and pulls his hand back in a hurry. There's millions upon millions of maggots falling from the ceiling. Their all climbing up and down the walls. Brendan looks back and now the maggots are on every wall behind him._

_The lights in front of him start turning off as darkness advances on him. He panics and goes through the first door he sees. There's nothing but an old chair in the center and a mirror right across it. It rocks back and forth but no one is on it. Brendan approaches it and it starts rocking faster. He reaches a hand out to it and then feels a force grab his hand. He pulls and pulls but can't get free. Suddenly he hears a voice in front of him._

_"HELP ME!"_

_Brendan looks back and sees a reflection in the mirror. It's himself in the chair. He's strapped into it and has metal wires around his face. He's pulling so hard blood is pouring out of his wrist and out of his eyes as the metal digs into them._

_"HELP ME!"_

_It keeps screaming and pulling at Brendan. Brendan reaches to try and helpbut his hand goes straight through._

_"I can't..."_

_"HE'S COMING FOR YOU!"_

_Brendan watches the mirror as the image of himself in the chair starts fading._

_"Who...who is coming for me?"_

_His hand gets released and a force pushes him back._

_"RUN!"_

_Suddenly Brendan feels something grab him around the waist and push him out of the room. The door slams close and he picks himself off the floor and starts running. He has no idea where he is going. He feels as he's going in circles, always coming back to the same main corridor. He tries to open what appears to be the front door but its shut tight. He slams his head into the wall and hears the child's laugh again. Brendan turns around and watches the back of the child walk away into a room. Brendan follows him inside too. He keeps following and he can't help but think the child looks familiar._

_"I live in the weak and wounded."_

_The child keeps repeating this over and over._

_"I don't understand."_

_The child turns around and Brendan's heart stops. Once again he is staring at himself. Only this time he is looking at himself as a child. There are no bruises on him or any scars. He looks normal. He looks like how Brendan was before his childhood was destroyed._

_"I live in the weak and wounded."_

_Suddenly the child disappears and Brendan is left standing in the middle of a room._

_"Hello son."_

_A hand slams against Brendan's mouth and keeps him from screaming. Brendan manages to get free from it and he looks back at his father. Seamus is completely burnt all the way from the head down to his legs. The ashes from his body fall to the floor. Brendan sees a small tunnel towards the side of the room and he runs. Seamus doesn't follow._

_He crawls through this tunnel in complete darkness. He feels more slime under him and hears insects all around him. It starts narrowing as he progresses but he keeps going. That's when he feels a hand grab his ankle._

_"GET OUT NOW!"_

_Brendan looks back and yet again it's himself. His flesh is burnt and tears of blood are flowing out of his eyes. He's missing his legs and one arm. The only arm he has has a hold on him and doesn't let go._

_"Get off me! Get off!" Brendan kicks at himself only to be pulled back. The deformed him climbs on top of and runs his bloody rotten hand down his cheek._

_"GET OUT!"_

_"Then let me go!"_

_Brendan looks up to see his other self give him a demented smile before he goes straight through him. Brendan feels a force rip through his body. It leaves as fast as it came. He shuffles back and continues down the tunnel until he's finally out. He looks down at himself and his once white attire now has blood and black grunge all over. There are books and videos all around the room and an old tv on the floor. Brendan reads some of the book titles and they all deal with psychology. Multiple personalities, schizophrenia, bipolar disorder, paranoia, depression, sociopaths, are just some of the books on the shelves. Brendan trips over a video on the floor. He crouches down and picks it up._

_**"Blackwood Asylum. Hypnotherapy Session 5. Brendan Brady."**_

_He looks down at his clothes and it makes sense to him. He's a patient in a mental institution. They finally gave up on him and institutionalized him._

_Brendan puts the video in and watches the tv screen. He sees himself appear on the screen lying down on a couch. His eyes are closed but his body is still moving. The camera zooms out and it's another form of himself again. Blood covers his whole body. His flesh is falling off and you can see the bones all cracked underneath it. There are roaches and maggots crawling in and out of his body._

_"YOU NEED TO WAKE UP BRENDAN. GET OUT. GET OUT."_

_The image keeps telling Brendan in the video. He rises from his seat and stands above him as the bugs fall off him onto Brendan on the sofa._

_"YOU CAN'T STAY HERE. HE'S COMING FOR YOU."_

_"I can't leave. He has me. He always has me. I can't escape."_

_"RELEASE YOURSELF FROM HIM."_

_"I tried! He lives in me! He infects my mind. He's in here." Brendan pulls at his hair and blood starts pouring out of his skull. "Get him out! I WANT HIM OUT! HELP ME!"_

_The figure grabs him around the shoulders and pulls him up._

_"LET IT GO! LET EVERY TEAR GO. LET EVERY BRUISE AND SCAR GO. LET THE MEMORIES FADE. LET THE PAST DISAPPEAR."_

_"I tried...they always come back. He always finds me."_

_"YOU LET HIM FIND YOU. YOUR MIND KEEPS HIM ALIVE. HE'S ALWAYS THERE BECAUSE YOU CHOOSE TO KEEP HIM THERE. YOU CAN'T ESCAPE BECAUSE YOU HAVE LOCKED YOURSELF INTO A WORLD OF DARKNESS WITH HIM. WHY CAN'T YOU LET HIM GO."_

_"Because he won't let go!"_

_"LIES! YOU WON'T HIM GO! STOP! STOP! RELEASE YOURSELF! FREE YOURSELF FROM THE HURT AND PAIN! BREAK DOWN THE WALLS THAT CONFINE YOU TO THIS OTHER WORLD. WALK THROUGH THE SHADOWS INTO THE LIGHT. WALK AWAY BRENDAN. LEAVE ME HERE TO DEAL WITH THE DEMONS. LEAVE ME. RUNNNNN!"_

_BANG._

_The tv in front of Brendan explodes and sends him flying across the room. His back collides with the wall. He jumps to his feet when Seamus walks straight through a wall._

_"RUN! RUN! RUN!"_

_Brendan slams his shoulder against the wall and goes through it. He picks himself up and runs for his life. Seamus is on his trail shouting at him and laughing._

_"You can't get rid of me boy! You'll never forget me!"_

_Brendan runs downs halls and down stairs. He hears the footsteps behind him closing in on him._

_"I won't rest till you pay for your sins! You killed me and I won't stop till I see you dead. You will join me again Brenda!"_

_Brendan turns and loses his footing. He slides down onto the ground. Seamus grabs him by the hair and pulls him. Brendan claws at the floor and watches the child appear at the end of the corridor._

_"I live in the weak and the wounded."_

_Seamus releases him suddenly and Brendan moves. He runs faster than he ever has. He runs towards the child reaching out to him. The lights behind him start turning off. He's quickly running out of light. Brendan is running from Seamus and from the darkness._

_"You can't escape me! YOU'LL NEVER FORGET ME!"_

_The child is screaming for him and reaching out as the lights keep turning off._

_"RECLAIM YOUR LIFE BRENDAN!" The child screams at him._

_He extends his hand as far as he can. The lights keep turning off and he only has inches left of light._

_"SO CLOSE!" The child yells at him._

_The child takes off running for him. The tears start coming down his eyes. Brendan reaches out, his finger touches the child's finger. It lasts a second before Brendan feels an arm wrap around him._

_"FORGET ME NOT BRENDAN!" Seamus drags him into the darkness and all Brendan hears is the child screaming his lungs out._

_"HELP ME!" *******_

Brendan wakes up in a panic. He can't breathe and his whole body is convulsing. He faintly hears his door open before he blacks out.

When he wakes back up he's still in bed. He looks around and he sees Cheryl by the dresser curling her hair. She sees him through the mirror and smiles.

_"What happened?"_

_"Think you had another nightmare. I heard you scream and ran to your room. You lost consciousness as soon as I got to you."_

Brendan slowly gets off the bed and looks down at his arms. They have marks that appear to look like rope marks on them and he's sure he didn't have them before he went to bed. Cheryl picks up on it and speaks.

_"I had to restrain you for a second."_

_"Why?"_

_"You kept hurting yourself."_

She leaves him without saying anything else and walks out of the room. He showers and gets dressed. When he walks into the living room Cheryl is already there watching tv.

_"I gotta go somewhere sis."_

She stops him before he opens the door. _"Where you going?"_

_"Just somewhere. Don't worry. I'll see you at work ok."_

She gives him a hug but there's something different about it. It's missing something. Hope. It's missing hope.

She opens the door for him and he walks away.

_"Bye Brendan."_

* * *

**Monday 8:57 AM**

The church is empty today. There's no one in sight as Brendan walks in. He looks around for a second and walks up to the front.

_"Nice to see you again Brendan."_

Brendan recognizes the voice as Father Des. He looks over at him and sees Father Des motion for him to follow him. He reluctantly does and manages to catch up to him. He goes into what he assumes is his office. There are no crosses in it at all and for some reason Brendan finds that odd.

_"Take a seat."_ Father Des takes a book off the shelf.

Brendan sits down and starts tapping on the armrest in nerves. He doesn't know why he even came here in the first place.

_"So what brings you here today?"_

_"Umm...honestly I don't know."_

_"Another lie Brendan. Look-"_ Des takes a seat across from him _"I'm only here to help."_

Brendan makes eye contact with him but doesn't say anything. Des observes him and puts the book to the side of the desk.

_"What are you afraid of Brendan?"_

Brendan's eyes widen and he is caught off guard by the question.

_"What do you mean?"_

_"Brendan I see it in your eyes. Behind the anger, the hurt, the pain, and sadness, I see fear. Fear is an emotion that you need in life but it's also an emotion that holds you back in life. So what are you afraid of?"_

_"Him."_

_"Who Brendan?"_

_"...Steven."_

Des stands and moves the chair so he is sitting next to him.

_"I have a feeling you're not afraid of him but you're afraid of him leaving you. Am I close?"_

Brendan nods and drops his head_. "I know what pain and hurt feels like it. I know what it feels to have your life almost taken away from you. I can deal with that. But to watch the one person that gives me life walk away is something I can't handle. I don't...love isn't something I'm used to. They always say you feel it in your heart. And I finally feel that, but my heart is barely holding on. I given him the last tiny piece I have left of it. I'm scared...I'm terrified that when he leaves it'll be over for me. I won't have anything left."_

_"What makes you think he will leave?"_

_"Love blinds people. Love keeps two people together living in a fantasy world for as long as they have this false image in their eyes. They make you believe that you found the perfect person. They pretend they're always gonna be there for you, and then one day they pack up and move away and take their love with them. Their vision overcomes the love. They finally see you for who you are. The once perfect person you think you fell in love with turns out to be the monster that everyone saw. That's me Father. It's only gonna take him a matter of time before he sees it. And then it's over. So what am I afraid of? Losing the one person that I can't live without."_

* * *

_"I don't need this! Every fucking day you lie straight to my face."_

_Ste starts throwing out clothes and miscellaneous items out of his flat._

_"STEEEEEEE! What are you doing?"_

_"What do you think Noah?! I'm throwing you the fuck out of my flat. I don't want to see you ever again."_

_Noah grabs his clothes and brings it back into the flat. He avoids the punches Ste throws and narrowly avoids the glass that comes flying at him._

_"Calm down babe. I didn't cheat on you! I don't know why you can't trust me."_

_"Maybe because every damn night you come home with love marks all over your neck. I'm not stupid and I don't deserve this."_

_Ste opens the door again and kicks Noah's stuff out of the flat. He walks out and sees Amy waiting by the car. She heard the argument as she was about to knock and then decided to just wait it out._

_"Just leave Noah. It's over."_

_Noah is about to argue but Amy comes up the stairs and places her hand on his shoulder._

_"Go please."_

_He grabs his stuff and gives him one final look before he leaves. Amy ushers Ste into the flat and sits on the floor with him._

_"You ok?"_

_"Yeah...it's just I don't understand. I try and try to make people happy. I give them everything I have in me. I give them my entire heart. Is it so hard to expect just a small portion of their heart in return? No one ever cares. They just use me and leave me. What's wrong with me?"_

_Amy shuffles closer to him and pulls him into a hug._

_"Nothing is wrong with you. The only reason it hasn't worked out with any of them is because they aren't your soul mate. He's still out there. Good things have to fall apart so better things can happen. All these relationships haven't gotten anywhere because of that. They aren't who you are supposed to spend the rest of your life with."_

_"What if I never find him though?"_

_"You will. And when you do, you won't ever want to let him go. No matter what you have to go through to have him in your life."_

* * *

**Monday 1:24 PM**

He wakes up when he feels a pillow hit him in the face. His eyes are unfocused at first but he recognizes the laugh.

_"Seriously Brendan, I didn't like it when you woke me up with a pillow the first time and I still don't like it."_

Brendan smiles lovingly at him before he does something that shocks Ste. Brendan pulls him into a tight hug and doesn't let go. Ste slowly moves his arms and hugs him back. They don't say anything and just stay in the same position for minutes. Brendan pulls away first and moves from him.

_"I need to get you down to the radiography department. Running an MRI on you. The blood samples I took from you a couple days ago all came out fine so this scan is the last step."_

Ste has wanted to leave this hospital since the day he got here. But now that it's right around the corner he doesn't want to go. He has a huge pit in his stomach and anxiousness flows throughout his body.

Brendan snaps him out of his thought as he lifts him off the bed.

_"Come on then."_

Brendan opens the door and Ste walks out to get his final hospital procedure. They walk in silence all the way to the lab. Ste knows the drill and lies down on the machine.

_"Alright so don't move while you're in there and then it'll pull you out when it's done ok."_

Ste nods and Brendan walks out of the room. It only takes a few minutes before the test is complete. Ste watches as the technician talks to Brendan and he assumes he's letting him know the results. Brendan smiles at something that is said before the tech walks out. Ste holds his breath until Brendan walks back in.

_"Everything looks to be good. I'll finish your discharge papers today and you'll be free to go tomorrow at 5."_

Ste feels like his heart is being grabbed tight. It all becomes real that it's over. His time in the hospital with Brendan is over. They now have to figure out what's gonna happen in the outside not confined to these walls.

_"So that's it?"_

Brendan takes a seat next to him on the machine and looks ahead.

_"Yeah guess it is."_

_"What does that mean then?"_

_"Means your leaving. Means its goodbye."_

Ste looks over at Brendan and he's fidgeting with his hands. There's a twitch in his jaw and his eyes show nothing.

_"Never say goodbye Brendan. Saying goodbye means going away. And going away means forgetting. I can't forget you. You're in here-"_ Ste puts his hand over his heart _"-there's no one else that will ever have my heart. Every hour we spent together lives within my heart. You'll be in my heart from this day on, now, and forever more."_

Brendan leans over and places his lips over Stes. Their lips move in sync with each other. It's slow and gentle and there's love passed between them. Brendan moves his hand and lightly places it on Stes cheek. Ste parts his lips as Brendan's tongue enters him. Their wet tongues meet and move together. Brendan pulls back before he kisses him again gently sucking on Stes bottom lip. Ste moans into the kiss and moves his body closer to Brendan's. Their hands meet and interlock together. Ste runs his thumb over Brendan's skin. He feels the small cuts on his hand and he smiles into the kiss remembering when Brendan always says he gets too many papercuts at work. Ste feels this overwhelming amount of love and he doesn't think he deserves it. Not him. Brendan has gone through so much and he deserves the best and he truly thinks he's not enough for him.

_"Why me Brendan?"_ Ste separates his lips from Brendan's but keeps them close where they are inhaling each other's air. _"Why did you choose me?"_

Brendan's eyes meet Stes and his blue eyes are almost blindingly bright.

_"Because you saw me when I was invisible. You saw me when no one else cared enough."_

Ste throws his arms around Brendan's neck and holds him. He whispers into his ear. _"You're the one Brendan. It was you all along. I love you with all my heart, my soul and my body."_

Brendan smiles at him before he gives him one final kiss.

_"I know."_

Brendan pulls him to his feet and walks him back to his room. Brendan makes sure he's comfortable before he lets Ste know that he has to check up on another patient. Ste grabs his wrist when Brendan turns for the door.

_"Do you love me Brendan?"_

_"Steven, you're the best thing I never knew I needed. I dream about being with you forever. I wanna be with you forever. I want you right here beside me forever."_

_"That didn't answer my question. You said it before remember? You said you loved me. But every time I say it to you now you don't say it back."_

Ste watches as Brendan takes a seat next to him. He feels the unsaid words around him. He wonders if Brendan doesn't love him anymore. Or did he ever love him.

_"Do you love me Brendan?"_

A moment of doubt happens in his mind as he watches Brendan's eyes go through a range of emotions. They suddenly look up at him with nothing showing. He has his wall up again but there's a crack in it. It's small but Ste sees it. His walls are crumbling.

_"I'll always love you Steven."_

* * *

**Monday 2:59 PM**

When he makes it back to the break room there is an envelope waiting in his box. Brendan picks it up and the front has the board of director's address on it. He sighs and takes it with him. He walks through the hallways and knocks on Cheryl's door. She doesn't respond so he just lets himself in. He takes a seat and opens the envelope knowing what's in it already. He takes a breath before he flips the paper over and reads it.

_"Dear Mr. Brady, this letter is regarding your annual evaluation. We have reviewed your report and request a meeting with you to discuss the contents in it. The scores reflected in your report do not meet passing requirements established by the board. Your report also lists you as being physically violent towards your superior. He states bodily injury to himself caused by you in a moment of anger. There is also an implication that you may or may not be in a relationship with a patient of yours. We are willing to hear your side of the story before we come to a conclusion which could result in termination. We have listed the date and time scheduled for your meeting. If you have any questions or concerns please do not hesitate to give us a call."_

Brendan throws the letter onto the desk before he even finishes reading it. He rests his head on the table and hears the door open behind him.

Cheryl lightly places her hand on his shoulder before she walks around the desk and takes a seat. She sees the letter and picks it up.

_"What's this?"_

Brendan doesn't even lift his head so she just ends up reading it. When she finishes she places it back in the envelope and puts it to the side.

_"Don't worry we been through this before remember. It'll be fine."_

Brendan finally looks at her and leans back on the chair.

_"No it won't. Last time had nothing to do with my fucking scores. Last time it was about my anger issues. Last time it was about my supposed drug use. Last time was about my damn mental state. They had nothing on me for those things. I fucking lied to their faces and they believed me. They sat there and fell for every word I told them. They even apologized for calling me in. This though-" _he grabs the envelope from the desk _"-I can't lie about. I can't say oh no those aren't correct. As far as they are concerned Eoghan wouldn't dare do anything to these reports. He wouldn't lie."_ He flicks the envelope back onto the table. _"I don't have a case Cheryl. It's done."_

Cheryl gets up and goes to Brendan. She sits on the chairs arm rest and places her head on his shoulder.

_"It's not. I promise I'm not gonna let him win."_

_"Sis you can't help me with this one."_

She smiles and grabs his hand before she whispers to herself...

_"That's what you think."_

_"What?"_

_"Nothing. Nothing at all."_

* * *

_She doesn't expect Brendan to be home when she barges through the front door. Its barely 9 PM and the last time he was ever here at this time was years ago. They haven't talked in months. Both of them ignore each other every day. They pass by each other throughout the house not even acknowledging the other. There's always tension in the house. The last conversation they had was when Brendan said he wished he left her to die that day. Since then they have been strangers. Not siblings._

_Brendan is sitting on the kitchen counter eating a sandwich when Cheryl walks in. She looks at him quickly with tears in her eyes and runs to her room, slamming the door behind her. She drops her purse and takes off her shoes before she gets into bed. She cries into the pillow and pulls the covers over her. Just like she didn't expect Brendan to be home she definitely didn't expect Brendan to walk into her room. He places a plate with a sandwich on her nightstand and awkwardly stands next to the bed._

_She lifts her head up from the pillow and glances up at him._

_"You made me a sandwich?"_

_"No. It's mine. I just didn't want to be holding a sandwich the whole time." Brendan ends up sitting down on the floor and leans against the nightstand. "So...bad day at work?"_

_She turns her head back into the pillow. "Why are you asking you don't even care?"_

_"I didn't say I cared did I? Just asking."_

_She throws the covers off of her and pulls herself up to sit on the bed. Brendan looks over and sees her arms first. There are a few bruises on one arm. His eyes go down to her wrist and there is a red mark around it. His eyes flick up to her neck and he sees what appears to be a handprint._

_"What happened?"_

_"Just leave Brendan. I'm not your concern anymore."_

_"Chez what happened?"_

_Hearing him say his nickname for her brings back so many memories._

_"Nothing. Just go." She lies back down on the bed and turns away from him._

_He stands up and takes a seat on the side on the bed. "I'm not leaving till you tell me where those marks came from."_

_"WHY ARE YOU EVEN HERE BRENDAN?! THIS IS WHAT YOU WANTED! YOU WANTED ME TO FEEL A BIT OF THE PAIN YOU WENT THROUGH."_

_"That's not...I didn't..."_

_"YOU HATE ME BREN! SO DONT TRY AND PRETEND OTHERWISE."_

_He reaches over and tries grabbing her hand but she flinches and starts punching his chest. He takes the punches and pulls her into his arms._

_"Shh...shhh its ok."_

_She stops resisting and relaxes into his arms. She cries as he holds her._

_"You wanna tell me what happened?"_

_"I...I had just finished my shift and was walking out. I usually park by the door but there was no room when I got there so I parked farther away. I didn't think there was a reason to ask for someone to walk me to my car. I mean it wasn't that dark out and it wasn't far."_

_Brendan leans his back against the headboard and lets Cheryl do the same._

_"I just opened my car when someone grabbed me and pushed me inside. He...he started...his hands went around my neck and I couldn't breathe. I don't know why but he let go. I got a couple punches in but he grabbed my arms and pinned them down. He leaned down and started kissing my neck. I screamed but no one heard me. Luck must have been on my side because a cop car passed by and I think it scared him. He got off and ran away."_

_"Do you know who it is?"_

_"Just a random customer that comes to the restaurant sometimes. I was gonna call the cops but they won't do anything. They never do. I just want to forget about it."_

_Brendan nods and grabs the plate off the nightstand. "Here eat something."_

_She smiles and takes one half of the sandwich. Brendan takes the other. She falls asleep an hour later and Brendan pulls the covers over her. He gently gets off the bed and sleeps on the floor next to her._

_When she wakes up the next morning he's not there anymore. She's not disappointed as he actually stayed the night to make sure she was ok. It felt like she had her brother back for a second. He still was cold around her but he was there for her. She gets ready for work and walks out to the living room where she spots Brendan on the sofa. She gives him a smile and gets one back for the first time in months._

_"I'm gonna be late to work. I'll see you later."_

_"Yep."_

_She walks out of the house and drives to work. It's busy at the restaurant and she actually likes it that way. It keeps her mind occupied. Everything is going well until she sees him. The same man from yesterday. Cheryl starts feeling lightheaded and grabs onto the counter for support. When she looks back up she not only sees the man but she sees Brendan sitting in the corner. Their eyes meet and her eyes subconsciously flick towards the man._

_"Fuck." She says to herself as she realizes she just gave up her attacker. She prays that maybe Brendan missed it. It was only a nanosecond. But of course her brother saw it. He's striding towards the man. Cheryl moves but a family walks in front of her before she gets to the man's table._

_"Mate take a walk outside with me yeah." Brendan holds a knife to the man's back. "If you do anything stupid you won't be the only one that gets hurts tonight."_

_Cheryl watches as the man walks out the door with Brendan. She doesn't see Brendan come back throughout the rest of her shift. She rushes home and hears the water running on in the bathroom._

_"Brendan?" She knocks on the door and turns the handle. It's open so she peaks her head and sees Brendan washing blood off his hands. He has blood over his shirt and down his neck._

_"He's never bothering me again is he?"_

_"Nope."_

_"And...the cops. They won't come for you?"_

_"Naw. Warren helped me with the body. It's all taken care of. Go to sleep."_

_She leaves him to clean up and goes to her room. She knows she should feel something but she doesn't. He deserved it. She gets into bed and waits until she hears the water turn off. A few minutes pass before Brendan walks into her room._

_"You ok?"_

_She nods and watches as he crouches down next to the bed._

_"I'm sorry."_

_"You're sorry? For what?"_

_"Everything. Everything's that happened recently. Everything I said. I never meant it. I never wanted you to experience any pain. I didn't...I don't blame you Chez. I never have. I'm just...broken and angry and took it out on you. You didn't deserve it and I'm sorry. So so sorry. You're the best sister I could ever ask for. You never turned your back on me and you stayed by me throughout everything. You never gave up on me while everyone else did. But most importantly you saved me. You showed me life can go on. I love you sis. Don't ever think I won't be there for you. I'll protect you for the rest of my life. I been an awful brother to you and I promise if you let me I'll be that brother that you loved. I can be him again, I just need some help. I want to be your brother again. I...I want to be my old self again...I'm sorry."_


End file.
